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Would you stand by him?

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Comments

  • #102
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    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


  • #103
    PlaneSpeeking
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,106 ✭✭✭PlaneSpeeking


    ....... wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Trust me, I know him. I have worked with him, lived with him, slept with him (not the euphemism, the literal). Over 20 years. I know him better than anyone - and he, I.


  • #104
    volchitsa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,508 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    PlaneSpeeking wrote: »
    I can only speak about the person in my post, who is real. He has my complete loyalty till my dying day and vice versa.

    If we are talking hypotheticals - were I married and my "husband" abused my "children" - and it was proved - I'd be out of the door.

    It seems to me you've just said the opposite though, or else you're saying that you could never be wrong about someone. What I'm saying is that I'm perfectly happy that I do know him well enough, but reality tells me that other women have been equally convinced they knew a man, and they were wrong.

    So either they are all stupid or lying, or it isn't always that simple not to be taken in by someone who is consciously tricking someone.

    Reem Alsalem UNSR Violence Against Women and Girls: "Very concerned about statements by the IOC at Paris2024 (M)ultiple international treaties and national constitutions specifically refer to women & their fundamental rights, so the world (understands) what women -and men- are. (H)ow can one assess fairness and justice if we do not know who we are being fair and just to?"



  • #105
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    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


  • #106
    PlaneSpeeking
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,106 ✭✭✭PlaneSpeeking


    volchitsa wrote: »
    It seems to me you've just said the opposite though, or else you're saying that you could never be wrong about someone. What I'm saying is that I'm perfectly happy that I do know him well enough, but reality tells me that other women have been equally convinced they knew a man, and they were wrong.

    So either they are all stupid or lying, or it isn't always that simple not to be taken in by someone who is consciously tricking someone.

    You have absolutely lost me there.

    All I can reiterate is that the person I am talking about has my unswerving loyalty and I KNOW that they are incapable of such heinous acts. I know all his secrets, and he mine, the good the bad and the stuff no one else will ever know.

    The reason I'm so sure ? I'm not in love with him. Nor have I ever been. I love him, of course but it's akin to familial love - there's nothing related to dopamine levels going on.

    It's that sexual/romantic love that blinds some women to the faults of some men.

    How many women have stayed with an abuser "because I love him" ? It's a wonderful force of nature when it goes well but it can make perfectly sane and rational women into blinkered fools.


  • #107
    volchitsa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,508 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    PlaneSpeeking wrote: »
    Trust me, I know him. I have worked with him, lived with him, slept with him (not the euphemism, the literal). Over 20 years. I know him better than anyone - and he, I.

    That's why I mentioned a husband. Partners know each other as well as that, and some of them have been tricked. Fritzl's wife apparently genuinely didn't know that he was keeping their daughter prisoner for decades, do you really think she's lying? There was a case in France where a man murdered his wife and children, and it turned out he'd been living a double life for decades, pretending to be a rich businessman when his company was bankrupt - again, are we supposed to assume his wife was stupid trust him enough to let herself be murdered along with all her children?

    You're happy that you know him, but you just don't. Nobody does. Otherwise no wives would be murdered like the Hawe family.

    Reem Alsalem UNSR Violence Against Women and Girls: "Very concerned about statements by the IOC at Paris2024 (M)ultiple international treaties and national constitutions specifically refer to women & their fundamental rights, so the world (understands) what women -and men- are. (H)ow can one assess fairness and justice if we do not know who we are being fair and just to?"



  • #108
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    PlaneSpeeking wrote: »
    Trust me, I know him. I have worked with him, lived with him, slept with him (not the euphemism, the literal). Over 20 years. I know him better than anyone - and he, I.

    I said all that about my brother. I even trusted him with my child cause he's a great guy who would never be into that. Turns out he was even wors than anyone ever imagined. For every monster there is a family member or friend who thinks they are innocent.


  • #109
    PlaneSpeeking
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,106 ✭✭✭PlaneSpeeking


    I am genuinely sad that you were taken in like that - but I can only stand by my position.


