Are Irish people hard to make friends with?

freshpopcorn

I find lots of Irish people have friends who they'd get on well with and would help one another out but they wouldn't live up to the sterotipical best friends forever who's live in your pocket.

Boscoirl

Nobody wants to be friends with people they work with.

Sal Butamol

Hitman3000 wrote: »

What an awesome comeback. You sir/ madam are clearly an intellectually gifted individual, it is an honour to converse what someone such as yourself.

You're welcome bogman.

the purple tin

Aside from nationalities and all that, the french girl is probably coming across as too clingy and that makes people run a mile. Like for instance saying to someone you just met that day 'what club are you going to hit this weekend? can I come too?'.
Just tell her to dial it back a bit and not push herself onto people before she getsa chance to know them properly. Be more laid back and soon people will be more friendly towards you.

KevinCavan

The way I look at it is people who are born in an area and go to school in that area, have their core group of friends established by late teens and twenties. With the exception of a few college mates, they won’t deviate much from this core group from their local area. The people I mention won’t be open to starting new friendships in late twenties. Work mates will be more like acquaintances in most cases. With the example of the French woman, an Irish girl in her late twenties won’t be bothered getting to know her, as her circle of friends is well established by then. Other foreigners lacking in friendships over here would be the French lady’s best option.

Hammer89

I did a bit of wandering around North America a while ago and an Irish girl who had been abroad for a few years remarked that "Irish people were afraid to be nice" and she was spot-on.

I knew she was Irish and vice versa but it wasn't until a drunken interaction outside the hostel that we each acknowledged one another properly and began chatting, but had I not been fairly pissed then I'm not sure I would've broached the subject. I think we're hugely self-critical and talk ourselves out of the most harmless interactions in fear of the slagging we'd get if our mates could see us, even though they're a few thousand miles away.

Billy86

Billy86 wrote: »

Same with Canada though to a far lesser extent. Yonge/Eglinton area, the standard small handful of Irish bars and so on. I'm in an "Irish a new..." group that seems to get riddled at times with posts of people asking "I just got here today, where can I find an Irish pub?" I mean wtf is that about? Also using "Canadians are boring so why bother?" as an excuse when over half of Toronto wasn't even born in Canada.

This is far, far from everyone of course but we are clearly bigger offenders than most from my experience.

Toronto is more formal than Ireland, except for the Irish bars, where you can quite happily sit at the bar and have a few drinks without having to 'find a table' and be presented with menus like so many other bars in TO.

I think that Irish people are very easy to make friends with if you are out drinking with them. Dont try and make friends on a Monday morning.

Hitman3000

Deleted User wrote:

I think that Irish people are very easy to make friends with if you are out drinking with them. Dont try and make friends on a Monday morning.

Seriously who the f**k tries to make friends on a Monday morning unless you were there Sunday night.

mg1982

We are good at the small talk but dont give away much about ourselves. Whereas if you meet an american there like an open book. So yes its hard to be friends with us. Maybe we have a suspicion of outsiders i dunno.

Franz Von Peppercorn

With the exception of some midlands culchies who gravitate to Dublin Ireland’s population tend to live close to where they grow up. I mean I don’t even hear Kerry or cork accents that much in Dublin, and the last two cork people I worked with stayed in Dublin midweek only and scuttled back to the real capital for the rest of the week.

This leaves you with Dubliners in Dublin (or Corkonians in Cork) who have school friends, and college friends from Dublin or Cork and maybe some friends they made in their twenties in work. We are more family oriented too and family is often in the same city too.

Contrast this with the multiple cities in the US, Germany and other countries and the difference is plain.

We do send out sorta friendly signals because we go drinking midweek with colleagues. In my last job Thursday was office drinking day, more often than not a leaving do where attendance is generally seen as a good idea.

But we don’t as a rule meet our work colleagues (some exceptions aside) at weekends. And lots of Irish people live with their parents well into adulthood. So that way of getting a social group is out.

I’m the same. When I lived in the US I hung with my work friends and flat mates at weekends. We were all young and from out of town ( Americans included).

Came back here and I hang with family, gf and college and school friends at weekends.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Boscoirl wrote: »

Nobody wants to be friends with people they work with.

That’s actually a example of what the French girl was talking about.

