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Housemates boyfriend staying too much

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    #32
    infor123
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭infor123


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.

    You still haven’t said if you’re actually allowed to sublet? If you are allowed then you can have a chat with her, not happy then ask her to leave as she has broken your agreement. But as someone else said I’d you weren’t allowed to sublet, then be careful as she could get in contact with landlord and get you into trouble.


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    #33
    Squatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,841 ✭✭✭Squatter


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    She had a boyfriend for a few months before. He was a nice guy. He didn’t stay over much, maybe 2 or 3 nights a week but when he did they would stay in her room. With this guy they basically take over the common areas when he is over.

    Right. So there's the basis of the hard discussion you're going to have to have with her.

    Prior to the stud's arrival on the scene things were going grand. Recemtly the change in her situation has adversely affected the equilibrium/dynamic of the apartment share and she either takes steps to revert to the old arrangements or she will be asked to leave.

    (Do you know whether the stud has been given his own key? If you boot her out, be sure that you have a new lock ready to install!)

    Addendum - if as you say above, you've been effectively undercharging her her portion of the rent, then the pair of them are taking the piss! Get rid of her, pronto!


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    #34
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    troyzer wrote: »
    Having them over 5 nights a week and thinking it's fine to not pay any bills or rent is.
    It's basicallyakin to having a student in the house who goes home at the weekends but doesn't pay any rent.
    Just curious OP, does your housemate have an en-suite room or is the bf using a communal bathroom?


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    #35
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.

    You don't have to be supportive of her.
    Either he goes or they both go. Her choice!


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    #36
    homerjay2005
    Registered Users Posts: 29,346 ✭✭✭✭homerjay2005


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    As far as I am concerned we rented to one occupant, that was the agreement. And she was made aware that she was not going to be on a lease and therefore not a tenant. In return she was renting a room at a fraction of the cost. She doesn’t even pay 20% of the total of the rent.

    I am ok for him to stay over 2-3 nights, I don’t like him but obviously she does and I would like to try be supportive, but 5 nights for me is excessive and putting a strain on the living situation.

    hi OP....just to confirm, you and your boyfriend live their full time yes?


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    #37
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    homerjay2005 wrote: »
    hi OP....just to confirm, you and your boyfriend live their full time yes?

    Yes, which she knew at the point of coming to view the place, both of us interviewed her.


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    #38
    Austria!
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Austria!


    If it was just a regular tenancy I don't think you could have them over 5 nights a week either.


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    #39
    bobbyss
    Registered Users Posts: 5,224 ✭✭✭bobbyss


    Trasna1 wrote:
    I never really understood this aversion by some people to having their partners overnight with them unless they feel they were being made financially worse off.


    I would hate for people to be staying over. Does it mean they would be sitting down watching telly, using shower, having breakfast etc? This would put me out big time. Five days a week?


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    #40
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    Idonotknow wrote: »
    Yes, which she knew at the point of coming to view the place, both of us interviewed her.

    So it's fine for you to have your boyfriend living there, but not her. I assume this is a two bed apartment? Does she have a double room?

    If both the above are true, I would definitely be able to see the unfairness in your complaint.


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    #41
    SusanC10
    Registered Users Posts: 2,432 ✭✭✭SusanC10


    bobbyss wrote: »
    I would hate for people to be staying over. Does it mean they would be sitting down watching telly, using shower, having breakfast etc? This would put me out big time. Five days a week?


    Now it's been a long time since I rented in a houseshare scenario but when I did it was 4 of us in a 4 Bed house. We all at various times had our Boyfriends stay overnight. For varying numbers of nights per week. And yes they all used the Showers, had Breakfast, sat and watched tv with us etc etc. No one minded. And I didn't always like the other Boyfriends either and I know the girls didn't always like mine.
    The worst trouble we had was from a male house-mate who moved in after one of the girls moved out. He didn't last long.

    OP - if it bothers you that the boyfriend is there and your licensee refuses to change then just gives her Notice and find someone else whose views are more like your own.


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    #42
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    bobbyss wrote: »
    I would hate for people to be staying over. Does it mean they would be sitting down watching telly, using shower, having breakfast etc? This would put me out big time. Five days a week?

    Don't let out a room if you're not willing to let people live how you would like to live in your house.

    Too many of these owner occupiers / subletters just want the cash and consider their licensee not as a valued customer but an incredible inconvenience. Given the amount of money involved these days it's an awful attitude to have.


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    #43
    Brussels Sprout
    Registered Users Posts: 7,209 ✭✭✭Brussels Sprout


    This reminds me of a scenario I had 10 years ago in a different country. I moved in to a 3 bedroom apartment with a guy and a girl who were renting the other rooms for some time before I came along. Intiailly the girl said something like "I hope you don't mind my boyfriend staying over the odd night" to which I of course was like "of course not".

