Are short men disadvantaged in the dating world?

Triceratops Ballet

Lorelli! wrote: »

Out of those three, tall is only one thing. And I'm sure loads are but not all tall men are all three. Lots of people have ideals but they rarely meet exactly that in real life.

I don't know about online dating but I've heard how some people put a specific height. Online, it seems in general, things are very much exaggerated and alot of the normal real life interactions when first meeting someone are sidestepped. There's nothing you can really do about that except be realistic yourself.

I wouldn't have a height preference myself and I'm 5'9 so tall enough for a woman. I think irl attraction doesnt really work like that and in the past ive been attracted to tall men and shorter men. At 5'5 and a with a feminine name like Kelly, Id have no problem going out with the guy from the Stereophonics

lol I was going to ref Kelly Jones too, there's plenty of tall women who'd happily date someone who looked like him!

KrustyUCC

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

I believe it, I've been in those groups, I've said similar in the past myself, but what people say and what people do aren't always the same. I never thought I'd go out with someone the same height as me, I used to think that was way too short, but I did, I fell in love with him and it didn't matter a bit in the end.

I'm not saying it's not a real thing at all, but I don't think anyone who thinks they don't live up to this expectation should feel like they'll never find someone, cos that's not true, it might take more self belief and a bit more swagger but not being tall isn't condemnation to a life of solitude

Very good post

My ex was taller than me and now my current gf is shorter than me

I'd be excluded by lot of women online for being less than 6'0 but yet that's where I met my gf

Not being tall def isn't condemnation to a life of solitude but I still think overall it is perceived as being a disadvantage

Sabre0001

Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive

And confidence definitely helps

Height seems to be important for the online dating world, and I've definitely heard it mentioned in the conversation over freedom to wear heels. While 6 foot, I can't say it's really benefited me though...

Triceratops Ballet

Sabre0001 wrote: »

Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive

And confidence definitely helps

Height seems to be important for the online dating world, and I've definitely heard it mentioned in the conversation over freedom to wear heels. While 6 foot, I can't say it's really benefited me though...

I'd so much rather just not wear heels!! like why would you when comfort is an option!

Dial Hard

Triceratops Ballet wrote:

I'd so much rather just not wear heels!! like why would you when comfort is an option!

There's such thing as comfortable heels you know! I love me hee-highlers. And wedges. I've a particularly comfy pair that put me well over 6'.

I remember going to a sports day in a previous job and one of the managers standing beside me in my runners and going "Oh my God, you're actually really small!" Now, at 5' 7" I'm not exactly tiny but he was so used to looking me in the eye that he just assumed I was the same height as him.

I'd actually love to be another couple of inches taller. I'm the shortest person in my family apart from my mum.

One eyed Jack

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'd consider it short, yes. But I accept that my perspective is probably skewed as all the men in my family are over 6' so to me, that's average.

Same here in my family, and even in my extended family that I can think of, I've always been the shortarse at 5'10", as they were all 6ft and over. My old man was 6'7" and my son at 13 is already 6ft.

Certainly even though I've always been conscious of it, I've never thought of it as a disadvantage in dating or anything else. I don't do online dating but I would expect that given the choice between a guy who's 5'10 and a guy who's 6ft+, all other things being equal, why wouldn't a woman go for the taller guy if that's what she's into.

It's not a disadvantage for the shorter guy, it's her personal preferences is all, and I wouldn't expect they should change. It'd be like a guy lamenting the fact that being gay is a 'disadvantage' when he's eyeballing all the straight guys, what's anyone else supposed to do about it?

Sabre0001

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

I'd so much rather just not wear heels!! like why would you when comfort is an option!

I honestly have no idea

Triceratops Ballet

Dial Hard wrote: »

There's such thing as comfortable heels you know! I love me hee-highlers. And wedges. I've a particularly comfy pair that put me well over 6'.

I remember going to a sports day in a previous job and one of the managers standing beside me in my runners and going "Oh my God, you're actually really small!" Now, at 5' 7" I'm not exactly tiny but he was so used to looking me in the eye that he just assumed I was the same height as him.

I'd actually love to be another couple of inches taller. I'm the shortest person in my family apart from my mum.