Star Bingo

The problem with french is they’re deep. Problem with women is they’re talkative.... the problem with french women is they’re deeply talkative and they sound real nice and all but sometimes to cut to the chase and sample that fabled derrière

mg1982

Although i have to say the french arent the most likeable bunch the ones i know anyway.

bertsmom

Well I can kinda see what the French girl means but to be honest I would probably be considered quiet hard to become friends with in the workplace but that's the way I like it.
If I have to train a new person or work in close proximity to a person I would be approachable and helpful as it's nice to have a pleasant work environment and everyone learns quicker in a relaxed atmosphere BUT the amount of times over the years people try and involve themselves in my business is amazing...and off putting.
I keep work to just work but I'm friendly to people however that does not mean I want to be friends! I have a group of friends outside work that over the years we have seen each other through good and bad and I consider myself extremely lucky to have them.
I am open to making new friends in a social setting (has happened in the last year through a friend introducing another friend) but I would prefer to keep a little distance from colleagues as it always causes drama in the workplace and is generally a pain in the ass for everyone else when it all goes tits up.

Hitman3000

Have to be honest here. I have sat out on a terrace in Florence and delivered my life story to a couple from Hackney in London. Did the same to a guy in Berlin. No we did not become life long friends. They learnt all about me and my family in a short time, why? Because why not. Would I meet or remember them again,no and would they remember me.

babi-hrse

Nobody wants to get stuck with a headcase that seemed nice but then after working alongside for a week thought they seem fun I'll invite her on a night out and let her know we do this every Thursday.
Only to find out person is an absolute nutter when out of the office and drunk going on about every wrong done to them and getting into full on arguments. Irish people have a hard time coming right out and saying to a new colleague after such an event ok I thought you were sound but your a nut so your not coming out with us ever again
It's easier to play the long game if they see your grand and hear more about what your like in your own time after a few weeks you'll make headway. Making friends is a cautious investment having the craic is cheap

Finnish groups of friends are apparently the most difficult to break into from what people who've lived there have said to me.

The Crowman

Sal Butamol wrote: »

Aha definitely the bog so

No one actually lives in or on a bog. Try building a house on a bog.

Church on Tuesday

Yes, we certainly are.

Irish people tend to stick to what they know in terms of friends. We 're fairly cliquey in that regard.

Everyone's your pal on a night out but the next day or two later it can be a different story. We need alcohol in us to form friendships or relationships at the best of times anyway, so no surprise really.

Feel kinda sorry for the French girl, I'm sure she's grand and it's fairly daunting at 22 to be stuck someplace new and not know many people.

Wanderer2010

I don't think Irish people would see themselves as unfriendly as such but in my experience Irish people fall into two categories when it comes to making new friends:

1. The people who have the same friends since they were 4 or 5, for lads its the people they walked to school with, played hurling with, went on the sessions with and all grew up and and lived nearby, marrying local girls, and their whole lives revolve around stags, weddings and local session with the same 20-30 people. Nothing wrong with that, they are fundamentally decent, good people. But anyone trying to break into their circle? Forget about it, they aren't interested.

2. People who for whatever multitude of reasons, don't have any or many friends in adult life so they try to branch out and join a few clubs and revolve their lives around the odd social occasion and are open to meeting new people but they inevitably take much longer to make longer and deeper connections with people.

solid_crook

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I don't think Irish people would see themselves as unfriendly as such but in my experience Irish people fall into two categories when it comes to making new friends:

1. The people who have the same friends since they were 4 or 5, for lads its the people they walked to school with, played hurling with, went on the sessions with and all grew up and and lived nearby, marrying local girls, and their whole lives revolve around stags, weddings and local session with the same 20-30 people. Nothing wrong with that, they are fundamentally decent, good people. But anyone trying to break into their circle? Forget about it, they aren't interested.

2. People who for whatever multitude of reasons, don't have any or many friends in adult life so they try to branch out and join a few clubs and revolve their lives around the odd social occasion and are open to meeting new people but they inevitably take much longer to make longer and deeper connections with people.

1. the first group are the overwhelming norm in rural areas , in rural areas you couldbe the biggest head wrecking gobsh1te or have a face like quasimodo and the local girls would still go out with you and walk right past someone who looked like brad pitt and with a personality like barack obama , small town or rural folk have no interest in people who are not of the parish , the idea of becoming friends with someone who didnt go to the same primary school or play hurling or football for the same club since they were five would be unthinkable , never mind someone from another country like france

most people are extremely shallow and have no interest in anything beyond their parish borders

numnumcake

I find it difficult to make friends as an Irish person with Irish people so I can definitely appreciate how someone from abroad would struggle.

I had a tough upbringing as parents had alcohol/mental health issues and being from a rural area I was seen as an outsider even when I started school. I’m an only child with no cousins so had very poor social skills and was painfully shy. As a result I don’t have an friends as an adult from school/home.

My confidence and social skills improved when I went to college however found it hard as most groups were people that had each other from home. Any friends I did have went their separate ways after we graduated.

So now I find myself in a big city and have made some great friends at work however at the weekend they are with their own groups of friends so I spend most weekends alone. I have a lot of aqaintences but no solid long term friendships.

