Work Problems - How To Overcome ?

jungatheart

I think I need some perspective. I work for a small organisation and I'm riddled with self doubt all the time, it doesn't matter that my boss tells a lot I'm doing a great job and so on, lately I just feel so incompetent and not as smart as everyone else. I know it sounds a bit crazy but I'm almost 50 and when I meet people now who are just 30, they are so confident and seem to have the answer to everything and I feel so overwhelmed by them. I'm thinking is just how it is now ? I wish I could just see that I do my best most days and that people value my work but I can't, I just see the mistakes or that someone else is looking down on me and doing better. I guess I'm not that assertive, for example there's a person at the moment who I am dealing with about some funding and we met six weeks ago and despite several promises to do so, several phone calls, emails and text messages, she just never responds to do what she said what she was going to do but in other situations she will be all over people with this bossy attitude. It really grinds my gears as she never responds to anyone herself - anyone know how to deal with someone like this and also the issue of feeling so incompetent at times despite everyone else saying the opposite. I've done therapy for a marriage breakdown and this issue came up so at least I'm aware of it now, I wasn't before.

OMM 0000

I'm sure this will annoy some people here but...

* If you have a weight problem, try a keto diet for a few months. You'll lose a lot of weight.
* Join a gym and lift weights so you feel and look physically stronger.
* Get your teeth cleaned and keep them clean.
* Get a nice new haircut.
* Go clothes shopping with a woman friend who has taste. Let her choose your clothes. This includes nice shoes.
* Take care of your personal hygiene, including a nice skin routine.
* Start jogging.
* Start studying your work subject. For example, if you're a project manager, get a Prince2 qualification.
* Continue with the therapy. Take her advice on how to replace your negative thoughts.
* Give up alcohol as it's a depressant.

The above will definitely boast your self confidence and feelings of self worth.

jungatheart

Thanks, I'm sure therapy will help. The other things you've mentioned either don't apply to me or I've been doing already for a bit. I don't drink alcohol at all for example and I've won a few fashion competitions for my clothes in the past few years. It's hard to know but it is about feelings of confidence and self worth and feeling intimidated by those who seem to have buckets of it but actually little substance, like the person who never responds to work calls or emails but is full of blah at meetings !

OMM 0000

It can be hard to solve these sorts of problems, and I do empathise with your situation. I'm guessing there's probably a sad story (e.g. ****ty childhood) which explains at least some of the problems you're facing.

I think the important thing is to keep working on yourself and don't give up. I also think you should try to learn to be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. See the good things in yourself.

Do you ever do a gratitude list? Have you ever written down the good things about yourself?

vectorvictor

Regarding the age issue I think that is always going to be present regardless of your actual age. I am in my thirties and I see early twenty somethings who move faster and talk smarter. That said, I see myself as being overall more capable and my employer recognises that too, I have a bit of life experience and I don't have the same knee jerk, eager to please panicked approach to things that the young uns do. I take my time over things , measure a situation and react appropriately rather than the younger guys that seem to base their actions on what will get them a gold star, often achieving the opposite by not thinking things through to conclusion.

I still consider myself young but twenty odd years of work life has taught me to care about the important things and to be largely unaware of the things I can't change - colleagues attitudes being one of those things I have learned to switch off from. That's their stuff not mine.

Maybe I am just comfortable but I really think you should try taking a relaxed approach to work and find humour in those who take significant time to preach what they don't practice, you'll still have the same amount in the bank at the end of each month regardless of what you let grind you.

If you are genuinely incompetent at a specific task then train either with your employer or outside. If it is a self created judgement then you need to realise that until you are invited to a tea and no biscuits meeting with your manager, you are doing just fine.