Don't know what to do

jacksparrow88

Hi guys, maybe this post is in the wrong forum.. I've tried to search for a right one.. So my apologies if it is.

I have some issues, work / finance related, and hope that I can find some geniune help/support on how to attack this, what to do with it.

For the past 5 years, I've been dealing with depression. It comes, it goes, I've searched for help, and there are days, even weeks that things seem to be just working out, feeling well, and not overwhelmed with everything.

About 4 years ago, we had to take care of family, and due to that, build up some debt.. Due to paying bills, medical bills etc.

Fast forward to today, we're kind of stuck, not really stuck as in being completely poor, but, as far as always overdrawn (even though we have overdrafts), and usign the creditcards.. Not a life you want to continue living.. Always living salary to salary.

I have moved jobs, to a different company, more into the direction that i enjoy... But, this job, does not pay sick leave, 10 days a year, rest is through SW.

Due to my family having moved back home, I've had to take days off, unpaid, and, besides, took 10 sick days due to not feeling well, sometimes my depression takes over, just as it does today.. And it is so hard to even get up, and push myself to go to work.. I still go nonetheless, but still, it's very very hard... And someone who hasn't felt this way, can only imagine, but even though, you do everytrhing you can, it just comes and goes.

I work, fulltime and besides that, I also work part time in the evening.. Around 4 nights a week, to supplement our income, and to help with paying the debt / bills...

Now, I don't know what to do, I feel like I am about to crash and burn.. I feel terrible, but without working those 2 jobs, we don't have any income..

Besides, my fulltime employer, has all these posts on the notice board, about mental health, and about the fact that you have to take care of yourself.. All the while I cannot sign in sick, as I don't get paid, or only a small samll bit on SW.

And, they don't understand, if I tell them, I did... But it didn't make a difference..

At the moment I am just at a point, that I don't know what to do anymore.. Can you help me, give me some advise, anything.. That would help in this situation..

Jack Sparrow 88.

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Are you currently taking medication for your depression or getting any kind of therapy? It might be worth going back to your GP to review where things are at now.

Do you have a partner and if so, would they be able to work (even part time)? It's a big burden on you and it sounds like you're burning out.

Have you looked at your outgoings and set a budget? MABS are good for this. You'd be surprised how much most of us spend on things we don't really need. Are you shopping in Aldi/Lidl, have you looked into changing electricity providers, insurers, etc?

Also it might be worth contacting your bank about a mortgage holiday? It would give you a bit of breathing space to properly deal with your depression (if you need to take sick leave).

OMM 0000

Do your family know this is destroying you?

Is there anyone else who could be helping out, but aren't?

It sounds like you need to write down all your options (try to think of every possible action you and your family could take) and write the pros and cons for each one. It might help you realise there's a better option to solve your current problem.

listermint

You also have annual leave. Have you considered using that to take breaks.

You don't necessarily need to take sick days as that seems to be the question you are asking

BrokenArrows

So you have two problems.
1. Depression
2. Debt

2 makes 1 worse so lets just focus on that one.

You work two jobs so from an income point of view there is not much else you can do unless a change of careers that pays more is likely.

You mentioned that without your jobs "we" have no income. Who is the other WE.
Is there something preventing the other person from getting a job. Even a part time job?

How much are you in debt? (You dont have to say the amount but give us a % of your monthly take home salary)

Would just sucking it up for a few months solve your issue? Cancel all non essential expenses. Tv, Internet, Gym, snacks.
Cheap out on food as much as possible. Live on cheap vegetable salads + cheap cuts of meat.

If you were to clear your debit how much easier would it be month to month?

jacksparrow88

Flying Fox wrote: »

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Are you currently taking medication for your depression or getting any kind of therapy? It might be worth going back to your GP to review where things are at now.

Do you have a partner and if so, would they be able to work (even part time)? It's a big burden on you and it sounds like you're burning out.

