New Non-Single Housemate Moving In

Galcon

Hi,

We have a new housemate moving in to a room (4 bed house share) which has been unoccupied for some time. The walls are very thin in the house so whenever a guest stayed in that room everything was heard and I was often awoken at night to phone calls and chatting. The current two and I have a very similar routine and sleep the same hours. The new tenant does not have a job.

I am also aware that she also has a boyfriend so I am worried about two things due to previous experiences in house shares:

1. Him visiting and staying over lots, it's a small living space.
2. Being kept awake at night due to noise.

My other housemates are not effected as their rooms are far apart.

Can anyone suggest a way that I might be able to tell this to the new tenant, without sounding unreasonable or unwelcoming? I find that if things like this are not mentioned early on they can be difficult to resolve later.

Any help would be welcome, thanks!

myshirt

When you hear any of that noise, say 'Keep going guys, I'm nearly there' or just plainly bang on the wall and tell them keep it down.

Addle

Just tell her you can hear everything.
She'd probably be mortified if she thought you could hear her getting up to anything.
I wouldn't say anything about the boyfriend yet. You don't know that he will be around a lot so don't possibly create bad feeling unnecessarily.

Charlie19

Just tell her the walls are really thin and maybe turn it around a little by telling her to tap on the wall if your radio or tv was too loud.

dudara

Give her a chance first. She might be a real dormouse.

If the walls are as thin as you say, she’ll hear all your noise too

martingriff

Charlie19 wrote: »

Just tell her the walls are really thin and maybe turn it around a little by telling her to tap on the wall if your radio or tv was too loud.

dudara wrote: »

Give her a chance first. She might be a real dormouse.

If the walls are as thin as you say, she’ll hear all your noise too

I would go for the bottom quote but just a off the cuff remark about walls been thin would not be bad just don't mention it in relation to anything.

I remember I made the remark to a housemate in college once as a joke as he was going to bed not know she was still close. Everyone laughted but she was a bit morto and he did not get any for a couple of days. Was funny but did feel a bit bad

Galcon

I sleep from 12-7am so if there was a way I could make her aware of this and the thin wafer walls it will help

Cash_Q

Galcon wrote:

I sleep from 12-7am so if there was a way I could make her aware of this and the thin wafer walls it will help

Perhaps on her first evening there, you could tell her
"I sleep from 12-7am and the walls between our bedrooms are paper thin" - she would then be aware.

I don't mean to be smart, but how else will she become aware unless you tell her? As another poster says, you could turn it back on yourself and say she's welcome to knock on the wall/door if she finds you're making too much noise.

nim1bdeh38l2cw

Galcon wrote: »

I sleep from 12-7am so if there was a way I could make her aware of this and the thin wafer walls it will help

You could go to bed at 12, and get up at 7, and make some noise when you're in your room. That should help that issue.

Just because she's not single doesn't mean she's going to be riding all night.

the_syco

Galcon wrote: »

The current two and I have a very similar routine and sleep the same hours. The new tenant does not have a job.

Let her know that everyone in the place works.

And then, the next time a room is free, tell the landlord know that you'll get someone in. I have done the legwork to get a tenant, so that the new tenant and I get on well. It may be the landlords job to get a tenant to fill the room, but you won't have any say on who he picks if they pick the tenant.

utmbuilder

simple

don't live in a house share

or buy ear plugs


the other person is entitled to have a relationship , it's your problem that your in a house share not hers

the girls not even in the house and your judging her and setting the rules, poor girl moving Into the room next to you

maybe she will find it harder to live next to you with your rules than you find a bit of noise

bigpink

Lack of a job would be worrying

bush

Get someone else with a job?

Just tell her what the quiet hours in the house are (no washing dishes/rattling pots and pans in the kitchen, running baths, wear your headphones etc, as a ‘matter of fact’. The accept her making reasonable normal noise outside those hours. Hold yourself and the other 2 to the same rule also.

As for the boyfriend staying over, just set a limit on that. No regular Sunday night guests, for example’ and if he’s to be a regular overnighter in any sense, the 3 of you should be able to put an end to that if there’s any aggro at all.

Hard and fast, no drunken guests/strangers coming back to the house at 3am on a weekday and none left unaccompanied in your home, ever.

Shared a 4 bed house for many years before getting hitched and found reasonable people to be happy with those kind of rules laid out from day one. You can all agree to relax them if it suits ye once you see what she’s like.

TheBoyConor

Why on earth did ye take in a housemate who hasn't a job?

LirW

Maybe the girl is in a course or college? It would be that time of the year where students look for a place to stay. Since she's in a houseshare, she's not getting rent supplement, maybe she's just getting back on her feet. There could be a hundred reasons why she is not working.
It didn't seem to be a problem to secure a room, as long as rent is paid, it's fine?

Lay the rules out when she moves in, if she's a decent person she'll understand.

Sardonicat

Just tell her that the walls are thin so everyone in the house needs to mindful of others at night. Also mention house rule about frequency of partners staying over, whether that's never (which is a bit harsh imo) or once or twice a week tops and no taking over communal spaces with your guest.

