That one thing from your past that makes you CRINGE!!

cavemeister

You know that feeling right???

That one thing we have done in the past that when in pops into your head, you are reduced to a puddle of cringy gloop.

Doesn't matter if you are walking the dog, driving the car or sitting in a meeting, once that memory surfaces, your brain does everything in it's power to suppress it again leaving you a bumbling wreck

Mine usually involve really, really stupid things I have said to girls when I was younger in a lame attempt in trying to sound cool when chatting them up..

The pain!!!

Gwynplaine

X Worx and Eclipse jeans.

mad muffin

When the roller blind rolled up in the middle of a ****, and the neighbor across the way saw me beating my meat furiously.

Totes morto.

Ulysses Gaze

I had a Mullet

Walked into my parents bar when I was a little kid with a plaster on each of my fingers. People immediately took note... "Oh what happened her?! Is she ok? The poor child!" And so on. So my mum loudly explained "She's trying to look like Michael Jackson!" And the whole place erupted laughing!

I thought I looked cool

Lorelli!

When I was a kid about 7 or 8, I always felt embarrassed if someone would give me a present or money but grateful.

Every time we'd go to visit my uncle he'd give me a pound or two to get sweets. One day he put loads of change on the table and said to me "there" and I said "oh thanks" and he said "what'd ya mean thanks, I only wanted you to count it!" :pac: :mad:

I still cringe at that. I remember saying to my mam "I'm never going back there again"

greenspurs

Got into bed with the inlaws - totally naked, after a savage session of beer ..........


JAYSUS !!!!!!! MORTO for ever.....

JohnnyFlash

Marrying my complete hell demon of an ex-wife. 2nd in command to Satan she is.

podgeandrodge

Met a mate I hadn't seen in a few years on a Dublin bus. He was on his own upstairs. Sat beside him, asked him how he was doing, what he was working at, whether he was married etc. He was really awkward about it.

Realised after 10 minutes it wasn't who I thought it was. Morto, I got up and took another seat on the empty bus without explaining myself. Must have thought I was a right weirdo.

Malayalam

I am not going to say my absolute cringiest thing, they have been many and most are far too cringey to share, including once arriving as a young girl into my parents bedroom bearing a lovely breakfast tray I had earnestly prepared for them, and waiting patiently right by the bed while my mother got my father's attention (it took a while) and he was forced to climb off of her to receive my yummy tea and toast...

...but sashaying around the library in college for a good half an hour with the whole back of my skirt tucked fast into my knickers felt reasonably cringey when I thought about it afterwards.

Lux23

Wetting myself at a party when I was 9 because I was afraid to use a stranger's bathroom.

Sleepy

Most of the years between 1994 and 1999 TBH!

Boom_Bap

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Marrying my complete hell demon of an ex-wife. 2nd in command to Satan she is.

I didn't know my missus was married previously!




Calling my teacher 'mam'.

Gwen Cooper

When I first had sex, I wanted to touch the guys ding-dong, but I didn't know what it will feel like or how gentle I should be, so I formed a three-finger claw and lifted it up as a tea bag. My mind keeps taking me back to this moment very often. I am also getting constant reminders from himself, whenever my hand wanders in his pants.

ArtyC

Anything I wrote on bebo

razorblunt

One thing? Christ, I wish I could pinpoint just one.


Probably running away from a girl at Gaeltacht that wanted to shift me, I was 13.

greenspurs

Gwen Cooper wrote: »

When I first had sex, I wanted to touch the guys ding-dong, but I didn't know what it will feel like or how gentle I should be, so I formed a three-finger claw and lifted it up as a tea bag. My mind keeps taking me back to this moment very often. I am also getting constant reminders from himself, whenever my hand wanders in his pants.

I would add that post to your list ......






*ding dong - wtf !?! :rolleyes:

Gwen Cooper

greenspurs wrote: »

I would add that post to your list ......

*ding dong - wtf !?! :rolleyes:

Well I have other names for it, but none of them are safe to type on a work computer

CowGoesMoo100

Falling down the stairs of a packed bus as it turned a corner. Then getting off said bus and walking alongside it as it moved at the same speed as my walk.

endacl

I’m fundamentally unembarrassable. An occasion that should make me cringe, but doesn’t, is an interaction in a local chemist that I’ve had occasion to repost several times on this site.

