Has he lost interest?

SozBbz

Little late joining this one but OP, you'd had some great advice here so make sure you take it forward into your next relationship.

I've a few bits to add.

1. You come across as extremely anxious. You really need to work on not sweating the small stuff (and yes, in grand scheme of things, this is extremely small). Have you spoken to anyone about your anxieties? IMO what you've demonstrated here is a bit above and beyond and sounds to me like you don't cope well.

2. People take casual plans very differently. I know plenty of people who interpret anything short of a definite plan (time/date/location) as just talk. "might do something at the weekend" wouldn't mean dot to them and they wouldnt follow up on a plan that loose. If you value your time, don't hang around waiting on this basis. Take control and firm up loose plans and eliminate uncertainty. I know he said he'd get back to you and he didnt but as I said, I know people who definitely wouldnt take the original interaction you described as a commitment to do anything.

3. Don't be afraid to value yourself. I know many of us were probably guilty of this is in our younger years but there is no harm in taking control, you do not have to sit passivly for fear of being seen as hard work, crazy or demanding or whatever other terms people use as excuses when the facts are that they're just not arsed.

I'm reminded of a scenario early on in my own relationship. I'd a plan to meet himself at a shopping center for dinner/cinema whatever, a loose enough arangement. He text me earlier the same day to say he was tired and didnt fancy it. I could have obviously gone into a tail spin and started being all anxious about it but I simply told him (without getting at all cross) that I don't think cancelling last minute for no real reason is a bit lame and while I didnt go mad or over the top, he knew I wasnt best please. No ultimatums/tantrums, just basically told him that I value my time. Low and behold he's suddenly no longer tired and original plan is back on. Said he was just in a funny mood and actually told me I'd done the right thing by challenging him on his nonsense.

Moral of the story is that if a guy likes you, pulling him up (politely, rationally) on his BS will not scare him away, so don't be afraid to raise something like this which has annoyed you and left you feeling undervalued.

However, if a lad is not that bothered, situations like this are golden excuses for them to extricate themselves. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself and say when you expect better. The outcome may not always be what you want, but it will always tell you what you need to know.

Sitting around waiting is a mugs game.

osarusan

If I understand the timeline correctly, you were together (slept together) on Tuesday night, and on Wednesday morning, you made possible plans for the weekend, with the understanding that he would message you to let you know if he was free.

He never messaged to let you know anything, which is absolutely bad form from him. You fretted over this for a couple of days, but when you messaged him on Sunday morning/afternoon, he replied, and then replied a bit more during the day, but then didn't reply to a message for a few hours, at which point you decided that's it, time to give up.


I don't know, the whole thing seems like a very narrow window of time to base that decision on.

If he was ghosting you he probably wouldn't have replied at all to the text you sent on that Sunday morning/afternoon. Instead he replied, and then replied at least once more at some point during the day.

But by 11.30 at night, because he didn't reply to the last message for a few hours even though he had seen it and was online, it's all over again.


OP, is he generally fast to respond to texts, or is it usual for him not to reply for a few hours? Or, more generally, was there any indication before this weekend that he had started to lost interest?

In the two months you've been together, is this the first time you wouldn't have spent at least some part of the weekend together? Or has that happened before?

professore

osarusan wrote: »

If I understand the timeline correctly, you were together (slept together) on Tuesday night, and on Wednesday morning, you made possible plans for the weekend, with the understanding that he would message you to let you know if he was free.

He never messaged to let you know anything, which is absolutely bad form from him.

OP you mean nothing to him. If a guy is with with a girl he really likes he will be really looking forward to meeting her at the weekend. He probably has several women lined up for the weekend and keeping you on standby in case some of the others bail.

sunshinew

professore wrote: »

OP you mean nothing to him. If a guy is with with a girl he really likes he will be really looking forward to meeting her at the weekend. He probably has several women lined up for the weekend and keeping you on standby in case some of the others bail.

