Who's single?

LollipopJimmy

I'm single about 9 months now. Finally feel ready to move in and find something meaningful but so far I've found that a bit tough at 34. I'm either getting the jumping in 2 feet first or somebody who wants a fwb. Neither of which interest me. Is a few dates and taking things easy a thing of the past?

Cleopatra_

I've been in a civil partnership for over four years and I love my missus, and she's the best wife I could ever have asked for. We've had loads of ups and downs and separated for five months at one stage, mainly due to me and my "issues" with monogamy. I still struggle with the "grass is greener" side of things from time to time or I overanalyse stuff and think too much. To be honest I think there are pros and cons to being single and the same applies to relationships.

ancapailldorcha

I'm a perennial singleton though I have to say that I'm at the point where I very much enjoy my own company, my freedom and, being an intorvert, solitude. That said, I think I'd like to get into a good long term relationship but I'm not optimistic. Not bitter either, though.

ChikiChiki

ChikiChiki wrote: »

50% of the time you could replace guy with woman.

Ridiculously generalising post.

You could but Miss is speaking from her experience so it makes sense to me.

fullstop

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

To be fair I don't think boards is a good representative sample. Seems to be a high amount of on the spectrum folks here who either don't want or are incapable of forming normal relationships.

I'm happily married for 9 years. My wife is my best friend. Have 3 beautiful kids as well. I'm not a Saint but my family are the most important thing to me.

Happily married by you can head off and cheat on the wife for the weekend? Best of both worlds I suppose :rolleyes:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=107540348&postcount=70

suicide_circus

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I'm a singleton for last 18 months after a 4 yr realationship and love it. I've always been a fiercly independent person. I do my own thing, love going out, meeting different people and experiencing different personalities. Currently building my career in a specialised field by 35 is my main goal so not that bothered about a relationship until I'm content and happy doing what I do.

Friends and fam on the other hand keep asking why I'm not settling especially as everyone seems to be around 30 and really I couldn't give a fook!!

the reason your friends and family are on at you about this (as annoying and intrusive as it is) is that they know that statistically speaking the older you get the harder it is to meet someone not to mention your fertility falling off a cliff as you approach 40.

ChikiChiki

suicide_circus wrote: »

the reason your friends and family are on at you about this (as annoying and intrusive as it is) is that they know that statistically speaking the older you get the harder it is to meet someone not to mention your fertility falling off a cliff as you approach 40.

Its very intrusive to be fair to them (not you) Live and let live, I'll decide when I settle. And I will at some point. For me lining up my ducks and making sure I'm personally happy comes first before bringing a partner and kids into my world.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Eh? What's the hypocrisy?

Edit: I see you deleted your post chiki. Fair play on realising your error.

suicide_circus

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Its very intrusive to be fair to them (not you) Live and let live, I'll decide when I settle. And I will at some point. For me lining up my ducks and making sure I'm personally happy comes first before bringing a partner and kids into my world.

yep, perfectly reasonable and sensible plan on paper.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Eh? What's the hypocrisy?

Edit: I see you deleted your post chiki. Fair play on realising your error.

I think adultery can be a very grey area. However you think little of sleeping around yet assume those who are single are 'on the spectrum'?

Gimme A Pound

fullstop wrote: »

Happily married by you can head off and cheat on the wife for the weekend? Best of both worlds I suppose :rolleyes:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=107540348&postcount=70

I think that's one of those "forgetting their parody persona and being their real persona" situations.

suicide_circus wrote: »

the reason your friends and family are on at you about this (as annoying and intrusive as it is) is that they know that statistically speaking the older you get the harder it is to meet someone not to mention your fertility falling off a cliff as you approach 40.

But I'm not sure that that poster is a woman or wants to have children.

Another thing too is the negativity regarding those who don't want to have children. I get it's an evolutionary thing but some people do not want to be parents, aren't suited to being parents and really shouldn't be bringing children into the world with that as their foundation. Unfortunately we have seen the consequences of people not suited to parenthood having children.

And a further thing about people's intrusion is: usually the person simply hasn't met anyone to be in a relationship with since their last relationship and it's not like they can just produce a partner. It can be hard to find the right person. It's not for the want of trying, and the implication with "You'd want to get a move on" (so incredibly rude) is that they're not bothering. Not that it should matter to anyone else.

fullstop

Patrick Gray Blowgun wrote: »

I think that's one of those "forgetting their parody persona and being their real persona" situations.

