How to kill an Ex...

Carry

...and get away with it.

I don’t want to go into details about a toxic relationship that ended more than 15 years ago, longer actually – for a good reason.

And I don’t want to go into detail why he turned up today (from abroad where he lives) and started threatening me with all sorts of things without being physically abusive. Well, that was his trick all along in the past. And the reason why I ended up in Ireland as far away from him as possible. As the saying goes: long story.

A solicitor is involved by now, so that side is covered. And the reason why I wouldn’t go into details.

But thing is, I’m so upset that I thought some AH input would cheer me up, even after actual talks with friends and neighbours.

I feel murderous (which my solictor doesn’t approve, naturally).

So any ideas how to fuel my fantasies about how to kill an 6’6’’ Ex who openly declared today that he doesn’t give a shìt about me as long as he gets his way?

The crueller the better. Thanks.

pleas advice

Novichok

The Backwards Man

Three Os

Liamalone

Death by riding

Jim Bob Scratcher

Carry a gun

Madhatter111

Interesting thoughts here on that one.. I know your feelings op

Sal Butamol

Shag Donald Trump?

MadYaker

Based on what you posted if he winds up dead in suspicious circumstances you’ll be number one on the list of people the gardai want to talk to.

ballyargus

The boats, also known as scaphism, is widely regarded as one the most painful, disgusting and prolonged methods of death/torture going.

It has seen a decline in popularity as the centuries have gone by.

Carry

pleas advice wrote: »

Novichok

Too prominent by now (see UK cases).
Anyway, how would I get it?

Any Russians around here?

Carry

Liamalone wrote: »

Death by riding

I'd rather suffer death than riding that one. Honestly.

Fr_Dougal

Stop squatting in his house.

Carry

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Three Os

Three what?

Are Am Eye

You could buy a set of Shuriken (ninja/throwing/morning stars) and spend some time practicing your expertise dispatching them with accuracy.

Kill your ex using same and casually saunter off bypassing the Police who will be looking for a small, black robed, sword carrying man. The perfect crime....

The Backwards Man

Carry wrote: »

Three what?

You kill Xs with Os

Carry

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Carry a gun

If only.
I have an axe though.
But do you know that blood is hard to clean away?

Cleopatra_

Going by watching CSI, you should kill him with an icicle (so that the weapon melts). Then cut him up and feed him to hungry pigs (this I garnered from Snatch).

Carry

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Stop squatting in his house.

It's MY house ffs! :mad:

Donald Trump

Sal Butamol wrote: »

Shag Donald Trump?

What if I am the ex?


OP, if you have nice boobs, please consider the posters helpful suggestion.


And if you don't have nice boobs, consider it anyway......I'm not fussy :pac:

vectorvictor

MadYaker wrote: »

Based on what you posted if he winds up dead in suspicious circumstances you’ll be number one on the list of people the gardai want to talk to.

I give this thread an hour.

Yes it's after hours but posting a desire or intention to murder and seeking feedback on how?

I can't see any service provider overlooking that without reporting it.

AH is great for humour . Murder is not a topic for humour

You sound like a bunny boiler op. I am mystified as to why your ex doesn't care about you

c.p.w.g.w

Carry wrote: »

...and get away with it.

I don’t want to go into details about a toxic relationship that ended more than 15 years ago, longer actually – for a good reason.

And I don’t want to go into detail why he turned up today (from abroad where he lives) and started threatening me with all sorts of things without being physically abusive. Well, that was his trick all along in the past. And the reason why I ended up in Ireland as far away from him as possible. As the saying goes: long story.

A solicitor is involved by now, so that side is covered. And the reason why I wouldn’t go into details.

But thing is, I’m so upset that I thought some AH input would cheer me up, even after actual talks with friends and neighbours.

I feel murderous (which my solictor doesn’t approve, naturally).

So any ideas how to fuel my fantasies about how to kill an 6’6’’ Ex who openly declared today that he doesn’t give a shìt about me as long as he gets his way?

The crueller the better. Thanks.

Lily of the Valley

Fr_Dougal

Carry wrote: »

It's MY house ffs! :mad:

Nope.

Carry

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

Going by watching CSI, you should kill him with an icicle (so that the weapon melts). Then cut him up and feed him to hungry pigs (this I garnered from Snatch).

Ah, I rememer that film. But how do you get icicles in Ireland? In summer?

There is piggery in the vicinity, though. Have to charm the pig farmer first - not an appealing perception ...

Liamalone

Carry wrote: »

I'd rather suffer death than riding that one. Honestly.

Aye but once upon a time ye did though

Carry

vectorvictor wrote: »

I give this thread an hour.

Yes it's after hours but posting a desire or intention to murder and seeking feedback on how?

I can't see any service provider overlooking that without reporting it.

AH is great for humour . Murder is not a topic for humour

You sound like a bunny boiler op. I am mystified as to why your ex doesn't care about you

Goethe said, as quoted by my publisher (paraphrasing in English): You only see what you know.

Try to read and think, then answer.
It's about murderous fantasies, not murder.

Are your fantasies about gorgeous blonde bunny boilers?

Carry

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Nope.

It is.

Ah, I get it, it's YOU! Gotcha!

JJayoo

Record him threatening you, put it on the internet, let social media spread it

EPAndlee

dress him up as a hutch

Carry

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Lily of the Valley

Easily confused with wild garlic, isnt it? :D

But sadly no lily of the valley around here.

vectorvictor

Carry wrote: »

Goethe said, as quoted by my publisher (paraphrasing in English): You only see what you know.