Yeah it's a matter of practice and habit though I used to wear them all the time for work and could easily run for a bus in them no problem, and then I got a job with no dress code and it was all flats from then on out, my high heel wearing ability has just diminished massively! I'd like to be 5'10/11 myself too! I'm 174 cm as it is

ginandtonicsky

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

yeah deal breakers are deal breakers until you meet someone who's right for you who breaks them.
People say an awful lot of crap, but in reality there are very few people willing to live and die by what's on their list. I could give you a list as long as your arm of dealbreakers for me, but in reality there is only one (maybe 2 nowadays) that are hard and fast

Very very true. In my mind I think I know what I'm attracted to; if I handed you that list and showed you a lineup of my exes it just wouldn't tally at all. Different heights, different physiques, different physical features. What they have in common is pretty much that I laughed a lot with each of them and I had a strong emotional connection from the outset.

Amirani

It's a disadvantage yeah, but so are lots of things. A select portion of women may have it as a genuine dealbreaker, but most people are pretty flexible. Online dating does exacerbate certain things and breeds insecurity. In general, it's not going to solely result in you being unable to find a partner.

_Dara_

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'd consider it short, yes. But I accept that my perspective is probably skewed as all the men in my family are over 6' so to me, that's average.

I don’t know if being from a tall family even matters. My father at 5’8” is the tallest member of my immediate family (my bro is 5’7”, I’m 5’3.5” and my sister and mother are both 5’2”) and I consider my father to be a short man and us to be a short family. 5’8” is IMO definitely on the short side for a guy. My father and brother are shorter than most men they stand beside.

TerrorFirmer

I'm 5"11 so height has never been much of a factor for me (and I'm perfectly OK with the odd woman that's taller than me too) but I'm constantly amazed by the amount of women who specify "must be over 5'10" or whatever in their online dating bio....many of them, themselves, only 5"4 or whatever.

I agree that it's a ridiculous paper requirement that probably wouldn't even crop up if you'd met these people organically on a night out....but with so many people turning to online methods of meeting people these days, it would be a bit disheartening. But as someone said above it really isn't going to make or break you finding a partner.

Pretty sure the average height is something like 5"10, definitely not 5"8.

_Dara_

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I'm 5"11 so height has never been much of a factor for me (and I'm perfectly OK with the odd woman that's taller than me too) but I'm constantly amazed by the amount of women who specify "must be over 5'10" or whatever in their online dating bio....many of them, themselves, only 5"4 or whatever.

I agree that it's a ridiculous paper requirement that probably wouldn't even crop up if you'd met these people organically on a night out....but with so many people turning to online methods of meeting people these days, it would be a bit disheartening. But as someone said above it really isn't going to make or break you finding a partner.

Pretty sure the average height is something like 5"10, definitely not 5"8.

Well, you don’t necessarily take into account your own appearance when you state your preferences. What a person is attracted to can’t be helped. I’ve heard overweight folks state before that they’d prefer a healthy-weight partner if possible.

It’s hypocritical, I guess, but it’s also something that can’t be helped.

I also doubt that the average height for an Irish man is 5’8”.

In this era of acknowledging mental health etc. it is worth remembering that a lot of short men can be very depressed about their height even if they don't show it in everyday life. This can be caused by constantly getting made aware that you possess an unattactive physical trait which you can't change. I'm sure throughout history it has always sucked to be short but in a world where the norm is gradually becoming to be over 6 foot as a man, it can hurt more acutely than ever.

myshirt

A lot of men overestimate their height as well and think they are taller.

mvl

do people realize that women (and men not as much) shrink with age (late 40s' or so)- so guessing for settler partners the height differences could become more acceptable for ppl who end up compromising

prokofiev

Here's a question...whats too tall? When does height start to be a turn off?

Triceratops Ballet

prokofiev wrote:

Here's a question...whats too tall? When does height start to be a turn off?

Surely it's all relative? I went on a few dates with a dude who was 6'9, that's a foot taller than me, I didn't think anything of it. Someone who's 5'4 might find it troublesome

Keepaneye

Not just in the dating world.

