Baby Crying

thepipette

Hi all,

I'm looking for parents' input on how best to address this situation. I've recently moved into an apartment. The bedroom shares a wall with the next house (terraced) which is occupied by a family with at least one child. Every night and early morning I'm woken up multiple times by a baby crying and screaming (I can't stress enough how loud it is, it is screaming), and I'm a very heavy sleeper. It goes on for 15 minutes usually.

How do I bring this up with the neighbours without being dismissed as the bitch of a neighbour? Would it be reasonable to suggest they move the child to another room (these are big houses)? I'd move my bed if there was space! I know I'm likely to be dismissed with "babies cry, get over it", but that doesn't change that I'm not getting much sleep. I'm not interested in "the parents aren't getting sleep either" responses because a) they chose to have the baby, I didn't and b) they are likely further from the noise than I am.

cbyrd

You've kinda answered all your own questions there, I'd say the best option is invest in some really good ear plugs.
Babies will cry, could be colic could be teething. Telling the parents won't really help, they know.

John Mason

Ear plugs.
if they only cry for 15 mins at a time you are doing great.

Mine screamed through the night for the first couple of YEARS and if my neighbour came to me, not matter how nicely. I would of handed the baby to said neighbour, walked away, told them to sort it out and gone to the pub

irelandrover

What age is the baby?
If you dont have the space to move the bed then highly likely the parents dont have anywhere else to put the baby either?

i think you'll just need to invest in good earplugs and hope the baby is just going through something

Loveinapril

thepipette wrote: »

How do I bring this up with the neighbours without being dismissed as the bitch of a neighbour? .

You can't. Like the other poster said, you answered your own questions. Babies cry, the parents are most likely doing their best and I am sure if they could stop the crying they would. I imagine the parents are embarrassed by this. My son had reflux and there was lots of crying. I spent so long in the hall of my house trying to rock my baby to sleep so my neighbour wouldn't be affected (our bedrooms share a wall). It really added to the stress of the situation even though the neighbour never mentioned it. Buy earplugs and the baby will probably grow out of it soon.

seamus

It being a "big house" is a matter of relativity tbh. As it's terraced, there's a good chance that every bedroom shares a wall with a neighbour, so if it's not you, it's some other neighbour. And since you're (presumably) a renter, they'd rather that temporary neighbours were annoyed than permanent ones.

Ear plugs or white noise of your own are really the only solution. Asking that they move the child into another room isn't a reasonable request.

It'll settle down in 3-6 months.

thepipette

"If you dont have the space to move the bed then highly likely the parents dont have anywhere else to put the baby either?"
The house I'm in is divided into 8 studios/apartments. The house with the baby isn't, there's only one family there (not sure if they rent or own).

I tried earplugs last night. They were uncomfortable and while they deadened the noise a bit, I still woke up.

thepipette

"Ear plugs.
if they only cry for 15 mins at a time you are doing great.

Mine screamed through the night for the first couple of YEARS and if my neighbour came to me, not matter how nicely. I would of handed the baby to said neighbour, walked away, told them to sort it out and gone to the pub"

I'm not doing great, I'm being woken up multiple times. Your response is quite arrogant, sleep deprivation is a real issue and this baby is not my responsibility.

s7ryf3925pivug

You can't say anything to them really.
Wax earplugs are much better than foam.
White noise will help.
Insulated over ear headphones will help.
I remember using a combination of wax earplugs and loud music on insulated headphones for a few months when the person in the next room snored terribly. Worked fine.

You can't change the source of this problem. You can only adapt or move.

seamus

thepipette wrote: »

I'm not doing great, I'm being woken up multiple times. Your response is quite arrogant, sleep deprivation is a real issue and this baby is not my responsibility.

Look, I don't think anyone is unsympathetic to your position. But you have to understand that babies cry. They can't be reasoned with, and they can't always be settled.

A baby who cries out for about 15 minutes a couple of times a night is bad enough, but by no means exceptional.

It's not your responsibility, but it is part of the background noise of other people that you're just going to have to learn to live with, like cars driving down the road outside, pipes clanking and pumps running.

