Housemates boyfriend staying too much

Squatter

Idonotknow wrote: »

You don’t need to be a fan of the licensee relationship. From the very beginning she agreed to enter in this capacity, moved in on her own to a room advertised as single occupancy. She moved in, aware that it was a couple who rented the apartment. And I’ve never called her a guest, she is a licensee, referred to as that in the original post.

Her boyfriend is a guest. And having a guest 5 nights a week is extreme. If I moved in a family member I am sure she too would have an issue with it.

And how dare you refer to anyone as a ‘little hitler’ you are an incredibly insensitive person. While you may not agree with the situation there is absolutely no need to belittle a period of history to a slur. I am not letting her boyfriend move in, it’s hardly comparable, even if just being used as an insulting term. There are a few people who replied to this thread who did not agree with me, and I back them fully to say their piece, that’s what we are here for. But at least they did it with dignity.

Why not put the WUMming pest in your 'ignore' list - it has nothing constructive or informative to contribute? I have and this thread is a far better place!

blingrhino

Right Lads this is going on for ever.

the op knows what to do.

Op Did you have the conversation with her last night ?

Trasna1

Cheshire Cat wrote: »

What a lot of people here don't seem to take into account is that this is not a house share. The OP and partner are the leaseholders, the other girl is only a licensee.
She moved in knowing the score and is now trying to change the status quo. She was interviewed and vetted, the boyfriend wasn't.
As the OP is ultimately responsible to the landlord and for all the bills, it is not unreasonable to want to stay in control!

I know the point your trying to make is a sort of contractual distinction, but the fact that they are sharing a house would make it a house share. In a shared space, it is necessary to be flexible, and that includes not getting in the way of others developing romantic relationships, or helping someone out while they try and get a place to live. If someone is taking advantage (and this is a relatively minor transgression since the OP doesn't feel short changed financially) you have the difficult conversation - which isn't about someone laying out the law, that doesn't help.

You do touch on an important point though - and speaking in generalities these disputes generally center on control. From the licensee perspective this would likely be seen as interference in a personal relationship, controlling who and when she sees someone in her home that she pays to stay in.

Again, speaking in generalities, I've never been a fan of the licensee contractual relationship as it gives far too much power to the licensor, which of course is magnified by the current state of the rental market. I know personally of people stuck in rooms with arbitrary and severe rules with the threat of eviction held over them for minor transgressions. I have been in a house where the licensor became uncomfortable with one of the licenses and showed her the door. Fair enough you might say but the real reason behind that was jealousy over her getting the fella they were both chasing. As I said, it boils down to power and control. Just because you have the right to exercise power doesn't mean that you always should.

Looking back on the history of these types of threads, they are rarely about advice anyway but validation.

Charles Babbage

Mr.S wrote: »

This is only going to end badly and have people walking on egg shells and you getting more pissed off.

I'd give her decent notice and ask her to move out, replacing her will be easy and from the get go have a rule in place about people staying over a max of X nights a week.

This seems a wise move. Set the expectations with the new person from day 1.

Trasna1 wrote: »

You do touch on an important point though - and speaking in generalities these disputes generally center on control. From the licensee perspective this would likely be seen as interference in a personal relationship, controlling who and when she sees someone in her home that she pays to stay in.
.

The issue is not who a person wishes to have a relationship with, the issue is someone effectively moving in without any agreement.

Trasna1

Charles Babbage wrote: »

This seems a wise move. Set the expectations with the new person from day 1.



The issue is not who a person wishes to have a relationship with, the issue is someone effectively moving in without any agreement.

And one of the main problems she has with him is that she doesn't like him.

MarkY91

Trasna1 wrote: »

I don't know what advice you wasn't from us so, if you're unhappy tell her to cut back his overnighting or tell her to go. In all likelihood telling her to cut it back will in effect push her to start looking elsewhere anyway.

I'd be looking to leave if I was staying somewhere Where I wasn't entitled to my private life. Personally, I think it's unreasonable to boot someone out for this, but as they're a licensee that's your prerogative.

It's not a private life if they're taking up the communal areas all the time. As the OP said. I'm sure op would care alot less if they stayed in their bedroom more often.

Ursus Horribilis

Get rid. Your relationship with her is broken - she isn't going to take too kindly to you stopping loverboy staying over so often. Home isn't going to feel like home any more if you've got someone under your roof you're not getting on with. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a replacement.

dubstepper

Trasna1 wrote: »

IAgain, speaking in generalities, I've never been a fan of the licensee contractual relationship as it gives far too much power to the licensor, which of course is magnified by the current state of the rental market.

Absolutely irrelevant to the OP.

You are being deliberately obtuse. Two people rent a dwelling. They decided that they were happy to live with one other person. Now it is almost the case they are living with two others. No amount discussion on technicalities of contracts makes any difference to the underlying issue. I had this exact problem before. In my case the boyfriend was there practically all the time. It was horrible as I didn't really like him. Would never have rented to him but almost ended up living with him.