As I get older I find that any boss, manager etc (unless a woman) are almost always at least 6 ft or above. Not to mention a lot of sports stars have the benefit of height.

Just like (a lot not all) men are naturally drawn to bigger breasts and curvy(not fat) figures on women, women will invariably always go for the tall men due to biological attraction and no amount of social construct can change science.

One eyed Jack

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In this era of acknowledging mental health etc. it is worth remembering that a lot of short men can be very depressed about their height even if they don't show it in everyday life. This can be caused by constantly getting made aware that you possess an unattactive physical trait which you can't change. I'm sure throughout history it has always sucked to be short but in a world where the norm is gradually becoming to be over 6 foot as a man, it can hurt more acutely than ever.

Isn't that though more of an underlying issue of self-esteem rather than the physical trait itself? As in whether it's unattractive or something that occurs to them at all is a matter of their own perception of themselves and something they have to deal with rather than anything someone else can do anything about?

shakeitoff

Funnily enough, while the Dutch are notoriously tall, their national team has one of the shortest teams in Europe currently.

ittakestwo

It would be a disadvantage in aproching women taller. But I would have thought shorter guys find shorter women more attractive? Seems to work both ways.

I guess taller guys would have an advantage that they will most likely be taller than all the women in a pub/club so the above is not as much as a factor in approaching somebody.

shakeitoff

ittakestwo wrote: »

It would be a disadvantage in aproching women taller. But I would have thought shorter guys find shorter women more attractive? Seems to work both ways.

I guess shorter guys would have an advantage that they will most likely be taller than all the women in a pub/club so the above is not as much as a factor in approaching somebody.

Yeah that's not how it works at all. If anything, despite Victoria Secret, a tall women is not necessarily the ideal(I personally find it attractive) but many guys actually like smaller girls regardless of their height.

Also, women don't compare men against themselves, they compare them to other men.

macchoille

Nah it matters, and the shorter a guy is the negative effect on their chances is exponential.

ittakestwo

shakeitoff wrote: »

Yeah that's not how it works at all. If anything, despite Victoria Secret, a tall women is not necessarily the ideal(I personally find it attractive) but many guys actually like smaller girls regardless of their height.

Also, women don't compare men against themselves, they compare them to other men.

Well I would say around 5ft7 and above for the most part its not going to be a issue.

I think there is a lot of physical traits the average man and women find attractive, but its by no means all or even if its a deal braker or not in a relationship. Nearly everyone will fall on some physical trait compared to the average so we cant be too picky or else we would all be single at the end of day.

FriendsEV

_Dara_ wrote: »

I also doubt that the average height for an Irish man is 5’8”.

Can't be far off

I'm 5'10 and in general I am taller than smaller than most Irish men, especially older ones

The young kids are different story, every 16 year old seems to be over 6 foot these days

worded

OP - Please edit thread title from “short” to “vertically challenged” men

silverharp

I remember hearing in passing that shorter men tend to make more money , I don't know how scientific that is as there is a definite CEO type height advantage but the argument I guess is that shorter men have more incentive to "peacock" through their careers.

wakka12

Its undeniably a disadvantage but that doesnt mean that its a dealbreaker

jobbridge4life

On the one hand there does seem to be a societaly preference for height, but I don't know real that is. Also I suppose a taller person can probably carry more weight without looking overweight.

On the other hand I think it is easier for shorter men to build impressive musculature.

starWave

silverharp wrote: »

I remember hearing in passing that shorter men tend to make more money , I don't know how scientific that is as there is a definite CEO type height advantage but the argument I guess is that shorter men have more incentive to "peacock" through their careers.

There was a study done that rated men's attractiveness based on a number of criteria. Tall men and rich men were found to be attractive, and a salary difference of €30,000 was found to be equal to 2 inches extra in height when rating how attractive men are.

Jim Bob Scratcher

I don't think height really matters to be honest. Just reading through this thread it's quite obvious that money is a much more significant factor when it comes to attracting a partner.

uck51js9zml2yt

My wife is 6" taller than me.height is not an issue:)

Dial Hard

shakeitoff wrote:

Yeah that's not how it works at all. If anything, despite Victoria Secret, a tall women is not necessarily the ideal(I personally find it attractive) but many guys actually like smaller girls regardless of their height.

