Autistic child wandering into house

Legodough

Hi,
I'm looking for advice on how to handle situation delicately. The neighbours young autistic child has wandered into our house through my patio door a few times and as she is non verbal I'm unsure how to handle . The last time her mom followed soon after, knocked on my open patio door,which goes through my bedroom, and came in and sat down! Didnt think to just take her child out.
The child has also started taking all my potted plants out of my patio area and I find them strewn around a communal lawn we all share.
I know this is so silly but it's really upsetting me as several have been broken and it's the first time I've ever spent money and effort to create a garden as I've never had a private outdoor area before.
I know I need to approach the mom but I do understand it must be tough for her so don't want to offend. But I really need to create a boundary of my patio!
Help

It's not silly, no fecking way should the mother have dared come in and just sat down.
Also she needs to keep better care of her autistic child, they shouldn't be able to just wander like that.

Just tell her outright that this has to stop. Just because her child is autistic doesn't absolve her of that behaviour

Reputable Rog

Legodough wrote: »

Hi,
I'm looking for advice on how to handle situation delicately. The neighbours young autistic child has wandered into our house through my patio door a few times and as she is non verbal I'm unsure how to handle . The last time her mom followed soon after, knocked on my open patio door,which goes through my bedroom, and came in and sat down! Didnt think to just take her child out.
The child has also started taking all my potted plants out of my patio area and I find them strewn around a communal lawn we all share.
I know this is so silly but it's really upsetting me as several have been broken and it's the first time I've ever spent money and effort to create a garden as I've never had a private outdoor area before.
I know I need to approach the mom but I do understand it must be tough for her so don't want to offend. But I really need to create a boundary of my patio!
Help

I have the same problem with a family who live behind. Their autistic boy is about 8/9 only speaks some African language.
I have been to the parents a number of times but to no avail.
The last time I spoke to the parents the father started beating him, which made me feel dreadful.
I was only reporting out of concern.
Last night he tried to get into my car whilst I was driving which was scary.
I spoke to a guard about it and he said to report it to Tusla as it could come under neglect.

drunkmonkey

Give the kid a break and see can you figure out what the experts haven't.

FriendsEV

Maybe talk to the kid and explain you can't take the pots and show the child your garden, it's probably just curious and fascinated

drunkmonkey

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Give the kid a break and see can you figure out what the experts haven't.

The kid is not at fault. The mother (and/or father) is. She came into the OP house and sat the hell down

FriendsEV

FriendsEV wrote: »

Maybe talk to the kid and explain you can't take the pots and show the child your garden, it's probably just curious and fascinated

Talk to a random autistic kid?

it sounds a bit easy to get into your house/garden tbh

Purple Mountain

FriendsEV wrote: »

Maybe talk to the kid and explain you can't take the pots and show the child your garden, it's probably just curious and fascinated

Don't do this.
You're leaving yourself wide open and vulnerable being alone with and befriending a child.
The parents need to be the one to explain boundaries to the child so it is through the parents that the OP must deal with this situation.

JMNolan

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Talk to a random autistic kid?

They are human beings you know

FriendsEV

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Talk to a random autistic kid?

They are neighbours

bertsmom

drunkmonkey wrote:

Give the kid a break and see can you figure out what the experts haven't.

But the child is not the ops responsibility and it's not like they are going on a big rant about the child. They are asking how to handle this sensitively so it's resolved amicably.
I don't have children myself and not a huge amount of interaction with them so I would be VERY uncomfortable if a neighbouring child autistic or not started entering my home and damaging items, In today's times even reprimanding the child as they are breaking things is probably not acceptable and leaves the OP open to accusations.
To be honest I think the worst part is that the mother just sits herself down in someone else's home uninvited!!!
In almost every situation I find it best to be as honest and direct as possible just let them know you don't want uninvited visits and that perhaps the child calling on their own isn't appropriate in Theese times.

JMNolan

JMNolan wrote: »

They are human beings you know

They are a vulnerable child that the neighbour has no right to talk to

FriendsEV

FriendsEV wrote: »

They are neighbours

And that matters how? No one has a right to "talk" with another's children (especially a vulnerable child)

FriendsEV

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They are a vulnerable child that the neighbour has no right to talk to

Thats a load of crap

the_pen_turner

Deleted User wrote: »

They are a vulnerable child that the neighbour has no right to talk to

come off it. so you have no right to talk to a child that wanders into your house.
whats the world coming to. its the kid that has no right to be there.

if this was an ordinary kid you would tell it to get out and stay out.

the kid being autistic adds complications to it. you have to be very gentle but firm. you dont want to scare the kid or traumatise him.

harr

As a dad with an autistic child I can tell it’s ok to converse with the child if he listens Is an other matter..
Our lad would wander if he got the chance but extra few precautions he doesn’t get the chance.
As the for the mom just coming in and sitting down just seems odd.
Definitely air your concern with the parents same as you would if it was a regular kids doing the same. He definitely shouldn’t be free to damage others property.
If it happened once it’s an accident but definitely shouldn’t happen repeatedly.
Our lad has bolted on occasion but the neighbors know the story and have been quick to contact me or try walk him back in.

893bet

Turn yourself in OP to be safe.

In the first page of posts it’s gone from you potted plants to you being 1 whisper to being the town pedo.

SEPT 23 1989

Is this the stage we have got to?