None of us know why he's faded out and we could all come up with different theories. In your case OP, I'd come up with the one that makes you feel the best about yourself and helps you move on the fastest. (Eg. you were intimidatingly good in bed ðŸ˜)
Anyway onwards and upwards op. Look after yourself.

Sugarloaf12345

So guys the plot thickens.. or does it. We have continued to text after that and I asked him to meet this week and go to the movies. I had half expected this would be the perfect opportunity for him to say sorry im not interested etc. which Id rather he did if he was ghosting, but instead he responded quicker than usual and told me he had plans wednesday saturday but free other wise however I have work so I cant meet. He then said he was unsure of Wednesday as his plans are based on weather conditions and if they fell through we could go then. I of course said yes we could go Wed. ( this was monday)
He didnt text me back yesterday which is understandable as I know he has an important exam today. however he still never replied to let me know if hes meeting them or not so as its pushing on in the evening i just text him again to see if he is still going with them or not.

I am getting to a point where I am frustrated and angry now. I was upset and anxious before but now I feel he this is not acceptable anymore. I have a life too and he's giving mixed signals. one minute hes texting and suggesting potential days to meet then hes backing off. I have given him scope to say sorry not interested but he's really taking the biscuit now. Id almost rather he not text back at all than to string me along. Im taking my self worth back now. Rant over

Ursus Horribilis

Time to have an actual conversation in person with him. Texting is no substitute, because you can't see and hear the nuances. You're filling in the gaps here and maybe you're getting it wrong. Maybe.

Sugarloaf12345

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Time to have an actual conversation in person with him. Texting is no substitute, because you can't see and hear the nuances. You're filling in the gaps here and maybe you're getting it wrong. Maybe.

i cant actually get him to meet in person. He keeps going absent on me. If he was interested im sure he would want to see me and keep in touch but this is the second time he's given me a potential day to meet then not text me to confirm yes or no. This is hugely frustrating to me as its preventing me from making more solid plans and i think it shows the value he has of my time

gwalk

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

i cant actually get him to meet in person. He keeps going absent on me. If he was interested im sure he would want to see me and keep in touch but this is the second time he's given me a potential day to meet then not text me to confirm yes or no. This is hugely frustrating to me as its preventing me from making more solid plans and i think it shows the value he has of my time

Just walk away, he seems like a very immature person who doesn't have the stones to tell you that he's not interested

gmisk

From reading this thread.
Being honest.. he is just not that into you... Sorry.
It sounds like you are doing all the running and he isn't that fussed.
Maybe have a chat to see what he has to say, but I doubt it is going to go the way you want, and you would be best shot of him.
Make your own plans and move on.

Sugarloaf12345

gwalk wrote: »

Just walk away, he seems like a very immature person who doesn't have the stones to tell you that he's not interested

I was prepared for him and kind of hoped he would tell me hes not interested when i asked him to meet. at least i would know then. whatever about ghosting and not replying, what hes doing now by leading me on telling me we can potentially meet this day etc is way worse. its giving me mixed signals and keeping me there by a thread. Sometimes its hard to know if hes genuine or playing me. either way im starting to get mad and frustrated as its not fair and is a bit disrespectful. He's the one that suggested meeting wednesday if the lads bailed and then doesnt reply and let me know either way. FFS Im not taking s*** from him anymore, 30 secs to say sorry going with the lads is respect and courtesy i deserve

LegacyUser

This way lies madness OP

Take a step back here for a second and think - would you treat someone you liked this way? What way would you have to feel about someone to treat them the way he’s treating you now?

I’m seeing a lad a few months now & while it’s long distance & we only see each other for a weekend every two weeks, we talk every day. He has the next date nailed down within 24 hours of me landing home. I’ve been in your situation before this guy, and while not as bad it nearly drove me insane - I never actually knew for sure when I was going to see him so I’d end up sitting around waiting just in case he was free. When we split I didn’t miss him because what was there to miss exactly.