    It turns out that her boyfriend basically lived there. I counted it one time and he was there 13/14 nights and days. This wasn't helped by the fact that he was a complete arse. You know one of those guys who explains everything to anyone regardless of whether they asked or not and had to top the previous story with one of his own. He'd also constantly make condescending comments about people the whole time. Every day I'd get home from work and he'd be slumped on the couch in front of the TV. I'd make painful conversation with him until such time as his gf would get home. The other guy living there didn't care because he spent all his time in his room playing computer games so it didn't affect him. I later found out that the vacancy arose in the apartment because the girl who had previously rented my room left the apartment because she was sick of him. His gf also told me that the reason he was over the whole time was because she had trust issues so didn't want to sleep apart from him and our apartment was nicer than his, hence why they spent all their time at our place.

    OP, had I had the power to do so I would definitely have asked my flatmate to curtail her boyfriend's time in the apartment. I didn't feel that I did, as the new guy, so instead I just found a new place myself.


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    #44
    C3PO
    Registered Users Posts: 3,760 ✭✭✭C3PO


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    Don't let out a room if you're not willing to let people live how you would like to live in your house.

    Too many of these owner occupiers / subletters just want the cash and consider their licensee not as a valued customer but an incredible inconvenience. Given the amount of money involved these days it's an awful attitude to have.

    I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable! She rented out her spare room to one person and has effectively got two .. one of whom she doesn't like! If they were joint tenants then it would be a different matter but it appears that is not the case.
    If it was me I would talk to the licensee, suggest a limit that seems reasonable to the OP and ask her to find another place if that wasn't agreeable!


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    #45
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,306 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    Don't let out a room if you're not willing to let people live how you would like to live in your house.

    Too many of these owner occupiers / subletters just want the cash and consider their licensee not as a valued customer but an incredible inconvenience. Given the amount of money involved these days it's an awful attitude to have.
    But that’s the way licensee arrangements work. You’re not moving in with a housemate. You’re taking a space in somebody’s home. You’re not responsible for any bills, rental shortfalls, mortgages, repairs and upkeep.... You get to leave at a moments notice if you decide to. It’s generally a cheaper option.

    It’s not your home. It’s a place you stay.


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    #46
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    So it's fine for you to have your boyfriend living there, but not her. I assume this is a two bed apartment? Does she have a double room?

    If both the above are true, I would definitely be able to see the unfairness in your complaint.

    Dont be ridiculous. The OP and her BF rented a place together. The OP did not rent a room off someone and then move her BF in. The two situations are not comparable at all.
    Trasna1 wrote: »
    Don't let out a room if you're not willing to let people live how you would like to live in your house.

    The OP does not live in her house with an unwelcome guest staying over 5 nights a week. Herself and her BF rented a place together.

    Her subletter should not rent a room if she are not willing to live by the house rules.

    The OP sublet the room to one person who is now taking the proverbial by essentially moving her BF in AFTER she was told he wasnt welcome to live there.


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    #47
    Radio5
    Registered Users Posts: 1,956 ✭✭✭Radio5


    Its many years since I shared a house and I can well remember the problem that this behaviour caused. In sharing a house there has to be respect for each person, they may never be your best friend but if you share with them there has to be some basic courtesy.

    In this case, the girl is not respecting the answer she was given about having the boyfriend move in. She was told no and yet has they effectively done it anyway. The OP says that they take over the communal areas, so it's not just a case of them staying in the bedroom. They seem to be taking over the place, yet he's paying no rent, bills etc. So he's living there for free 5 days a week.

    I experienced this in house shares in the past and difficult conversations were had with the person involved. Sometimes they were reasonable about it, sometimes not. It has to be done. One girl took great offence and began to spending most nights at her boyfriend's house. After about 2 weeks, the people sharing with him told her in no uncertain terms that it wasn't on. I bought my own place shortly after so I don't know what happened next.


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    #48
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    C3PO wrote: »
    I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable! She rented out her spare room to one person and has effectively got two .. one of whom she doesn't like! If they were joint tenants then it would be a different matter but it appears that is not the case.
    If it was me I would talk to the licensee, suggest a limit that seems reasonable to the OP and ask her to find another place if that wasn't agreeable!

    Personally I think I am being reasonable (biased of course). If I had wanted a couple I would have interviewed as a couple, had they been interviewed as a couple they would not have gotten the room, I’d need to like both parties.


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    #49
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    ....... wrote: »
    Dont be ridiculous. The OP and her BF rented a place together. The OP did not rent a room off someone and then move her BF in. The two situations are not comparable at all.



    The OP does not live in her house with an unwelcome guest staying over 5 nights a week. Herself and her BF rented a place together.

    Her subletter should not rent a room if she are not willing to live by the house rules.

    The OP sublet the room to one person who is now taking the proverbial by essentially moving her BF in AFTER she was told he wasnt welcome to live there.

    As this is apparently not about money, surely you can see the hypocrisy in one renter allowed to have the fella there and the subletters not. I certainly think it's unreasonable to have an issue with it, do as I say not as I do

    OP hasn't confirmed whether or not she is even allowed to sublet.


