Some good put downs

veryangryman

Id like to hear the best ones youve been privvy to.

You should have been a **** is a classic!

KERSPLAT!

Your ma is your da

verycool

(after someone repeats your own quip back to you)

"If I wanted my own come back, I'd wipe it off your ma's chin."

K.Flyer

Your Mother was a hamster and your Father smelt of elderberries!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAy4zULKFDU

jacksie66

This post has been deleted.

didn't you match your cousin on tinder

You think your father could've had a **** instead of you

Noveight

Yer auld lady has worms!

Simple, concise and timeless; it has it all.

trashcan

Did your parents have any children that lived ?

(Courtesy of the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket.).

GreeBo

If you were anymore inbred you'd be a sandwich.

sundodger5

may your balls turn into bicycle wheels and back peddle up your hole

Stigura

This guys calm and measured delivery is just fcuking perfect!!!

Cantona's Collars

You should be tied to a cows arse and scuttered to death.

Dr. Bre

If my aunt had balls she would be my uncle

corner of hells

The gene pool is pretty shallow round these parts .

Hector Bellend

The famous one overheard on a dublin bus journey.

A woman got on to ask info on a bus that was running late.

She asked how long the bus would be and the driver replied "about the same length as this one"

her response

"will there be a monkey like you driving it"

Hector Bellend

I was in the local shop last year just after halloween.

There was a queue of about 4 people and it was going a little slowly.

There's a latvian bird who works in the shops who's well known in the area for being particularly grumpy and she had a right face on her this day

An aul lad on the queue shouts to her "It's alright love you can take that face off you Halloween is over"

Was in the theatre last night. In a clash between the two central characters of the play the wife describes her husband as "he dances like a lady, his farts smell like acid, his breath smells of c*unt, and he f*ucks like a rapist".

K.Flyer

Probably one of the best ones...

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.

- Winston Churchill.

soups05

fast forward to 7:50 for the intro or 8:50 for the actual insult. a rant of epic proportions:

https://youtu.be/Dz9vIWt-Eb4

_Brian

“Your like a donkeys tool, a big fella when your out”

Tabnabs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rSBmOgpcDE

two and a half minutes of some great put-downs and one liners.

Roadtoad

****e thread.

Are Am Eye

K.Flyer wrote: »

Probably one of the best ones...

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.

- Winston Churchill.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Mr Churchill must you fall asleep when I am speaking?

WC: No it's purely voluntary.

"I've just learned of your unexpected illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial".

mariaalice

The exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill is a classic look it up.

kfallon

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your fúcking hat off!

Yer Da sells Avon

Hector Bellend wrote: »

The famous one overheard on a dublin bus journey.

A woman got on to ask info on a bus that was running late.

She asked how long the bus would be and the driver replied "about the same length as this one"

her response

"will there be a monkey like you driving it"

I had cause to get an 84 bus recently (my luxury car was being serviced). My interaction with the driver was as follows:

Me: Bray please

Driver: Sorry?

Me: *slightly louder* Bray

Driver: Sorry???

Me: *louder again* Bray!

Driver: No, I heard you the first time. I'm just sorry you have to go there.

It was a fair point, well made.

TeaBagMania

You should have been a pull out

JPCN1

Cricket sledging.

McGrath: Why are you so fat?

Brandes: Because every time I fu*k your wife she gives me a biscuit...

Feisar

That lad/wan wouldn't work if they were plugged in/on batteries.

Feisar

I often bait bigger on my way to a row!

Ultimate Seduction

If you'd two brains you'd be twice as stupid.

valoren

When someone says something stupid place your fists beside their ears and mimic starting a motor cycle.

The J Stands for Jay

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Your ma is your da

And your granny's your uncle

Pauliedragon

JPCN1 wrote: »

Cricket sledging.

McGrath: Why are you so fat?

Brandes: Because every time I fu*k your wife she gives me a biscuit...

Cricket has some good ones.
Rod Marsh: Hows you're wife and my kids?

Ian Botham: Wifes fine but the kids are retarded.