Someone who genuinely liked you wouldn’t leave you hanging, they really wouldn’t.

gmisk

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

I was prepared for him and kind of hoped he would tell me hes not interested when i asked him to meet. at least i would know then. whatever about ghosting and not replying, what hes doing now by leading me on telling me we can potentially meet this day etc is way worse. its giving me mixed signals and keeping me there by a thread. Sometimes its hard to know if hes genuine or playing me. either way im starting to get mad and frustrated as its not fair and is a bit disrespectful. He's the one that suggested meeting wednesday if the lads bailed and then doesnt reply and let me know either way. FFS Im not taking s*** from him anymore, 30 secs to say sorry going with the lads is respect and courtesy i deserve

On Wednesday you were a backup plan and that suited him. He isn't fussed be honest you know yourself, some people just don't like the idea of an argument.
I honestly don't think you can describe his behaviour as mixed, he is not interested.

Sephiroth_dude

Don't be anyone's second choice, walk away.

Sugarloaf12345

gmisk wrote: »

On Wednesday you were a backup plan and that suited him. He isn't fussed be honest you know yourself, some people just don't like the idea of an argument.
I honestly don't think you can describe his behaviour as mixed, he is not interested.

If he's not interested I understand. Nevertheless, he should not be treating me this way if he isnt. Instead of telling me maybe Wednesday he should just come straight out and say it. There would be no argument and even so, its about having respect and doing the right thing

Telly

You just said he had an important exam today. It’s no wonder he wasn’t making plans with you or replying if this is true. Seems like you’re the one working yourself up here not him. Why would you think you’re more important than an exam when you’ve only been seeing each other a while?

You were second choice on Wednesday, if his other plans fell through.
Just move on & find someone where you will be their first choice.

Flippyfloppy

Telly wrote: »

You just said he had an important exam today. It’s no wonder he wasn’t making plans with you or replying if this is true. Seems like you’re the one working yourself up here not him. Why would you think you’re more important than an exam when you’ve only been seeing each other a while?

The exam (removed incorrect info)

OP, he actually thinks that you want to meet up with him so much that you will wait around in case his plans fall through!! The cheek. In future, don't ever go along with the suggestion of being somebodies back up plan. And yes, he should have text you, he's showing you what he is.

Sugarloaf12345

Telly wrote: »

You just said he had an important exam today. It’s no wonder he wasn’t making plans with you or replying if this is true. Seems like you’re the one working yourself up here not him. Why would you think you’re more important than an exam when you’ve only been seeing each other a while?

Not at all I do not think im more important. however the exam is over now its 5pm in the day and still nothing to confirm or deny, yay or nay for tonight after saying we could meet if the guys cancelled.

He had all day yesterday and all day today, exam aside it only takes 30secs and he has been online. He gets a tea break and lunch im sure its not as if hes head is stuck in the books all day

Sugarloaf12345

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

The exam was yesterday, Tuesday.

OP, he actually thinks that you want to meet up with him so much that you will wait around in case his plans fall through!! The cheek. In future, don't ever go along with the suggestion of being somebodies back up plan. And yes, he should have text you, he's showing you what he is.

Exam was Wednesday but he didnt reply all day yest or today. I know study is number one but 30secs to reply while the kettle is boiling wouldnt harm him. I even text again this evening to see if he's going with them or not as I felt I wanted confirmation and again no reply. I am conscious this may look needy/desperate/clingy/pushy etc but I just wanted to know for sure. Nothing worse than been left in limbo im sure you guys can relate and empathise

Idle Passerby

From the very beginning of this thread it was obvious he wasn't that interested. The fact you keep circling back to him and second guessing his every minor action (or complete lack thereof) suggests you are more interested in the intrigue than anything else.