Try to read and think, then answer.
It's about murderous fantasies, not murder.

Are your fantasies about gorgeous blonde bunny boilers?

"I feel murderous" is not a fantasy related statement nor did you reference fantasy at any stage. People are impacted by these things and I see no humour in your pathetic attempt at attention.

Carry

JJayoo wrote: »

Record him threatening you, put it on the internet, let social media spread it

That's what I'm starting to do

He plays dirty, I play dirtier. I'm so fed up of him thinking I'm a doormat.

Filmer Paradise

Carry wrote: »

...and get away with it.

I don’t want to go into details about a toxic relationship that ended more than 15 years ago, longer actually – for a good reason.

And I don’t want to go into detail why he turned up today (from abroad where he lives) and started threatening me with all sorts of things without being physically abusive. Well, that was his trick all along in the past. And the reason why I ended up in Ireland as far away from him as possible. As the saying goes: long story.

A solicitor is involved by now, so that side is covered. And the reason why I wouldn’t go into details.

But thing is, I’m so upset that I thought some AH input would cheer me up, even after actual talks with friends and neighbours.

I feel murderous (which my solictor doesn’t approve, naturally).

So any ideas how to fuel my fantasies about how to kill an 6’6’’ Ex who openly declared today that he doesn’t give a shìt about me as long as he gets his way?

The crueller the better. Thanks.

You need a bigger boyfriend....

Donald Trump

Deleted User wrote: »

dress him up as a hutch

You mean stick a rabbit up their bum?








(Rampant rabbit maybe)

biko

That you, Mary?

Carry

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

You need a bigger boyfriend....

Yeah, find one in Ireland ...:rolleyes:

I need a bigger me (5'5'')

But I'm just happy to get bigger support in the funny and happily silly AH way, so I can go to bed with a chuckle and not with fear.

Carry

biko wrote: »

That you, Mary?

Nope.

Charlie19

An episode of Love Island should do the trick.

c.p.w.g.w

Carry wrote: »

Easily confused with wild garlic, isnt it? :D

But sadly no lily of the valley around here.

Apparently it has been sold in garden centers every now and then

degsie

Turn him into a cat and then make him curious.

Filmer Paradise

Carry wrote: »

Yeah, find one in Ireland ...:rolleyes:

I need a bigger me (5'5'')

But I'm just happy to get bigger support in the funny and happily silly AH way, so I can go to bed with a chuckle and not with fear.

No prob. I work with a guy called Six-Eight. Eastern European chap.

Does bouncer on the side, etc

Carry

vectorvictor wrote: »

"I feel murderous" is not a fantasy related statement nor did you reference fantasy at any stage. People are impacted by these things and I see no humour in your pathetic attempt at attention.

You are the life and soul of any party, aren't you?

Gadgetman496

Carry wrote: »

...and get away with it.

I don’t want to go into details about a toxic relationship that ended more than 15 years ago, longer actually – for a good reason.

And I don’t want to go into detail why he turned up today (from abroad where he lives) and started threatening me with all sorts of things without being physically abusive. Well, that was his trick all along in the past. And the reason why I ended up in Ireland as far away from him as possible. As the saying goes: long story.

A solicitor is involved by now, so that side is covered. And the reason why I wouldn’t go into details.

But thing is, I’m so upset that I thought some AH input would cheer me up, even after actual talks with friends and neighbours.

I feel murderous (which my solictor doesn’t approve, naturally).

So any ideas how to fuel my fantasies about how to kill an 6’6’’ Ex who openly declared today that he doesn’t give a shìt about me as long as he gets his way?

The crueller the better. Thanks.

vectorvictor wrote: »

"I feel murderous" is not a fantasy related statement nor did you reference fantasy at any stage. People are impacted by these things and I see no humour in your pathetic attempt at attention.

???

Yakult

Lock said person in a room with Westlife on loop, full blast for 7 days.

Around day 3, you should see some great results.

Donald Trump

Yakult wrote: »

Lock said person in a room with Westlife on loop, full blast for 7 days.

Around day 3, you should see some great results.

For even better results, lock them in a room with Westlife.




Solve a few problems at once

TightyWhiteys

Yakult wrote: »

Lock said person in a room with Westlife on loop, full blast for 7 days.

Around day 3, you should see some great results.

Believe it or not, Westlife songs are actually used in torture

Are Am Eye

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Lily of the Valley

Carry wrote: »

Easily confused with wild garlic, isnt it? :D

But sadly no lily of the valley around here.

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Apparently it has been sold in garden centers every now and then

You might be able to find some in the valley.

johnayo

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

No prob. I work with a guy called Six-Eight. Eastern European chap.

Does bouncer on the side, etc

Poor girl would probably have to give six-eight the ride afterwards and he hung like a horse. She wouldn't be able to walk properly for a week.

johnayo

I say just give him a smack of a shovel on the back of the head. Job done.

PlaneSpeeking

johnayo wrote: »

I say just give him a smack of a shovel on the back of the head. Job done.

Old school. None of your new fangled Novichok nonsense, good old Irish shovel !!!

Carry

johnayo wrote: »

I say just give him a smack of a shovel on the back of the head. Job done.

Easy.
Well, not really, but manageable somehow, if pushed.

But how to dispose the body and the evidence for good?
(there are wilderness bogs in my neck of the woods, though transport may be a problem).

I might go back to Mr Six-Eight, as proposed by Mr filmer paradise.

The problem though is the trail back to me, knowing the eejity of local killers.

But then, there is the eejity of local gardai...