Fighting for places under the coffin at my granny’s funeral

Annasopra

Thats nice. Do you want a medal

lulu1

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Thats nice. Do you want a medal

Yes please

Annasopra

lulu1 wrote: »

Yes please

I meant the OP

mightyreds

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

lulu1 wrote: »

Yes please

I meant the OP

If there's any left I'll take one

lulu1

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I meant the OP

Well he probably deserves one for putting up with that lot.

Give it to him so

I will go without

mfceiling

Have you tried facebook OP?

JohnMc1

Resverathrole wrote: »

My grandad decided on the two teams to go under the coffin. All seemed fine until the night before the funeral, when my dad got a call from my drama-queen auntie, who announced “I’ve a girl here (30 years old btw) who’s very upset”. It turned out that her daughter was upset that she wasn’t under the coffin, and this auntie of mine wanted a third team under the coffin, that would include her two heavy daughters. It would be a bit ridiculous with these two under the coffin, who albeit heavy women, are about 5 ft 7 in tall… and to be alongside the likes of myself, at 6 ft 2 in! Anyway, my father’s words to her before he hung up were “there’s no point in confusing everything at this stage all over some grandchild”. Unknowst to my dad this really upset my auntie, who by the time the removal came, wasn’t talking to him.

The next day, when I arrived in the door of the grandparent’s house, I hear my name being yelled out by one of these heavy daughters. “Gee, look at the sunglasses”. Apparently I looked like security in the shades with the suit on. She went completely overboard about it though. Before I know it a whole load of people have entered the room to look at me, making jokes and what not. I say “calm down now, it’s only a pair of sunglasses”. But she won’t take a hint. Then knowing I might feel a bit awkward with everyone looking at me, she starts getting sarcastic saying “oh doesn’t he look great”. In trying to diffuse the awkwardness I lamely said “oh you look good too” (she’s the size of a hippo). She then sarcastically said “oh thanks Jonathan”. Looking at her, and thinking of all the drama she had created the night before, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I said “so I hear there’s a certain two young women fighting for a place under the coffin”! She then got up close to me saying “we’re not fighting for it at all, I think it’s only fair that blah blah blah”. I turn my back on her and eventually she begins to show frustration. This frustrations leads to the other sister to start crying. I then just feel bad thinking I'm putting myself before the funeral and all. But at that moment her auntie enters the room, who has just been persuaded by my dad to drop the whole idea.

My father gives out stink to me later, while I manage to keep a straight face. After that, when we were all saying our final good byes before closing the coffin, the three heavy women from that family (mother included) were clearly winning the crying competition. We’re then all asked to leave except the immediate family for the actual closing. But one of these daughters stays! The grandfather kicks her out a few moments later! This drama auntie then creates tension at the church. My dad’s family had agreed to have my uncle, who inherited the farm and who knew the locals, to sit outside my grandad in case he wouldn’t remember all their names. Instead she sat there. For the sake of peace my dad’s sibling let her there.

At the church on the day of the funeral, the two daughters began to annoy the hell out of me. Before we were about the leave the church (when the first group were about the get under the coffin), one of them starting acting like she was running the show. She starts telling me to be ready for when the coffin is being changed. I said “you just look after yourself”. Then later on, outside the church, when I was discussing which side I’d go under with another coffin holder (brother of these two), the older and heavier daughter (32) did something that really pissed me off. She yells out in front of everyone “Jonathan could come up here please to be ready”! And me being on my way anyway probably looked like I was being told what to do.

And that’s only some of the drama that went on. So annoying.

Sorry for the loss of your Grandma. Your Granddad should have let the fat girls do it by themselves and when they fail they would have kept their mouths shut for the rest of the funeral. This is why you're better off having the funeral home handle everything. They won't put up with any kind of stupidity. Too many people trying to act like they're the one in charge otherwise.

jluv

scwazrh wrote: »

Was anyone else surprised by the weight of a coffin the first time you carried it

Not myself. But my brother. His friends dad. My brother is very tall so hard to match up with somebody. Watching him carrying in the
casket to the church was terrifying! All I kept thinking was he was going to lose it! He admitted himself that his legs were very shakey..

lawred2

What a load of f(king nonsense

Your Gran can rest now and not have to endure such utter shoite any more

Miss Demeanour

Ya know what....silver lining n all that....its not you they are fighting over.

