How do I get this girl to ignore me

Mailcoachinn

blairbear wrote: »

I am not obliged to agree with either side. His anger at basic niceties reads as aggressive to me. Actions are who you are as a person; "acting like a d**k" doesn't mean you are a secretly lovely person who is nasty to someone as part of a harebrained idea to deter them from being pleasant.

Like I said, the OPs posts indicate anger simmering beneath the surface to me and that seems aggressive. I did not say that he had violent thoughts. The OP is very harsh in his assessment of others who like to show him interest so he is surely well able for a similar character analysis.

As I already mentioned, I’m not necessarily a nice person.

The person who I behaved like a trashy a55hole towards was someone who I would never have got along with anyway.

The person who took a liking to me I am still friends with.

The person who I posted about originally I know for a fact would never be unkind to me. So I will never be mean to her. I wanted her to ignore me, but that’s not going to be an option because we work together in the same division. Like I said it is odd the fact that she’s very nice to me but I’m going to just go along with it

Paddy Cow

blairbear wrote: »

I am not obliged to agree with either side. His anger at basic niceties reads as aggressive to me. Actions are who you are as a person; "acting like a d**k" doesn't mean you are a secretly lovely person who is nasty to someone as part of a harebrained idea to deter them from being pleasant.

You don't have to agree with either side, that is the nature of an advice forum. I will say again and I think people from both sides will agree with me, the op does not sound angry or aggressive. He is looking for advice.

blairbear wrote: »

Like I said, the OPs posts indicate anger simmering beneath the surface to me and that seems aggressive. I did not say that he had violent thoughts. The OP is very harsh in his assessment of others who like to show him interest so he is surely well able for a similar character analysis.

There is NO indication of anger or aggression in the op's posts. The op hasn't been overly harsh and even if he had, the mods in PI would shut that down in an instant. This is an advice forum. Someone posted here looking for advice. They were given very good advice. The only person not happy with this it you. You are trying to make out like the op is angry towards women and that is just not the case.

You honestly are ringing alarm bells like Roxanne in CBB. You are seeing aggression when there is none. The op does not come across as angry or aggressive in any way but you are painting him in that light. I'm going to bow out of this now because you and your spin on reality are not normal to me.

Pelvis

Paddy Cow wrote: »

That seems unnecessarily harsh. The op admitted he behaved like a d!ck to get this individual to back off. He doesn't behave like that to every woman and I haven't got an aggressive vibe from his posts

Driving dangerously and spitting on the floor... inside. Just to stop someone from being nice to him?

Someone who does that is completely detached from reality tbh.

OP, you need professional help.

Faith

I would agree that I see a number of red flags in the OP’s posts. I don’t necessarily see significant aggression or resentment, but I do see what I suspect is extraordinarily low self-esteem. I would hypothesise that the OP has such strong negative feelings towards themselves that they simply can’t bear anyone (or perhaps just women) being nice to them. It seems as though a woman being overtly friendly was enough to cause the OP significant distress, which is a very unusual situation. It might typically be seen in someone with attachment difficulties. It could be understood as a ‘rejecting - rejected’ relationship.

For women the OP perceives as being unkind or unpleasant, he anticipates that they will reject him quickly, so he goes out of his way to reject them first.

When a woman is very nice to him, it may set up anticipatory anxiety such as “Why is she still being nice to me? What’s her game here? I know she’ll reject me sooner or later” and so he experiences distress and anxiety waiting for this expected rejection.

I say this because it’s clealry a pattern of behaviour, not a one-off dislike of an individual.

I would suggest that engagement with psychological services might be helpful, OP, but at the end of the day, it would only be helpful if you think your feelings and behaviours are problematic and you’d like to change.

Mailcoachinn

Faith wrote: »

When a woman is very nice to him, it may set up anticipatory anxiety such as “Why is she still being nice to me? What’s her game here? I know she’ll reject me sooner or later” and so he experiences distress and anxiety waiting for this expected rejection.

Just today I said something mid-conversation which for some reason or other made her laugh. I can’t remember what exactly I said but it definitely wasn’t intentionally funny. I just started nervously laughing along, seconds later both of us are in stitches.

I’m still sniggering thinking about it, but more of in a “what the fcuk was that???” sense of things

Big Bag of Chips

Sounds like there's a little spark between the two of you.
Enjoy it, OP. Relax, go with the flow and see what happens.

Mailcoachinn

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Sounds like there's a little spark between the two of you.
Enjoy it, OP. Relax, go with the flow and see what happens.

Nothing will happen. We will be friends. Possibly very good friends. But no further.

sporina

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

Nothing will happen. We will be friends. Possibly very good friends. But no further.

in any event, don't you think you need some help? like counseling? psychotherapy? or the like? life is too short - cliche i know, but so true.

Mailcoachinn

sporina wrote: »

in any event, don't you think you need some help? like counseling? psychotherapy? or the like? life is too short - cliche i know, but so true.

I have done counseling for anxiety (well, self-diagnosed). I did get good relief out of it. It wasn’t cheap but it helped me to some extent

sporina

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

I have done counseling for anxiety (well, self-diagnosed). I did get good relief out of it. It wasn’t cheap but it helped me to some extent

great - maybe a psychotherapist would be helpful for you

a good one - accredited etc - will cost you but would be worth it

Mailcoachinn

sporina wrote: »

great - maybe a psychotherapist would be helpful for you

a good one - accredited etc - will cost you but would be worth it

Yeh, I’ll try that.

As for the situation at hand. A nice positive friendship is something that I could aspire to...

sporina

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

Yeh, I’ll try that.

As for the situation at hand. A nice positive friendship is something that I could aspire to...

good

well you gotta start with yourself first - then see how you interact with others..

at least you have awareness.. thats a great start.. you can't do anything without that

best of luck OP

Mailcoachinn

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

I behaved like a twat to deter someone whose fake personality stuck out my a mile. It worked. Result.

The other person and me get along very well.

Or maybe not. Didn’t work. Same person was in the same pub as me tonight. Tried ignoring her but she just wasn’t getting the message.

sporina

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

Or maybe not. Didn’t work. Same person was in the same pub as me tonight. Tried ignoring her but she just wasn’t getting the message.

hi OP, what happened?

Mailcoachinn

sporina wrote: »

hi OP, what happened?

I just gave her the silent treatment. Did my best impression of The Chief out of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Then I left & went to a different bar

Dial Hard

Mailcoachinn wrote:

Or maybe not. Didn’t work. Same person was in the same pub as me tonight. Tried ignoring her but she just wasn’t getting the message.

It's not very clear from this whether you're referring to the nice person in your OP or the random third party you referenced in subsequent posts. I suspect it's the latter but I'm not sure that people are going to pick up on that.

I'm also kind of unclear on what we're supposed to be advising on here? Sorry.

Mailcoachinn

Dial Hard wrote: »

It's not very clear from this whether you're referring to the nice person in your OP or the random third party you referenced in subsequent posts. I suspect it's the latter but I'm not sure that people are going to pick up on that.

I'm also kind of unclear on what we're supposed to be advising on here? Sorry.

The latter

Paddy Cow

Mailcoachinn wrote: »

The latter

Just continue to ignore her. From your previous description of your encounter with her, you were extremely rude, to the point where some posters accused you of being aggressive towards women. I never thought that one instance of you being an as$hole makes you aggressive but I don't understand why this woman would still be pursuing you. Either you are reading the signals wrong or she has serious boundary issues. It doesn't sound healthy either way so just limit your contact with her.

Big Bag of Chips

Mailcoachinn, I’m going to lock this now, as I believe your original issue has been resolved.