Are short men disadvantaged in the dating world?

jobbridge4life · 16-10-2018 6:05pm

professore wrote: »

Men are generally not looking for providers in the same way women are. The average man couldn't care less what sort of career a woman has.

Source for the bolded claim, please?

I'd imagine that in determining the individual one chooses to build a life with, to have a family with, most men would probably be interested in the career of the woman. I'm not saying it is determinative in all cases but at the very least surely it is a significant consideration in these circumstances.

deandean · 16-10-2018 6:19pm

Well, if a woman is looking for a tall guy as part of pre-reproductive selection, it helps explain why a lot of guys are attracted to a woman with decent breasts.
Pre-reproductive selection, of course

lukin · 16-10-2018 6:22pm

deandean wrote: »

Well, if a woman is looking for a tall guy as part of pre-reproductive selection

Like I said, I am amazed that nobody has mentioned this so far.

DancingFlames · 16-10-2018 6:28pm

Asking if women prefer tall men is like asking if women prefer men with brown hair, imo. Everyone has different tastes, you can't generalise half the population.

wakka12 · 16-10-2018 8:33pm

professore wrote: »

Men are generally not looking for providers in the same way women are. The average man couldn't care less what sort of career a woman has.

Society isnt like that anymore. Id say plenty of men and much less women int he past are looking for a partner who is sucessful and will be able to provide a comfortable lifestyle together, both as earners, in most young coupllings today both genders work.

professore · 16-10-2018 10:21pm

wakka12 wrote: »

professore wrote: »

Men are generally not looking for providers in the same way women are. The average man couldn't care less what sort of career a woman has.

Society isnt like that anymore. Id say plenty of men and much less women int he past are looking for a partner who is sucessful and will be able to provide a comfortable lifestyle together, both as earners, in most young coupllings today both genders work.

That's all well and good if there are no children involved. Once children come everything changes.

milli milli · 17-10-2018 9:27am

I read recently that men who are attracted to smaller women might be because they see them as more nurturing and guys who are attracted to taller women view them to be more assertive & independent.

Of course some guys don’t care about height either, but just thought this was interesting.

Regarding men’s height and production, there is probably something there but I would definitely agree with the evolutionary reason of feeling protected with a taller man.

lukin · 19-10-2018 10:15am

I think a lot of short guys tell themselves it's not a huge disadvantage because they don't want to face up to the truth that it is a huge disadvantage.
They bury their heads in the sand because it's more comfortable to them. I am short and am under no illusions about how big a disadvantage it is.

fly_agaric · 19-10-2018 9:20pm

I just did a google image search for "couples". For those who might be interested in the results, I can confirm the men (in the male-female pairings) seem to be a min. of 4 cm taller than the women. I think the internet might be telling me something through the medium of stock photography but it has lied to me before!:pac:

lukin · 19-10-2018 10:31pm

fly_agaric wrote: »

I just did a google image search for "couples". For those who might be interested in the results, I can confirm the men (in the male-female pairings) seem to be a min. of 4 cm taller than the women. I think the internet might be telling me something through the medium of stock photography but it has lied to me before!:pac:

That's a depressing statistic for all short men. I'm not surprised though.

fly_agaric · 19-10-2018 10:48pm

lukin wrote: »

That's a depressing statistic for all short men. I'm not surprised though.

It was a tongue in cheek comment but I suppose it may say something about what the "norm" is (in the view of companies, advertisers, web designers, stock photography suppliers). There are far worse handicaps than being a bit on the short side though.

lukin · 19-10-2018 11:57pm

fly_agaric wrote: »

There are far worse handicaps than being a bit on the short side though.

I don't think there is actually. I would say it's number one on the turn-off list for women.

Gimme A Pound · 20-10-2018 12:29am

In general I am more attracted to men my own height or taller - this isn't particularly tall by the way. I'm just over 5ft 4 and don't wear those crazy high heels.

However, I have dated shorter guys and been very attracted to them, so it's a "bendable rule".

Putting "Must be x height" on a dating profile however - I'd never do that. Find it quite obnoxious.

I'm pale with black hair though, and curvy (not curvy as a euphemism for fat) and if men prefer blonde, darker skinned, very slender women, fine by me - personal preference is not something that we can control.