I get so upset looking at social media and seeing groups of friends going out and traveling the world something I have missed out on and won’t get that time back. I’m only in my late 20s but dread getting older as I know it will get harder to break into a group of friends it’s probably something that realistically will never happen. I don’t blame people I think it’s just our culture to not really welcome “outsiders “ into groups.

Cleopatra_

numnumcake wrote: »

I find it difficult to make friends as an Irish person with Irish people so I can definitely appreciate how someone from abroad would struggle.

I had a tough upbringing as parents had alcohol/mental health issues and being from a rural area I was seen as an outsider even when I started school. I’m an only child with no cousins so had very poor social skills and was painfully shy. As a result I don’t have an friends as an adult from school/home.

My confidence and social skills improved when I went to college however found it hard as most groups were people that had each other from home. Any friends I did have went their separate ways after we graduated.

So now I find myself in a big city and have made some great friends at work however at the weekend they are with their own groups of friends so I spend most weekends alone. I have a lot of aqaintences but no solid long term friendships.

I get so upset looking at social media and seeing groups of friends going out and traveling the world something I have missed out on and won’t get that time back. I’m only in my late 20s but dread getting older as I know it will get harder to break into a group of friends it’s probably something that realistically will never happen. I don’t blame people I think it’s just our culture to not really welcome “outsiders “ into groups.

Have you ever tried the app Meet up? I haven't tried it yet myself but I've moved to a different country and I'm going to give it a go to make friends. Even back home though I haven't stayed in touch with any childhood/school friends. The friends I have are from college or later years. So there are other people out there like you in the same situation looking to make friends.

5rtytry56

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

.........2. People who for whatever multitude of reasons, don't have any or many friends in adult life so they try to branch out and join a few clubs and revolve their lives around the odd social occasion and are open to meeting new people but they inevitably take much longer to make longer and deeper connections with people.

Such individuals often won't take perfectly fine opportunities to foster a new friendship because they have an inferiority complex or can have an innate 'maybe-but-no' attitude to the prospect of a new connection. I have seen this in many situations and overheard this in conversation, "why did you not strike up with Tommie....etc"

Silentcorner

I think we are experiencing a culture shift, we have only in recent years experienced disposable income, up to that point we tended to marry young and socialise locally, we are becoming bored with the binge drinking culture...our young people are drinking less.

As a people, we are urbanising more and more all the time (albeit at a slower pace than most nations), our culture is moving from revolving "around the local", where old and young socialise purely on the basis they share a parish rather than any other reason.

Now we are challenged to socialise outside our typical comfort zone, which, in reality, is superficial anyway, as we get older, it gets easier to be comfortable being on your own, or only having a few close friends, who may not always be there, but you are drawn to each other because of common interests, no matter how niche that common interest may be.

You find you aren't tolerating people as much as you would if you were still back in the local, you get more transient friendships but they give more to your life as opposed to take from your enjoyment of life.

In short, if you are feeling uncomfortable about making friends, embrace the things that make you who you are, embrace your interests with passion, you'll find those like minded friends, it is what makes urban life much more interesting, the person you are meeting for coffee today, may well be completely different to the person you'll be meeting next year.

But where ever you find yourself, you simply won't experience the same warmth and humour you will find in urban Ireland.

the purple tin

babi-hrse wrote: »

Nobody wants to get stuck with a headcase that seemed nice but then after working alongside for a week thought they seem fun I'll invite her on a night out and let her know we do this every Thursday.
Only to find out person is an absolute nutter when out of the office and drunk going on about every wrong done to them and getting into full on arguments. Irish people have a hard time coming right out and saying to a new colleague after such an event ok I thought you were sound but your a nut so your not coming out with us ever again
It's easier to play the long game if they see your grand and hear more about what your like in your own time after a few weeks you'll make headway. Making friends is a cautious investment having the craic is cheap

There is nothing worse than being sold a lemon, friend-wise. Usually it occurs when a friend of yours makes a new friend who turns out to be a complete prannie. Then you by extension, have to have to hang around with them too, against your better judgement. :mad:

Deleted User wrote: »

Finnish groups of friends are apparently the most difficult to break into from what people who've lived there have said to me.

Yes but when youare accepted by someone from that part of the world you will have a friend to the end, that's why they are so rigorous and picky, scared of being sold a lemon.

jackboy

A German told me that the Irish are like peaches, soft and friendly on the outside but hard on the inside (bitch about you as soon as your back is turned). Germans are the opposite, like coconuts (very hard to become friends with them but when you break through the shell then they would do anything for you).