He's not going to give you a straight answer, why would he when this way he has you hanging on his every half-assed text. If you want to be rid of the drama just cut him off, if you are enjoying all the headwrecking back and forth, best of luck because that's all you'll ever get from this guy.

Telly

But that’s the thing, he’s probably thinking he can’t text you cause he was studying for fear it would turn into a long text conversation so didn’t bother as he didn’t have time with his head in the books. And now the exam is over he might have gone off for drinks with others who did the exam

Sugarloaf12345

Idle Passerby wrote: »

From the very beginning of this thread it was obvious he wasn't that interested..

I know that now. But it doesnt excuse him from being a d*** and leading me on

tara73

jesus, 70 posts now in which roughly every second post is telling you the same: he's not romantically interested in you !!

and even worse: from all you write he's just using you for his sexual needs! keeping you in line just with minimum contact with a bit of text replying.

whenever he feels like having sex he's opening a few drawers to see which girl in them are available. Yes, I would bet my house on there are more than only you in line.

And you are still fretting over why he's not clearly telling you he's not (romantically) interested. He has no interest in letting you know, see reasons above.

I hope for you you will delete his number, and not contacting him anymore. But I'm sure at some stage he will contact you (for reasons see above..). And I also hope you will tell him then where to go!

zapper55

I dont think he's leading you on, if anything he obviously couldn't be arsed. You could say he's being a coward in not saying anything but probably hoped his wishy washy communication would give the hint. I suspect he doesnt want the drama of saying it's over for you to come back and ask why etc.

Is it the way people should behave? Nope. But you cannot control other people's behaviour, only your own. You are acting like a door mat here.

Yellow pack crisps

Show some respect for yourself! He is blatantly not interested and you keep hanging on, you’re even waiting for him to put you out of your misery! Wtf. Cut the cord and move on! It Doesn’t matter if he is playing you or not, you are accepting behavior you don’t like! Walk away even if he doesn’t want to, these things don’t get better. If I wanted and was mad to see a woman I’d be moving stuff around to do so, if I was he genuinely busy I would communicate this and reassure her that it’s not because I don’t want to see her, it’s called being interested and respectful

Sugarloaf12345

Yellow pack crisps wrote: »

Show some respect for yourself! He is blatantly not interested and you keep hanging on, you’re even waiting for him to put you out of your misery! Wtf. Cut the cord and move on! It Doesn’t matter if he is playing you or not, you are accepting behavior you don’t like! Walk away even if he doesn’t want to, these things don’t get better. If I wanted and was mad to see a woman I’d be moving stuff around to do so, if I was he genuinely busy I would communicate this and reassure her that it’s not because I don’t want to see her, it’s called being interested and respectful

Its still not a nice way to treat someone

Telly

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Its still not a nice way to treat someone

Ideally what do you want to happen now?

Sugarloaf12345

Yellow pack crisps wrote: »

Show some respect for yourself! He is blatantly not interested and you keep hanging on, you’re even waiting for him to put you out of your misery! Wtf.

Thats a bit harsh of a comment. I didnt do anything wrong and to be fair he did say we could potentially meet today. I just text to see what the story was and now I have no respect for myself?

Sofiztikated

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh of a comment. I didnt do anything wrong and to be fair he did say we could potentially meet today. I just text to see what the story was and now I have no respect for myself?

Have you tried ringing him and maybe talking to him?

Sugarloaf12345

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Have you tried ringing him and maybe talking to him?

He didnt reply to my text Monday and he didnt reply this evening I cant really go ringing him now. We also never really communicated by phone texting was our primary contact

Yellow pack crisps

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Its still not a nice way to treat someone

My advice is meant with the best possible intentions. Best of luck anyway.

GingerLily

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

He didnt reply to my text Monday and he didnt reply this evening I cant really go ringing him now. We also never really communicated by phone texting was our primary contact

Maybe just leave it and keep some of it dignity?