The reason nobody is suggesting that you go talk to the parents is because realistically there's nothing to be gained. They know the child cries. They probably know you can hear it. There is nobody who wants this to stop more than the parents do. If there was a way to make this have less impact, they probably would have done it already.

Instead, you become the neighbour who complained to two stressed parents about their crying baby. There is literally no way to spin it that you don't look like a heartless, uncompassionate bitch.

Think outside the box in terms of living arrangements for the short-term. Can you move your bed into the living area and make the bedroom the living room?

thepipette

seamus wrote: »

Look, I don't think anyone is unsympathetic to your position. But you have to understand that babies cry. They can't be reasoned with, and they can't always be settled.

A baby who cries out for about 15 minutes a couple of times a night is bad enough, but by no means exceptional.

It's not your responsibility, but it is part of the background noise of other people that you're just going to have to learn to live with, like cars driving down the road outside, pipes clanking and pumps running.

The reason nobody is suggesting that you go talk to the parents is because realistically there's nothing to be gained. They know the child cries. They probably know you can hear it. There is nobody who wants this to stop more than the parents do. If there was a way to make this have less impact, they probably would have done it already.

Instead, you become the neighbour who complained to two stressed parents about their crying baby. There is literally no way to spin it that you don't look like a heartless, uncompassionate bitch.

Think outside the box in terms of living arrangements for the short-term. Can you move your bed into the living area and make the bedroom the living room?

I don't have an issue with normal noise levels. Dogs barking, fireworks, snoring, I've slept through them all. But high-pitched screaming from a few feet away is too much.

I'm not sure they are doing everything, I haven't heard them come into the baby's room. Why can't the baby be kept in their room! What about compassion for me, who unlike them did not choose to be in this situation?

Milly33

sorry to say well unless you get on well with the neighbours - youll just have to grin and bare it.. Like i know in our place which is attached we took note in what rooms we used for what, with this in mind. But sometimes you still hear stuff, thats just how it goes... All remarks you make are sound enough but i take you dont have a kid..

hots

thepipette wrote: »

I don't have an issue with normal noise levels. Dogs barking, fireworks, snoring, I've slept through them all. But high-pitched screaming from a few feet away is too much.

I'm not sure they are doing everything, I haven't heard them come into the baby's room. Why can't the baby be kept in their room! What about compassion for me, who unlike them did not choose to be in this situation?

You've got neighbours, you have to live with it or move. They're not exactly raving all night like. Better earplugs, whitenoise machine, noise insulation. They can't do much for you but you might be able to.

Neyite

You could ask them to move the cot to a different part of the house, but quite likely you'll be told where to go. But it's worth a try if it's really disturbing you. High pitched screaming from a newborn suggests colicky symptoms, and honestly, there's no cure for that but they usually grow out of it by about 3 months.



If they don't make any changes, your options are to put up with it for a few more months with things like earplugs or white noise machines, or move to a detached house where there's no adjoining walls so no risk of noise waking you.

seamus

thepipette wrote: »

I'm not sure they are doing everything, I haven't heard them come into the baby's room. Why can't the baby be kept in their room! What about compassion for me, who unlike them did not choose to be in this situation?

All I'm telling you, is that you are not going to get anywhere approaching them. And definitely not if you go in with this attitude.

If you enjoy a tense atmosphere with your neighbours, and feel vindicated by "having your say" even if it makes things worse, then by all means fire ahead.

Otherwise, adapt your living space or move. Unfair, maybe. But such is life.

John Mason

thepipette wrote: »

"Ear plugs.
if they only cry for 15 mins at a time you are doing great.

Mine screamed through the night for the first couple of YEARS and if my neighbour came to me, not matter how nicely. I would of handed the baby to said neighbour, walked away, told them to sort it out and gone to the pub"

I'm not doing great, I'm being woken up multiple times. Your response is quite arrogant, sleep deprivation is a real issue and this baby is not my responsibility.

Its not being arrogant, it is just how it is.

Your only other option is to move to a detached house.