Copied from: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=86024390

Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid paraffin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

the purple tin

I was just after finishing a job interview one time and a I was leaving the officestill nervous I turned around to thank the bloke and say goodbye, I turned back and headbutted the side of the door.

marklazarcovic

banjo string decided to pop whilst dry humping in our kacks with a relatively new gf .. "ya coulda said it was your time like" says i ...

Graces7

endacl;

I needed that laugh...and it gives me the nerve for this, and yes i have written this before here.

Eight years old and we are camping in the South of France ( many decades ago..)

So we are with a small group from the campsite, walking down a load of steps to the beach... All dressed ready for the sea.. Including a couple of young men

Remember EIGHT YEARS OLD! And before TV etc...

So I stare at this "well endowed" man, wearing tight swimming trunks, and in my loudest voice ask

"WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE TENNIS BALLS IN HIS TRUNKS?"

No one answered. They all froze in sheer embarrassment ..
so

Cina

This is a long story, but I'll keep it brief.

Got hammered. Jumped in taxi. Blacked out in taxi. Got home.

"€30 please".

Checked pocket. No wallet. Left it in my mate's handbag. F*ck.

"Sorry, wallet's gone".
"Find something else then"
"Eh, like what?"
"Your iPhone"
"Ok that seems reasonable (500e vs 30e)"

#Fin.

freshpopcorn

Calling the teacher Mam!

Walking down the road to work around 7:30 on the Monday morning after Eric Cantona announced his retirement from football. Bumped into a neighbour who I also used to work with on my previous job. Had a couple of free minutes for a bit of small talk, so...

"Did you hear about Eric?" he asks me.
Never remembered this guy as a football fan at all, but since it's in the news I play along. (Clubs I support are Limerick, Fulham, and Berlin because I lived in those places)

"What about him?" I said, "I never liked that cnut anyway, why should I care what happens to him, fukc him"

Turns out your man wasn't talking about Eric Cantona, he was talking about another workmate called Eric who died in a car crash the same weekend.

Billy86

Has to go to getting my hair bleached when I was about 14 in 2000. Especially since I've really thick and hard hair, so it went orange for a day and had me getting grief off about being Romanian from other kids in the area :pac: - https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-e4d94e47edde20e321ef78d97c1e9a74-c

optogirl

Cina wrote: »

This is a long story, but I'll keep it brief.

Got hammered. Jumped in taxi. Blacked out in taxi. Got home.

"€30 please".

Checked pocket. No wallet. Left it in my mate's handbag. F*ck.

"Sorry, wallet's gone".
"Find something else then"
"Eh, like what?"
"Your iPhone"
"Ok that seems reasonable (500e vs 30e)"

#Fin.

This happened to me with a Discman - not quite the same level of monetary value but I was raging with myself the next morning

Billy86

Deleted User wrote: »

Walking down the road to work around 7:30 on the Monday morning after Eric Cantona announced his retirement from football. Bumped into a neighbour who I also used to work with on my previous job. Had a couple of free minutes for a bit of small talk, so...

"Did you hear about Eric?" he asks me.
Never remembered this guy as a football fan at all, but since it's in the news I play along. (Clubs I support are Limerick, Fulham, and Berlin because I lived in those places)

"What about him?" I said, "I never liked that cnut anyway, why should I care what happens to him, fukc him"

Turns out your man wasn't talking about Eric Cantona, he was talking about another workmate called Eric who died in a car crash the same weekend.

Also reminds me of a morning exam I had where one answer element into detail on RTE salaries and general misdirection/wasting of funds, and particularly was harsh on the likes of Tubridy and Gerry Ryan.

Got out of the exam, a friend was passing through town so picked me up after. Want to guess what the big story that say was? Yep, Gerry Ryan died the night before. Whomever marked that exam must've been appalled!

Dammo

Gwen Cooper wrote: »

When I first had sex, I wanted to touch the guys ding-dong, but I didn't know what it will feel like or how gentle I should be, so I formed a three-finger claw and lifted it up as a tea bag. My mind keeps taking me back to this moment very often. I am also getting constant reminders from himself, whenever my hand wanders in his pants.

A thanks just wouldn’t do it so I’m giving you a round of applause for this!