Sugarloaf12345

GingerLily wrote: »

Maybe just leave it and keep some of it dignity?

I have left it. I am not going to contact anymore.

I feel like you are all coming down on me like a ton of bricks this evening. I took advice from this thread a few days ago to text and ask and then I would have my answer which I did. Then I get a 50/50 answer, send one more message to follow up and when i get no reply suddenly I have no respect or dignity for myself.

Whatever you guys say or think about the way I have handled things, I am still human and upset at this moment in time. From my perspective he appeared normal and interested and I simplied follow through. I didnt expect to get treated so coldly this evening. Put yourself in my shoes.. if someone you were interested in or even a friend told you they may be able to meet you today, you text to follow up and they see your message and dont reply how would you feel? Its not a very nice feeling and its not a very nice way to treat someone either.

Yellow pack crisps

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

I have left it. I am not going to contact anymore.

I feel like you are all coming down on me like a ton of bricks this evening. I took advice from this thread a few days ago to text and ask and then I would have my answer which I did. Then I get a 50/50 answer, send one more message to follow up and when i get no reply suddenly I have no respect or dignity for myself.

Whatever you guys say or think about the way I have handled things, I am still human and upset at this moment in time. From my perspective he appeared normal and interested and I simplied follow through. I didnt expect to get treated so coldly this evening. Put yourself in my shoes.. if someone you were interested in or even a friend told you they may be able to meet you today, you text to follow up and they see your message and dont reply how would you feel? Its not a very nice feeling and its not a very nice way to treat someone either.

We’re on your side! I’m sorry if my post was harsh, it wasn’t meant to be harsh to you, he is messing you around and you seem lovely and not deserving of this treatment. I just think you are worth more than this and you deserve someone who gives the same amount a you. Sometimes we need other people to point out things we sometimes refuse to see ourselves, I hope you meet someone special in the future and no longer put up with nonesense behaviour like this.

bottlebrush

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Its still not a nice way to treat someone

No its not and you can't control another person's behaviour only your own reaction to it. you were to be an option for him tonight, or so he says, if he didn't meet the guys which was weather permitting. he's not interested in you enough to let you know if his plans with them are going ahead. he knows well by now that you are in to him he has your number so the ball is in his court.

LegacyUser

I don't understand why you keep saying why can't he just tell you he's not interested, he has been. All along his behaviour and lack of investment shows a guy who just really isn't all that bothered. Stop trying to figure him out, stop wondering why. Just do yourself a favour and accept that some people are sh*ts and move on. Yes, it is di*kish behaviour but why would you want to engage with someone who treats you like that?

I've been in your shoes. The second guessing, the texting and agonising over the texting, seeing he was online but not bothering to reply to me, saying he wanted to meet but then something would always come up and we couldn't. I wasted a lot of time on someone who was only giving me the bare minimum and feeding me just enough to keep me as the backup plan. Unsurprisingly, when I stopped contacting him I didn't hear from him. Not until about a year later when he was bored/lonely/horny. I politely told him to f*uck off.

These people tend to crawl back out of the woodwork a few months/years later and why wouldn't they? You accepted the bad behaviour for so long they probably think you will again.

Do NOT message him again and ignore him if he messages you. He's only wasting your time. And you are wasting yours.

The poster who told you to get some self-respect was right, because when you respect yourself you don't tolerate crumbs and bulls*it behaviour.

Sugarloaf12345

Yellow pack crisps wrote: »

We’re on your side! I’m sorry if my post was harsh, it wasn’t meant to be harsh to you, he is messing you around and you seem lovely and not deserving of this treatment. I just think you are worth more than this and you deserve someone who gives the same amount a you. Sometimes we need other people to point out things we sometimes refuse to see ourselves, I hope you meet someone special in the future and no longer put up with nonesense behaviour like this.

