How do people feel about being called love?

dartboardio

Get back at him with ‘pet’ it’s just as bad

‘Let me know if you need any help pet’ wouldn’t be long about him stopping as he’d obviously feel like why would he need help from a woman he calls love?

vectorvictor

dartboardio wrote: »

I’d make a point to show you are of higher authority.

As in, Is that okay underling?

Peter Denham

dartboardio wrote: »

Personally I hate it if it’s someone near your age/position. Different if it’s an elderly woman asking ‘what dye want love’ at the deli,

But if it’s someone in work in the same position as me or even higher saying ‘is that alright love’ I find it so condescending and threatening, and actually go about it to pop ‘love’ back into one of my questions at them.

Hate it. You are not being unreasonable

I’d make a point to show you are of higher authority.

Why not just tell them to stop saying it? You saying it too is a fairly feeble protest, and probably only makes people feel more comfortable saying it to you.

dartboardio

vectorvictor wrote: »

As in, Is that okay underling?

No, just in some way. A comment here or there to suggest he’d need her help or something like that. Hate men thinking every woman is constantly counting for a mans approval or help.

Remember when I worked as a chef in a large hotel and I’d go down to the store room to pick up a big hand mixer, and they’d always say ‘get one of the lads to help you with that’ I’d just laugh at them and take it off them knowing I was well more capable than even some of the men

cameramonkey

meeeeh wrote: »

I hate it. It is the most patronising, annoying way to address someone unless done by someone in ther eighties or older (clear sign they are loosing it in that case).

That is ageist, shame on you.

vectorvictor

dartboardio wrote: »

No, just in some way. A comment here or there to suggest he’d need her help or something like that. Hate men thinking every woman is constantly counting for a mans approval or help.

Remember when I worked as a chef in a large hotel and I’d go down to the store room to pick up a big hand mixer, and they’d always say ‘get one of the lads to help you with that’ I’d just laugh at them and take it off them knowing I was well more capable than even some of the men

So you took a man being nice to you as an insult? I'd call that chivalry and courtesy.

Nobody said you couldn't lift it but I'd never ask a lady to do lifting or manual tasks when there's a bloke around. I'd actually see my attitude in that as more insulting to the guy than the girl. Perspectives are very open to interpretation

dartboardio

vectorvictor wrote: »

So you took a man being nice to you as an insult? I'd call that chivalry and courtesy.

Nobody said you couldn't lift it but I'd never ask a lady to do lifting or manual tasks when there's a bloke around. I'd actually see my attitude in that as more insulting to the guy than the girl. Perspectives are very open to interpretation

No, and generally I would be happy to accept such an offer but in that industry, especially catering and hospitality there would be a belief that men are more capable. For example I worked in a place where the boss would openly express that women are handy for having serving the customers and wiping the tables but couldn’t do the ‘mans job’ in the back. His wife was a qualified chef and he still believed such nonsense.

BBFAN

Peter Denham wrote: »

Why not just tell them to stop saying it? You saying it too is a fairly feeble protest, and probably only makes people feel more comfortable saying it to you.

Read the OP, I've already told him to stop saying it. :rolleyes:

eviltwin

BBFAN wrote: »

Read the OP, I've already told him to stop saying it. :rolleyes:

maybe you need to be a bit more assertive.

fathead82

If your attitude here is anything to go by OP,I'd say your "subordinates" call you a lot worse than "love" behind your back.

Peter Denham

BBFAN wrote: »

Read the OP, I've already told him to stop saying it. :rolleyes:

I want talking to the poster I replied to, roll eyes all you like. So you think the poster saying nothing, but calling him love back is an effective response? OK. That's completely at odds with everything you said so far, I don't think logic is your strong point though.

Still too scared to answer my earlier question?

Is subordinate not the proper term to use for a colleague where there is a chain of authority and you're further up the chain? I don't think it's an insult, just a descriptor.

Ah OP, you’re just annoyed he’s calling you love without meaning it, aren’t you? Half way into the weekend and he still hasn’t called or sent you a text.

Seriously, he calls you love and you get upset. Your head would explode if you had half an idea what he calls you behind your back.

Don’t worry your pretty little head now pet. There’s a good gurdel. There, there love. Who’s daddy’s little princess. Don’t mind that big meanie.

Repeat after me:

Sticks and stones could break my bones but names should never hurt me.

I’d pat you on the head if I could, OP. You seem like great craic.

Surreptitious

Candie wrote: »

Is subordinate not the proper term to use for a colleague where there is a chain of authority and you're further up the chain? I don't think it's an insult, just a descriptor.

Like you said before, it's all about 'context'.

Heckler

Working in a warehouse with 30 men should be mandatory to prevent people from being so ****ing sensitive. What I haven't been called would be shorter than what I have. Context and situation is everything.

My supervisor calling me a lazy ****. Bad.

Me telling him back that hes a fat bastard. Bad.

Both of us smiling and walking away. Good.

vectorvictor

Heckler wrote: »

Working in a warehouse with 30 men should be mandatory to prevent people from being so ****ing sensitive. What I haven't been called would be shorter than what I have. Context and situation is everything.