Best laugh I’ve had today.

@Endacl

I've done a lot of cringy things but I've posted them all before.


@Endacl, that story is magnificent and I'm going to laugh about it for a long time.

Dramatik

In my youth I was in bed with a girl and I decided that she could take over for a bit on top, so I leaned in to kiss her whilst simultaneously rolling to the side and onto my back, only I didn't realize that we were already at the edge of the bed so we both went crashing to the ground and because we were both kissing at the time we both banged our teeth together, which was quite sore and instantly killed the mood. Smooth lol!

I'm sure I have plenty more stories like this but my brain just erases them immediately as they are off the cringe meter!

jester77

Was on a lads weekend in the south of France one weekend and was supposed to fly back on the Sunday evening to return to work on the Monday. Everyone else was staying on until Monday and while we were out drinking on Sunday it didn't take much convincing for me to skip the flight.

We ended up drinking the whole Sunday night and falling out of a bar early on Monday morning, roughly around the time I should be going to work. For some reason I decided to call work and tell them I had missed my flight and wouldn't make it in, no idea what sort of a message I left on the voicemail.

Fast forward a week or 2 later and I bump into the secretary and I apologised for leaving what was probably a very incomprehensible message. She looked at me confused and said "You know, you were actually talking with me"

DavidLyons_

snoop_catt wrote: »

while sitting in class in first year , i accidently let my pen slip behind my neighbours seat and behind his back , i reached over to get it and the guy stood up and accused me of feeling his arse in front of the whole class

took me about four years to get over it

Edmund? Is that you? You poor b*stard.

JackieChang

Hitting on a girl in a club whilst dancing. Cheesy. She took my bottle of beer and took a swig, and I jokingly grabbed it and said "hey that's my beer you thief!"

Unfortunately when I grabbed it I accidentally pushed it further into her mouth and cracked her front tooth... chip gone out of it. She ran to the toilet and I found her crying in front of the mirror. She was a very hot Israeli girl and had lovely teeth. I felt so bad. Never got the shift...

Lorelli!

I was in a pub sitting around a table with loads of my oh's works colleagues, some of them a good bit older than us. They were talking about funny habits people have or something like that.

I was thinking about how my oh tends to shake his foot for a while before he goes to sleep and I blurted out "sure he's like Thumper in bed" and one of them gave me a funny smile and i realised how it sounded "em..i mean cause he shakes his foot" but too late. I think I'd already placed a different image in their mind!

Yer Da sells Avon

Around 10 years ago, in a large pet shop in Portlaoise, I was quietly trying to teach a parrot to say the f-word (fuck) and the c-word (cunt). I didn't think there was anyone within earshot, but when I turned around, two very unimpressed-looking elderly women were standing nearby. As I embarrassedly shuffled away, I overheard one of them using the word "disgusting".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGFXcN0vYeA

s8n

Good thread, I’ll keep and eye on this one

Lia_lia

endacl wrote: »

My funny flute story.

Hahaha. Had to get my boyfriend to pause the tv show he was watching to read this out. Gave us a great laugh!

This didn't actually happen to me personally, but I was there to witness it...

Was sitting in a takeaway waiting for someone in the queue a few years back. Middle aged man comes to the door with his son who I guessed was about maybe six years of age. The father stops at the door and gives some money to the child, sending him up to order the food (dunno, teaching him to interact with the rest of the world I suppose).

Anyway, the boy gets to the counter and reels off what the dad's just told him to repeat. This place sells almost entirely chicken, except they seem to be out of what he's been told to ask for. The girl at the counter is leaning over explaining this, but the kid's only five or six and hasn't a notion of what she's on about. He's looking back at the father with a confused expression, so the girl serving, who's completely flat chested, roars across the shop to the dad "I don't have any breasts!"

Needless to say the words had barely left her mouth before she realised what she just said. The dad nearly wet himself, the rest of the shop nearly choked, and the poor young one looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.

greenspurs

Reminds me of my father in law - can be a bit blonde....

Away in spain on holidays - went into restaurant for grub.
Order our food, waiters comes to him ... Can I have breast of chicken? Waiter hasn't a clue - a breast of chicken my f.in l repeats... Still nothing from the waiter.