Thank you. I feel so disrespected and so s*** that I wasn’t even worth a reply to say yes or no. Makes me feel so bad about myself that someone couldn’t even recognise that value in me. I feel so used and degraded

ginandtonicsky

Ah feck it OP, he’s just a flake with no interest in being honest and compassionate towards you. Nothing to do with you - he’s just one lad in a sea of lads and not someone you could ever be happy with.

Dating is a tough business that you have to take with a pinch of salt and a sense of humour and you have to see it in a lighthearted sense to get out of it with your self esteem in tact. See these dickish behaviours as the gift of red flags that a guy isn’t right for you and dinner party fodder for years to come! “Remember all those eejits I met online back in my single days!” That show you’ll be talking about him and other wishy washy men you meet in many years when your life falls into place, as it does for the vast majority of it.

What helps me with dating and with life in general is to frame everything under the question- “will this matter in five years time? What about ten years?” In your case, you’ll probably not even remember his name, so block his number, take back your power and move onto bigger and better things/men x

ginandtonicsky

Ah feck it OP, he’s just a flake with no interest in being honest and compassionate towards you. Nothing to do with you - he’s just one lad in a sea of lads and not someone you could ever be happy with.

Dating is a tough business that you have to take with a pinch of salt and a sense of humour and you have to see it in a lighthearted sense to get out of it with your self esteem in tact. See these dickish behaviours as the gift of red flags that a guy isn’t right for you and dinner party fodder for years to come! “Remember all those eejits I met online back in my single days!” That show you’ll be talking about him and other wishy washy men you meet in many years when your life falls into place, as it does for the vast majority of it.

What helps me with dating and with life in general is to frame everything under the question- “will this matter in five years time? What about ten years?” In your case, you’ll probably not even remember his name, so block his number, take back your power and move onto bigger and better things/men x

ginandtonicsky

Things men will do when they’re interested:
- Communicate regularly and not leave you hanging
- Line up the next date ASAP, ideally during their current date with you
- Apologise profusely and give a solid reason if they’ve ever dropped off the radar for any length of time

Things men won’t do if they’re interested:
- Flake / ghost
- Be vague and give half responses and half commitments
- Line you up as a backup to their more important plans

Apply these guidelines, walk away if you see any behaviours from column B and you’ll save yourself a hell of a lot of time and drama in your dating life.

Don’t let emotions get in the way. Don’t let the fact of you fancying him and feeling a connection during your dates get in the way. That part is easy, we’re all on our best behaviour when we’re sat across from someone in a dating scenario, dressed up to the nines and the beer flowing.

Judge on actions, not words. No happy, healthy relationship emerges with this kind of behaviour present just a few months in.

Accept the rejection here, clock it down to another time waster and valuable lesson learned and practise a bit of compassion and self care with yourself now, including blocking this fella and taking back control here.

Idle Passerby

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

I know that now. But it doesnt excuse him from being a d*** and leading me on

I get it your upset and understandably so, he's been an arse to you. I think most of us offering advice have been in your shoes, I know I have and the only way out is not waiting for explanations or apologies but just walking away and not looking back. There comes a point where you become complicit in your own mistreatment by continually accepting it. Don't be a glutton for punishment, a guy who is half assed about you isn't worth the anxiety.

ginandtonicsky

Sorry for the posting spam, on an iPhone on a busy train here! Best of luck OP, onwards and upwards :-)

QueenRizla

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Thank you. I feel so disrespected and so s*** that I wasn’t even worth a reply to say yes or no. Makes me feel so bad about myself that someone couldn’t even recognise that value in me. I feel so used and degraded

OP, you are giving him a lot of power over how you feel. He is just a guy who wasn’t that interested. It is more important you see the value in you than he does. Being a backup if his plans fell through is not demonstrating that you value yourself. Forget about him and work on yourself. It will be ok, just treat it as a lesson.

bottlebrush

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Thank you. I feel so disrespected and so s*** that I wasn’t even worth a reply to say yes or no. Makes me feel so bad about myself that someone couldn’t even recognise that value in me. I feel so used and degraded