Of course it is, but it just makes him look stupid trying to be serious now...all the while thanking every post from his other gimmick account.

jellybellyelly

Single but looking Edging towards late 30s and would like to settle down and have children if the right guy came along but so far there's no sign. I find the majority of single men I've encountered so far have difficult relationships with exes they have kids with - that they like to b1tch incessantly about and I'm tired of pretending to care when they start on about it on a first or second date. I have my own share of baggage (don't we all?) but I try not to lay it out on the table before I get to know someone.

My last relationship broke up around two years ago and since then I've been dipping in and out of dating, whether it be online or meeting people through work/social stuff. Dating is such a hobby for some people these days and I have to take a break from it every so often because I tire of the game playing/benching/ghosting etc etc.

Zorya

eviltwin wrote: »

I wonder what kind of relationships some of you have had if you feel that you can only be free if you are single.

Yeah that's a funny aspect alright. Married a very long time here and we are complete opposites. For him it's sex and weed and beer and being laid back always, I take nothing in the line of intoxication and am much more serious in general. We don't like the same movies, music, books, politics, we sleep different hours, we don't have the same friends or activities, he is extroverted, I am introverted, if we go away we often split up for the day because we want to do different things. There are so many aspects of each others lives that we just have passing knowledge of, and yet we get along great, laugh loads, have sex often, and the 30 plus years has felt like it has flown by to be honest.

nthclare

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Pm sent! :pac:

Thanks,I'll get back to you lol

nthclare

My last relationship was with a Narcissist sociopath, so quite frankly I'm like scared of meeting another monster.

I know men can be narcissistic but when you end up with a bisexual female narcissist it makes the amitiville house like a play house.

Gaslighting and triangulation, spending time with one of those is like being in a haunted house....a haunted life too...

suicide_circus

suicide_circus wrote: »

the reason your friends and family are on at you about this (as annoying and intrusive as it is) is that they know that statistically speaking the older you get the harder it is to meet someone not to mention your fertility falling off a cliff as you approach 40.

I was single pretty much all of my 30s & it never bothered me in the slightest.
One nosy old fecker at work told me one day, I should hurry up & find a man cos I wasn't getting any younger & would find it hard to have kids!!!
Nosey sh1t.
I told him I couldn't have them, that shut him up.....
Found love last year, neither of us even looking, both in our forties. & no, my fertility doesn't come into it.

People should learn to keep their mouths shut, commenting on other people's lives. My friend is married 12 years, they actually can't have kids, & yet people still ask them when are they going to...

TG1

Single. Don't have the time or energy to find someone I could tolerate sharing my life with, and so far no one has landed in my lap without me trying either so.... :pac:

Foweva Awone

I'm 33 and very very single, literally haven't even kissed a boy since 2016! I dunno, I've done the whole long-term relationship thing in the past, and I don't miss it - any of it. Can't see myself getting involved in anything in the foreseeable future. I have a four-year-old, and amn't too pushed about having more children, so the biological clock doesn't factor in either. I've a lovely little life in my apartment with my cat, I have lots of good friends so I'm never lonely, I honestly feel a relationship would be an unnecessary complication in my life right now.

suicide_circus

bubblypop wrote: »

I was single pretty much all of my 30s & it never bothered me in the slightest.
One nosy old fecker at work told me one day, I should hurry up & find a man cos I wasn't getting any younger & would find it hard to have kids!!!
Nosey sh1t.
I told him I couldn't have them, that shut him up.....
Found love last year, neither of us even looking, both in our forties. & no, my fertility doesn't come into it.

People should learn to keep their mouths shut, commenting on other people's lives. My friend is married 12 years, they actually can't have kids, & yet people still ask them when are they going to...

I'm talking generalities not specifics. People devoid of tact and discretion who bring this stuff up and irritating and insensitive but they are coming from a statistically sound footing ie the longer you wait, the less likely it becomes.

TheBoyConor

I'm a 32 year old guy. Single about 2.5 years now after being with a girl from 20 to 28 and then another 18 month relationship until I turned 30.

I'm single and loving it. Since becoming single I feel my world has opened up and I've met so many new friends and doing things that I never would've done had I stayed coupled up.

I have no problem getting dates luckily but none of them go anywhere because I don't want them to.. Essentially, I date as a hobby to fill in the odd day when I've nothing on. Some i end up having sex with a few times, others I I get bored of and ghost or bench. I've been called called everything from a really decent gentleman to a headwreck shyster who don't know what I want. But equally I've been ghosted by some girls too. So, swings and roundabouts. I had everything from a fling with a Romanian woman to Galway girl and I've even covered a Japanese english student.

What I really do appreciate those is that I've met a girl who has turned out to be really good friend now as a result of this hobby dating. Not fwb or anything like that, just friends for hangin out, going places & having the banter.