Yer Da sells Avon

TomSweeney wrote: »

Its always sad when families act up at funerals, you'd think they could just let personal vendettas rest for the day.
And I'm not judging you OP, we all have it.

My family must be very weird (or just boring) because we never have any kind of drama at funerals. A lot of really inappropriate giggling and sniggering, but no fights.

Yer Da sells Avon

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

My family must be very weird (or just boring) because we never have any kind of drama at funerals. A lot of really inappropriate giggling and sniggering, but no fights.

We don't have fights or drama at funerals on one side of the family - and that's because we're British and we know how to repress our feelings!

At funerals on the Irish side of the family there's always someone, usually a second or third string relative, who'll make it all about them. They're usually crying the loudest at the service and are the drunkest at the wake.

cursai

lawred2 wrote: »

What a load of f(king nonsense

Your Gran can rest now and not have to endure such utter shoite any more

She's not tired. She's dead like.

touts

Nothing so dirty as family fights at a funeral. I've never been a chief mourner organising a funeral (thank god) so I've never had to organise people to go under a coffin. But what I can say is I've never looked to be under a coffin but over many years at many funerals I've been asked to do it four times, done a few of prayers of the faithful, looked after a couple of young children at the back, handed out mass books, made sandwiches and directed traffic. At a funeral unless you are a spouse or a child of the deceased you do what you are asked to do without hesitation or questioning and stay out of the way other than that. I couldn't imagine being crass and vulgar enough to actually look for a higher profile role at the event. Your grandfather just lost his wife and he has had to arrange two teams of pall bearers and now possibly a third just to keep others happy. Call a family meeting, without him, and tell them all to cop the **** on.

yoursaviour1989

Am I the only one bemused by people using the term 'going under the coffin'? Surely using the word pallbearer or just saying 'carrying the coffin' sounds less.......weird?

foxatron

Did she ever try lift a coffin, they weigh a ton! A very physically demanding job. She'd want to be some size of a woman to try help carry it.

touts

yoursaviour1989 wrote: »

Am I the only one bemused by people using the term 'going under the coffin'? Surely using the word pallbearer or just saying 'carrying the coffin' sounds less.......weird?

Was wondering about that myself. Just assumed I was out of touch with the latest terminology so just used both terms in my post above.

twowheelsonly

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

My family must be very weird (or just boring) because we never have any kind of drama at funerals. A lot of really inappropriate giggling and sniggering, but no fights.

Freaks !!!

It's 2018. Surely some sort of trolley exists?

freshpopcorn

Did anybody ask who was getting his place?

suicide_circus

Resverathrole wrote: »

two heavy daughters

think I just found the title of my next album

MugsGame

This story has really upset me OP. Funerals should be a time for families to come together, not engage in petty squabbles over banging around coffins. An opportunity for familial conjugation has been missed and now you've lost your cousins as well as a grandparent.

But anyway OP. One of the girls was teasing you about your outfit, mock bossing you about in the church, and wants to "get under" your "coffin". It's pretty obvious what's really going on and it's no wonder that your public rejection of her overtures led to a displaced tantrum, exacerbated by her mother's interference in this blossoming relationship and her own awkwardness about you being cousins.

Your path to reconciliation is now clear, ring her up and say that you've been thinking about her, that you apologise for your obliviousness and that you want to involve her and her sister in fulfilling your own funeral arrangements, buried up to your balls in...

Malayalam

Ok. I read that whole thing imagining it was a funny tale about people trying to actually squeeze in UNDER a coffin and that the big problem was the hefty birds would take up too much space UNDER the coffin...Yep, vibrant visuals and all in me head, quite clear, the lot of ye jostling and giving out below deck. It was a confusing few minutes to start Sunday. Note to self -stop taking things literally. :rolleyes:

Sorry about your granny.

steves2

With 'elf n safety the way it is these days I'm sure you won't be allowed carry a coffin much longer without undergoing a manual handling course, or the coffin will have to go on a trolley, but only to be operated by someone with a safe pass in trolley handling.

Pkiernan

Which halting site?

Mookie Blaylock

There's a lot to be said for cremation... then the 2 fat hippo's could have played pass the parcel with nanna

colm_mcm

Fighting for places under the coffin at my granny’s funeral

Sounds like the title of a lesser known Patrick Kavanagh poem.

Rigor Mortis

'Fighting for places under the coffin at my granny’s funeral'

Title for the difficult second album sorted

KevinCavan

PS the grandstanders will normally be the ones who have done least for the deceased or haven't seen them in a long time.so they will be easy to identify..[/quote]

You couldn’t have said it better, they are normally the ones hoping to get a lump of money from the will too.