Although I do think people can be surprised by whom they fancy at times - I don't think we should limit ourselves.

jon1981 · 20-10-2018 12:42pm

lukin wrote: »

I think a lot of short guys tell themselves it's not a huge disadvantage because they don't want to face up to the truth that it is a huge disadvantage.
They bury their heads in the sand because it's more comfortable to them. I am short and am under no illusions about how big a disadvantage it is.

Ah lad you need a dose of confidence or something. Blaming height is ridiculous. I'm not blessed with the height genes but it hasn't stopped me doing very well in my career and romantic life ( married with kids) ... i also had a lot of fun in my younger years in college, funny i never actually considered my height as an issue ( 5ft 7)...ok yeah i noticed taller guys but never thought anything of it.

Confidence is attractive and you need to cultivate it somehow. Of course there are genetic advantages in life but that's life! I'm a believer of not looking at what the other guy has that you don't but more what do i have and how can i define myself to be successful.

Gimme A Pound · 20-10-2018 1:39pm

I don't think 5ft 7 is short though. It's taller than me and I'm not a short woman.

wakka12 · 20-10-2018 1:47pm

5'7'' is tall for a woman but its short for a man , Im college age so people my age are taller than national average and the vast vast majority of guys like over 85% seem to fall between 5'8'' and 6 '2'', Im 5'9'' and I feel about average height and a lot of guys are same height as me but I rarely meet men who are much smaller than me

lukin · 20-10-2018 1:57pm

I read a very funny post on quora.com about this very subject.
A person asked "If women don't care about looks in a relationship why don’t they like short men? Isn't height part of a man's physicality?" A person replied: "Easy answer; they're lying".
I notice a lot of replies here from females saying "I once dated a short man". Yeah but you didn't stay with him did you? There was even a post (later deleted) from a woman saying she was married to a man of 6 feet 2 but height was not an issue for her.

It's just comical.
Where are all these 5 foot 9 stunners who are with 5 foot 6 shorties? I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it's extremely rare.
Posters here are talking about it as if it's commonplace. It's not.

Dial Hard · 20-10-2018 2:17pm

Braelynn Flabby Strictness wrote:

I don't think 5ft 7 is short though. It's taller than me and I'm not a short woman.

A lot of it depends on one's own perspective. I'm 5' 7" (female) and I certainly don't consider myself tall. All the men in my family are over 6' so for me, that's average height for a man.

Gimme A Pound · 20-10-2018 3:12pm

Nothing negates my point though. Even if a woman prefers a man to be her height or taller, this might still only mean 5ft 7 or 8. It doesn't always mean 6ft adonis.

Personally I (as I said earlier) will admit no problem that I generally prefer men to be my height or taller (as I'm 5ft 4.5, that's not tall - but for a woman my height isn't short either though, it's about average, yet 5ft 7 is still a fair bit taller than me) however the "rules" we have about our ideal type can and do bend. We can end up being attracted to someone whom we never thought we would be attracted to. So I wouldn't rule it out. Yeah I've dated guys who were a bit shorter than I and no, I'm not with one now, but things didn't end due to his height.

Also, men often don't want to date women who are taller than them.

Potatoeman · 20-10-2018 4:28pm

Only 10-15 percent of men are 6ft and over. So it’s limiting their options if they are screening out men under that height. There will be more competition too.

Though once you hit thirty it’s men screening out women based on age. So it all evens out over time.

Gimme A Pound · 20-10-2018 4:56pm

30? Doesn't seem that way for me and my peers at all.
Maybe 35, but still though, how come most people are in relationships with/seeing people around their own age?

I agree though, it looks so unpleasant to put "Must be 6ft" down.

Potatoeman · 21-10-2018 10:51am

Braelynn Flabby Strictness wrote: »

30? Doesn't seem that way for me and my peers at all.
Maybe 35, but still though, how come most people are in relationships with/seeing people around their own age?

I agree though, it looks so unpleasant to put "Must be 6ft" down.

That’s the age things start to move in the favor of men. Up until 30 it far easier for women. It’s just a numbers thing, more men are willing to date younger and are less tolerant of things they would put up with in their twenties.

Women become more relationship focused so they are looking for more realistic stable guys rather than player types. This just means average guys have more interest/attention from women at that age. The average stable guy suddenly finds himself with more options and interest.

If a guys interested in a women he’ll let her know, so you’ll have women going after men they would have had no interest in previously or rejected. Which can be a hard sell if the guys options have improved.

Gimme A Pound · 21-10-2018 11:07am

But then you get so many guys saying they'd find women in their 20s headwrecking.