My supervisor calling me a lazy ****. Bad.

Me telling him back that hes a fat bastard. Bad.

Both of us smiling and walking away. Good.

Exactly. Therein lies the difference between living life or learning it from a book and not understanding the real world doesn't match

BBFAN

Heckler wrote: »

Working in a warehouse with 30 men should be mandatory to prevent people from being so ****ing sensitive. What I haven't been called would be shorter than what I have. Context and situation is everything.

My supervisor calling me a lazy ****. Bad.

Me telling him back that hes a fat bastard. Bad.

Both of us smiling and walking away. Good.

Because you worked in a minimum situation position where we all called each other horrible names then everyone should? Okay son.

Surreptitious

Jesus, you talk to all of us like we are stupid and worthless.

Peter Denham

BBFAN wrote: »

Because you worked in a minimum situation position where we all called each other horrible names then everyone should? Okay son.

Please enlighten us oh wonderful Senior One.

BBFAN

Surreptitious wrote: »

Jesus, you talk to all of us like we are stupid and worthless.

Who's all of us?

YFlyer

Its an old Limerick phrase.

BBFAN

YFlyer wrote: »

Its an old Limerick phrase.

Except I'm not in Limerick?

BBFAN

Peter Denham wrote: »

Please enlighten us oh wonderful Senior One.

Okay, if you insist, I will enlighten you. Don't refer to your seniors as love. Is that difficult to understand?

Peter Denham

BBFAN wrote: »

Except I'm not in Limerick?

Sure you wouldn't be caught dead in Limerick!

Peter Denham

BBFAN wrote: »

Okay, if you insist, I will enlighten you. Don't refer to your seniors as love. Is that difficult to understand?

Progress. Should I report my disgusting lecturer for calling me love? Or is it OK when speaking to a subordinate?

mrmorgan

this thread reminds me of my fav video on the internet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3nYm6oVFag

vectorvictor

BBFAN wrote: »

Okay, if you insist, I will enlighten you. Don't refer to your seniors as love. Is that difficult to understand?

But it's ok if they are juniors ?

If not why mention the senior part?

Why is status so important to you?

Sweetemotion

vectorvictor wrote: »

But it's ok if they are juniors ?

If not why mention the senior part?

Why is status so important to you?

I think she wants to be man

Peter Denham

vectorvictor wrote: »

But it's ok if they are juniors ?

If not why mention the senior part?

Why is status so important to you?

I'm surprised the OP speaks to juniors at all, the filthy plebs.

Carlos Orange

Peter Denham wrote: »

It's only in a work environment that it's offensive. Not every work environment mind, just the OP's work environment.

The OPs work environment or just a localised space around the OP?

vectorvictor

Sweetemotion wrote: »

I think she wants to be man

She'd be offended by her own erection

Sweetemotion

Peter Denham wrote: »

I'm surprised the OP speaks to juniors at all, the filthy plebs.

Probably over hears the them talking when she is getting her shoes polished.

Peter Denham

Sweetemotion wrote: »

Probably over hears the them talking when she is getting her shoes polished.

She let's them touch her shoes? Why doesn't her butler do it for her ?

Maybe he knows you’re a Big Brother fan OP and for that reason can’t find it in himself to consider you as his equal, let alone as someone capable of holding office senior to his own.

No joke, I’d find it impossible to take you seriously. Same would hold true for a guy I knew to be a WWE wrestling fan, for example. Or someone who buys The Sun newspaper.

If any of those people demanded I take them seriously, I couldn’t. Serious, intelligent and professional people don’t waste their time watching Big Brother or Wrestling, listen to late night phone shows or read idiot-papers.

Goodnight now, pet.

Sweetemotion

Peter Denham wrote: »

She let's them touch her shoes? Why doesn't her butler do it for her ?

Why pay a for a butler? When work pays for the juniors.

meeeeh

JayZeus wrote: »

If any of those people demanded I take them seriously, I couldn’t. Serious, intelligent and professional people don’t waste their time watching Big Brother or Wrestling, listen to late night phone shows or read idiot-papers.

But in fairness people who read Sun and vote Brexit are just the type of a person who would call others love or pal. And people who use bud would probably also steel your wallet.

Peter Denham

Peter Denham wrote: »

She let's them touch her shoes? Why doesn't her butler do it for her ?

He kept trying to call her Mam or My Lady and she just about managed to stop herself from scratching out his eyes.

That condescending, disrespectful, misogynistic prick. He was lucky she let him leave with his balls still attached.

These days she polishes her shoes by rubbing them against one of her dozen or so cats.

meeeeh

meeeeh wrote: »

But in fairness people who read Sun and vote Brexit are just the type of a person who would call others love or pal. And people who use bud would probably also steel your wallet.

Maybe he’s trying to make her feel more at ease.

Then rolling his eyes when she acts all serious. Like when a 5 year old kid scolds their ‘silly daddy’ for making a ‘mistake’ that results in the child winning the board game.

Better than a tantrum, I suppose.

meeeeh

JayZeus wrote: »

Maybe he’s trying to make her feel more at ease.

Then rolling his eyes when she acts all serious. Like when a 5 year old kid scolds their ‘silly daddy’ for making a ‘mistake’ that results in the child winning the board game.

