Very angry 9 year old

MooMoo100

Hi all,

My oldest son is 9 years old and hates me. At least that's what he told me this morning. He told me that someday he is going to kill me. This all stems from him not being allowed to get Fortnite. Myself and my husband both feel that it's not an appropriate game for him. Since then he has initiated a campaign of hatred against me. He will not do anything he is asked, will not participate in family days out, will only bark at me if I speak to him. He does not however treat his father like this. I am at my wits end, his behaviour has ruined the family atmosphere in our home. It's such a stressful place now. Both him and me are upset all the time.

wildwillow

This is so difficult to deal with. It is rated 12 so he is well under that. Hold the line but with obvious support from his father. This is only the first of many battles.

Does he rely on games for his entertainment or has he a sporting life as well. Denying him this game is probably good but you must have strategies in place to replace this need.

Maybe try to expand his interests.

As for his behaviour, this too will pass. Make no concessions for rudeness or threats. Stay calm and polite and make sure his father takes responsibility for the decision too and does not tolerate his attitude towards you. Tell him how upsetting it is for you to put up with this type of treatment and how sad you are that he wants to kill you.

If you feel his reaction is excessive or is normal for him, you may need to have him assessed for behavioural difficulties.

Unfortunately they don't come with an instruction leaflet and you are expected to muddle through. Maybe a parenting course would give you some useful pointers on how to manage him. There is no right or wrong here but you must keep his future behaviour in mind as well as how this is affecting younger siblings.

Once his school routine starts again the problem will either abate or worsen depending on how many of his classmates play the game. A chat with other parents will give you an idea of how many actually play it.

As an aside my five year old grandson was complaining last week that his visiting 11 year old cousin wasn't up for any outside playing as he was playing Fortnite all the time!!!

farmchoice

well as the saying goes, your job is to be his parent and not his friend, your doing that as well as you can so keep with it.
our eldest is 8, 9 after Christmas and he is not allowed fortnite either, even though he is apparently the only person in the world (out from your son, so at least their are two of them now) who does not have it.
personally i would not accept that kind of behavior and i would double down on the withdrawal of privileges, so if the attitude did not immediately change, PlayStation gone, no improvement, bike gone, rinse and repeat ,football training gone, play dates with friends etc,etc.

iamwhoiam

MooMoo100 wrote: »

Hi all,

My oldest son is 9 years old and hates me. At least that's what he told me this morning. He told me that someday he is going to kill me. This all stems from him not being allowed to get Fortnite. Myself and my husband both feel that it's not an appropriate game for him. Since then he has initiated a campaign of hatred against me. He will not do anything he is asked, will not participate in family days out, will only bark at me if I speak to him. He does not however treat his father like this. I am at my wits end, his behaviour has ruined the family atmosphere in our home. It's such a stressful place now. Both him and me are upset all the time.

Do not let him hold you to ransom like that .He is punishing you for not getting him what he wants .Foot down and show who is boss and do not except that behaviour . Tell him you are hurt , shocked and very dissappointed at his treatment of you and you will not tolerate it another minute

Cheerilee

This is an awful situation, my son is 12 and is not allowed play Fortnite, so that makes three boys in Ireland ! but it was very very difficult for him in school as the other boys were playing it (and they were as i asked their parents) so he felt left out and was subjected to teasing as well , he was able to deal with it as both his dad and i were of the same view, he plays other games and he was busy all summer but if the teasing had gone on and was negatively affecting him i had a back up of allowing him register but only allowed play when one of us were in the room but it didnt come to that. but i think the issue here is with your sons anger and how you deal with that as right now its Fortnite but in the future it will be other issues , your other children will see him speaking to you like that which is also a massive issue
its just so difficult.. im not sure if you could take him out by himself (maybe to the movies /activity and something to eat) and use the opportunity to speak to him about his behaviour , why does he feel so angry is he upset about something else? best of luck

silverharp

out of curiosity why Fortnite? its a very cartoony style of game, in terms of realism or violence its miles below games like Call of Duty, its no different to the Star Wars games imo

MooMoo100

silverharp wrote: »

out of curiosity why Fortnite? its a very cartoony style of game, in terms of realism or violence its miles below games like Call of Duty, its no different to the Star Wars games imo

Thanks Silverharp, it's not the violence itself that we're particularly concerned about but any research we have done on the game highlights the exceptional addictiveness of this game. That is our worry. Our son has already displayed some signs of screen addiction and we have had to cut his use dramatically. We believe that introducing this game into his life would be a step in the wrong direction.

silverharp

MooMoo100 wrote: »

Thanks Silverharp, it's not the violence itself that we're particularly concerned about but any research we have done on the game highlights the exceptional addictiveness of this game. That is our worry. Our son has already displayed some signs of screen addiction and we have had to cut his use dramatically. We believe that introducing this game into his life would be a step in the wrong direction.