I see this stuff online about men not being interested in women over 30 (which men? Obviously a man in his mid to late 30s wouldn't be lacking interest) and it doesn't tally with reality at all. I think it's just one of those things said to insult women in their 30s and 40s - which I know other women can be as bad for (e.g. every beauty magazine ever).

fly_agaric · 21-10-2018 12:43pm

lukin wrote: »

I don't think there is actually. I would say it's number one on the turn-off list for women.

I don't know enough to know what is "number one" on a turn off list. but can think of many other things worse than being a bit short that will also turn off women, at least as many as being below average height anyway. A physical or mental disability. Ill health. A distinct lack of money and prospects.

Potatoeman · 21-10-2018 1:01pm

Braelynn Flabby Strictness wrote: »

But then you get so many guys saying they'd find women in their 20s headwrecking.

I see this stuff online about men not being interested in women over 30 (which men? Obviously a man in his mid to late 30s wouldn't be lacking interest) and it doesn't tally with reality at all. I think it's just one of those things said to insult women in their 30s and 40s - which I know other women can be as bad for (e.g. every beauty magazine ever).

It’s not meant to insult anybody. It’s just a numbers thing where more men are willing to date younger women whereas women are more relationship focused at the age. They are less likely to consider younger guys.

lukin · 21-10-2018 1:46pm

fly_agaric wrote: »

I don't know enough to know what is "number one" on a turn off list. but can think of many other things worse than being a bit short that will also turn off women, at least as many as being below average height anyway. A physical or mental disability. Ill health. A distinct lack of money and prospects.

I meant a turn-off list on normal things like bad breath, poor dress sense, baldness, being overweight, not having a good job or education etc.. I believe women will be prepared to compromise on all these things with a man but will not compromise on height.

fly_agaric · 21-10-2018 3:17pm

lukin wrote: »

I meant a turn-off list on normal things like bad breath, poor dress sense, baldness, being overweight, not having a good job or education etc.. I believe women will be prepared to compromise on all these things with a man but will not compromise on height.

Okay, I didn't know you were limiting to exclude things like disabilities which while not "normal" are quite common.
I suppose I should have, since you probably meant being shorter than is average - not being a dwarf or something like that.
I mentioned no money or no prospects which is similar to one of your list.
I don't agree that no one will compromise on it. It is like the others you mention, enough will overlook it if there are other qualities that will offset or are (to some) more important. Nothing to offset, no other good qualities whatsoever - then you're in more trouble (but can you say that is totally on a lack of height, it becomes just one of the issues). One difference to most other things you mention I suppose (apart from baldness perhaps) is that there is nothing you can do to change it. I suppose that may be a bit of a bitter pill, but it is what it is.

Eric Cartman · 21-10-2018 6:32pm

Braelynn Flabby Strictness wrote: »

But then you get so many guys saying they'd find women in their 20s headwrecking.

I see this stuff online about men not being interested in women over 30 (which men? Obviously a man in his mid to late 30s wouldn't be lacking interest) and it doesn't tally with reality at all. I think it's just one of those things said to insult women in their 30s and 40s - which I know other women can be as bad for (e.g. every beauty magazine ever).

I don't think its designed to get at women of a certain age , but I know well from my experience , I'm almost 29 and most of the lads around me are having an awful time with the women in their lives, due to the magic of the way society has gone, going out clubbing , hanging out at the weekends with the lads etc.. is still very normal in your 30's (well definitely the first half) where a lot of women who are 28+ are trying to force their lads into this box of save for a house, lets start thinking about weddings, when is the baby getting here etc... all desperate to keep up with their mates who have done the exact same thing.

In 'equal age' relationships I think women make 28-35 the hardest on themselves by just wanting what their friends have and putting pressure on themselves to get it , but as a result its also the hardest time for men who have had a great time from say 22-28 building their career and having more money to go out and see the world or do things with mates that they only dreamed of years ago, and suddenly you have the women in their lives saying 'no, I want you to grow up and be 40 right now because my mate has all this'

Men mature a lot slower than women, obviously women have a lot more pressure due to biological clock ticking etc.. but in general what I see women wanting at 28/29 (an engagement ring by 30 seems to be the big one these days) is what men usually don't want till 38 or so. Makes much more sense to go out with younger women and buy yourself some time.