Have you looked at your outgoings and set a budget? MABS are good for this. You'd be surprised how much most of us spend on things we don't really need. Are you shopping in Aldi/Lidl, have you looked into changing electricity providers, insurers, etc?

Yes - I am on medication, and it works, and it doesn't.. To be honest, I don't feel like it's working, but I've switched over twice already.. And there are days that it goes well, and then after a week, when everything goes well, I slip back into this habit of feeling terrible..

My partner works full-time as well, but, besides her full-time job, we also have 2 dogs and 3 cats, so if she would be working, they will never see any of us, which is sad, and we cannot do that to them..

We cancelled most of our non-essential bills, i.e. Sky and so on... We go to Aldi/Lidl for all our grocery shopping.. And still, we have this issue..

I made an appointment today at MABS and they send me over some documentation. And to be honest, it's not even that I don't know where my money is going, I use YNAB to track expenses, been doing so since March, so I know exactly where everything is going.. But, the bills are just quite high, and it's difficult..

Hopefully MABS will be able to assist further in this. I have never used them..

jacksparrow88

Flying Fox wrote: »

Also it might be worth contacting your bank about a mortgage holiday? It would give you a bit of breathing space to properly deal with your depression (if you need to take sick leave).

Unfortunately we rent, we have a really great landlord, who has helped us last year, and we didn't pay rent for 4 months.. But eventually that also creeps up. We caught up on most of the payment..

My job, they are helpful in a certain way, but still, they expect you to be present, and signing in sick every month, does not bode well for improvements career wise.. I.e. salary raise..

An employer needs to think about their aspect, and can only give so much leniency.. I think.. That's the problem.. I feel kind of lost.

jacksparrow88

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Do your family know this is destroying you?

Is there anyone else who could be helping out, but aren't?

It sounds like you need to write down all your options (try to think of every possible action you and your family could take) and write the pros and cons for each one. It might help you realise there's a better option to solve your current problem.

Yes, my partner said to stop working in the 2nd job, and that she wanted to look for a 2nd job.. But as posted just a minute ago, we also have pets.. Who need some attention, and if both of us work.. They will be alone almost all day...

That's something that we can't do..

We are going to do that this weekend, and we have, today, asked for help from MABS to see if they can negotiate certain solutions for us.. And help us assist in this..

Sleep is so bad, I got medication for sleeping, but I don't really take them, as i get so tired all day after, and can barely hear my alarm clock..

Thanks so much for your post

zoobizoo

jacksparrow88 wrote: »

and if both of us work.. They will be alone almost all day...

That's something that we can't do..
=

It's something you choose not to do.

You need to prioritise your mental health over your pets.

How much are they costing you a month?

qwerty13

jacksparrow88 wrote: »

Yes, my partner said to stop working in the 2nd job, and that she wanted to look for a 2nd job.. But as posted just a minute ago, we also have pets.. Who need some attention, and if both of us work.. They will be alone almost all day...

That's something that we can't do..

We are going to do that this weekend, and we have, today, asked for help from MABS to see if they can negotiate certain solutions for us.. And help us assist in this..

Sleep is so bad, I got medication for sleeping, but I don't really take them, as i get so tired all day after, and can barely hear my alarm clock..

Thanks so much for your post

You are prioritising pets above financial and mental health difficulties. In fact, to the detriment of you finances and mental health. This is not s good idea. And shows no sense of perspective.

It would be great if you - or any of us - could have it all. But very few of us can. And you’re putting your pets above your mental health.

titan18

zoobizoo wrote: »

It's something you choose not to do.

You need to prioritise your mental health over your pets.

How much are they costing you a month?

qwerty13 wrote: »

You are prioritising pets above financial and mental health difficulties. In fact, to the detriment of you finances and mental health. This is not s good idea. And shows no sense of perspective.

It would be great if you - or any of us - could have it all. But very few of us can. And you’re putting your pets above your mental health.

