I feel like I might have been cursed because uys never ask me out or approach me?

GoThere

I feel like I might have been cursed because no guys ever ask me out or approach me?

leggo

Have you tried approaching them or asking them out?

GoThere

leggo wrote: »

Have you tried approaching them or asking them out?

It frustrates me that I have to approach them and ask them out.

shakeitoff

Guys aren't really gonna approach tbh. I feel for you and it does happen since we are meant to be the chasers but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that a girl would just never have been approached by a guy. I've been going out for 7 years and I've never approached a girl in my life.

leggo

GoThere wrote: »

It frustrates me that I have to approach them and ask them out.

Not being smart OP, but if you want meaningful advice, you're going to need to give us more info to work with. We can't see you and contextualise situations when you're out for example, so for all we know you may unknowingly give off negative or intimidating vibes that put lads off. I've also known women who are drop dead gorgeous and don't get approached (beyond maybe sexual harassment type stuff) because lads immediately assume lack of interest on their behalf. I've also known women who get approached all the time but don't realise it: so, for example, if a guy comes up in the smoking area and asks for a light but then hangs out to try chat afterwards, that's him approaching, it's not obvious and in your face like "Hello m'lady, my name is Cornelius and I'm very interesting in seducing you tonight!" I've seen girls get approached when they've told me they don't and then I tell them "Your man just tried it on" and they're like "No! That's not what that was!" when it clearly was. The list of possibilities is endless and it's hard to narrow that down without any info or examples.

To answer your question: no, obviously you are not cursed, which is good because there's something you can likely do to improve the situation. I'm also sure there's nothing wrong with you and that your situation can be remedied and improved upon.

bilbot79

GoThere wrote: »

I feel like I might have been cursed because no guys ever ask me out or approach me?

Are you approachable? Are you showing enough flesh?

Women normally make the first move, by a millisecond of eye contact, then the guy approaches.

tony1kenobi

You haven’t been cursed because in the real world there are no such things as curses.

Jim Bob Scratcher

You don't need to chase OP, just show a little interest if you like someone, a subtle hint should do it. Us blokes aren't mind readers.

Kitty6277

Didn't you have a very similar post about guys not adding you on Facebook a few days ago?

(My apologies if I've got that wrong)

Contessa Raven

GoThere wrote: »

It frustrates me that I have to approach them and ask them out.

Why is that? The days of women sitting back and men fawning over them are long over. It's increasingly difficult to meet people in the modern world due to the rise of things like social media and dating apps. People just don't want to put the work in.

If you want to meet someone you need to put yourself out there and talk to people. Let them see you are approachable and confident. This is very attractive. It still doesn't guarantee that you will be approached but you can always make the first move if you really like someone.

I dropped hints to my fella for 4 months and he wasn't getting them at all. I had to come clean in the end before he realised that I liked him. Many people won't pick up on the hints and if they do, they will convince themselves it's a mistake for fear of looking foolish. I think your best bet is to ask someone out on a date if you like them.

GoThere

shakeitoff wrote: »

Guys aren't really gonna approach tbh. I feel for you and it does happen since we are meant to be the chasers but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that a girl would just never have been approached by a guy. I've been going out for 7 years and I've never approached a girl in my life.

Why aren't they gonna approach tbh?

Xterminator

GoThere wrote: »

Why aren't they gonna approach tbh?

what do you want them to do?

Men have been bombarded with messages that masculine behavior is toxic, that approaching a girl is stalkerish. that straight white mails need to apologise for the privilege they enjoy. They see thinks like #menaretrash

so can you see its not that simple to approach someone. you have to throw them a 'bone'. Men are not some alien species they suffer from insecurities too. so if you want them to approach you, be approachable. Make an effort, encourage attention if that's what you desire.

shakeitoff

Yeah, and we have egos as well, and many of us have bad experiences when we did make a move. It's not your fault, I'm trying to make you feel good about yourself. I don't know how good looking you are or think you are but you not being approached doesn't tell me anything without knowing your social circle, your behaviour and demeanour on a night out, your type of guy and standards. Yes, you'll see attractive girls with guys but rarely will the guy cold approach her, I'd say pretty much ever in Ireland or Dublin anyway.

Eric Cartman

GoThere wrote: »

Why aren't they gonna approach tbh?

this is just my opinion really,
1) Just general nerves, outside of scenarios with lots of drink involved, very few lads approach anybody anymore
2) Dating apps are just a lot easier these days
3) Feminism has told us all that talking to women/ looking at women / doing anything except completely ignoring women in public is sexual harassment

in relation to your Facebook thread theres :
1) we've all seen screenshots of desperate Indian men messaging women, nobody wants to be the viral screenshot
2) in the age of cat fishing unless you can really get a sense a person is real you'll avoid (profile pictures being group pictures / face only / an animal or drawing) or just a lack of pictures in general would spook most people into thinking its a fake profile.