lukin · 22-10-2018 7:30pm

An attractive girl who has the luxury of choice when it comes to a partner will always choose a tall guy. The hottie in my workplace is married to a guy who is six feet tall. She's a really nice girl, very friendly, I couldn't say a word against her.
However I am sure when she was single she was approached and chatted up by short guys and tall guys but she ended up with a tall guy. Any place I have worked in or among people in my locality that I know the most attractive females are all hooked up with tall guys. Those that aren't are single.
If a girl chooses a tall guy it's not something she should be criticised for; it doesn't automatically mean she is complete and utter bitch. She is entitled to use her free will to be with whoever she wants and it's her own business.
I just don't like how it's denied (by both men and women) that height doesn't matter when all the evidence before our eyes proves the very opposite.
I have observed couples where the girl was attractive and the guy was tall and handsome and there didn't seem to be much of a rapport between them. They weren't talking much or enjoying each others company.
Seems to be a compromise; I'll put up with a guy I might not be that crazy about just cause he's tall. I accept that maybe he is putting up with not liking her much too 'cause she is "hot".
I'm not saying for a second that is the case with every single couple where the guy is tall but don't think it doesn't happen 'cause it does.

ginandtonicsky · 22-10-2018 9:18pm

Guy I’m seeing now is 5 “7. I’m a total shortass at 5”1 so it’s plenty tall for me tbh. Ex was 5”9. Ex before was 5”10.

Tall men don’t especially attract me, and they seem to make a beeline for me, that protective instinct or something. More than a foot taller and it’s just impractical and weird.

In the swiping world of tinder and bumble and what have you, people lay down rules and laundry lists like they’re ordering a pizza because they can, but in the sober light of day it’s about so much more than “must be 6 foot”, it’s ultimately about connection, especially for women.

I’d say fat men or bald men have it much worse, but IME people usually end up with their equivalent in terms of levels of attraction anyway.

Potatoeman · 23-10-2018 11:48am

lukin wrote: »

An attractive girl who has the luxury of choice when it comes to a partner will always choose a tall guy. The hottie in my workplace is married to a guy who is six feet tall. She's a really nice girl, very friendly, I couldn't say a word against her.
However I am sure when she was single she was approached and chatted up by short guys and tall guys but she ended up with a tall guy. Any place I have worked in or among people in my locality that I know the most attractive females are all hooked up with tall guys. Those that aren't are single.
If a girl chooses a tall guy it's not something she should be criticised for; it doesn't automatically mean she is complete and utter bitch. She is entitled to use her free will to be with whoever she wants and it's her own business.
I just don't like how it's denied (by both men and women) that height doesn't matter when all the evidence before our eyes proves the very opposite.
I have observed couples where the girl was attractive and the guy was tall and handsome and there didn't seem to be much of a rapport between them. They weren't talking much or enjoying each others company.
Seems to be a compromise; I'll put up with a guy I might not be that crazy about just cause he's tall. I accept that maybe he is putting up with not liking her much too 'cause she is "hot".
I'm not saying for a second that is the case with every single couple where the guy is tall but don't think it doesn't happen 'cause it does.

Going for tall guys is definitely at type thing but at the same time I knew a 5 6 guy that was a complete player and could get any woman he set his eyes on. His personality was a bigger edge than height. Online I’m sure it would be far harder for him.

wakka12 · 23-10-2018 11:52am

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Guy I’m seeing now is 5 “7. I’m a total shortass at 5”1 so it’s plenty tall for me tbh. Ex was 5”9. Ex before was 5”10.

Tall men don’t especially attract me, and they seem to make a beeline for me, that protective instinct or something. More than a foot taller and it’s just impractical and weird.

In the swiping world of tinder and bumble and what have you, people lay down rules and laundry lists like they’re ordering a pizza because they can, but in the sober light of day it’s about so much more than “must be 6 foot”, it’s ultimately about connection, especially for women.

I’d say fat men or bald men have it much worse, but IME people usually end up with their equivalent in terms of levels of attraction anyway.

I completely agree, so long as youre over about 5'7'' I think men should be worrying more about how good looking their face is than how long their legs are
Seems that way to me at least, from the many good looking guys on the shorter side Ive seen who are players

Taller is alays better though it must be said, if youre ugly and short being ugly and tall is better, if youre good looking and short being good looking and tall is better than that too, but I think its not as big of a deal breaker as is made out to be

lukin · 23-10-2018 12:38pm

Potatoeman wrote: »

I knew a 5 6 guy that was a complete player and could get any woman he set his eyes on.

