Autistic child wandering into house

GreeBo

cursai wrote: »

I'm wondering who is the autistic person in this matter.

Its the neighbours child.
OP was pretty clear tbf.

GreeBo

Mountainsandh wrote: »

I spent the past few weeks talking to unknown children in campsites.
Granted, I usually had my own kids with me and the dog, and it was all about petting the dog etc... but there was an instance where a little girl wandered near our camper (again, after the cute doggy), there was only myself there, and I'll be damned if I'm made feel so uncomfortable as not to talk to a child in that situation.

If a parent lets a child wander around, then they should reasonably expect that in some situations adults may talk to the child. Teach the child basic safety rules or keep them within sight at all times, that's all there is to it.

Also, I would address an autistic child whether or not they show response. They may well hear and understand what you are saying without any obvious sign that they do. They may also just store the information until they are ready to process it at a later stage.

Oh you can talk to the child all you want, but to change the childs behaviour you need to talk to the parent.

Mountainsandh

GreeBo wrote: »

Oh you can talk to the child all you want, but to change the childs behaviour you need to talk to the parent.

Agreed. I'm just looking at how disrespectful it seems to ignore a child and march them like a puppet back to their house without a word.

SEPT 23 1989

Mountainsandh wrote: »

I spent the past few weeks talking to unknown children in campsites.
Granted, I usually had my own kids with me and the dog, and it was all about petting the dog etc... but there was an instance where a little girl wandered near our camper (again, after the cute doggy), there was only myself there, and I'll be damned if I'm made feel so uncomfortable as not to talk to a child in that situation.

If a parent lets a child wander around, then they should reasonably expect that in some situations adults may talk to the child. Teach the child basic safety rules or keep them within sight at all times, that's all there is to it.

Also, I would address an autistic child whether or not they show response. They may well hear and understand what you are saying without any obvious sign that they do. They may also just store the information until they are ready to process it at a later stage.

Well said

drunkmonkey

bertsmom wrote: »

Nice real classy. I love your advice to try talking to people...I'd say you have a gift for just knowing the right thing to say��

You don't get it, trial and error, you may phrase a question to a kid and they don't respond. Try not asking a question and talking with them, you'd be surprised what can happen.

Conversation is an art. Not everyone figures it out first go.

This is way over your head but some parents will understand.

killanena

My brother who is non verbal autistic used to do the exact same to our neighbours growing up. Its easy to say the mother should be keeping a better eye on the child but if they are determined to do something they will do it.

Our neighbours to the left were very nice about the whole thing, be time my brother walked in through their back door into their kitchen and helped himself go a can of 7up from their fridge and then produced to go into the sitting room and sit down next to the father of the house and watch TV with him. He still talks about it to this day and finds it very funny.

Neighbours to our right who were a well respected family in the area and of considerable wealth set their dog on him.. Even though they knew about his disability, he got bitten badly in the legs before making it over the wall again and to this day he is still terrified by u st the sight of a dog and will freak out even if one is just on TV.

Fall_Guy

drunkmonkey wrote: »

You don't get it, trial and error, you may phrase a question to a kid and they don't respond. Try not asking a question and talking with them, you'd be surprised what can happen.

Conversation is an art. Not everyone figures it out first go.

This is way over your head but some parents will understand.

The child in question has autism and is non verbal....you can take from that they do not posess the art of conversation.

And it is highly unlikely that they will have the receptive language skills to process your artfully phrased conversation.

And on the off chance that they do take in exactly what you are saying, it is highly unlikely that they will be motivated to discontinue the unwanted behaviour just to please their neighbour when they are clearly getting some enjoyment and/or sensory feedback from the act of playing with/breaking the pots.

Unfortunately if the neighbour doesn't seem to be willing / able to ensure that their child can't get onto the OP's property, the OP will have to take steps to adapt their property so the child can't access it so easily.

To expect the child to follow the instruction of their neighbour and do as they are told following a chat is completely unfair on the child and completely unrealistic given their autism, no matter how much trial and error you are willing to engage in.

hairyslug

Whatever you say, you will be doing this woman a favour, there have been times I've asked my wife where my boy is and we don't know, we panic and then find him in the house somewhere, every door and window in our house has a lock on it because we learnt the hard way, he had gotten out and made it down the driveway onto the road.

