Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Housemates boyfriend staying too much

Options
  • 21-08-2018 11:24pm
    #1
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭


    Hi, so here is the story - I rent an apartment and rented out the spare room to help cover the cost of rent. Everything was fine until she started dating this guy. I just don’t like him at all, he makes me feel very uncomfortable, my boyfriend also does not like him.

    About a month ago she asked us if he could move in. We told her no, that it would be too cramped and that he was not allowed move in, which she seemed to accept.

    But now he is staying here around 5 nights a week. It’s not about money/splitting the bills, it is purely a case of its feeling very cramped with him here.

    Any advise on how to address it/where I stand with her being my licensee?


«13

Comments

  • Options
    #2
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,339 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Is she paying rent to you or to the landlord? If it is you then tell her in no uncertain terms that she is a licencee and as such doesn't have any rights. A night or two should be ok, after all, people have to have lives, but if she wants to be with him so much, then let them get their own apartment or she moves in with him.


  • Options
    #3
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    Is she paying rent to you or to the landlord? If it is you then tell her in no uncertain terms that she is a licencee and as such doesn't have any rights. A night or two should be ok, after all, people have to have lives, but if she wants to be with him so much, then let them get their own apartment or she moves in with him.

    She pays to me. It’s the fact she asked me if he could move in and we said no, it’s not opposition to sharing bills, it was an opposition to having an extra person there.


  • Options
    #4
    conormc1984
    Registered Users Posts: 117 ✭✭conormc1984


    Is it written in your lease that you were allowed sub let the other room to cover your rent to the landlord. Does the landlord know.


  • Options
    #5
    Doop
    Registered Users Posts: 1,470 ✭✭✭Doop


    Tell her 2 night limit max. At 5 nights a week he practically is living there and ignoring your earlier refusal. You have to sit down and have the difficult conversation.


  • Options
    #6
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,329 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Limiting her to 2 nights is only going to cause problems , this person is no longer a fit for you as a housemate
    Give her notice to move out


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Ulysses Gaze
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,570 ✭✭✭Ulysses Gaze


    Bandana boy wrote: »
    Limiting her to 2 nights is only going to cause problems , this person is no longer a fit for you as a housemate
    Give her notice to move out

    Either that or start charging her more for the household bills.


  • Options
    #8
    McGrath5
    Registered Users Posts: 2,377 ✭✭✭McGrath5


    She's a licencee so, I'd be moving her out as soon as.


  • Options
    #9
    blingrhino
    Registered Users Posts: 1,133 ✭✭✭blingrhino


    Has she a lease from you ? or verbal contract ?

    when is it up ?

    if its not too far off let it run its course and then say see ya !

    or as said before you have to have the difficult conversaton.


  • Options
    #10
    BrokenArrows
    Registered Users Posts: 7,498 ✭✭✭BrokenArrows


    At 5 nights a week is is living there.

    Tell her that he isnt allowed to spend more than 1-2 nights a week in the house. If she doesnt like it then as a licensee you can tell her she has to move out.

    There is no reason you need to stress over this. Tell her the rules and if she doesnt like it then kick her out.

    If you dont like the boyfriend anyway even more of a reason just to tell her to leave.


  • Options
    #11
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,382 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    Hi, so here is the story - I rent an apartment and rented out the spare room to help cover the cost of rent. Everything was fine until she started dating this guy. I just don’t like him at all, he makes me feel very uncomfortable, my boyfriend also does not like him.

    About a month ago she asked us if he could move in. We told her no, that it would be too cramped and that he was not allowed move in, which she seemed to accept.

    But now he is staying here around 5 nights a week. It’s not about money/splitting the bills, it is purely a case of its feeling very cramped with him here.

    Any advise on how to address it/where I stand with her being my licensee?

    Are you sure you are allowed to sub let?