While many of my peers seem to be getting married and childered like it's going out of fashion I genuinely cannot see myself having any interest in a serious relationship for the foreseeable future.

I have several very close female friends and are the best there is and I also I would do anything for. But I wouldn't entertain taking any one of them on as a gf. One got feelings and I had to let her down on it but after a period of awkwardness we are still besties.

I put great value on the freedom and independence I have by being single and I don't want to sacrifice that for the sake of having a girlfriend.

As far as I'm concerned, I have it all.

Wanderer2010

JeffKenna wrote: »

Perhaps it's the nature of your response that makes people leave the conversation as opposed to you being single?

No, I simply respond in a friendly way "No, im single and happy out", a courteous reply to a nosey question. But when I say that, im willing to talk about anything and everything in between me being single or not but to many people that's simply the end of the conversation, as if you have nothing to offer them bar your love life.

ginandtonicsky

suicide_circus wrote: »

I'm talking generalities not specifics. People devoid of tact and discretion who bring this stuff up and irritating and insensitive but they are coming from a statistically sound footing ie the longer you wait, the less likely it becomes.

Maybe it’s none of their business though? Maybe the flippant comments and speculations are hurtful to someone who is recovering from a heartache, for example, or has fertility problems.

Some people are single by choice, others suddenly find themselves single after a relationship breakdown, others have a run of hard luck in the girls or guys that they meet.

Would you ask a married person how their sex life is, or if they’re really happy or is it in fact all a facade? No chance in hell. It’s the same level of intrusion tbh, “well meaning” or not.

Sephiroth_dude

My last relationship was two years ago and it was intense, so much so that I didn't feel able to or want to go back out dating, have only started to dip back into dating the last couple of months and have only been on one date.

eviltwin wrote: »

I wonder what kind of relationships some of you have had if you feel that you can only be free if you are single.

Maybe they dated over bearing control freaks :pac:

suicide_circus

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Maybe it’s none of their business though? Maybe the flippant comments and speculations are hurtful to someone who is recovering from a heartache, for example, or has fertility problems.

Some people are single by choice, others suddenly find themselves single after a relationship breakdown, others have a run of hard luck in the girls or guys that they meet.

Would you ask a married person how their sex life is, or if they’re really happy or is it in fact all a facade? No chance in hell. It’s the same level of intrusion tbh, “well meaning” or not.

of course it none of their business, never said it was. just that family and friends often show concern for family and friends.

Pintman Paddy Losty

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I'm a 32 year old guy. Single about 2.5 years now after being with a girl from 20 to 28 and then another 18 month relationship until I turned 30.

I'm single and loving it. Since becoming single I feel my world has opened up and I've met so many new friends and doing things that I never would've done had I stayed coupled up.

I have no problem getting dates luckily but none of them go anywhere because I don't want them to.. Essentially, I date as a hobby to fill in the odd day when I've nothing on. Some i end up having sex with a few times, others I I get bored of and ghost or bench. I've been called called everything from a really decent gentleman to a headwreck shyster who don't know what I want. But equally I've been ghosted by some girls too. So, swings and roundabouts. I had everything from a fling with a Romanian woman to Galway girl and I've even covered a Japanese english student.

What I really do appreciate those is that I've met a girl who has turned out to be really good friend now as a result of this hobby dating. Not fwb or anything like that, just friends for hangin out, going places & having the banter.

While many of my peers seem to be getting married and childered like it's going out of fashion I genuinely cannot see myself having any interest in a serious relationship for the foreseeable future.

I have several very close female friends and are the best there is and I also I would do anything for. But I wouldn't entertain taking any one of them on as a gf. One got feelings and I had to let her down on it but after a period of awkwardness we are still besties.

I put great value on the freedom and independence I have by being single and I don't want to sacrifice that for the sake of having a girlfriend.

As far as I'm concerned, I have it all.

Fair play to you lad.


My earlier posts were probably a bit of a generalisation when I characterised the singletons as being bitter and on the spectrum. Of course that's not true in every case as outlined by Conor.


Great attitude. Good on ya.

TheBoyConor

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I'm a 32 year old guy. Single about 2.5 years now after being with a girl from 20 to 28 and then another 18 month relationship until I turned 30.

I'm single and loving it. Since becoming single I feel my world has opened up and I've met so many new friends and doing things that I never would've done had I stayed coupled up.

I have no problem getting dates luckily but none of them go anywhere because I don't want them to.. Essentially, I date as a hobby to fill in the odd day when I've nothing on. Some i end up having sex with a few times, others I I get bored of and ghost or bench. I've been called called everything from a really decent gentleman to a headwreck shyster who don't know what I want. But equally I've been ghosted by some girls too. So, swings and roundabouts. I had everything from a fling with a Romanian woman to Galway girl and I've even covered a Japanese english student.