The woman is lucky that he hasn't properly got lost.

You can also talk to the boy and tell him what he's doing is wrong but if it was my son, chances are he would just giggle at you and walk off.

Malayalam

Aww that's rough. Poor little kid. The mother sounds at the least lackadaisical. I would object far, far more to her coming into my home than to the kid wandering in. Might even be inclined to befriend the kid, since they seem interested in being with you. But the mother would be an added extra to that relationship that would put me right off.

Yeah, I know it's awkward on you, not saying it's not, it sure is, but maybe you can frame the whole situation completely differently?

I have autistic child relatives and they love garden plants, but while looking intently at one they will trample mercilessly over all the ones behind them. Some kind of lack of spatial awareness, maybe...

Is there a way you could combine all your smaller pots into a few large pot arrangements, so the pots themselves are too heavy to move? And then if you see the child approaching the plants go out and explain about the plants to them, kneel down and stroke the leaves and petals really softly and talk about how the flowers need to be touched very, very gently. Kind of personify the plants, so that the child can see them more individually and intimately. Maybe the child will learn to love growing things - could be what the mother needs to do in her own garden with the child.
I dunno. Maybe this child needs some beneficial interaction (aka affection) with you?

covey09

As a Dad to an Autistic son, i find the whole thread disheartening. To those that have pointed the finger to the mother, you have no idea how hard it is living with a non verbal autistic child. The mother i'm sure is doing her level best but i'm sure there are times when even she cannot have eyes in the back of her head. Talk to the mum and see if you can come up with a solution. Some people do have neighbors that call around for a chat its call community you should all try it. The child has a disability which is hard enough on him and his family i would educate your self on autism it might make future interaction with the child easier for both of you.

covey09

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Don't do this.
You're leaving yourself wide open and vulnerable being alone with and befriending a child.
The parents need to be the one to explain boundaries to the child so it is through the parents that the OP must deal with this situation.

The child is non verbal and has autism. Boundaries are not on their agenda

covey09

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Is this the stage we have got to?

Talk to the kid ffs

Explain to him that causing a mess is not the best thing to do

He is Autistic and non verbal, are you sure you are neurotypical as you responce would lead be to believe you are ignorant with regards to the child disability.

covey09

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Every child regardless, needs to learn boundaries. Its the parents responsibility to teach them.
The op gas a right to having their property left untouched.
Some parents will allow their kid to wander off into orher peoples home/over to a random table in a restaurant/wherever rather than man up and parent.

Op you need to speak to this adult. The type of people who let their kids wander about are often the ones who wail and shout the loudest when they think something/one has interacted with their kid without their sayso.
Protect yourself and your home. Ask this woman to speak to her child.

Man up eh! the child has autism, he is trying to live in a world that was build for you and me (neurotically). He has a Disability and you think that parenting can solve autism. Sit down your embarrassing yourself

fima

We had a similar thing going on, new family moved in and they had a young child with autism. He was a wanderer and he would often arrive in our front door for a chat and a look around.

Then there would be a knock on the door and one of his parents would be behind him to take him home. It was easy for him to escape because of the layout of the houses, no boundaries or gates just front gardens around a semi circle.

His parents built a big fence and gate and solved the issue not that we minded but it wasn’t very safe considering if he could get to us he could go further.

Malayalam

covey09 wrote: »

Some people do have neighbors that call around for a chat its call community you should all try it. .

I agree with you. But this person walked through her bedroom. That's a bit much. One old farmer here walked straight through my porch, inner hallway and into my living room without knocking. I was lying on the floor in my underwear, eyes closed, relaxing. First I knew about him he was standing looking down at me with the kettle in his hand. Feck that for neighbourliness.

covey09

khaldrogo wrote: »

Absolute PC bleeding heart BS.
The woman had the right to privacy. She has a right to expect her property is not broken.

I would be making it very uninviting for the child a let them find some drunkmonkey to annoy[/


You don't need to go putting up barricades and Walls lol........Don't worry your personality is uninviting enough

*Mod* attack the post not the poster

whelan2

Malayalam wrote: »

I agree with you. But this person walked through her bedroom. That's a bit much. One old farmer here walked straight through my porch, inner hallway and into my living room without knocking. I was lying on the floor in my underwear, eyes closed, relaxing. First I knew about him he was standing looking down at me with the kettle in his hand. Feck that for neighbourliness.