Stellasmurf

Trasna1 wrote: »

And one of the main problems she has with him is that she doesn't like him.

Not sure what planet you are on. I have found myself in the same situation as OP recently, except I rent a room to a close family member. Their new girlfriend recently started staying over 5+ nights a week. I have no issues with the girl, she seems lovely but at the same time I didn’t agree to share my place with a couple. It is a small two bed house. When I brought it up with the family member and highlighted this, they completely understood and said they would start staying more at hers. Problem solved. 2-3 nights a week is enough to stay over when sharing close quarters unless agreed otherwise beforehand.

jackob12

Trasna1 wrote: »

So it's fine for you to have your boyfriend living there, but not her. I assume this is a two bed apartment? Does she have a double room?

If both the above are true, I would definitely be able to see the unfairness in your complaint.

Im baffled by your view on this. The woman is renting at a fraction of the price that the tenants are paying and she is not on the lease. Why should she be allowed to use the common areas as she pleases let alone have her bf over 5 nights a week?

Are you in a similar situation and thus defending your position? Just doesnt make any sense. Boot the girl out and she'll learn how to play by the rules the hard way

beertons

Has he got his own key?

Idonotknow

Squatter wrote: »

Why not put the WUMming pest in your 'ignore' list - it has nothing constructive or informative to contribute? I have and this thread is a far better place!

I would be tempted but I am finding some of the replies to their nonsense quite amusing.

Idonotknow

beertons wrote: »

Has he got his own key?

Not that I am aware of or have agreed to

SNNUS

I hope you do not rent a room in a house as you have no idea how it goes..

If you want a rent a crowd to stay over 6 nights a week you need to have your own place with a lease .

Trasna1 wrote: »

I know the point your trying to make is a sort of contractual distinction, but the fact that they are sharing a house would make it a house share. In a shared space, it is necessary to be flexible, and that includes not getting in the way of others developing romantic relationships, or helping someone out while they try and get a place to live. If someone is taking advantage (and this is a relatively minor transgression since the OP doesn't feel short changed financially) you have the difficult conversation - which isn't about someone laying out the law, that doesn't help.

You do touch on an important point though - and speaking in generalities these disputes generally center on control. From the licensee perspective this would likely be seen as interference in a personal relationship, controlling who and when she sees someone in her home that she pays to stay in.

Again, speaking in generalities, I've never been a fan of the licensee contractual relationship as it gives far too much power to the licensor, which of course is magnified by the current state of the rental market. I know personally of people stuck in rooms with arbitrary and severe rules with the threat of eviction held over them for minor transgressions. I have been in a house where the licensor became uncomfortable with one of the licenses and showed her the door. Fair enough you might say but the real reason behind that was jealousy over her getting the fella they were both chasing. As I said, it boils down to power and control. Just because you have the right to exercise power doesn't mean that you always should.

Looking back on the history of these types of threads, they are rarely about advice anyway but validation.

Idonotknow

SNNUS wrote: »

I hope you do not rent a room in a house as you have no idea how it goes..

If you want a rent a crowd to stay over 6 nights a week you need to have your own place with a lease .

No you are looking at it the wrong way, I hope they do rent a room. I could go rent the room myself and slowly move in my boyfriend, then my mother, sure my brother could join us too, really get more bang for our buck. Evidently they wouldn’t have a problem with this.

grimm2005

Trasna1 wrote: »

I know the point your trying to make is a sort of contractual distinction, but the fact that they are sharing a house would make it a house share. In a shared space, it is necessary to be flexible, and that includes not getting in the way of others developing romantic relationships, or helping someone out while they try and get a place to live. If someone is taking advantage (and this is a relatively minor transgression since the OP doesn't feel short changed financially) you have the difficult conversation - which isn't about someone laying out the law, that doesn't help.

You do touch on an important point though - and speaking in generalities these disputes generally center on control. From the licensee perspective this would likely be seen as interference in a personal relationship, controlling who and when she sees someone in her home that she pays to stay in.

Again, speaking in generalities, I've never been a fan of the licensee contractual relationship as it gives far too much power to the licensor, which of course is magnified by the current state of the rental market. I know personally of people stuck in rooms with arbitrary and severe rules with the threat of eviction held over them for minor transgressions. I have been in a house where the licensor became uncomfortable with one of the licenses and showed her the door. Fair enough you might say but the real reason behind that was jealousy over her getting the fella they were both chasing. As I said, it boils down to power and control. Just because you have the right to exercise power doesn't mean that you always should.

Looking back on the history of these types of threads, they are rarely about advice anyway but validation.