Yeah, in my experience men definitely tend to like short/petite women. I think it brings out some kind of dormant protective-caveman thing in them.

It's probably the exact same evolutionary holdover that leads women to prefer tall men in the first place.

shakeitoff

Yeah, I always see girls say 'I'm not the tall 6 foot blonde bombshell' Girl, 6 foot is not an advantage unless you have exceptional looks.

Pug160

Dial Hard wrote: »

Yeah, in my experience men definitely tend to like short/petite women. I think it brings out some kind of dormant protective-caveman thing in them.

It's probably the exact same evolutionary holdover that leads women to prefer tall men in the first place.

Oh that's undeniable. But I would question whether or not it's an overwhelming majority. I think there are plenty of men who like taller women but who are probably just intimidated and feel more comfortable approaching smaller women and being around them. Taller women are certainly more striking than the average woman, but the really potent combination is when they're both very pretty and very tall.

In regards to the whole sexual dimorphism thing: I think intelligent women in particular seem to be more inclined to go after much bigger men. It's just my opinion of course, but I do think I've read about intelligent women actually being more picky when it comes to physical attractiveness. If there is some truth to that it would almost certainly mean that they would value height more as well.

milli milli

Dial Hard wrote: »

It's probably the exact same evolutionary holdover that leads women to prefer tall men in the first place.

This is the chief reason I prefer taller men. I’m 5’7” in bare feet and love to feel small and protected in a taller man’s embrace. But I’m not greedy - 5’9”/5’10” and over are fine with me, even if I’m wearing heels.

But I think shorter guys shouldn’t have a problem considering the average female height is 5’4” (even with heels it might go up to about 5’7”). Or just date shorter girls than that.

I dated a smaller man than myself one time and I wouldn’t again. Lying down, ahem, lining up & having to look down felt very wrong. I definitely don’t agree with Prince!

Cleopatra_

During my tinder days I came across profiles where men would mention their height "because it seems to be important around here" and it only occurred to me then that it seems to be a dealbreaker for other women.

I'm 5'6 and I've gone out with guys the same height as me up to about 6'3 I think. If I'm brutally honest it is nice to have a guy a few inches taller than me so I feel small and protected but it's certainly not a dealbreaker.

I never mentioned height on my tinder profile because it didn't matter to me. I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with a guy shorter than me but if I liked someone then I wouldn't let that hold me back.

I have noticed that guys around my height have expressed a preference for shorter women than me and I think that's partially because they want to be the taller protector and partially because they were self-conscious about their height.

Pac1Man

milli milli wrote: »

Lying down, ahem, lining up & having to look down felt very wrong.

Surely whipping out the geometry set to get it right first time would avoid this awkwardness?

worded

Perhaps relative but there is a world wide shortage of dwarfs

mikemac2

shakeitoff wrote: »

Of course it matters. A short guy(and short isn't 5'2'', it's anything below 5'10''

Wow, most of the population is short so

mvl

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

During my tinder days I came across profiles where men would mention their height "because it seems to be important around here" and it only occurred to me then that it seems to be a dealbreaker for other women.

anyone mentioning shoe size in same context ?
guess it can be almost as important as height (some adhere to goldilocks principle on this)

Littlehorny

I am a short guy (hence the user name) but don't lack confidence because of it, I have been turned down by a woman in the past because I was too short and that's fine because you either fancy someone or you don't but I think the hard part for lads in this situation is your height is one of the few things you cannot change about yourself.
I know this woman socially and she has been single for quite a while so maybe she's very fussy about the checklist she has for a potential suitor.

milli milli

Littlehorny wrote: »

I know this woman socially and she has been single for quite a while so maybe she's very fussy about the checklist she has for a potential suitor.

I think you are a little bit sore about being turned down by this woman?
Maybe she’s single because she wants to be. Did she actually say being short was the reason she turned you down? Or are you assuming?
Height isn’t the superficial thing that people think. We all have preferences. We all have advantages & disadvantages in the dating world.