junior plays it and while he played it a lot when it came out i doubt he even plays it once a week now. We only have one tv in the house so he knows he has to share the TV with us, so there is a built in limiter there.
ive watched him play the game a lot, and i would say it lacks some of the gimmicks some games use, its not pay to play and there isnt any focus on leveling up. I dont think it stands out apart from the fact it became the cool must have game.
I wont cast doubt on your research but at the same time there is an incentive to write click bait exaggerated stuff written by people who probably havnt even played the game. More generally i'd watch out for kids who are just prone to be addicted rather than focusing on some particular game given that these games come and go and it will be something else in 6 months.

beauf

People find different things addictive.

Some kids will find games addictive and some won't. So while some games are more addictive than others, it's only going to be a problem for some kids or adults.

ElizaBennett

I would like to think there could be a compromise here. If he's generally a good kid and well behaved then it seems a severe line to take - apologies, just my take on it. Now you've said no so it can be hard to back down. I would have thought a strict limit of an hour's playing per day or some other condition like he has to play outside also or go to football training or some other sport too, would be fair. Maybe I have too clear a memory of the brick wall of 'no' as a kid - have never properly grown up lol. It's particularly harsh when their friends are all engaged in something and they're left out. He's probably genuinely distraught.

_Brian

ElizaBennett wrote: »

I would like to think there could be a compromise here. If he's generally a good kid and well behaved then it seems a severe line to take - apologies, just my take on it. Now you've said no so it can be hard to back down. I would have thought a strict limit of an hour's playing per day or some other condition like he has to play outside also or go to football training or some other sport too, would be fair. Maybe I have too clear a memory of the brick wall of 'no' as a kid - have never properly grown up lol. It's particularly harsh when their friends are all engaged in something and they're left out. He's probably genuinely distraught.

Its a 12 rated game and the kid is 9, your suggesting being the kids friend not parent.

OP will know their kid best, for the odd time we need to we withdraw access to tablet etc and that brings things into sharp focus.

Make sure both parents are on the same track and stick to it, if you nickel now he will forever have learned that treating you badly gets him what he wants.

Maybe have his dad chat to him about how he is treating his mother and how inappropriate that behaviour is.

It would also be good to have a positive goal out there be that cinema, tayto park, going to a soccer match or some other non gaming treat, set a behaviour goal to get the treat.

Tabnabs

As soon as I saw the thread title I wondered if it was Fortnite related. We have seen similar behavioural problems after the game has been played and have had to set strict boundaries. Other parents we know have done similar or banned it outright. It's a very common issue with this particular video game.

Hang in there and in time he'll get over it and come to realise his behaviour is totally unacceptable and not how he should behave.

NIMAN

Are you sure it is only the Fortnite issue that caused this?
Was there anything else leading up to it, or was there any signs before you put on the Fortnite ban?

You have to realise that all his school friends are probably playing it, or a majority of them. They are all discussing it, and maybe he feels left out.

Do you let him watch it on YouTube?

charolais0153

If hes doing his homework well and eating his dinners and still participating in his sports and hobbies ,imo you should let him get the game with limits and conditions.

Hesthea

My daughter also wanted to play fortnight. I have no issues with it. The only problem is that i do not think its worth the money. Instead, i bought her Slime Rancher.

Sometimes she plays my games. She loves the graphics, the story of it and reading the dialogues but gets tired of it fast. If she reaches a point in which she has to fight a boss, she gives up because she doesn't like it and tries something else like Dragon Quest Builders or even Plants VS Zombies GW2.

She does everything that she has to do at home. Homework. Clean her bedroom. Prepare the table for dinner. Clean the table. She even has to read 6 pages of any book (she doesn't like reading so far). If she doesn't do any of that she can't play either. She is 10yo.

She knows that when i say no. It is no. She never told me such hurtful words but i made sure that if she didn't comply she wouldn't be able to do what she likes either. It would be a no win situation.

Do not go back on your word and make sure your partner supports you always. Even if he disagrees some times he must never show it in front of the kids. Ever!

Make sure that your child learns that each action has a consequence. I used to withdraw privileges to my child when she misbehaved (a lot when she was younger) and i would make sure that i would put all of her favorite toys (one by one) in a visible place where she couldn't reach to remind her of that. She would cry. She would scream. And she would get nothing out of it.

You could also make a family game day with all your kids. Like Fridays or Saturdays and play a game on the PS4 by turns and on Sundays go out for a walk or something.

If his bad behavior persists there is nothing more punishing than you using the PS4 in front of him (and having fun with it) while he can't.

It will be hard but if you don't stay firm it will be worse. Not only because he will have won but because you are passing that same message to your other children.