I'll disagree with both of these on the pets argument (although you have a lot), but as someone who's had/has mental health issues (depression, anxiety etc), my cats were the things that got me through it, so I'd strongly disagree with getting rid of them. They might be causing some of your debt, but getting rid of them will worsen your depression tbh due to the regret. They're better company than most people too.


For advice on work, I don't know what you do, but is there any potential for working at home with your job. I know this helps me get through some of my worse days as don't have to be around others, and can help lower my sick days as there are days I don't feel I can be in work, but can work at home.

Cazale

qwerty13 wrote:

You are prioritising pets above financial and mental health difficulties. In fact, to the detriment of you finances and mental health. This is not s good idea. And shows no sense of perspective.

Maybe the pets help their mental health.

whiskeyman

Perhaps try St Vincent De Paul?
They may be able to help with some of the food or other areas.
When people donate to charities like then, it's good people like you who they want to help.
Don't be ashamed of it. That small bit of extra help could make a big difference.
Best of luck. You sound like a great person.

Henry Ford III

Get rid of the pets.

Diziet

I am wondering why you are not taking up your partner's offer to get a second job. You are getting burnt out, and working 2 jobs while depressed is not allowing you to recover. If she works some extra hours, then presumably you cut down on your hours and be at home instead. This is fine, there is nothing to say a second job is solely your responsibility.
MABS is helpful, I am glad you are seeking help from them. An independent view is very useful.

Ultimately, there are two ways of getting out of financial difficulty - cut your outgoings or increase your income. Your mental health is important; you won't be earning anything if you are not employed, so you need to prioritise yourself for a while and get all the help you can get, including your partner working a bit extra so you get a break. (I hope you re not buying into the 'breadwinner' rubbish and work yourself to illness...).
You sound like a great and caring person, and I wish you well. This is not forever, lots of people have financial problems and they get better. You are doing the right things, seeking good solutions. Keep at it, but cut yourself some slack too and get some rest in the week. Go to bed early - catch up on sleep as much as possible. Lack of sleep is terrible for mental and physical health.

cocker5

Henry Ford III wrote: »

Get rid of the pets.

Jesus guys your not helping the OP here at all.

I'm sure they love their pets and are part of the family would it would cause more distress to "get rid" - I know there's no way id part with my dog.

Anyway OP - with regard to your pets if they are costing you lots of money per month, cut back on their unnecessary spends - pets can be as cheap or as expensive as you make them in all fairness.

you mentioned you've 2 dogs and three cats - if your partner was to take on a 2nd job - your animals will be fine.. they have each other for company - they wont suffer ... trust me ... they will adjust if even for 6 months to help you get out of this grey hole.

in all honestly OP 10 days paid sick leave per year is a lot I get none in my role. so your employer is being pretty generous to be honest

qwerty13

Cazale wrote: »

Maybe the pets help their mental health.

While this is possibly true, they are in debt and had problems paying their rent for months. And the pets were cited as a reason for the OPs partner not getting a second job, as the pets *might* be lonely.

Apart from the cost of so many pets, not many landlords accept pets, and they one they have does - but they are on incredibly thin ice having been so far in arrears with rent. If the landlord decides enough is enough, the OP, his partner, and the pets will be out of a home - and it will be incredibly difficult to find a new home to rent that accepts multiple pets, in an environment where rents have gone up, and they truthfully cannot expect a good reference from their landlord. They may have to give up all of their pets in order to find a home. And this is only going to add immeasurable stress for the OP.

So therefore money is the priority. Not the pets perceived potential loneliness. Better that they are possibly lonely, than having to be given away.

Bandana boy

Can you go and ask the family members you incurred debt on behalf of to pay you back some of your costs ?

I understand the benefit of pets to mental health but you have 5 , could you re home 3-4 and survive with one pet , pets are usually 800-1200 a year to look after , dripping that expenditure 3-4k a year would surely help tackle your debt