I sense you want men to approach you , my suggestion would be either sign up for a dating app with some nice selection of photos to prove you're not a bot / catfish , or go out to popular pubs and nightclubs with a bit of skin on show and keep smiling and dancing with guys all night.

wiggle16

GoThere wrote: »

Why aren't they gonna approach tbh?

For the same reasons that you do not want to approach them, presumably. Nerves or laziness or no confidence.

You're giving us very little to work off and you're asking quite a broad question, tbh. You've got some very good, well constructed answers here but they're unlikely to be of much practical use to you without you giving details or examples of your own experiences.

Arrival

<SNIP - Irrelevant generalisations removed>

When someone is interested in you you should be straightforward and upfront about that. When two people are attracted and interested in each other it shouldn't be some strategic game where the man is expected to be some mind reader, it should be some easygoing, light-hearted dates where both people pay for themselves to spend time doing whatever they would like to do together while learning if there's something actually between them

<SNIP - Ditto>

alastair

If you’ve had to find refuge in calling people ‘feminazis’, you’ve abandoned any pretense of credibility. Hope that home truth doesn’t ‘harm any male psyches’.

OT: what wiggle16 said.

suicide_circus

relations between men and women have changed. part of that change is that women are not going to be "pursued" as they once were. it's an adjustment everyone will have to make. it'll make us all happier apparently. you'll have to rethink your worldview and take the initiative.

wiggle16

alastair wrote: »

OT: what wiggle16 said.

As an aside, what does OT mean? I'm not acronym savvy and it will drive me mad all day if I don't know

jlm29

wiggle16 wrote: »

alastair wrote: »

OT: what wiggle16 said.

As an aside, what does OT mean? I'm not acronym savvy and it will drive me mad all day if I don't know

Off topic....

alastair

In this case ‘On topic’. Admittedly not that helpful an acronym!

Emme

OP forget about guys approaching you. If you aren't in any clubs already try to join clubs, make friends and get to know guys as friends. You may or may not meet somebody that way. Learn to be happy in yourself.

Men in Ireland were never great at approaching women, needing to use alcohol before they could do so but now they don't need to approach women at all. Some Irish women can be very defensive because they feel something is wrong with them when men don't approach - there is nothing wrong with anyone except that we are too dependent on alcohol as a social lubricant.

I would advise you to stay away from online dating and dating apps until you build up your self-confidence a little more.

santana75

GoThere wrote: »

It frustrates me that I have to approach them and ask them out.

Ok but let me give you an insight into the male psyche.......it frustrates men to approach women aswell. Just as much as it frustrates you. So if thats true and theres equal frustration on both sides, then who should approach who?
The answer is, if you want something in life, you have to go after it. Whether you be a man or a woman. If you wanted to become a doctor, nobody would turn up at your door and approach you with a medical degree. You'd have to go and get that yourself. And its the same with anything in life, including relationships. You may not want to risk rejection, nobody does, but if you want to have any sort of life, you have to risk it all. Dont be passive and hope that what you want will magically appear and come to you. It wont. Go after what you want do not fall into the passive, waiting trap. Thats what people who go no place in life do.

dudara

Posters - Offer direct, constructive, helpful advice to the OP please. If you want to debate different cultures or feminism and the changing role of the sexes etc, there are other forums for that.

dudara

Sardine

I don't think I've approached a woman in the last 20 years, probably not since I was 17/18.
Look as best you can and put yourself out there, try and have an active social life. There's not much more you can do.

GoThere

Contessa Raven wrote: »

GoThere wrote: »

It frustrates me that I have to approach them and ask them out.

Why is that? The days of women sitting back and men fawning over them are long over. It's increasingly difficult to meet people in the modern world due to the rise of things like social media and dating apps. People just don't want to put the work in.

If you want to meet someone you need to put yourself out there and talk to people. Let them see you are approachable and confident. This is very attractive. It still doesn't guarantee that you will be approached but you can always make the first move if you really like someone.

I dropped hints to my fella for 4 months and he wasn't getting them at all. I had to come clean in the end before he realised that I liked him. Many people won't pick up on the hints and if they do, they will convince themselves it's a mistake for fear of looking foolish. I think your best bet is to ask someone out on a date if you like them.

Why is itstill not a guarantee that I will be approached?

GingerLily

GoThere wrote: »

Why is itstill not a guarantee that I will be approached?

You seem very lazy, if you want something you should make an effort.