There's no guy alive who can "get any woman he sets his eyes on." ( not even if he is a talll guy). It's insulting to women to say it.

Potatoeman · 23-10-2018 2:51pm

lukin wrote: »

There's no guy alive who can "get any woman he sets his eyes on." ( not even if he is a talll guy). It's insulting to women to say it.

Well an exaggeration but would you be as upset if I said a woman that could get any man she sets her eyes on?

WarpAsylum · 23-10-2018 2:53pm

lukin wrote: »

There's no guy alive who can "get any woman he sets his eyes on." ( not even if he is a talll guy). It's insulting to women to say it.

I believe it's just a figure of speech

Potatoeman · 23-10-2018 3:02pm

Why do people get so sensitive about these things? Would guys be upset if someone said she can get any man she wants?

It’s fine to say it’s tougher for men in their twenties but to say it’s gets harder for women in their thirties your having a go at women in their thirties but not at men in their twenties?

ginandtonicsky · 23-10-2018 4:28pm

Potatoeman wrote: »

Why do people get so sensitive about these things? Would guys be upset if someone said she can get any man she wants?

No but it'd probably be equally queried. No-one can get anyone of the opposite sex that they want. Hot people have a broad broad range of options, but there'll always be people (like me) who simply don't go for the ridiculously hot men/women in any room they walk into. Quite simply not into really really goodlooking men.

I've also heard how exes have talked about women - the ones I often think are drop dead gorgeous are not in their eyes.

Potatoeman wrote: »

It’s fine to say it’s tougher for men in their twenties but to say it’s gets harder for women in their thirties your having a go at women in their thirties but not at men in their twenties?

Can't speak for men in their twenties, but can speak to women in their 30s, being one and all, and this much-referenced-on-boards dramatic loss of options that we're supposed to experience just doesn't tally with many real-life experiences, and saying so is fair game IMO.

I do tend to get told by men that I "don't look 33!!!' a lot though - which isn't true at all, I'm self-aware enough to see the differences between 27 yo and 33 yo me. It's more a case of the idea of what a 30-something woman looks like erring on the side of "ANCIENT AND PASSED HER PRIME" than the actual reality at hand IME. I'm slimmer now for one, dress better, more groomed, better lifestyle etc. A lot of these comments are from younger men in their 20s though.

lukin · 23-10-2018 6:52pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I've also heard how exes have talked about women - the ones I often think are drop dead gorgeous are not in their eyes.

I was friends with a guy like this once. He had a girlfriend that he thought was gorgeous. He said the night he pulled her in the nightclub "every fella inside there was chatting her up" and his friends were saying to him "How the hell did you get her?". This girl was average-looking, a 6 out of ten at the most.
Far from being jealous of him, myself and another guy used to laugh at him behind his back and his delusions about himself.
He was tall as it turns out and not bad-looking too but he was by no means a babe-magnet (except in his head). I saw him get blown off by lots of girls (some of them not even that attractive). He was always chasing girls (flunked his college degree partly because of it)so it wasn't lack of effort that was the cause of his failure to pull a "hottie".
So it doesn't follow that being tall automatically means you are attractive to every single girl in the world. But you are a damn sight better off than a shortie that's for sure.

Potatoeman · 24-10-2018 10:30am

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

No but it'd probably be equally queried. No-one can get anyone of the opposite sex that they want. Hot people have a broad broad range of options, but there'll always be people (like me) who simply don't go for the ridiculously hot men/women in any room they walk into. Quite simply not into really really goodlooking men.

I've also heard how exes have talked about women - the ones I often think are drop dead gorgeous are not in their eyes.

Can't speak for men in their twenties, but can speak to women in their 30s, being one and all, and this much-referenced-on-boards dramatic loss of options that we're supposed to experience just doesn't tally with many real-life experiences, and saying so is fair game IMO.

I do tend to get told by men that I "don't look 33!!!' a lot though - which isn't true at all, I'm self-aware enough to see the differences between 27 yo and 33 yo me. It's more a case of the idea of what a 30-something woman looks like erring on the side of "ANCIENT AND PASSED HER PRIME" than the actual reality at hand IME. I'm slimmer now for one, dress better, more groomed, better lifestyle etc. A lot of these comments are from younger men in their 20s though.

People are package deals so you can improve your options and there are lots of factors. In your case you worked on self improvement and got in shape so you have an advantage on other women your age that haven’t done this. It’s the same for guys, I know sporty guys that are now overweight, I know skinny guys that have gained muscle.

