Advice appreciated on work friendship gone cold

raymd18

Thanks in advance for any advice with regard to this problem that has been really bugging me. I’m in my early 40’s, single, not out- though how anyone could think I am straight at this stage is a mystery!

Around 18 months ago I started working with a guy the same age as me. He was single, never married, no kids and only mentioned a past girlfriend twice in that time- really into his football and beer and a mans man. Also, he’d never comment on attractive women and was quite secretive. Over the summer, I found that we became more and more close- to the point of getting texts after work- always with winks and smiley faces, regular and prolonged trips for coffee at work, constant laughing and lots of in-jokes between us- even a gift from him. It really felt great- bliss actually.

Over the past month or so that stopped- suddenly and completely. Now when we go for a coffee its shorter and he spends his time fidgeting with paper cups and looking at his phone- hardly any texts and the few that are usually are one worded ones. At a coffee last week he put on a ridiculous show of looking at women and commenting on other women’s weight- it was to my mind at least a sham. When I spoke of a family anniversary, last week he deliberately changed the subject and when I challenged him on it – he described himself as having a heart of stone. He’s strangely distant and even seems cold- like something unsaid- when I ask him if anything’s up - I get an evasive “no”. I’m really not sure what I can do in this situation but move on I suppose. On paper I’m his boss- so I realise I need to watch my steps. But I do miss it all- I miss what looked like a possibility and I miss my mate and cant get my head around the so sudden change- and would value advice on what I should do or not do.

Ten of Swords

Op in the absence of a specific incident at your workplace which may have provoked his sudden distance it simply sounds like he just wants to keep his work and personal life separate. You say you are his boss on paper, he may want to keep a healthy distance and not be seen to be cosying up with his line manager.

Have you ever socialised outside of work, have you ever been to his house? It sounds like you don't really know him at all except as a colleague.

raymd18 wrote: »

He was single, never married, no kids and only mentioned a past girlfriend twice in that time- really into his football and beer and a mans man. Also, he’d never comment on attractive women and was quite secretive.

This is not an indicator of anything, it's far too easy to read something into this that simply isn't there.

368100

If you are his boss id tread very carefully.

In any case it sounds like whatever interest he had in friendship or otherwise is gone so i'd keep it professional and move on. Will be hard if you did have a connection but you dont really have much choice.