What I really do appreciate those is that I've met a girl who has turned out to be really good friend now as a result of this hobby dating. Not fwb or anything like that, just friends for hangin out, going places & having the banter.

While many of my peers seem to be getting married and childered like it's going out of fashion I genuinely cannot see myself having any interest in a serious relationship for the foreseeable future.

I have several very close female friends and are the best there is and I also I would do anything for. But I wouldn't entertain taking any one of them on as a gf. One got feelings and I had to let her down on it but after a period of awkwardness we are still besties.

I put great value on the freedom and independence I have by being single and I don't want to sacrifice that for the sake of having a girlfriend.

As far as I'm concerned, I have it all.

Good for you, that's exactly how I felt. Single was great, I even started solo travelling because I wanted to see the world & no one else had the freedom I had.
Like I said, I met someone last year..... & he is perfect for me, but I had to go to the Balkans & meet a Nordic man for the perfect man to fall into my lap.
Truly believe if I or he were not so happy in ourselves on our own, we would never have got together.
You have to live life & enjoy it, embrace new experiences & people, & never allow yourself to be held down by the idea of someone or something.

Hey, it may not work out for us, but if it doesn't, I have had a great experience with a fantastic guy & I know I can be alone.... & enjoy it!

Gimme A Pound

Ghosting and benching and referring to "had sex with" as "covered" is so cool and edgy.

Tell me how

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote:

Great attitude. Good on ya.

Well apart from the benching or ghosting thing.

People do drift apart but making a conscious decision to treat someone in this way is poor in my view.

Young or old, male or female, be honest in your intentions whatever they are ffs.

eviltwin

Zorya wrote: »

Yeah that's a funny aspect alright. Married a very long time here and we are complete opposites. For him it's sex and weed and beer and being laid back always, I take nothing in the line of intoxication and am much more serious in general. We don't like the same movies, music, books, politics, we sleep different hours, we don't have the same friends or activities, he is extroverted, I am introverted, if we go away we often split up for the day because we want to do different things. There are so many aspects of each others lives that we just have passing knowledge of, and yet we get along great, laugh loads, have sex often, and the 30 plus years has felt like it has flown by to be honest.

Similar set up here. We are very happy together and a great team but both very different and independent and have the freedom to do things solo without the other one getting upset about it. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where it's expected you do everything together. I can imagine that would be very suffocating and I need me space.

TheBoyConor

I'd just like to clarify that I never intentionally ghosted anyone. It just tends to happen sometimes that after a few dates or whatever, contact tends to be less and less frequent and at some stage, it will come to an end. It just happens.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

Zorya

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

The lesser known Einstein I presume?

La.de.da

Tell me how wrote: »

Well apart from the benching or ghosting thing.

People do drift apart but making a conscious decision to treat someone in this way is poor in my view.

Young or old, male or female, be honest in your intentions whatever they are ffs.

Exactly. Doesn't even have to be a phone call, a text to say there's no longer interest there. That's a bit of respect.

Even if as said they only shagged a few times...... they shagged a person not a bit of meat. That macho bravado attitude puts a lot of people off dating. Would you wonder why?

Tell me how

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote:

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

Sorry for taking him at his word, which he posted. And using terms like ghosting/benching implies a fair of knowledge of what his actions were.

No matter. He has clarified.

anewme

Patrick Gray Blowgun wrote: »

Ghosting and benching and referring to "had sex with" as "covered" is so cool and edgy.

It would make anyone with an ounce of sense run.

I'm a bit older but if people start Speaking like that in my company I'd find it very hard to keep a straight face

Gimme A Pound

Benching is completely calculating. It's throwing crumbs at someone who's mad about you after breaking up with them, giving them hope. A horrible thing to do to another person. Never mind lads trying to look macho in front of their "bros" and pretending it's nothing. If a woman behaved like that (and they can do) to a man, they'd tear shreds off her. And understandably so.

frozenfrozen

I am single and always get asked why am I single which is odd enough because I'm 23

Cutie 3.14

Karina Brief Rosewood wrote: »

Grand. So with your reasoning, the fella was abused too considering he couldn't look in a certain direction without being chastised.

Why do you have such a problem with what I'm saying!?
You don't know the full story for god sake.
I don't have to justify anything to you but this will be me my only reply to you.
My initial post was skirting around the issues because I didn't want to drag the thread off topic.