KevinCavan

MugsGame wrote: »

This story has really upset me OP. Funerals should be a time for families to come together, not engage in petty squabbles over banging around coffins. An opportunity for familial conjugation has been missed and now you've lost your cousins as well as a grandparent.

But anyway OP. One of the girls was teasing you about your outfit, mock bossing you about in the church, and wants to "get under" your "coffin". It's pretty obvious what's really going on and it's no wonder that your public rejection of her overtures led to a displaced tantrum, exacerbated by her mother's interference in this blossoming relationship and her own awkwardness about you being cousins.

Your path to reconciliation is now clear, ring her up and say that you've been thinking about her, that you apologise for your obliviousness and that you want to involve her and her sister in fulfilling your own funeral arrangements, buried up to your balls in...

They sound like too sad cases those sisters, but is it any wonder when they were raised by your aunty, who sounds like a sh1t stirrer. It probably is some guilt think with the two younger heavy women, they probably did do sweet fcuk all for your gran, as another poster alluded to.

Crea

Next installment - The Reading of the Will

There'll be blood on the walls!!!

Resverathrole

scwazrh wrote: »

Was anyone else surprised by the weight of a coffin the first time you carried it

To be honest, I wasn't.

Resverathrole

MugsGame wrote: »

One of the girls was teasing you about your outfit, mock bossing you about in the church, and wants to "get under" your "coffin".

It's not my coffin. And no, she cried because I touched on the sore spot of her not getting under the coffin.

Lady Haywire

foxatron wrote: »

Did she ever try lift a coffin, they weigh a ton! A very physically demanding job. She'd want to be some size of a woman to try help carry it.

Not alone that but as women don't (usually) wear suits with shoulder pads it cuts the shoulders off ya. Fist time i carried a coffin I wore heels too, don't recommend that either :pac:

Sorry for your loss OP, there's drama queens to avoid in every family, least you know about them now anyway & can watch out for them in future!

gigantic09

I would have to applaud the heavy sisters for volunteering for the strenuous exercise of coffin carrying. It could have been the making of them, but guess we'll never know.

Bazzer007

That’s a lot of hassle to be dealing with when the attention should be focused on celebrating the life of your gran & looking after your grandad.

I come from a small family so there’s a lot less drama at funerals. Although on the other hand it means you have a lot of duties and there’s a bit of pressure to do everything asked. Hopefully won’t have to worry about it again for a long time.

Condolences op.

kerryjack

Its all a load of bollocks the way its done here i have seen it first hand here recently it was like the start of grand national. Where is health and safety when you need them. The whole funeral setup should be looked at. It can be go on for days and is more a social outing for coffin dodgers themselves that have nothing better to be at. 1000 people turn up and its the few people that stayed at home are talked about.

timthumbni

8gtiayze1297r3 wrote: »

Irish funerals are gas. The family hierarchy comes to the fore. From the death announcement on the radio, all relations must be mentioned. If anyone is left out out, they could take offence, and disrupt the whole funeral.

Your first thought is "I'd better go to it, or they'll be talking about me." It's the ones that are missing are the ones that are talked about. "I didn't see so and so at the funeral. He's a bad bastard".

To make sure the bereaved know that you went, you sign the book of condolences, before you go in and sympathise with the relations. In case they don't remember that you turned up!
Then the shaking of hands. The first few people you shake hands with are unknown to you, they are low down in the family pecking order, and you only want to meet the chief mourners.
There's always someone in front of you who insists on overdoing the sorry for your trouble. You have to wait, standing beside somebody you've just shaken hands with. You can't converse with them because you don't even know who they are. It's fairly embarrassing!
After you've finished shaking hands, then comes the solemn stand beside the coffin. This is a moment of deep sobriety, while you consider what a mess the embalmer made.
Outside, someone will say how well the dead person looked. "Didn't the week in Lahinch do him a power of good".

If it's a small funeral, you disappear as quick as possible, in case you're asked to shoulder the coffin.

You sound almost as snarky as I am about funerals/ religion. Bravo....

BrokenArrows

Who wants to carry the coffin. Very strange thing to be wanting to do especially from two short fat women.

Seems like you have a bunch of childish attention seeking knackers for family.

KERSPLAT!

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Who wants to carry the coffin. Very strange thing to be wanting to do.

