Hate my job and now made a big cock-up

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm hoping you lovely people can help.
There are really two issues at play here and I feel very stuck.

Issue 1 - I don't like my job.
When I saw the job advertisement I was very excited. The role had lots of scope to build on my current skills (I work in admin/projects) and the organisation looked very interesting. There's a lot of change happening and in the interview, we talked a lot about process improvement, which I feel is something I'm good at and in which I have lots of experience.
In the interview, I was told that I would be reporting directly to the Head of Dept and that there would be a small amount of PA work - diary and communication management. This seemed fine.

The problem I have is that the HoD expects a high level of PA support and can be quite demanding. This means that there is very little time for the project work I was meant to be doing and on more than one occasion he has handed that work to someone else. I found out that the person here before me had been his full-time PA on lower pay and without the additional responsibility. It would seem that the HoD simply "upgraded" the role and expects the same level of PA support as before. This isn't what I signed up for.
He can be extremely moody and very difficult to approach about these things. When I try to broach the subject I'm rebuffed and told it's not a good time. When we had my probation review it took 5 minutes and he literally asked me to sign the form and that was it.

This is not the job I signed up for. I feel like I'm de-skilling myself and the longer I stay the harder it will be to leave. It's been 9 months now. My money is decent enough and I'm looking around but haven't seen anything that wouldn't involve a pay cut.

I feel very stuck.

Issue 2 - I made a cock up
There is a man in the department, we'll call him John, that reports to my boss. Myself and John get on really well. He recently applied for a massive internal promotion and got it. He's not here very long and himself and the boss get on really well and have a huge amount of respect for each other. Most people in the dept are wary of the boss as he's quite difficult to deal with. So, John accepts the job the day after the interview and tells the colleagues on his team. Everyone is thrilled.
The next day he emails the HoD, who had just started his leave, to tell him that he changed his mind and no longer wanted the position. He also took the day off.
I saw the email as I manage his correspondence.

That afternoon one of the ladies from John's team, Sarah, that I would be very friendly with and have a good relationship with, came to me and asked if I knew where he was. I said he was on leave. She asked me if I had heard about his great news, and I said I had. She then told me that she was planning a big fuss over him for when he arrived in the next day...and this is where I fúcked up...I made a face. A kind of wince like, "oooh I don't think that's a good move". She kept on and on so I told her that he might not be taking it. I know I shouldn't have and I am normally very discreet. I swore her to secrecy and she assured me she wouldn't say anything. When John came in the next day and told her he wasn't taking it, she told him she already knew. Obviously, it was me that told, as the boss was out.

Myself and John were outside having a smoke later that day and he brought up him not taking the job. He then told me that he knew I told Sarah. I apologised profusely and tried to explain while emphasising that I wasn't making excuses and take full responsibility. He kept telling me it was fine, and forget about it.

The problem is, he doesn't seem to be forgetting about it. I had to meet with him recently to discuss one of his projects and he made a point of saying how I "tell people things". Again I tried to discuss it and he kept cutting me off. We had to meet a second time and he said something similar. Today, he came to me to ask my advice on something and said that he didn't want anyone to know about it. I promised him I wouldn't, but he made another comment about how I tell everyone everything. Again, tried to talk about it, apologised again, and was told "it's fine, forget it."

I totally get his annoyance, and I would be too, but I'm not sure how I can fix this. I've held my hands up, apologised profusely, and have absolutely learned my lesson.

My boss hasn't come back from his holiday yet so himself and John will be due a sit down and I think he's going to tell him about it.

Any ideas on how I should broach this?