Though as I said already there are more relationship focused women in their thirties than men, and men are more open to dating younger women so their is a gap in the number of available men to women.

iptba · 25-10-2018 10:01pm

A bit of good news for people who are not tall:

Taller People More Prone to Cancer
https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/taller-people-more-prone-to-cancer-64995

lukin · 26-10-2018 7:14am

There was a poll with a thread on this subject in the ladies lounge forum (you can find it if you look for it). 43% of women said they would not date a guy who was shorter than them. I would say the real figure is higher because some of those who said yes probably would not do it if they had to make that choice in a real-life situation.
So there you have it lads; 50 percent of the female population is unavaialble to you if you are short.

Triceratops Ballet · 26-10-2018 8:05am

lukin wrote:

There was a poll with a thread on this subject in the ladies lounge forum (you can find it if you look for it). 43% of women said they would not date a guy who was shorter than them. I would say the real figure is higher because some of those who said yes probably would not do it if they had to make that choice in a real-life situation. So there you have it lads; 50 percent of the female population is unavaialble to you if you are short.

You said it yourself "shorter than them" not "short full stop" . In the instance of that LL poll shortness is a relative term.

lukin · 26-10-2018 8:36am

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

You said it yourself "shorter than them" not "short full stop" . In the instance of that LL poll shortness is a relative term.

The average height of an Irish female is 5 foot 6. However most women wear high heels at social events so that adds on another 2 inches. The average height of an Irish male is 5 foot 9.
So if you are a man who is two or three inches below average height 50 percent of females will not be interested in you. I know that poll said "shorter than you" but you can equate that with " same height as you" because they won't date a guy fhe same height as them either.

milli milli · 26-10-2018 10:33am

lukin wrote: »

The average height of an Irish female is 5 foot 6.

The average female height is 5’4” the last time I looked.
Lukin you have an unhealthy preoccupation with height. I understand that you may be sensitive to it but it’s unhealthy to be so fixated on it and to have height as the deciding factor for everything. It’s not.
Any shorter men I’ve seen, usually have shorter partners too so the man is the taller in the relationship.
So if you’re 5’6”, there’s plenty of ladies below this height.
I get from your posts that you’re into taller women though? You mentioned the 5’7” ‘hottie’. Generally most women will go taller, so you are fishing in a smaller pool. Not impossible but just more difficult.
But like another poster said, you need to develop other parts of yourself to make up for what you see as ‘shortcomings’ (no pun intended). I feel you’re walking around with this ‘height’ preoccupation and to be honest it sounds offputting.
You can’t blame something you have no control over, you can’t begrudge people who have what you want.

I normally go for taller men but I have been very attracted to charming shorter men. There’s nothing more attractive than confidence and someone who is self-assured no matter what height they are.

lukin · 26-10-2018 12:10pm

milli milli wrote: »

The average female height is 5’4” the last time I looked.
Lukin you have an unhealthy preoccupation with height. I understand that you may be sensitive to it but it’s unhealthy to be so fixated on it and to have height as the deciding factor for everything. It’s not.
Any shorter men I’ve seen, usually have shorter partners too so the man is the taller in the relationship.
So if you’re 5’6”, there’s plenty of ladies below this height.
I get from your posts that you’re into taller women though? You mentioned the 5’7” ‘hottie’. Generally most women will go taller, so you are fishing in a smaller pool. Not impossible but just more difficult.
But like another poster said, you need to develop other parts of yourself to make up for what you see as ‘shortcomings’ (no pun intended). I feel you’re walking around with this ‘height’ preoccupation and to be honest it sounds offputting.
You can’t blame something you have no control over, you can’t begrudge people who have what you want.

I normally go for taller men but I have been very attracted to charming shorter men. There’s nothing more attractive than confidence and someone who is self-assured no matter what height they are.