That’s way different. He was an adult who should have known better. This is a child who doesn't no any better.

Malayalam

whelan2 wrote: »

That’s way different. He was an adult who should have known better. This is a child who doesn't no any better.

No, you misread me. The person who walked through the bedroom was the mother. I already said the OP could befriend the child.

Blazer

As a father of 2 autistic children it’s very hard to be constantly watching them.
However he shouldn’t under any circumstances be wandering outside the house. We still use baby gates, keep the keys up right so our sons can’t break out. When they get older we’ll have problems alright with it.
There’s a huge amount of ignoranance on this thread regarding autism.

First off under no circumstances frogmarch the child back to their parents or touch them. Some autistic children could get extremely upset at this and have a meltdown and get violent.
I would definitely advise talking to the mother and explaining your concerns etc specially around potential hazards in your home which could put her child at risk.
Also our eldest used to go through a phrase of picking all the flowers at my mothers but she used to take him around the garden, showing him all the different flowers and getting him to smell them etx. He stopped soon after and really enjoys wandering around the garden now.
I’m saying this as it could help if he repeatably gets out and that this could help with the garden issue.
One more thing, having an autistic child is one of the most tiring things in the world.
I’ve often had other parents say to me “all children are like that” but no , it’s not even close to it.
Around 60% of parents with autistic children split up due to the pressure of it, the amount of single mothers with autistic children near me is frightening and I honestly don’t know how they cope being on their own day in day out.

Maybe get to know the mother and once you get to know her it will be easier to set some boundaries for what her child can or cannot do.
Regarding her just stopping and talking to you mothers crave some adult conversation as listening to their child all day or dealing with their trantrums is headwrecking and it’s the same with all mothers regardless whether of their children.

Again some people will ignore what I’ve posted or the other father but dealing with an autistic child is completely different from dealing with a normal child and so must be approached differently.

ZX7R

I am also a father of a child with level 3 autism spectrum disorder and severe intelligeual disabilitys under the mental health act.
I feel sorry for all parties involved, firstly the child been non verbal means he disability is severe, boundaries and reasoning is beyond there understanding,takes a life time to try teach them if ever.
These children will be always trying to find new stimulus thus are always a flight risk, especially if they discover a new stimulus outside their safe area.
Sadly if this child is repeatedly been able to feel his safe area it is firmly down to the parents to stop this,yes it would be nice if the coumunity could help but sadly in day and age everyone looks after themselves.
If the garden area is a shared area it would be very hard to contain the child.
Please don't involve the gardi ,as soon have suggested, talk to the parents ,if this doesn't work contact your local social carer as the child Life could be in danger.

GreeBo

covey09 wrote: »

As a Dad to an Autistic son, i find the whole thread disheartening. To those that have pointed the finger to the mother, you have no idea how hard it is living with a non verbal autistic child. The mother i'm sure is doing her level best but i'm sure there are times when even she cannot have eyes in the back of her head. Talk to the mum and see if you can come up with a solution. Some people do have neighbors that call around for a chat its call community you should all try it. The child has a disability which is hard enough on him and his family i would educate your self on autism it might make future interaction with the child easier for both of you.

No one is saying it's easy, but the situation can't continue and there is no one else to "point the finger at" ornery than the child, which is clearly wrong.

We get this thread a lot on here, and while it can be ridiculously hard work, parents must still be responsible for parenting their children, irrespective of what condition they may have. If they don't, who do you think will?

Calling aims for a chat with a friend bears no resemblance to letting yourself into someone's bedroom.

The OP could educate themselves more on autism, but they equally can choose not to, frankly it's not their problem and they are free to live their life how they see fit as long as they are not hurting anyone else.

Sheep breeder

Blazer wrote: »

As a father of 2 autistic children it’s very hard to be constantly watching them.
However he shouldn’t under any circumstances be wandering outside the house. We still use baby gates, keep the keys up right so our sons can’t break out. When they get older we’ll have problems alright with it.
There’s a huge amount of ignoranance on this thread regarding autism.