Caranica

GoThere wrote: »

Why is itstill not a guarantee that I will be approached?

There are no guarantees in life. If you want something, go get it. This is the 21st century, be proactive. Or just relax, you don't need to have guys in your life on any schedule. Good things come up those who wait

Ursus Horribilis

Maybe you're coming across as desperate (a real turn off), you're giving off bad vibes, you've a resting bitch face or you're simply not attractive enough. Who knows? You've been given lots of very good advice here. But if you want to reject it all and sit there like a princess, waiting to be approached, go right ahead. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result.

Emme

Caranica wrote: »

There are no guarantees in life. If you want something, go get it. This is the 21st century, be proactive. Or just relax, you don't need to have guys in your life on any schedule. Good things come up those who wait

Good things do not always come to those who wait. You are right that there are no guarantees in life. The OP could get out there and be proactive and by the law of averages she would be more likely to meet somebody. However she might not meet somebody no matter how much effort she puts in. Sitting back expecting guys to make the effort will not work now, they have plenty of options and do not need to make any effort whatsoever. These days it is up to women to make the effort.

Ireland is full of women in their 30s and 40s who have turned themselves inside out trying to find somebody and have failed. Most of these women accept their lot, get themselves a good circle of friends and make sure to have plenty going on and keep open to new interests. Perhaps this is what the OP should focus on and not finding a partner.

SusieBlue

I have a friend with an attitude like this. She's 27, reasonably attractive, nice, funny, with a decent job.
But she's never had a boyfriend.
Because she thinks dating apps are beneath her and full of "desperate" people, and when guys approach her on nights out, she shoots them down straight away, usually over something nonsensical such as she didn't like his watch or one of his friends looked weird.

The odd time she has made it to going on dates, she'll sit there, expecting to talk about herself all night, and expect him to pay for everything. She doesn't even offer.
She has this notion of needing to be swept off her feet like a princess. Life isn't a rom com movie, it just doesn't work like that.
She makes little to no effort to meet someone, yet bemoans the fact that she's single.

No man is going to burst into your bedroom while your at home watching netflix and proclaim his undying love for you.
All my friend does is moan about being single, and talk about how lucky the rest of us are to have or have been in serious relationships.
What she fails to notice is that we are approachable, friendly, make an effort to get to know the person, pay our way and don't shoot someone down straight off the bat for something as superficial as a watch.

Pretty much the only thing hindering your success with men is your own attitude. If you aren't getting the reaction you want, you need to change your approach.
But regardless, this idea of random men adding you on FB and approaching you on the street needs to go.

Eric Cartman

GoThere wrote: »

Why is itstill not a guarantee that I will be approached?

Are your short and repeditive replies a language issue or are you ignoring the post after post of good advice for another reason ?

valoren

OP beware of the self fulfilling prophecy.

You feel that you are cursed, that no one approaches you. This radiates from you in your posture, your manner and your attitude. And when, unsurprisingly, no one approaches you this fulfills your own prophecy.

Learn to like yourself, to appreciate yourself and who you are. Learn to enjoy yourself, to have a good time. When you are on a night out or at a social occasion, your immediate goal and attitude should be that you will enjoy it. When you do that you will radiate happiness, you will be relaxed.

Speaking from a man's pov would I be better off approaching the attractive girl with a smile on her face who looks like she is having a ball of a time or better off approaching the gorgeous and stunning ice queen who looks like she'd bite my head off for even standing in her vicinity?

So enjoy yourself first and foremost and when you enjoy yourself with someone you happen to fancy, if they can't pluck up the courage to ask you out, then ask them. They might even be thankful you asked.

Contessa Raven

GoThere wrote: »

Why is itstill not a guarantee that I will be approached?

Because nothing in life is a guarantee...

OP, I don't want to be really harsh here but you are coming across like you are expecting to be swept off your feet by someone without making any real effort. You seem very defensive and closed off.

If people on an internet forum who have never met you are getting that vibe, you can be sure that people you do meet are getting it also. And that will really hinder you when it comes to meeting potential partners.

What kind of man would you like to meet? Smart, funny, loving, honest, confident and attractive would probably describe most peoples ideal, right?
What kind of woman would a man like to meet? I'm guessing in majority of cases she would be smart, funny, loving, honest.... Do you see what I am getting at?

No one likes an entitled, stand offish, lazy person as a partner. And unfortunately, that is a vibe you are displaying here. Perhaps I am way off the mark but I would guess it's your attitude that could be hindering your progress.

Contessa Raven

Contessa Raven wrote: »

No one likes an entitled, stand offish, lazy person as a partner.

Dammit..That must be where I'm going wrong..