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    #50
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    As this is apparently not about money, surely you can see the hypocrisy in one renter allowed to have the fella there and the subletters not. I certainly think it's unreasonable to have an issue with it, do as I say not as I do

    What hypocrisy?

    The OPs boyfriend LIVES there. He isnt just a guest.


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    #51
    boccers
    Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭boccers


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    As this is apparently not about money, surely you can see the hypocrisy in one renter allowed to have the fella there and the subletters not. I certainly think it's unreasonable to have an issue with it, do as I say not as I do

    OP hasn't confirmed whether or not she is even allowed to sublet.

    You don't seem to understand that the OP and her BF are renting this place as a unit. It isn't her alone renting with him staying with her. There is no hypocrisy at all. It might have been easier for you if they had posted on this forum as a couple instead of one individual.


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    #52
    Trasna1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭Trasna1


    ....... wrote: »
    What hypocrisy?

    The OPs boyfriend LIVES there. He isnt just a guest.

    All three live there. The other girl isn't a guest in the true sense either - you're not a guest in your own home

    I can't say I've ever been a fan of the licensee relationship. Especially in the market at the moment it's one that allows little hitlers to thrive


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    #53
    riemann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,063 ✭✭✭riemann


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    All three live there. The other girl isn't a guest in the true sense either - you're not a guest in your own home

    Mate you haven't a clue.


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    #54
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    All three live there. The other girl isn't a guest in the true sense either - you're not a guest in your own home

    OMG how can you be so obtuse?

    The OP LIVES there.
    The OPs boyfriend LIVES there.
    The other girl LIVES there.
    The other girls boyfriend is a GUEST.

    There is no hypocrisy. OP is not having a guest over 5 nights a week. Other girl is.


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    #55
    WoollyRedHat
    Registered Users Posts: 10,462 ✭✭✭✭WoollyRedHat


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    All three live there. The other girl isn't a guest in the true sense either - you're not a guest in your own home

    I can't say I've ever been a fan of the licensee relationship. Especially in the market at the moment it's one that allows little hitlers to thrive

    giphy.gif


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    #56
    stateofflux
    Registered Users Posts: 1,563 ✭✭✭stateofflux


    OP, in my opinion there is no further thinking or deciding or debating about this.

    despite what some people are advising you...its cut and dry...

    your licencee HAS to go... end of. put the foot down, take the conflict anxiety on the chin (which will only last a day or two) and just do it.

    Ive done this numerous times. People that take the piss do not stop taking the piss.


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    #57
    Idonotknow
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Idonotknow


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    All three live there. The other girl isn't a guest in the true sense either - you're not a guest in your own home

    I can't say I've ever been a fan of the licensee relationship. Especially in the market at the moment it's one that allows little hitlers to thrive

    You don’t need to be a fan of the licensee relationship. From the very beginning she agreed to enter in this capacity, moved in on her own to a room advertised as single occupancy. She moved in, aware that it was a couple who rented the apartment. And I’ve never called her a guest, she is a licensee, referred to as that in the original post.

    Her boyfriend is a guest. And having a guest 5 nights a week is extreme. If I moved in a family member I am sure she too would have an issue with it.

    And how dare you refer to anyone as a ‘little hitler’ you are an incredibly insensitive person. While you may not agree with the situation there is absolutely no need to belittle a period of history to a slur. I am not letting her boyfriend move in, it’s hardly comparable, even if just being used as an insulting term. There are a few people who replied to this thread who did not agree with me, and I back them fully to say their piece, that’s what we are here for. But at least they did it with dignity.


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    #58
    SNNUS
    Registered Users Posts: 746 ✭✭✭SNNUS


    You should stop overthinking this, no paying guest for 5 nights a week is not on in any way! You do not have to support her, maybe by you telling her that it's not on means it's a good time for them to find a place together.


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    #59
    Edgware
    Registered Users Posts: 5,874 ✭✭✭Edgware


    Get rid of her. Problem solved


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    #60
    Lumen
    Registered Users Posts: 31,074 ✭✭✭✭Lumen


    What's reasonable is that you share with on average no more than the number of people that you agreed to, and that those people behave themselves.

    So if he's over three days a week, you shouldn't see either of them for the next three days.

    Of course you can do whatever you like because they're a licensee.


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    #61
    Cheshire Cat
    Registered Users Posts: 2,277 ✭✭✭Cheshire Cat


    Trasna1 wrote: »
    So it's fine for you to have your boyfriend living there, but not her. I assume this is a two bed apartment? Does she have a double room?

    If both the above are true, I would definitely be able to see the unfairness in your complaint.

    What a lot of people here don't seem to take into account is that this is not a house share. The OP and partner are the leaseholders, the other girl is only a licensee.
    She moved in knowing the score and is now trying to change the status quo. She was interviewed and vetted, the boyfriend wasn't.
    As the OP is ultimately responsible to the landlord and for all the bills, it is not unreasonable to want to stay in control!


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