    Either way - I'd just say that five nights a week is taking the p!ss and she either cops on or finds another place to live.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    AustinLostin
    Registered Users Posts: 181 ✭✭AustinLostin


    Obviously raising the issue with her is the first step. No other advice really is applicable until you have at least done that.


  • Options
    #13
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    I never really understood this aversion by some people to having their partners overnight with them unless they feel they were being made financially worse off.

    When letting a room I think it needs to be understood that the licensees is entitled to a private life, it's their home too, and can have guests stay over. But if you're not willing to put up with it, tell her to go - you'll have no problems replacing her.

    I don't think that would reflect well on you as a person though.


  • Options
    #14
    TheBully
    Registered Users Posts: 876 ✭✭✭TheBully


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    I never really understood this aversion by some people to having their partners overnight with them unless they feel they were being made financially worse off.

    When letting a room I think it needs to be understood that the licensees is entitled to a private life, it's their home too, and can have guests stay over. But if you're not willing to put up with it, tell her to go - you'll have no problems replacing her.

    I don't think that would reflect well on you as a person though.
    So if she’s into gangbangs in her private life the OP should let all those people stay over too?.

    The OP rented the room to a person, not a person and her BF


  • Options
    #15
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,382 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    TheBully wrote: »
    So if she’s into gangbangs in her private life the OP should let all those people stay over too?.

    The OP rented the room to a person, not a person and her BF

    well that's a bit extreme no?

    people having a girlfriend/boyfriend is hardly an out of the ordinary situation..


  • Options
    #16
    gmisk
    Registered Users Posts: 32,797 ✭✭✭✭gmisk


    lawred2 wrote: »
    well that's a bit extreme no?

    people having a girlfriend/boyfriend is hardly an out of the ordinary situation..
    No but them staying over 5 nights a week...do you not think that is taking the p#ss?
    Especially when OP made it clear they didnt want them to move in....they basically have!


  • Options
    #17
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    TheBully wrote: »
    So if she’s into gangbangs in her private life the OP should let all those people stay over too?.

    The OP rented the room to a person, not a person and her BF

    As long as they're not disturbing anyone, imparting a financial cost on the other person or breaking the law, whatever a licensee gets up to in their room is their business as far as I'm concerned.

    If you want to morally judge someone for participating in gangbangs, that's on you.

    We see it all the time on this forum, people renting out rooms and then being surprised that the licensee has the temerity to actually live there. They don't actually want the person, just their money.


  • Options
    #18
    troyzer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,200 ✭✭✭troyzer


    lawred2 wrote: »
    well that's a bit extreme no?

    people having a girlfriend/boyfriend is hardly an out of the ordinary situation..

    Having them over 5 nights a week and thinking it's fine to not pay any bills or rent is.


  • Options
    #19
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,382 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    gmisk wrote: »
    No but them staying over 5 nights a week...do you not think that is taking the p#ss?
    Especially when OP made it clear they didnt want them to move in....they basically have!

    Ah yeah I've already said that - but there's no indication that the other person here is doing anything unusual beyond staying over. You went straight to gang bangs..

    Reality is the OP doesn't like this lad.

    If she's entitled to sublet then she can tell this person and the boyfriend to hit the road.

    If she's not entitled to sublet - then there is nothing stopping this other girl ringing the landlord on her way out informing her that his/her tenant is subletting..


  • Options
    #20
    gmisk
    Registered Users Posts: 32,797 ✭✭✭✭gmisk


    lawred2 wrote: »
    Ah yeah I've already said that - but there's no indication that the other person here is doing anything unusual beyond staying over. You went straight to gang bangs..

    Reality is the OP doesn't like this lad.

    If she's entitled to sublet then she can tell this person and the boyfriend to hit the road.

    If she's not entitled to sublet - then there is nothing stopping this other girl ringing the landlord on her way out informing her that his/her tenant is subletting..
    I didnt say anything about gang bangs....
    I agree with the rest of what you saying.
    But OP already said the girl is a licensee.