Better than a tantrum, I suppose.

Yeah right. Maybe it's a cultural thing because I'm not Irish or British but I instantly dislike anyone who addresses people like that. Now they don't need to adapt to my cultural quirks but I don't need to like them.

The Wire

BBFAN wrote: »

I've recently started a new job in a quite senior position and there's on guy on the management team who has continuously called me love.

The other day I told him not to call me love and he continues to do so and then correct himself with an eyeroll as if to say "oh now I have to be careful". Really pissing me off because I believe in being straight up and telling people if there's something you don't like before going to the owners of the business but this is pissing me of now.

What do AH's think?

Just start calling him Susan any time he says it to you. Trust me, give it a week and he'll soon fall into step.

Sweetemotion

meeeeh wrote: »

Yeah right. Maybe it's a cultural thing because I'm not Irish or British but I instantly dislike anyone who addresses people like that. Now they don't need to adapt to my cultural quirks but I don't need to like them.

That's bigotry with your instant dislike and a form of superiority with your cultural quirks not being Irish or British.

The Wire

The Wire wrote: »

Just start calling him Susan any time he says it to you. Trust me, give it a week and he'll soon fall into step.

If It were me, I’d just call the OP Brian or Dave if that’s where this is going.

For the craic.

YFlyer

BBFAN wrote: »

Except I'm not in Limerick?

Ok love.

YFlyer

BBFAN wrote: »

Because you worked in a minimum situation position where we all called each other horrible names then everyone should? Okay son.

Son?.. Lol. Go to sleep pet.

meeeeh

Sweetemotion wrote: »

That's bigotry with your instant dislike and a form of superiority with your cultural quirks not being Irish or British.

No I grew up in an environment which is a little more formal at work and that kind of address would be completely unacceptable so maybe my attitude to it is harsher than if I grew up here. But besides that I don't like it, neither does my husband who is Irish, I was never addressed like that by any of his relatives or friends.

As stated before we actually found it disrespectful when a salesman of an English company was addressing OH 'pal'. We don't use them anymore because we didn't like them. I realise we were not their biggest customer but our orders would be over 200000 Euro per year and if their attitude was a bit less insulting we might spend it with them. Now they are not even considered for it. If that's superiority for you that's fine but for me it's just making sure you don't unnecessarily annoy people you have to have some working relationship with.

YFlyer

The Wire wrote: »

Just start calling him Susan any time he says it to you. Trust me, give it a week and he'll soon fall into step.

I'm sure he will find that funny.

Peter Denham

meeeeh wrote: »

No I grew up in an environment which is a little more formal at work and that kind of address would be completely unacceptable so maybe my attitude to it is harsher than if I grew up here. But besides that I don't like it, neither does my husband who is Irish, I was never addressed like that by any of his relatives or friends.

As stated before we actually found it disrespectful when a salesman of an English company was addressing OH 'pal'. We don't use them anymore because we didn't like them. I realise we were not their biggest customer but our orders would be over 200000 Euro per year and if their attitude was a bit less insulting we might spend it with them. Now they are not even considered for it. If that's superiority for you that's fine but for me it's just making sure you don't unnecessarily annoy people you have to have some working relationship with.

Just to be clear, you ceased ordering from a company because a salesmen called your OH 'pal'? You were completely satisfied with them before he said the word pal?

meeeeh

Peter Denham wrote: »

Just to be clear, you ceased ordering from a company because a salesmen called your OH 'pal'? You were completely satisfied with them before he said the word pal?

It's the stuff we can get from different suppliers and we use a few, why would we buy from someone we don't like. Just to clarify he didn't call only OH pal but also some other employees he spoke to. Nobody liked him or that company, there was no falling out, no major problems but we don't use them anymore.

Edit: just to add that we work in very informal environment, there is quite a bit of banter and harsher words are thrown around as joke. It's all in the context but pal, dear, bud, love wouldn't be used unless we are joking about something.

Peter Denham

meeeeh wrote: »

It's the stuff we can get from different suppliers and we use a few, why would we buy from someone we don't like. Just to clarify he didn't call only OH pal but also some other employees he spoke to. Nobody liked him or that company.

Well that's entirely different reasoning then isn't it? Multiple people didn't like this guy and also didn't like the company. The pal thing is just a detail.

Obviously it would be borderline insanity to cease working with a company purely based on the fact they said the word pal.

If pal and bud are deemed completely unacceptable I think your definition of banter may be extremely different to most people's. Did you mean to say it's a very formal work place?

meeeeh

Peter Denham wrote: »

Well that's entirely different reasoning then isn't it? Multiple people didn't like this guy and also didn't like the company. The pal thing is just a detail.

Obviously it would be borderline insanity to cease working with a company purely based on the fact they said the word pal.

The guy was not liked because how he spoke to people (hi pal is your boss around). You might think it's insanity I would rather think it's a lot better to spend what would be significant amount of money for us with someone we respect and someone who respects us.

Edit: every workplace has informal and formal communication. I don't care if that kind of words are thrown around when people are joking but when you are asking someone to do something you address them by their name.