  • #110
    volchitsa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,508 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    PlaneSpeeking wrote: »
    You have absolutely lost me there.

    All I can reiterate is that the person I am talking about has my unswerving loyalty and I KNOW that they are incapable of such heinous acts. I know all his secrets, and he mine, the good the bad and the stuff no one else will ever know.

    The reason I'm so sure ? I'm not in love with him. Nor have I ever been. I love him, of course but it's akin to familial love - there's nothing related to dopamine levels going on.

    It's that sexual/romantic love that blinds some women to the faults of some men.

    How many women have stayed with an abuser "because I love him" ? It's a wonderful force of nature when it goes well but it can make perfectly sane and rational women into blinkered fools.
    The second bit is true, for sure. I don't think Clodagh Hawe would have been in the first flush of love though, and yet she never imagined he could kill her and the children.

    Basically I agree with you that people fool themselves for all sorts of reasons which mostly come down to not wanting to have been so wrong. I wouldn't be 100% sure that this reluctance to end a relationship in which one has invested a lot is restricted to sexual relationships though.

    @Eviltwin - I'm really sorry to read that, how awful for you.

    Reem Alsalem UNSR Violence Against Women and Girls: "Very concerned about statements by the IOC at Paris2024 (M)ultiple international treaties and national constitutions specifically refer to women & their fundamental rights, so the world (understands) what women -and men- are. (H)ow can one assess fairness and justice if we do not know who we are being fair and just to?"



  • #111
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    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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  • #112
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    ....... wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    I think you may be over-generalising a little.
    To my understanding, there are at least 2 different groups here. One group of people who simply refuse to believe that the person they love could have done anything like that.
    And the other group who does believe (or know) what the person has done, but believes in the person's attempts to make amends and to ensure they will never do anything like this ever again.

    Yes, the first is very close to denial in many cases. Except for in the cases of miscarriage of justice, though I do believe these are relatively rare.

    The second? I'm not sure how to label that. Faith in the person you love?


  • #113
    Brian?
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 21,592 Mod ✭✭✭✭Brian?


    Squall Leonhart wrote: »
    Presumably he's posting from his phone on the app and when you tap a post to quote it, it picks each paragraph separately. Bad glitch of the app.

    Hold up there. There’s a boards app????

    they/them/theirs


    And so on, and so on …. - Slavoj Žižek




  • #114
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    amdublin wrote: »
    Marilyn Rynn/David Lawlor raped and killed her in 1995. His wife stuck around and I believe had another baby with him. The mind boggles.

    You're right she did have another baby with him but she conceived the second child after the murder and before he was charged. That poor woman.


  • #115
    The One Doctor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,339 ✭✭✭The One Doctor


    Mocha Joe wrote: »
    Thats very unfunny. Not offensive or edgy or anything. Just very very unfunny.

    I laughed.


  • #116
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    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


  • #117
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,254 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    Patww79 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Yeah I did, hence I asked the question.

    Oh look at the reply I got below.
    Back in your box you! :rolleyes:
    JayRoc wrote: »
    Fair question.

    My own judgement of the friend in question aside (I was already sure he was innocent) it was quickly established by physical evidence that her entire accusation was false.

    The DPP however decided against prosecuting her for her false accusation and anecdotally this seems to be standard. I am a loss as to why.


  • #118
    Sonics2k
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭Sonics2k


    I've actually been in this position twice, though not with 'my man'. Rather two men I knew.

    One of them was a false accusation, and I was even his alibi for it. An ex had claimed he broke into her house and raped her. The truth of the matter is that we were on a lads holiday in the UK at the time it had apparently happened. She'd snuck into his apartment, nicked his mobile phone (this was the old days of Nokia's when we didn't bring them everywhere) to send herself texts from and a few bits of his clothing.

    It was tough going for him for a very long time, ended up quitting his job. A lot of friends and family stopped talking to him, even though it was clear he'd done nothing. She tried to backtrack and say it happened another time. There were even charges pressed against him, despite the overwhelming proof we had that he didn't do anything. It was dropped about 2 months before the court date.

    The other guy went away for 2 years only.


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