The "hottie" where I work is actually shorter than 5 foot 7 (I didn't say she was that height). I'd say she is shorter than me. But she didn't hook up with a guy the same height as her or even a bit taller than her. She went for a guy much taller. Of course she did; she has choice. And when a very desirable girl has choice she will always go for a tall guy.
There is a guy where I work who is the most boring, uninteresting individual you could ever wish to meet. I never heard him crack a joke,ever. He is actually quite socially awkward and seems a bit nervous around people. His girlfriend is a knockout. He is tall and is a hurler with a successful local team (not famous or anything though).
I have one friend who is the most confident guy you could meet; bubbly, talkative, very funny and outgoing. He has never had a sniff of interest from a girl. He is short (of course). It's not for lack of trying; he has asked girls out and is definitely not too fussy.He is popular with girls; they like being around him and get on well with him. But they don't see him as potential boyfriend material.That is the crux of the matter. It isn't that women hate short guys; they like them in fact. But they won't be seen with one.
You said much the same yourself "I normally go for taller men but I have been very attracted to shorter men" . I notice you didn't say you have ever gone on a date with a shorter man? You have been attracted to them but won't date them. So you have actually proved my point with your answer (thank you).
There have been other similar responses here from girls as well; "I wouldn't rule out dating a short guy", "Well ,my husband/boyfriend is tall but I don't actually care about height" etc.
Good luck to tall guys; they have a genetic advantage and I have no problem with that, I don't begrudge them it one bit. But all this baloney about confidence etc. is just that; baloney. Nothing will compensate for being short in a woman's eyes. I don't know where you got the idea that I prefer taller women; quite the opposite actually;I wouldn't date a girl taller than me in a fit. I think you are wrong about the average height of an Irish female being 5 foot 4. The average height of most girls I know is the same height as me (5 foot 6). I have met very few below this height.
I know lots of confident guys who are single and I have met guys who have hot girlfriends and they didn't strike me as super-confident. I didn't go away after meeting them saying to myself "Jeez he really is a confident person". They were interesting to talk to but nothing out of the ordinary.
I don't hate women for preferring tall guys;it's perfectly understandable in fact. I just wish they would come clean about it.

silverharp · 26-10-2018 12:46pm

the main thing is that there are generally plenty of girls that are shorter than the vast majority of guys. there also maybe an age thing too and being average or a little under as a guy might be more of a "hindrance" for a teenager or college age particularly nite clubs, than older, after that, personality, career etc. will be far more important.

LegacyUser · 27-10-2018 1:03pm

You said much the same yourself "I normally go for taller men but I have been very attracted to shorter men" . I notice you didn't say you have ever gone on a date with a shorter man? You have been attracted to them but won't date them. So you have actually proved my point with your answer (thank you).

I did in fact date a shorter guy than myself. The reason it ended was because he was a dick - it had nothing to do with his height.

The average height is a statistic taken from national statistics somewhere (I couldn’t be bothered looking it up now) - your average is taken from personal anecdotal evidence and has no scientific truth.

I’m not getting into a back-and-forth with you. I find your views a bit skewed and begrudging.

macchoille · 28-10-2018 12:27am

Ok so I posted in this a few months back and I was probably a bit extreme.

So if you’re a man who is shorter than average then you will find it harder in the dating game, as will someone who is bald, or wears glasses, or is not in great shape etc.

So the thing with height is basically there’s really nothing you can do other than purchase those ridiculous shoes that make you look taller or go through some horrific surgery to lengthen your legs.

I think everyone has a mental tick list of what they are looking for and for many women height is a deal breaker but others will overlook it as long as you are ticking some of their other boxes.

So you Have to improve on the things you can change
- Not in great shape - run, join a gym
- Glasses- get contacts
- loosing your hair - shave it off; it looks better anyway
- Get fashion advice from females (even family members) around your own age.
- get a better job/ do a course
- join a club (that has female members)
- if you only chasing head-turners it’s a waste of time as they can afford to be super picky.

If you’re short stature you going to have accept it and look past it. Yeah it makes things more difficult but not impossible.

So my back story is i’m 5’4 (Very short), bald , wear glasses, average looks (i guess) and yes I did find the dating game a lot harder ...... but I did have girlfriends, I even dated 2 girls who were taller than me (one significantly). Met my wife in 2008 (and she ticked all my boxes)

ginandtonicsky · 28-10-2018 1:48am

lukin wrote: »

I don't hate women for preferring tall guys;it's perfectly understandable in fact. I just wish they would come clean about it.

You do know "women" are not all one singular hive mind? You're doing a smashing job here of selectively ignoring the posts that don't support your argument that shorter men aren't considered attractive by any women anywhere, so it's clearly a waste of time debating with you when it's some sort of a pathological obsession you've got.