    I would have a word with her....she is clearly taking the piss.
    If she doesnt see the issue, or it isnt resolved I would get rid asap


  • Options
    #21
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,382 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    gmisk wrote: »
    I didnt say anything about gang bangs....
    I agree with the rest of what you saying.
    But OP already said the girl is a licensee.

    sorry it wasn't you but you responded to my response to someone else... wasn't paying close enough attention

    it's very rare for subletting to be in a rental agreement in Ireland... Maybe she's right in that she is a licensor but it would be rare enough.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #22
    Squatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,841 ✭✭✭Squatter


    Idonotknow wrote: »

    Hi, so here is the story - I rent an apartment and rented out the spare room to help cover the cost of rent. Everything was fine until she started dating this guy. I just don’t like him at all, he makes me feel very uncomfortable, my boyfriend also does not like him.

    About a month ago she asked us if he could move in. We told her no, that it would be too cramped and that he was not allowed move in, which she seemed to accept.

    But now he is staying here around 5 nights a week. It’s not about money/splitting the bills, it is purely a case of its feeling very cramped with him here.

    Any advise on how to address it/where I stand with her being my licensee?


    How long had she been living there before shacking up with the stud from hell?


  • Options
    #23
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    Squatter wrote: »
    How long had she been living there before shacking up with the stud from hell?

    A year


  • Options
    #24
    listermint
    Registered Users Posts: 33,932 ✭✭✭✭listermint


    Your choices include.


    Telling her to move out (she is a licensee)

    Telling her that there is a limit on days of say (you have to decide on the number)


    There is a final choice, live as it is.


    All up to you, there is no other choice really.


  • Options
    #25
    Squatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,841 ✭✭✭Squatter


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    A year

    Did she have previous boyfriends overnighting in her room without any problem?

    If so, and putting your dislike of her current stud to one side, is the frequency of the overnight stays the main issue?


  • Options
    #26
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    Squatter wrote: »
    Did she have previous boyfriends overnighting in her room without any problem?

    If so, and putting your dislike of her current stud to one side, is the frequency of the overnight stays the main issue?

    She had a boyfriend for a few months before. He was a nice guy. He didn’t stay over much, maybe 2 or 3 nights a week but when he did they would stay in her room. With this guy they basically take over the common areas when he is over.


  • Options
    #27
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,306 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Trasna1 wrote: »

    We see it all the time on this forum, people renting out rooms and then being surprised that the licensee has the temerity to actually live there. They don't actually want the person, just their money.

    And what’s wrong with that? I’ve lived as a lodger (licensee) for several periods in the past. I wouldn’t have considered having people stay over. Not my gaff.

    People only take in licensees because they want the cash. It’s not for the pleasure of company. If the licensee wants better conditions a houseshare where they’re on the lease would be the obvious solution.


  • Options
    #28
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    endacl wrote: »
    And what’s wrong with that? I’ve lived as a lodger (licensee) for several periods in the past. I wouldn’t have considered having people stay over. Not my gaff.

    People only take in licensees because they want the cash. It’s not for the pleasure of company. If the licensee wants better conditions a houseshare where they’re on the lease would be the obvious solution.

    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.


  • Options
    #29
    Heres Johnny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Heres Johnny


    It sounds like different expectations from both parties. Either way there is going to be resentment from one side so it's probably not a tenable situation to continue. Not saying who is right and who is wrong but sometimes not everybody is suited to living together. If you want to stay there which I presume you do she will have to go somewhere else.


  • Options
    #30
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,306 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.

    Your gaff, your rules.

    End of.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #31
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.

    I don't know what advice you wasn't from us so, if you're unhappy tell her to cut back his overnighting or tell her to go. In all likelihood telling her to cut it back will in effect push her to start looking elsewhere anyway.

    I'd be looking to leave if I was staying somewhere Where I wasn't entitled to my private life. Personally, I think it's unreasonable to boot someone out for this, but as they're a licensee that's your prerogative.


Advertisement