You shouldn't. this is a reflection of him, not you. you two met and went on some dates or spent time together or whatever. but that's the only way either of you could figure out what the other was really like and see if the relationship had potential. unfortunately after some time it appears he didn't feel the same about you as you did about him and his evasiveness is spelling that out loud and clear. now you know and thankfully it's very early on and you haven't become too invested. but remember that when somebody shows their true colours believe them the first time. you have given him a good few chances and he still hasn't stepped up. if you contact him again you are only prolonging the very behaviour you find so unacceptable. but you need to accept that other people don't have the same standards as you and will not just come out straight and say they are no longer interested - they just hope you go away without drama. and that's life, that's the way some people behave and nobody can change that so you have to look out for the actions and behaviors that are 'unsaid' and learn to read between the lines.
go out and meet somebody else and best of luck.

SimpleDimples

He's only treating this way with your permission. The minute you stop accepting breadcrumbs it's done. You don't have to put up with it.

The real question is why do you want to chase someone who treats you as an option. Just walk away, plenty of other men in the planet.

SozBbz

OP, honestly I think you need some tough love, as you're coming across very naive.

1. Not accepting the situation because his behavior is not the right way to treat a person. It sounds like you some sort of expectation that life is fair? Life is absolutely not always fair!
You might have right on your side, and we might all agree that he's big meanie, but what would that change? he's still not interested and you still need to move on.

2. Why are you trying to facilitate him dumping you? He's proven time and again now that he doesn't take you seriously, yet you still won't be the one to cut the cord. Why are you waiting for him to unambiguously articulate that he's not interested? Value yourself more and make the decision yourself.

Its almost as if you want to be the victim, the poor unfortunate who always has wrong done to her by heartless men. Why instead can you not be the strong, independent woman who puts a value on your own her own time. Why are you determined to give away all the power?

The tone of the advice has changed because you're only hearing what you want to hear, but your behavior hasnt actually changed. You're still hanging around for him to fit you in. Just because you don't like hearing it doesn't make it bad advice.

Sugarloaf12345

Thank you all for taking the time to write and advise me.
I have taken the advice on board.

He text me back after that last night and said he was sorry he was busy studying and that he was going out for dinner with his friends - he never acknowledged that he suggested we could meet. I am so mad over this treatment and Im not taking it anymore. Hes making no effort only stringing me out, possibly to keep me there for if he gets lonely. So im going to text him over the weekend and finish it properly. I know some of you may be thinking why bother doing this but for me I want closure and I also want him to know that its not ok to treat ME like this and to try gain back some control over the situation.

Please note I dont expect anything from him by texting to end it, he probably wont even reply which Im prepared for, Im doing this for me because I hate the thoughts of him thinking he can just pick and drop as he pleases and to show him my worth.

Telly

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time to write and advise me.
I have taken the advice on board.

He text me back after that last night and said he was sorry he was busy studying and that he was going out for dinner with his friends - he never acknowledged that he suggested we could meet. I am so mad over this treatment and Im not taking it anymore. Hes making no effort only stringing me out, possibly to keep me there for if he gets lonely. So im going to text him over the weekend and finish it properly. I know some of you may be thinking why bother doing this but for me I want closure and I also want him to know that its not ok to treat ME like this and to try gain back some control over the situation.

Why not just text him now then?

Sugarloaf12345

Have you any suggestions on what to say?

gossamer

Be honest with yourself, you think an ultimatum will push him to act the way you want him to. It won't. He'll just see you're over invested because of your drama and emotion.

The best thing you can do is LEAVE IT. Stop texting him, full stop. This behaviour shows value. Whoever cares the least has the most power. This man does not care, so why should you? Just suck it up and accept it. Stop wasting energy on him. The more you obsess over silly texts and what not, the more you feed the obsession and anxiety around him.