But I'll say it again - I prefer men that are less than 6 foot, and I'm one of those women that has lots of "choice" as you so put it. I get male attention easily enough. Current guy is 5'7 and it's a great fit to my short stance. At work I'm surrounded by a high number of lads who are 6"2+ and it actually irks me to have to perpetually look up to them in meetings, in the coffee dock, down the pub. Wouldn't seek out a fella that height purposefully, those daily things would annoy me. I've dated a few tall guys, but I fancied the arse off them because they were hot and we had chemistry, not because of their height.

Is being a short man a disadvantage in dating? Probably, insofar as women taller than you are probably not going to be all that interested in a general sense. Just like fit men generally won't be interested in fat women or 20 year old guys won't be going for 45 year old women. Dating is all about choice and we are all not only entitled to but simply unable to control what we find attractive.

If you feel your height is such a disadvantage that you can't meet anyone, ask yourself 1. what else are you bringing to the table and 2. what type of women are you going for and do both of those things stack up. No-one wants to date someone with a complex who categorises and resents women for something they have no hand in and that sort of attitude permeates demeanour in a very glaring way on the dating scene.

lukin · 28-10-2018 8:49am

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

You do know "women" are not all one singular hive mind? You're doing a smashing job here of selectively ignoring the posts that don't support your argument that shorter men aren't considered attractive by any women anywhere, so it's clearly a waste of time debating with you when it's some sort of a pathological obsession you've got.

But I'll say it again - I prefer men that are less than 6 foot, and I'm one of those women that has lots of "choice" as you so put it. I get male attention easily enough. Current guy is 5'7 and it's a great fit to my short stance. At work I'm surrounded by a high number of lads who are 6"2+ and it actually irks me to have to perpetually look up to them in meetings, in the coffee dock, down the pub. Wouldn't seek out a fella that height purposefully, those daily things would annoy me. I've dated a few tall guys, but I fancied the arse off them because they were hot and we had chemistry, not because of their height.

Is being a short man a disadvantage in dating? Probably, insofar as women taller than you are probably not going to be all that interested in a general sense. Just like fit men generally won't be interested in fat women or 20 year old guys won't be going for 45 year old women. Dating is all about choice and we are all not only entitled to but simply unable to control what we find attractive.

If you feel your height is such a disadvantage that you can't meet anyone, ask yourself 1. what else are you bringing to the table and 2. what type of women are you going for and do both of those things stack up. No-one wants to date someone with a complex who categorises and resents women for something they have no hand in and that sort of attitude permeates demeanour in a very glaring way on the dating scene.

OK I made a mistake when I said "I don't hate women for preferring tall guys". I should have said "some women". Reading back my post I generalised a bit and I apologise for that, I did it without thinking. However it seems to be the exact percentage of these women that I am being challenged on. The figure of 50% is accurate I think and the ladies lounge poll that I mentioned backs this up. Close enough to that percentage said they would not date a guy shorter than them. Reading that in black and white that means they would not date a guy shorter than them under any circumstances, including if he had bags of confidence. This notion that if a girl who is in that 50% meets a short guy who is really confident will then overlook his height completely because of that and see him in exactly the same light as a guy of six feet tall is simply laughable.
The "you need to work on other parts of yourself", "what else are you bringing to the table" etc. is the usual tired response that is given to short guys who state that they are disadvantaged in the dating world. But the bald facts are that having confidence will not help one jot with some women. Height supersedes confidence in their eyes. Not in all cases I must stress but yes I believe the figure of 50% is accurate.
Again, facts bear this out; the average height of an Irish female is 5 feet 6 (not 5 foot 4 as incorrectly said by someone else). They wear high heels when they are out and obviously their boyfriend is going to be with them on most social occasions so this height is 5 foot 8 in reality. So you can see how the figure of 50% is arrived at. The ladies lounge poll should actually have asked "Would you date a guy shorter than you when you are wearing high heels?" and then the figure of 50% would rocket I assure you.
It's no surprise that some women get all stroppy and defensive when these simple facts are pointed out to them and label me with terms like "resentful", "obsessive" etc. because it's not seen as socially acceptable to say "I won't date a guy because he is shorter than me. I don't hate him, I like him in fact but I just won't be his girlfriend". But why is that not socially acceptable? I see nothing wrong with it at all.
I have often read/heard things like "If a girl won't date you because of your height then she is not worth bothering with anyway". I disagree with this completely and have said so and been attacked for it in person and online.
I respect women enormously and if you knew me personally you would see that. You are just misunderstanding my argument completely.

Are short men disadvantaged in the dating world?

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