Visiting a new mum

caipin

My partner's best friend and his wife just had a baby. How long would you think we should leave it before going to visit them at home?

Minier81

caipin wrote: »

My partner's best friend and his wife just had a baby. How long would you think we should leave it before going to visit them at home?

If its one of your best friends then 2/3 weeks is fair enough. Make sure you don't stay too long!!

Loveinapril

Ask them, bring food and don't stay too long.

catrionanic

Ask them! I would say at least 2-3 weeks, especially if she's breastfeeding as that can take a while to get established and new babies feed a LOT.

But yeah, make sure to keep visit to less than an hour, bring food if you can, and make your own cup of tea!

bee06

Ask them, I wasn’t ready for visitors until my little boy was 6 weeks. My friend didn’t want visitors until her baby was 5 weeks. Just say can’t wait to see ye, just let us know whenever you’re up to it.

mirrorwall14

Ask them. Depends on themselves. I was well up for visitors but many might not be

Milly33

Same as Mirrorwall, just text and ask.. All depends how they are getting on.. Bringing food is a good suggestion maybe something nice for lunch or even a dinner for them to have later...I think we had visitors a week after but didnt mind as they were close friends

shesty

Ask them would they like you to visit, and if not, let you know when it suits.Keep it short.I can't describe how important this is.They may be delighted to see you but after about 40 mins it is totally exhausting for them.And bring food...proper food, not just biscuits!!
Also don't expect to hold the baby.Not all new mothers are ok with handing the baby over to everyone.

Loveinapril

shesty wrote: »

Keep it short.I can't describe how important this is.They may be delighted to see you but after about 40 mins it is totally exhausting for them.

This so much! I remember my sister in law visiting with her two children about 2 weeks after I had my baby. I was so happy to see them but about an hour in I was nearly in tears with exhaustion. I was trying to breastfeed, and kept hinting that we needed to start dinner and they didn't take the hint. They were here 2.5 hrs. It was so uncomfortable and with all the hormones I just felt so vulnerable and unable to communicate my needs, so it would be great if a visitor was in tune with that.

John Mason

What everyone else said and biscuits/chocolate do not count as food.

Bring proper food if you cant cook at least bring some fresh bread and soup.

You make the tea and don't be expecting your friend to

1holly1

shesty wrote: »

Ask them would they like you to visit, and if not, let you know when it suits.Keep it short.I can't describe how important this is.They may be delighted to see you but after about 40 mins it is totally exhausting for them.And bring food...proper food, not just biscuits!!
Also don't expect to hold the baby.Not all new mothers are ok with handing the baby over to everyone.

I would say don't ask if they'd like you to visit. It's very hard to say no to this I find. I think it's better to say let me know when you're up to it. And definitely second the keep it short and bring a lunch or dinner. But also chocolate!!

mirrorwall14

Actually I will agree on the time, keep the visit to 30-45 minutes. While it’s lovely to see people short is easier to manage!

ectoraige

John Mason wrote: »

What everyone else said and biscuits/chocolate do not count as food.

Bring proper food if you cant cook at least bring some fresh bread and soup.

You make the tea and don't be expecting your friend to

Another great option if you can't cook is to buy a cooked chicken from a deli, they can pick at it whenever suits. If you can cook anything that can be bunged in the freezer or microwave like shepards pie or lasagne are brilliant too.


Do also bring biscuits/chocolate, and maybe even a bag of apples.

mirrorwall14

ectoraige wrote: »

Another great option if you can't cook is to buy a cooked chicken from a deli, they can pick at it whenever suits. If you can cook anything that can be bunged in the freezer or microwave like shepards pie or lasagne are brilliant too.


Do also bring biscuits/chocolate, and maybe even a bag of apples.

Omg I would have loved a cooked chicken, that’s a super idea! Remembering that for visiting in the futjee

John Mason

ectoraige wrote: »

Another great option if you can't cook is to buy a cooked chicken from a deli, they can pick at it whenever suits. If you can cook anything that can be bunged in the freezer or microwave like shepards pie or lasagne are brilliant too.


Do also bring biscuits/chocolate, and maybe even a bag of apples.

hmm being a vegetarian that option would never have crossed my mind - must remember that for the future.

Loveinapril

mirrorwall14 wrote: »

Omg I would have loved a cooked chicken, that’s a super idea! Remembering that for visiting in the futjee

A friend of mine brought a Chinese when my kid was a couple of weeks old. I love her!

Toots

I'd say "let me know when you're up for a visit" and don't be offended if you don't get an invitation for a couple of weeks. I'll never forget on my first I managed to keep visitor free for 1 day, then my husband's entire massive family landed up. Not all at one time, but there were so many we had a constant stream of visitors for about 6 hours and I was exhausted both physically and mentally, the baby was over stimulated and both of us were bawling crying.

This time round I insisted on no visitors for at least the first week and it was the best decision.

As others have already said, if you're going, bring food and limit the visit to no more than an hour. Also wait til they offer to let you hold the baby. And if you've even the hint of a cold sore or the sniffles or anything, stay well away. You would think this would be common sense but believe me the amount of people who think it's ok to cuddle a new born when they're smothering with a cold is scary.

Alpha_zero

listen to all the advice here, Place a hamper of food outside the door, ring the doorbell and run away and make sure to leave at least 50 euro in the hamper.

Whatever you do don't leave five tens.

CheerLouth

Loveinapril wrote: »

This so much! I remember my sister in law visiting with her two children about 2 weeks after I had my baby. I was so happy to see them but about an hour in I was nearly in tears with exhaustion.

This! My cousin, his wife and 2yo came to visit us on our second baby within the week - they stayed forever, I had to make them tea. Our little girl was going mental with their kid for trying to play with her toys & I was exhausted trying to explain that she was out of sorts because of the new arrival & they just kept looking at me like she was a brat! :mad: And then my cousin kept following me around cos I was holding the baby & I didn't want to let anyone hold him just yet. He drove me crazy - we were all wrecked by the time they left. I still feel cross when I think about it now

Paddy Cow

Alpha_zero wrote: »

listen to all the advice here, Place a hamper of food outside the door, ring the doorbell and run away and make sure to leave at least 50 euro in the hamper.

Whatever you do don't leave five tens.

Don't ring the doorbell if they have a newborn - you could wake it up. Send a text instead. Also send a text when arriving at the door or find out beforehand what they would prefer you to do.

caipin

Thanks for all the replies and tips!

On a similar note, along with some homemade food for them, any ideas for gifts for mum, dad and baby? Not too much of a budget.

CheerLouth

Handcream for the parents - you wash your hands about 50 million times a day with a new baby & skin doesn't be long drying out!
Baby - clothes (Tesco do lovely baby clothes & aren't too dear) - get a bigger size like 6-9 months cos they'll get loads of things for when they are tiny