Seems like you have a bunch of childish attention seeking knackers for family.

I carried my Grandad's coffin a few weeks ago. It meant a lot to me to carry him to his final resting place, an honor.

KevinCavan

8gtiayze1297r3 wrote: »

Irish funerals are gas. The family hierarchy comes to the fore. From the death announcement on the radio, all relations must be mentioned. If anyone is left out out, they could take offence, and disrupt the whole funeral.

Your first thought is "I'd better go to it, or they'll be talking about me." It's the ones that are missing are the ones that are talked about. "I didn't see so and so at the funeral. He's a bad bastard".

To make sure the bereaved know that you went, you sign the book of condolences, before you go in and sympathise with the relations. In case they don't remember that you turned up!
Then the shaking of hands. The first few people you shake hands with are unknown to you, they are low down in the family pecking order, and you only want to meet the chief mourners.
There's always someone in front of you who insists on overdoing the sorry for your trouble. You have to wait, standing beside somebody you've just shaken hands with. You can't converse with them because you don't even know who they are. It's fairly embarrassing!
After you've finished shaking hands, then comes the solemn stand beside the coffin. This is a moment of deep sobriety, while you consider what a mess the embalmer made.
Outside, someone will say how well the dead person looked. "Didn't the week in Lahinch do him a power of good".

If it's a small funeral, you disappear as quick as possible, in case you're asked to shoulder the coffin.

This is gold, laughed out loud about the line referring to Lahinch.

kanadams123

touts wrote: »

Nothing so dirty as family fights at a funeral. I've never been a chief mourner organising a funeral (thank god) so I've never had to organise people to go under a coffin. But what I can say is I've never looked to be under a coffin but over many years at many funerals I've been asked to do it four times, done a few of prayers of the faithful, looked after a couple of young children at the back, handed out mass books, made sandwiches and directed traffic. At a funeral unless you are a spouse or a child of the deceased you do what you are asked to do without hesitation or questioning and stay out of the way other than that. I couldn't imagine being crass and vulgar enough to actually look for a higher profile role at the event. Your grandfather just lost his wife and he has had to arrange two teams of pall bearers and now possibly a third just to keep others happy. Call a family meeting, without him, and tell them all to cop the **** on.

I have also done a few prayers of the faithful over the years and little things here and there,like yourself, without hesitation or fuss.

BUT, at an uncles funeral a few years ago (i was 17) on the day of the buriel, i was asked by the deasced man's son-in-law (ie married to my 1st cousin) would i shoulder the coffin for a bit into the church as they were looking for one other. I was flattered he asked me, my older brother was doing it, my father, cousins etc. But i said NO, there and then.

Was this rude? I would have been physically able, but i just didnt feeel like doing it.
Was this ok? I felt slightly bad afterwards, and even if i was asked today to shoulder a cofin, i dont think its something i would like to do? Am i being selfsh?

razorblunt

I thought height wasn’t important for the coffin carriers as long as your partner was similar and the tallest at the back?

Resverathrole

kanadams123 wrote: »

I was flattered he asked me, my older brother was doing it, my father, cousins etc. But i said NO, there and then.

Was this rude? I would have been physically able, but i just didnt feeel like doing it.
Was this ok? I felt slightly bad afterwards, and even if i was asked today to shoulder a cofin, i dont think its something i would like to do? Am i being selfsh?

Gee, what are you afraid of? You didn't just say "no" bluntly like that?

kanadams123

Resverathrole wrote: »

Gee, what are you afraid of? You didn't just say "no" bluntly like that?

I wasn't afraid of anything.
I just wouldnt like to do that job.
Mostly its just isnt something i wouldnt like to do, having the coffin ontop of my shoulder.

You dont have to be afraid of something not to like it or want it.
I just said "no i wouldnt be comfortable doing that"
It wasn't blunt was it?

Sycamore Tree

People get all self important at Irish funerals. Especially amongst the family. They often make fools of themselves and cause arguments that last for years. I tend to sit back and watch it all unfold.

Resverathrole

kanadams123 wrote: »

I wasn't afraid of anything.
I just wouldnt like to do that job.
Mostly its just isnt something i wouldnt like to do, having the coffin ontop of my shoulder.

You dont have to be afraid of something not to like it or want it.
I just said "no i wouldnt be comfortable doing that"
It wasn't blunt was it?

Well if you;re uncomfortable doing that, I can only imagine what other miscellaneous things are you uncomfortable with doing.