It's pretty basic stuff and comes down to common courtesy being applied by everyone who lives there.

Oh, and BTW, headphones are as good for drowning out unwelcome sounds that may originate in the room next door as they are for containing the noise of your music/laptop .

It's a house share. Courtesy, compromise and open communication are needed to make it work.

Xterminator

its not the housemates issue if the walls are so thin. she is entitled to live, to have a friend over etc. its not reasonable to expect her to adhere to excessive standards to please you.

in that cause you need to take steps to minimise the disruption by using earplugs, or white noise etc.

If she does not behave in a reasonable fashion you can and should address that, as and when it occurs but to preemptively strike here, its not going to come across well.

If you want this room left idle you have to pay rent on both rooms. Otherwise learn to live and let live.

SusieBlue

Can't recommend earplugs enough.

I'm a very very light sleeper, I once woke up startled in the middle of the night from the sound of my brother opening a can of redbull down a flight of stairs and two rooms across.

I get that the walls are thin and that you wake easily, and by all means, make a point to tell her your sleeping hours etc.
But you need to take some responsibility to manage the issue yourself too.
I wouldn't like to listen to the sound of someone getting the ride all night either, but other than that, you can't really complain too much about a reasonable level of noise/movement from the room.
Its her home too.
I suggest silicone earplugs, an eye mask to block out light, and possibly using a white noise app on your phone. The first two will dull your senses and the third will cancel out any excess background noise.

I had such a difficult time sleeping for so long, I only wish I had tried the earplugs sooner.

Sardonicat

+1 to the white noise!
Excellent for neutralising disturbing sounds. Guaranteed good night's sleep. Only thing is be careful you don't sleep through your alarm when using it.

Galcon

Update. I decided to take some advice here and leave her be to see how she gets on.

Her first night week, boyfriend here every night. Fair enough, moving can be stressful and some people need emotional support and they're quiet although they both have long showers leaving no water for the rest of us.Week 2, he's here 5 nights and he also spends evenings in the sitting room with her making it awkward for the other housemate and I to sit in. Music and chatting this morning at 8am.

Now, I am totally aware that house sharing is not perfect, a certain level of tolerance is expected and compromising is important. But am I being unreasonable by asking everyone (not just her so she doesn't feel uncomfortable) if we can all agree on the number of nights a guest stays in a week? 3 is what most people are telling me.

Thoughts?

Wanderer78

Galcon wrote:

Update. I decided to take some advice here and leave her be to see how she gets on.

The piss taking begins immediately, this probably won't end well! Best of luck

Jimmy.

Give them the p45.

Teyla Emmagan

Galcon wrote:

Thoughts?

3 is totally fair. Has he no home of his own to go to? Get it out of the way sooner rather than later or it will be more difficult.

starbaby2003

Galcon wrote: »

Update. I decided to take some advice here and leave her be to see how she gets on.

Her first night week, boyfriend here every night. Fair enough, moving can be stressful and some people need emotional support and they're quiet although they both have long showers leaving no water for the rest of us.Week 2, he's here 5 nights and he also spends evenings in the sitting room with her making it awkward for the other housemate and I to sit in. Music and chatting this morning at 8am.

Now, I am totally aware that house sharing is not perfect, a certain level of tolerance is expected and compromising is important. But am I being unreasonable by asking everyone (not just her so she doesn't feel uncomfortable) if we can all agree on the number of nights a guest stays in a week? 3 is what most people are telling me.

Thoughts?

You absolutely have to nip this in the bud. I had this in a house share (3 bed). Boyfriend over all the time. Started off with him just checking the match score in the sitting room within a few weeks the remote was surgically attached to his hand. We ended up just staying in our rooms which was a pain in the ass for me as I was in the box room. I spoke to the other tenant and we approached her together saying it wasn’t fair that he was over all the time etc etc .... She got the hump and she ( they) moved out.

Alpha_zero

Speak with other housemates and broach this issue as a group. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she is out of line. Him hanging around the common area is taking the piss

Be assertive when confronting her and tell her it needs to stop immediately.

Jimmy.

One strategy would be to put women’s underwear in their bedroom, she might think he is giving tomaint to someone else and rustle the camp.

Galcon

We have a private house social media group and I'll be adding her later so I think I might just go like:

Welcome '.......'!
Just a few things we find works well in the house...!
Guests are cool to stay up to 2 or 3 nights a week
Quiet time after 11 due to our paper thin walls or at wknd mornings when we usually all have a rest
We switch on the shower timer if the water goes cold

Am I being reasonable enough here, or am I missing anything? Like I said, it's a house share and it's never perfect but some people haven't experienced this stuff before to understand how to be mindful of others

wirelessdude01

Why not just have a chat with her rather than social media?

Galcon

So that the other two tenants see it and we're all on the same page? That's how we've worked things so far. One of the tenants is away until November

judeboy101

Ball gag as a moving in present?