Zulu

thepipette wrote: »

I'm not doing great, I'm being woken up multiple times. Your response is quite arrogant, sleep deprivation is a real issue and this baby is not my responsibility.

Lol. Look we all get your frustration. But. BUT. The childs parents are far far more frustrated and are doing everything they can. They, far more than you, do not want that baby crying.


As others have said, if you raise this to them expect to be met with hostility and anger. They too are sleep deprived, but unlike you, they are getting no break from it during the day.


You need to suck it up.





...or not - but dont come back here crying when you're run from their front door.

catrionanic

As someone who has been on the receiving end of a neighbour complaining about crying, I will tell you that there really is nothing to be gained by complaining to them.

Babies cry. It's how they communicate. It's actually unusual for babies to sleep through the night. When they wake, they cry. It's entirely normal and there's nothing the parents can do go stop it from happening.

If it's disturbing your sleep, you can be damn sure it's disturbing theirs. Having a crying baby in the night is really stressful, and even more stressful when you are worrying about your neighbours. I honestly get so stressed about it, but there's nothing I can do to stop him from crying. If we put him in our room, he wakes more often and cries and shouts more because he can see us there. He sleeps much better in his own room. Besides, we have neighbours on the other side too. It's moving a baby so that one neighbour hears him a little less and the other hears him more. And the baby wakes and cries more. So it would solve nothing.

It won't last forever. As they get older, wake less. So there's that. But ultimately there is not a single thing the parents can do to stop the waking and crying. Complaining to them about it is futile, and actually kind of cruel because no doubt they are sleep-deprived and stressed enough without a neighbour, who clearly has limited experience with young children, making their life harder.

This is the reality of living in terraced houses and apartments. It's not a dog barking or your neighbours blaring music and partying. It's a little baby doing what is normal for little babies to do, and if you can't cope with it then you need to find alternative ways of coping (wax earplugs, white noise, headphones, sleeping in another room), or move out. To a detached house!

I think if you spent even 24 hours with someone who has a baby, you would be embarrassed for even thinking this.

thepipette

Zulu wrote: »

Lol. Look we all get your frustration. But. BUT. The childs parents are far far more frustrated and are doing everything they can. They, far more than you, do not want that baby crying.


As others have said, if you raise this to them expect to be met with hostility and anger. They too are sleep deprived, but unlike you, they are getting no break from it during the day

Firstly, I've no evidence that they're doing everything they can, as I stated previously they don't always go into the room when the baby cries.

Secondly, they chose to put themselves in a situation that would cause sleep deprivation. They are also choosing to subject neighbours to it. They live in a massive house in Rathmines, whether they're renting or own it I doubt money troubles are confining them to a terraced house.

catrionanic

thepipette wrote: »

Firstly, I've no evidence that they're doing everything they can, as I stated previously they don't always go into the room when the baby cries.

Secondly, they chose to put themselves in a situation that would cause sleep deprivation. They are also choosing to subject neighbours to it. They live in a massive house in Rathmines, whether they're renting or own it I doubt money troubles are confining them to a terraced house.

Okay, you are sounding more ridiculous by the post.

Whether they chose to have a baby not is irrelevant. You chose to live in an apartment. If you're not happy, you know what to do. But knocking on their door will get you nowhere. They might even leave the baby to cry for longer. With your attitude, you'd deserve it!

John Mason

thepipette wrote: »

Firstly, I've no evidence that they're doing everything they can, as I stated previously they don't always go into the room when the baby cries.

Secondly, they chose to put themselves in a situation that would cause sleep deprivation. They are also choosing to subject neighbours to it. They live in a massive house in Rathmines, whether they're renting or own it I doubt money troubles are confining them to a terraced house.

Just go and tell to the keep the baby quiet or move it to another room.

No one here is going to tell you what you want to hear.

Please come back and update us when you do

seamus

thepipette wrote: »

as I stated previously they don't always go into the room when the baby cries.

You don't know this. When a baby is crying in the middle of the night, parents don't generally burst into the room with fanfare. Just because the baby is crying, doesn't mean nobody is with them.