Regardless of whether it's a licensee agreement or a full on lease, having a guest stay over 5 nights a week is frankly taking the p!ss. I'm in a house share with 3 other guys (we're all on full leases with the landlord) and I also have a girlfriend who stays over once, sometimes twice a week tops and pretty much only on weekends. Out of respect for my other housemates, I wouldn't have her over more often (they are easy going lads and probably wouldn't really mind but that's not the point).

Similar situation in my last house share, both myself and another girl in the house had partners and neither of us would have them stay over more than 2 nights a week. Never a discussion around it or anything, it's just common decency for the people you live with.

I can also understand the couple wanting to move on to "the next step" and move in together but in this case, if the landlord won't allow another tenant (whether licensee or full tenant), the couple need to accept that and move on or start looking for a new place together. Yes it's tough right now but what can you do.

The OP is in the right on this one and I think as others have said, they'll probably need to go their separate ways. In the meantime, if they want to do 5 nights a week, then the fella should really pick up some of the slack and have her over at his some nights also, it's only fair.

Assetbacked

The girl who decided to rent with a couple knew she was moving in with a couple; literally one of the worst things to do, especially if they have been there for a while. I think everyone knows how in general what it's like to live with a couple (passive aggressive, bullies, nesting etc).

The OP has said that she'd accept 2/3 nights of sleeping over which to me is reasonable. It's not about kicking the girl out but reminding her of the conversation they had previously (i.e. boyfriend is not allowed move in and 5 nights is taking the mick). If this does not get the action which is intended from the girl, then initiate the next steps to essentially get her out.

Slightly off topic but how many nights are too many? For example is one night during the week and the weekend OK? Only the weekend, only during the week?

Idonotknow

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Slightly off topic but how many nights are too many? For example is one night during the week and the weekend OK? Only the weekend, only during the week?

I would think the weekday vs weekend varies from person to person and what your living situation/routine is.

5 nights as my post says is just too much. 2-3 nights a week is ok for me personally. And it could be any mixture of weekend/weekday. As long as they were considerate of others (making plenty of noise after 11pm on a weekday is annoying me as I have to get up very early for work).

Pussyhands

Deleted User wrote: »

Slightly off topic but how many nights are too many? For example is one night during the week and the weekend OK? Only the weekend, only during the week?

My rule is 2 nights a week max if it's a consistent basis.

FurBabyMomma

If the licensee decided to move in a student to live there rent-free during the week and go home at the weekend, would that be OK even though the tenants who are on the lease never agreed to it? If not, you are being deliberately facetious Trasna1. The rules can't be different just because one is a romantic relationship and the other isn't.

Trasna1

FurBabyMomma wrote: »

If the licensee decided to move in a student to live there rent-free during the week and go home at the weekend, would that be OK even though the tenants who are on the lease never agreed to it? If not, you are being deliberately facetious Trasna1. The rules can't be different just because one is a romantic relationship and the other isn't.

Subletting without the landlords permission would be unacceptable.

Idonotknow

Trasna1 wrote: »

Subletting without the landlords permission would be unacceptable.

The landlord doesn’t care in the slightest. As long as she doesn’t have to deal with it: Now you can stop going off topic on that one.

FurBabyMomma

Trasna1 wrote: »

Subletting without the landlords permission would be unacceptable.

Thanks not the argument you've been making though, although you are correct in that respect. You're just trying to deflect and continue to be obtuse, as you know your argument is ridiculous. You haven't said whether a student living there for free without prior agreement would be OK. Would it?

Idonotknow

FurBabyMomma wrote: »

Thanks not the argument you've been making though, although you are correct in that respect. You're just trying to deflect and continue to be obtuse, as you know your argument is ridiculous. You haven't said whether a student living there for free without prior agreement would be OK. Would it?

They have aske multiple times if I can sublet: 1) it’s not a sublet, 2) the landlord is fine with it as long as we handle it ourselves and 3) if I wanted a thread about whether I can sublet I would have created a thread about subletting.

You are being reasonable, you understand the purpose of this thread. I cannot say the same for trasna. You pose relevant questions, but trying to get through to them is like trying to clean your foot with your sock on, you can try your hardest, feel like you are getting somewhere, but ultimately it won’t really have done much.

the_syco

As I said on the other thread you made;

Idonotknow wrote: »

About a month ago she asked us if he could move in. We told her no

Idonotknow wrote: »

But now he is staying here around 5 nights a week

Idonotknow wrote: »

he makes me feel very uncomfortable, my boyfriend also does not like him.

Give her a weeks notice, and replace her. Let her play silly games somewhere else.

Idonotknow wrote: »

he makes me feel very uncomfortable

If they do anything stupid in the weeks notice, give 24 hours notice.

Idonotknow wrote: »

it’s not a sublet

Actually, it is. You are letting from someone and you yourself are letting to someone else. But as your landlord allows it, it has no bearing in this case. Heck, even if it had, getting rid of the subletter would solve the issue, so either way Trasna1, the girl subletting from the OP would be kicked out.