Amirani

mikemac2 wrote: »

Wow, most of the population is short so

Yeah, around 50% or so of the male population in Ireland is shorter than 5'10. If you treat height as a binary variable, yeah fine, anything under that it short and anything above that is tall. But do people really think in those terms? Would the OP consider somebody that's 5'11 tall?

starWave

Amirani wrote: »

Yeah, around 50% or so of the male population in Ireland is shorter than 5'10. If you treat height as a binary variable, yeah fine, anything under that it short and anything above that is tall. But do people really think in those terms? Would the OP consider somebody that's 5'11 tall?

Height follows a normal distribution, you have most people near the average, with a few very short or very tall.

Amirani

starWave wrote: »

Height follows a normal distribution, you have most people near the average, with a few very short or very tall.

It does follow a normal distribution, but that doesn't mean anything really unless you know the standard deviation.

Pug160

I'm only speaking from observation here, but it does seem as though there is some kind split going on with women, where it appears there are quite a lot of these almost Amazonian young women alongside the more 'regular' women of around 5'3''/5'4'' or so. Some people seem to be of the belief that women are actually catching up with men in terms of height but I see no evidence to back that up, and I'm not even sure if there are any plausible theories as to why it could happen. People in general are getting taller so both men and women are getting bigger. These tall women would almost certainly have even taller brothers.

lukin

I am a bit late coming to this thread but I felt I had to make this point: I am amazed that this thread has gone to seven pages and nobody has mentioned one very obvious reason for women preferring tall men over shorter men: re-productive reasons. Obviously a woman knows if she has a child with a short guy that child will probably be short in stature also. Not such a problem if the child is a girl but a big problem if the child is a boy.
I know I will get a load of replies saying "A woman wouldn't be thinking of something like that when she is talking to a guy for the first time". Maybe not but I wouldn't be so sure. A young girl in her early twenties probably wouldn't but a woman in her late twenties/early thirties very possibly would be thinking like that. It's perfectly understandable though, I wouldn't criticise a woman for thinking like that. It's a genetic thing that a female will want a partner that produces a healthy offspring. In the same way she will want to have children with a highly intelligent guy so his genes will be passed on.
I am short myself (5 foot 6) and have found it a disadvantage in the dating world. That's not to say some girls have not found me attractive (and some of them were taller than me). But it's a massive drawback, no doubt about that. There has never been an occurrence in history where when faced with a choice, a woman has chosen a short guy over a tall guy.
They just don't view a short guy the same way as they do a tall guy. They will like a short guy and think he is nice but they won't see him as potential boyfriend material. A tall guy can get away with having not as good a personality as a short guy. Women will compromise on a lot of things when it comes to choosing a partner (good looks, what he does for a living, dress sense, educational level) but will not compromise on height.
If you are 5 foot 6 you can't expect to date a girl of average height (which in Ireland is five foot 6 I think). Because if she wears heels she is two inches taller than you. You have to go for a girl of five foot 2 or five foot 3. Even if she wears heels you will at least be the same height as her.
But you have a much smaller pool to choose from because there aren't many girls of five foot 2/3 around.
I am not a woman-hater or anti-women in any way. Most women are nice and will not say to you "f*** off you're too small" (it's never been said to me) but privately in their head they are rejecting you before you have opened your mouth. It's shallowness of course, no other word for it.
We are always told that personality is the most important trait in a man to a woman so if that's the case then all tall men must have great personalities and all short guys must have terrible personalities because there are a lot more single short guys out there than single tall guys. But does anyone really believe that is true? Of course not, it's a load of nonsense.
Factors such as personality are important yes but it's a man's height that will bring home the bacon in the dating game, make no mistake about that.

professore

bubblypop wrote: »

I don't believe so.
You only need to look around to see fabulous looking ladies with,  let's say,  less than fabulous looking men.
It's not something you see the other way around.
To me it's because women are attracted to personalty,  men are more attracted to looks.
Online dating might be different because it's looks based firstly. But in general if you meet a woman & you are charming, nice & genuine,  that is more important  than height

Men are generally not looking for providers in the same way women are.  The average man couldn't care less what sort of career a woman has.