Anxious about how parents will react...

clo1

Hi

After two years of dating, Ive decided to move in with my boyfriedn in Dublin. This has resulted in me moving jobs etc and moving from renting in the south. I am super excited myself as our plan is to save for two years together and buy a house. As im currently paying 600 euro away on rent and my boyfriend owns his own house in Dublin -mortgage free. So moving in together will give us both a chance to save for a new house for ourselves.

However , my mum is VERY traditional/conservative and Catholic and has already told me how she bad she thinks it is for girls to move in with boyfriend without any ring/marriage. And she says moving in with a fella only benefits him..'free milk' she says. She just thinks its the dream for a lad but a girl is somehow giving herself up or selling herself short when moving in...

Obviously, Im my own person and at 28 Ive made my own decision to move in regardless as Ive always wanted to move back to Dublin and my long term plan was never to stay where I was down south.
Myself and my partner also plan to be married within a couple years.
Any advice on how I can approach telling my family about my decision/justifying it somehwat?

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clo1 wrote: »

Any advice on how I can approach telling my family about my decision/justifying it somehwat?

I think you need to rid yourself of this mindset, you dont need to justify yourself to anyone - youre an adult.

I wouldnt approach it with the idea that you have to justify it, simply let them know that thats how its gonna be and if anyone makes any comments about you giving "free milk" (Im tempted to ask if they think he is suckling your breasts to the point of lactation?), then simply smile sweetly and say "well youre entitled to your opinion" and dont get drawn into it.

There might be a bit of an initial huff but they will get over it.

seamus

Approach it as a done deal. Not "I want to move in", or "I am planning to move in" or definitely not "can I move in".

Rather, "I am moving in." End of story. In the same way that you would tell them that you've just bought a new pair of shoes - this is a decision you've made for yourself which requires no input from them.

Do not, under any circumstances apologise. Because you're not sorry. If they're upset, that's their problem. Not even, "I'm sorry this upsets you". As soon as you apologise for doing nothing wrong, you are on a lower rung.

Your "justification" for this decision is, "I am 28 and I can do whatever the fnck I want".

All that said, don't write them off completely. They may be regressive, but they have experience, and will no doubt want to give you the benefit of that experience.
The idea that you're planning on buying with someone despite not being married, will (and should) cause them some worry. If you're really serious about getting married, then it should probably be more official; this will give them (and you) more peace of mind.

clo1

I finally got around to telling the parental ...it went much better than expected! They were very supportive and we had a good chat about the future etc. Wishbi hadn't freaked out so much