Secondly, they chose to put themselves in a situation that would cause sleep deprivation. They are also choosing to subject neighbours to it. They live in a massive house in Rathmines, whether they're renting or own it I doubt money troubles are confining them to a terraced house.

Give that a go, see how well it works. "Here, why should I be subjected to the howls of your little brat? You've clearly got loads of money, why don't you go off and buy something out in the suburbs where other people won't have to listen to you?"

Report back here with the outcome. Please.

bee06

thepipette wrote: »

Firstly, I've no evidence that they're doing everything they can, as I stated previously they don't always go into the room when the baby cries.

Are the walls so thin that you could actually hear them walk into the room? If so them moving the baby probably won’t make much difference?

annoyedgal

Part and parcel of living in a terrace to be honest! This in a temporary problem, the baby won't be crying every night forever.
When i was night weaning my son he screamed blue murder for hours for about three nights despite being comforted by his daddy.
It was awful for us and made worse by worrying about the neighbours. I apologised and they were so understanding. When it came to them making noise for whatever reason we never once minded as its a two way street.
Neighbours can be a great support and it pays to be on good terms. I found foam ear plugs great in the past, they do take some getting used to initially.
I agree with others that complaining to the neighbours is probably futile and definitely lousy.

witchgirl26

OP honestly the others here are right when they say there is nothing to be gained by yourself by complaining to them. And I'd wonder how you know for sure that they aren't doing everything or going into the room. I had my niece scream blue murder at me for 2 hours until she feel asleep from exhaustion and despite being there and trying to comfort her, nothing was stopping her from crying. Believe me I tried everything.

In older houses, which if you live in Rathmines they generally are, the insulation between walls isn't great. There's not much that can be done in relation to this except extensive refurbishment. Truth is you know nothing of their financial situation - maybe they are stuck because they're still in negative equity on the house or maybe they live there as it's near work and aren't going to move to suit neighbours.

When you live close to people (in apartments and terraced houses and semi-d's) you have to expect a certain amount of noise will happen. It's not always great and sometimes very annoying but for the most part, you have to just muddle along together.

Invest in some good ear plugs and have some sympathy for the parents next door.

thepipette

I can hear them in the room during the day (and don't have an issue with that noise) so I would expect to hear from her enter at night.

Some posters are being obtuse and going on about noise being part and parcel of apartment living. I know this, I expect noise and am a heavy sleeper anyway. But there's a point when the noise level becomes unreasonable. If I had night terrors and woke up screaming every night would you tell the neighbours to suck it up?

witchgirl26

thepipette wrote: »

I can hear them in the room during the day (and don't have an issue with that noise) so I would expect to hear from her enter at night.

Some posters are being obtuse and going on about noise being part and parcel of apartment living. I know this, I expect noise and am a heavy sleeper anyway. But there's a point when the noise level becomes unreasonable. If I had night terrors and woke up screaming every night would you tell the neighbours to suck it up?

People generally move more quietly at night so maybe you're not hearing them - it doesn't mean they're not in there. Unless you live in their house, you don't know.

Yes I would tell the neighbours to suck it up to a certain degree. Offer help but not criticism. At the end of the day night terrors and babies crying are things you can only do a limited amount to control and what's needed then is compassion from people.

Zulu

thepipette wrote: »

... If I had night terrors and woke up screaming every night would you tell the neighbours to suck it up?

Well, yes. What would you have us advise? Take an overdose?

thepipette

Zulu wrote: »

Well, yes. What would you have us advise? Take an overdose?

I think I would be expected (and rightly so) to take steps to minimise the effect it had on my neighbours.

FurtherAway

OP, from all you know one of the parents could well be sleeping in the same room as the baby. Given that the child seems to cry for 15 minutes and then quietens down again strongly suggests the parents *are*, in fact, doing the best they can to calm them. Babies do not usually sleep, wake, cry for a few minutes, and then fall asleep again without help. So what more exactly do you expect the parents to do? Sew the baby's mouth shut? Shake it? Give it up for adoption?

Seriously, get proper waxy ear plugs and, more importantly, a grip.

John Mason

LOL - you just reminded me of the toddler night terrors - you will have them to look forward too as well.