First off under no circumstances frogmarch the child back to their parents or touch them. Some autistic children could get extremely upset at this and have a meltdown and get violent.
I would definitely advise talking to the mother and explaining your concerns etc specially around potential hazards in your home which could put her child at risk.
Also our eldest used to go through a phrase of picking all the flowers at my mothers but she used to take him around the garden, showing him all the different flowers and getting him to smell them etx. He stopped soon after and really enjoys wandering around the garden now.
I’m saying this as it could help if he repeatably gets out and that this could help with the garden issue.
One more thing, having an autistic child is one of the most tiring things in the world.
I’ve often had other parents say to me “all children are like that” but no , it’s not even close to it.
Around 60% of parents with autistic children split up due to the pressure of it, the amount of single mothers with autistic children near me is frightening and I honestly don’t know how they cope being on their own day in day out.

Maybe get to know the mother and once you get to know her it will be easier to set some boundaries for what her child can or cannot do.
Regarding her just stopping and talking to you mothers crave some adult conversation as listening to their child all day or dealing with their trantrums is headwrecking and it’s the same with all mothers regardless whether of their children.

Again some people will ignore what I’ve posted or the other father but dealing with an autistic child is completely different from dealing with a normal child and so must be approached differently.

Super post
We have have a nephew of 9 who to look at is fit healthy boy and full of life and this is hard to say the only thing wrong is the light is not on through no fault of his, this is the hand he has being dealt and has bad autism, his parents are super human to care and mind him 24/7 as he can be gone in the blink of an eye and they have a security fence up and he finds ways to get out. Recently the post man went out through the electric gates and he was done the road on the bike for a mile in the middle of the road before a neighbor brought him back.
When he comes to our farm and to see him run around and play like any kid climbing etc and he has no fear, it makes us treasure our two kids.
My brother in law is a super human to keep a busy job down and do so much for the little fella and recently told me he is surviving on four sleep a night and all he wants is the best for his son. Recently he has become frustrated and now violent and possible will have to go in to a home.
The one thing I would say is talk to the person and have a little understanding.

pmrc

Just wondering if there is a particular plant the child is interested /focused on.
If so would op consider giving the child a cutting of this plant.

Fall_Guy

GreeBo wrote: »

The OP could educate themselves more on autism, but they equally can choose not to, frankly it's not their problem and they are free to live their life how they see fit as long as they are not hurting anyone else.

Is that really a fair stance to take?? People with autism are often described as having 'rigid' thinking, whereas neurotypical people are meant to be blessed with greater flexibility in their thinking....maybe it wouldn't hurt for us all to at least arm ourselves with some understanding of autism and to adapt our behaviour accordingly, seeing as we are meant to be the flexible ones and all....

ZX7R

Sheep breeder wrote: »

Super post
We have have a nephew of 9 who to look at is fit healthy boy and full of life and this is hard to say the only thing wrong is the light is not on through no fault of his, this is the hand he has being dealt and has bad autism, his parents are super human to care and mind him 24/7 as he can be gone in the blink of an eye and they have a security fence up and he finds ways to get out. Recently the post man went out through the electric gates and he was done the road on the bike for a mile in the middle of the road before a neighbor brought him back.
When he comes to our farm and to see him run around and play like any kid climbing etc and he has no fear, it makes us treasure our two kids.
My brother in law is a super human to keep a busy job down and do so much for the little fella and recently told me he is surviving on four sleep a night and all he wants is the best for his son. Recently he has become frustrated and now violent and possible will have to go in to a home.
The one thing I would say is talk to the person and have a little understanding.

Sad to think the poor child will go to a home,sadly the support system in Ireland is flawed and is based on a American/Canadian system that doesn't work.the child is reaching puberty his hormone's are to blame,I have already put a plan of action in please for this time,I am already consulting with psychologist in England and Poland.
Ireland is not even ranked in the top 70 country's when it comes to helping teen and adult on this type of spectrum

Blazer

Sheep breeder wrote: »

. Recently he has become frustrated and now violent and possible will have to go in to a home.
The one thing I would say is talk to the person and have a little understanding.

I would talk to your brother. Autistic children get very upset and thrown off during summer when school is over as their routine goes out the winter.
We’re going through the exact same with our eldest.
We plan on taking turns to do some home tuition with him during the week to try and maintain some normality for him. I ended up changing job roles and working weekends in order to have Mon-Thur off to help with this and give the missus a break.

Moonbeam

Closing this thread for many reasons .
No need to report any more posts.