LirW

The Irish are super clique-y, people are friends with the same people from a young age until they are old.
When I meet with my partner's friends it's really difficult to integrate because they often talk about things and people they got to know over the years.
That said though, they're really welcoming and try to get to know you, they aren't unfriendly.
It's just hard finding into a very established circle of friends, throw cultural differences into to mix and it's even harder.
I think it's easy to get talking to the Irish but difficult to befriend them properly.

we'llallhavetea

I think it's an age thing as some other posters have said. I'm 33 and couldn't think of anything more annoying than have someone trying to befriend me. No thank you, i have enough humans in my life.

the purple tin

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

I think it's an age thing as some other posters have said. I'm 33 and couldn't think of anything more annoying than have someone trying to befriend me. No thank you, i have enough humans in my life.

I hardly ever get time to meet up with my current friends, never mind trying to make new ones.

we'llallhavetea

the purple tin wrote: »

I hardly ever get time to meet up with my current friends, never mind trying to make new ones.

Oh my god YES! Spare time spent on family and haven't time for needy people that don't understand that!

fando

JackieChang wrote: »

A French lady told me today that Irish people are very "closed".

We are one of the "most friendly people in the world" on a Saturday night (drink obviously), but we'll never be seen again. Come Monday we don't want to hear about them.

She works in a big multinational corporation and is finding it hard to make friends with Irish colleagues.

I'm posting this as it's actually the millionth time I've heard this from a foreigner.

What do you think?

So true.

Want to get rid of an Irish person? Try to elevate small talk into something more serious, they'll be gone in a second.

The Irish behave like they are still under British rule, constantly on guard. You can tell: they say one thing, but think something else.

5rtytry56

fando wrote: »

So true.

Want to get rid of an Irish person? Try to elevate small talk into something more serious, they'll be gone in a second.

The Irish behave like they are still under British rule, constantly on guard......

You won't get very far with an Irish person "if you don't tick ALL the right boxes on that form" they haven't tried you about, in their head!

Balanadan

I always got on better with the Southern English than the Southern Irish.

5rtytry56

the purple tin wrote: »

There is nothing worse than being sold a lemon, friend-wise. Usually it occurs when a friend of yours makes a new friend who turns out to be a complete prannie. Then you by extension, have to have to hang around with them too, against your better judgement. :mad:
.

Happened to me in third level, to the detriment of my course. Years ago now but 'Time is a great healer' is cold comfort if much relief at all.

LirW

the purple tin wrote: »

There is nothing worse than being sold a lemon, friend-wise. Usually it occurs when a friend of yours makes a new friend who turns out to be a complete prannie. Then you by extension, have to have to hang around with them too, against your better judgement. :mad:

My god, yes. I also witnessed that clique dynamics are really difficult. Like there's this girl for example that's an absolute tool and treats everyone horribly, everyone is giving out about it but nobody has the balls to say something or tell that person off. A person that's in can't be kicked out so let's play girl's club, we all don't like her but let's be her bridesmaids and keep being treated like sh1t.
So they all continue to hang out because it's easier.

Now the good thing is that you get away with a lot when you're foreign because it's put down as cultural difference. Spares you a lot of drama.

_Kaiser_

There's about 5 lads that I'd "talk" to with any sort of regularity. By "talk" I mean the Viber group we have, as we only really meet up once every 3/4 months around a shared interest in gaming (which for me isn't as strong as it was in my 20s - I'm in my early 40s now) and being former work colleagues.

Besides that, there's a handful of others I would class as friends. I'd always get on with people in work but that's only in work. I've just finished in a place last week after 8 years and fully expect to never hear from 99.9% of them. Same in my previous 2 jobs - despite being there several years as well.

In my case it's probably that we moved abroad for a few years when I was 9, and then I didn't go to the same secondary school as most of my primary school friends when we came home, so never made those "life-long friendships". I also have moved counties a few times as well, and grew up in Dublin and didn't play sports so no shared "GAA" or whatever rural background either.

Or it could just be that I'm an antisocial fooker I suppose!

OldMrBrennan83

Balanadan wrote: »

I always got on better with the Southern English than the Southern Irish.

What about the Irish from the west or the midlands?

JohnMc1

LirW wrote: »

The Irish are super clique-y, people are friends with the same people from a young age until they are old.
When I meet with my partner's friends it's really difficult to integrate because they often talk about things and people they got to know over the years.
That said though, they're really welcoming and try to get to know you, they aren't unfriendly.
It's just hard finding into a very established circle of friends, throw cultural differences into to mix and it's even harder.
I think it's easy to get talking to the Irish but difficult to befriend them properly.

In the 13 years I've years I've been here I noticed that the Irish definitely run Hot and Cold. They'll act like you're lifelong pals one second and then act like you're their worst enemy the next. You never know where you stand with them.

I always joke with my Mom that we should have moved to Poland instead since we seem to have more Polish friends than Irish ones.

Try_harder

One persons opinion doesnt make it fact