F in Law grabs his chest and motions squeezing, whilst saying Breast.... a breast of chicken.....

He ended up ordering a burger...

TomSweeney

endacl wrote: »

I’m fundamentally unembarrassable. An occasion that should make me cringe, but doesn’t, is an interaction in a local chemist that I’ve had occasion to repost several times on this site.

Copied from: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=86024390

Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid paraffin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

great story, but let's be honest - it never happened !

Hellrazer

My Axl rose kilt and white leather jacket with the strings hanging from the sleeves.
Thought I was Axl rose walking around Dublin.

greenspurs

Hellrazer wrote: »

My Axl rose kilt and white leather jacket with the strings hanging from the sleeves.
Thought I was Axl rose walking around Dublin.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Could have been worse - white lycra shorts :eek:

"Kill your Idols" or "Charles Manson" tshirt ?

Hellrazer

greenspurs wrote: »

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Could have been worse - white lycra shorts :eek:

"Kill your Idols" or "Charles Manson" tshirt ?

Check and check!!

BrokenArrows

Mostly when it comes to girls when I was a teen.
Many situations where girls were so blatantly flirting with me but I was oblivious.

Thinking back on it I really have no idea how stupid I was. The effect of going to all boys schools I suppose. Zero ability to interact with the opposite sex.

Strabanimal

Last year I watched Dublin vs Tyrone. I stayed by myself as I had to get the bus to Belfast which was later as the rest of the lads got the bus to Strabane. So after they left I immediately go to the pub across the road from the bus stop in Dublin. Start drinking making friends. Get plastered, take an e, remember nothing after, wake up in one of those 24 hour joints getting shouted at by a Polish girl telling me to get out. Realised I've lost my phone and debit card. No way home. Went to the police station to see if they heard of any bags going missing (which had my phone and debit card and more in it), he simply told me to check with another police station. Refused to let me make a call to get a lift after I explained what had happened. Had to go around shops in Dublin city centre asking to use their phone. Took many attempts but finally got through after a woman in the chemist reluctantly agreed and my dad picked up and agreed to give me a lift.

I used to hate living here in Belfast but I know I would've been looked after far better if I was a tourist and got stranded there than in Dublin. The PSNI would be A LOT more helpful not to mention the locals. Was a lesson and I had to buy a brand new phone and get a new drivers licence and get a new debit card etc and was all my doing. But it really showed me the true character of the dubs. When I explained my situation up here they simply say "aye they hate us". That's my cringiest story by far tbh.

The Pheasant2

JackieChang wrote: »

Hitting on a girl in a club whilst dancing. Cheesy. She took my bottle of beer and took a swig, and I jokingly grabbed it and said "hey that's my beer you thief!"

Unfortunately when I grabbed it I accidentally pushed it further into her mouth and cracked her front tooth... chip gone out of it. She ran to the toilet and I found her crying in front of the mirror. She was a very hot Israeli girl and had lovely teeth. I felt so bad. Never got the shift...

This sounds exactly like something Mark Corrigan would do

cstaff

I was coming home from work one evening on the bus and bumped into a girl that I went to school with and hadn't seen for a few years. We were just chatting in general and she then asked me if I was going to the five year school re-union. I looked at her and said "are you kidding, that sounds like my idea of a night from hell - anyone that I have wanted to keep in contact with I have and anyone I haven't well there is probably a reason". I was on a right rant at this stage and I said to her "sure you might as well bring along a tape recording of yourself saying where you work, if you are married, have you got kids and all that BS".

She just looked at me and said well I am one of the ones organising the re-union. Needless to say the conversation was a bit awkward after that.

Cookie_Monster

One night coming home pissed and some dick had parked in the private drive for the street our house was on, i got caught by some randomer walking by letting the air out of the tyres and had to pretend to be vomiting into the flower bed.

Turnipman

Strabanimal wrote: »

Get plastered, take an e, remember nothing after,

But it really showed me the true character of the dubs.

When I explained my situation up here they simply say "aye they hate us".

That would be the true character of the Northside Dubs.

Had you been in the Southside wearing a Tyrone jersey (which, on the Southside would have been regarded as an Ulster rugby jersey) you'd merely have been shunned like a pariah; plus, of course, your wallet and phone wouldn't have been robbed.