Talk to the kid ffs

Explain to him that causing a mess is not the best thing to do

Rubberchikken

Every child regardless, needs to learn boundaries. Its the parents responsibility to teach them.
The op gas a right to having their property left untouched.
Some parents will allow their kid to wander off into orher peoples home/over to a random table in a restaurant/wherever rather than man up and parent.

Op you need to speak to this adult. The type of people who let their kids wander about are often the ones who wail and shout the loudest when they think something/one has interacted with their kid without their sayso.
Protect yourself and your home. Ask this woman to speak to her child.

khaldrogo

drunkmonkey wrote:

Give the kid a break and see can you figure out what the experts haven't.

Absolute PC bleeding heart BS.
The woman had the right to privacy. She has a right to expect her property is not broken.

I would be making it very uninviting for the child a let them find some drunkmonkey to annoy

Purple Mountain

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Is this the stage we have got to?

Talk to the kid ffs

Explain to him that causing a mess is not the best thing to do

Yes unfortunately it is the stage
Regardless of whether it's a child who has autism or one who does not, if a child who you are unfamiliar with or isn't entrusted into your care wanders into your house, you are very naive and unwise to just try and engage in anything other than turning him on his heel and walking him to the parents door and making it clear that you don't feel comfortable having a strange child unsupervised in your house.

GreeBo

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Is this the stage we have got to?

Talk to the kid ffs

Explain to him that causing a mess is not the best thing to do

That might work with a "normal" kid, with a kid on the autistic spectrum its HIGHLY unlikely that they will either stop to acknowledge you, listen to you, or change their behaviour because of you.

The parents of this child are the ones that need to be spoken to, its their responsibilty to look after their child, no one elses.

Mountainsandh

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Yes unfortunately it is the stage
Regardless of whether it's a child who has autism or one who does not, if a child who you are unfamiliar with or isn't entrusted into your care wanders into your house, you are very naive and unwise to just try and engage in anything other than turning him on his heel and walking him to the parents door and making it clear that you don't feel comfortable having a strange child unsupervised in your house.

No, we don't have to bend to these makey uppy new social rules.

OP I would tell the child what I am doing and why ("this is my house, people don't just walk into someone else's house unless they are invited, and I will take you back to your Mum"), march him back to his house, and have a firm conversation with the mother. Emphasize that your home is not (autistic) child friendly, and that every time the child trespasses, there is a risk he might find some dangerous item, medication, etc... By allowing that behaviour, she is not only causing you inconvenience, but she is also putting/letting her child at risk (which, incidentally, would be a valid reason to let Tusla know).

drunkmonkey

bertsmom wrote: »

But the child is not the ops responsibility and it's not like they are going on a big rant about the child. They are asking how to handle this sensitively so it's resolved amicably.
I don't have children myself and not a huge amount of interaction with them so I would be VERY uncomfortable if a neighbouring child autistic or not started entering my home and damaging items, In today's times even reprimanding the child as they are breaking things is probably not acceptable and leaves the OP open to accusations.
To be honest I think the worst part is that the mother just sits herself down in someone else's home uninvited!!!
In almost every situation I find it best to be as honest and direct as possible just let them know you don't want uninvited visits and that perhaps the child calling on their own isn't appropriate in Theese times.

As you said you don't have children yourself .

*Mod note* please do not be derogatory towards other posters .Attack the post not the poster .
You'd be surprised what swapping one word in a conversation does to a kid that doesn't talk. Yes or no is a though question when you don't know how to answer it.
Try talking with people rather than asking them questions.

bertsmom

drunkmonkey wrote:

You'd be surprised what swapping one word in a conversation does to a kid that doesn't talk. Yes or no is a though question when you don't know how to answer it. Try talking with people rather than asking them questions.

drunkmonkey wrote:

As you said you don't have children yourself so stfu.

Nice real classy. I love your advice to try talking to people...I'd say you have a gift for just knowing the right thing to say😂

lukesmom

Ok you need to make it VERY clear to the mother that her kid must keep away from your house. She is responsible for him. He is not at fault so she needs to get her finger out and nip it in the bud asap.

lukesmom

Deleted User wrote:

They are a vulnerable child that the neighbour has no right to talk to

If someone big or small appears in my house you can be damn sure Im gonna talk to them.

punisher5112

Eh.... Kid get out of my home.

Tell parents happens again you will have to call guards as the way things are going you don't feel safe and are worried something could happen to the kid.

The mother coming in and sitting in your bedroom is beyond weird.

Is there any way to fit a sliding fence type thing at the door so you can open but difficult to just walk in?

cursai

I'm wondering who is the autistic person in this matter.

Mountainsandh

I spent the past few weeks talking to unknown children in campsites.
Granted, I usually had my own kids with me and the dog, and it was all about petting the dog etc... but there was an instance where a little girl wandered near our camper (again, after the cute doggy), there was only myself there, and I'll be damned if I'm made feel so uncomfortable as not to talk to a child in that situation.

If a parent lets a child wander around, then they should reasonably expect that in some situations adults may talk to the child. Teach the child basic safety rules or keep them within sight at all times, that's all there is to it.

Also, I would address an autistic child whether or not they show response. They may well hear and understand what you are saying without any obvious sign that they do. They may also just store the information until they are ready to process it at a later stage.