Yes it was abusive, I tried ending it numerous times only for him to threaten to kill himself if I left.
He flirted with women right in front of my face and if I had the audacity to be hurt by it he would say "well who else am I supposed to look at/talk to....YOU!? " and then proceed to look me up and down with disgust. There is SO much more I could write but there's no need.

If you don't like what I'm saying, I don't care.

Disposable1 wrote: »

The parts I have in bold above can sometimes be part of an abusive relationship. Not all abuse in a relationship is physical, it can be emotional or mental. He looks controlling to me, classic power games. Even if the OP's ex did not abuse he certainly treated her in a disrespectful way.

Thank you for sticking up for me:)



Back on topic: I'd love to meet a nice fella with the same morals and values as me. I just can't see it happening. But I'm quite happy being single. I know people who are always with somebody, bouncing from one relationship to the next very quickly, they just can't be alone for some reason.

No one asks me why I'm still single any more..

Tell me how

Deleted User wrote: »

No one asks me why I'm still single any more..

Yeah. I've been thinking that throughout the day.

All those complaining about being asked are they single, wait until they start getting wedding invites without a plus one and no expectation that it would be a problem.

anewme

Tell me how wrote: »

All those complaining about being asked are they single, wait until they start getting wedding invites without a plus one and no expectation that it would be a problem.

I'm still being asked.....even if I'm way past the wedding invite stage (well the first round) past the baptisms, in the middle of the divorces phase now, but when it moves into the funeral stage, I suppose I'll start worrying.

Gimme A Pound

Micky 32 wrote: »

You ever stare at another mans arse or whatever during a relationship, not even once??

Karina Brief Rosewood wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes it was lol

No it wasn't "lol". Crikey, some people would ignore reams in order to make the woman out to be hysterical.

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Just watching jessica ennis , man a savage ass

She better take it up the brown star

Fook all else that gets me into her lolo

ur kool

grindle

Cutie 3.14 wrote: »

I know people who are always with somebody, bouncing from one relationship to the next very quickly, they just can't be alone for some reason.

Besides the obvious possibility of low self-esteem it's possibly a lack of hobbies/interests beyond X-Factor or whatever Joe Duffy is yakking about that day which could exacerbate the newfound loneliness - they have to fill the gap the only way they know how. Learned behaviour really, it's why I always express to any hobby-less friend (including a couple of past girlfriends and the current FWB) that they need a hobby or two, otherwise any tight relationship ending could be overwhelming and they get stuck in a depressive rut.

It's also healthy while in a relationship even if just to keep the brain ticking over. It lessens pressure on any other party to keep you entertained or for you to entertain them which I've found to be a huge energy sap in the past.
Being passionate about something is attractive to others as well, it's a double-win!

jimbobaloobob

Sprinter Sacre wrote: »

Single for most of whole life and will be for the long term future. I am in my 20s but I don't believe in love and I don't buy into this settling down thing. The idea of settling down scares me as is. Like why would you want to settle in anything. I like the freedom, I like not being forced to do something or have to put up or listen to someone just because we share a house and she gives the ride once in the blue moon. Relationships are far too much work and effort and there simply isn't enough of a positive side. The level of cheating and people separating and getting divorced is horrifying as well and would only put you off more. Sex is everywhere so no fear of me that way but after a while you get bored of that. There are far greater pleasures out there but most men will never experience that anyway as they're settled down and in a sense stuck.

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. 🙂

Yer Da sells Avon

I've been single for over a decade and I'm very happy together. I've got 99 problems, but having to hide my depressive personality and pretend to be normal for as long as it takes someone to grow rather attached to me ain't one.

jimbobaloobob

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. 🙂

That's unfair.

Bitterness was mentioned earlier in the thread as was the assumption that a relationship means control and loss of freedom. There are those who have such views as a form of defense from the pain being single or heartbroken brings. I come in to contact on a regular basis with people who want so badly to find love but have themselves wrapped within a wall of "I'm better off anyway" and "most marriages end in divorce".

Do you understand how hard it can be to shake off that wall and be open and vulnerable? You may be capable of it but don't dismiss another persons position. In any event what I wrote above obviously doesn't apply to every single person so the poster you quoted may actually feel exactly as claimed.

anewme

Agree it's unfair.

Marriage and 2.4 kids is not the measure we all want to be assessed on. Or have any interest in.

people don't need to justify it to anyone. If people are happy in their own skin and fck the begrudgers then more power to them.

Yer Da sells Avon

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

I've been single for over a decade and I'm very happy together. I've got 99 problems, but having to hide my depressive personality and pretend to be normal for as long as it takes someone to grow rather attached to me ain't one.

You don't give yourself enough credit for who you are Da.

Daisybelly

Single and its complicated. Any place in the poll for that?