ADHD - Teachers

ShowMeTheCash

So my Son if 4, he started school this year.
He is a bag of energy, loves being out doors for lack of a better description he is a proper little boy.


He has an older siser who is 8 they tend to fight then play then fight then play.


My son is very different in nature than my daugher, he is very independent, wants to do it his way, climb, run very rough and tumble. He can be a bit of a handful at times and is high energy.



Since starting school, we have had a few conversations with the teacher.
In short she is unable to handle him in the class.

Initially the conversation was more about well he might grow out of it and he is young being only 4.


But more recently she has spoke to my wife and thinks it is not behavioral...



Speaking to her myself, I get the sense she wants to say he might have ADHD but knows not too as she would not be qualified to do so.



We did take him to a behavioral nurse for assessement, at the time she did not seem too concerned and more or lessed said at this age it would be more a case of monitoring for a time as 4 is a hard age as most 4 years olds are hight energy etc...


Albit this was what the teacher said back at the end of September I get the impression the teacher has lost patients.


We will look to talk to a pediatrician, but I am only really doing this so I do not have to listen to his teacher.


When at home his behvior for me is not out of the ordinary, he can watch his cartoons, he can play with his lego or computer (His gaming skills at 4 are unsually good) For prelonged periods of time so his attention for me is not strange.



Where his behavior is bad is, he can be bold, refuse to do what he is told and I know we are perhaps a little soft on him (this is something we are working on) and he can be rough with his sister who is 8.


In the class I am told his work is good but at times he just wants to do what he wants to do and can be rough with some of his class mates....


There is a part of me thinking, am I being over sensative as his is my little boy.


But at 4 there is also a part of me that thinks when the teacher talks ... "He is 4......"


Any advice good or bad fire away!

mordeith

When you say he's four how old is he exactly. I think a lot of boys aren't really rests for school until 5. Did he attend any preschool as this can be a great introduction before school.

As for the behavior it may well be too early to diagnose anything. However when you say you know yourself you are too soft on him then I think you should look at that a bit more. We have two boys and youngest definitely need a firmer had when it came to discipline, especially around the age 3-5. Glad to say he's a great lad now and gets on famously with his older brother (not that I'm saying it's exclusively down to us!).

The teacher too won't be raising issues for the sake of it. It would be important to take on board what she has to say.

Big Bag of Chips

You have to appreciate that the infants teacher would have a lot of experience of dealing with children of that age. So I would suggest you do consider what she is saying. It is very difficult to assess children at that age. Unless there is something very very obvious then it really is as "wait and see" situation, because getting a meaningful assessment from a child that age is next to impossible.

Ask the teacher has she any advice on what you can do at home, to reinforce what she is doing in school. You don't want to turn home into another school setting for him, but you do need to let him know that you and his teacher are on the same page, and there's some things that you want him to be able to do.

I agree that nowadays people seem to rush to label all sorts of behaviour. Maybe your boy is just a 4 year old boy. Maybe there's something underlying. Talk to the teacher and see what you can do together.

ShowMeTheCash

mordeith wrote: »

When you say he's four how old is he exactly. I think a lot of boys aren't really rests for school until 5. Did he attend any preschool as this can be a great introduction before school.

As for the behavior it may well be too early to diagnose anything. However when you say you know yourself you are too soft on him then I think you should look at that a bit more. We have two boys and youngest definitely need a firmer had when it came to discipline, especially around the age 3-5. Glad to say he's a great lad now and gets on famously with his older brother (not that I'm saying it's exclusively down to us!).

The teacher too won't be raising issues for the sake of it. It would be important to take on board what she has to say.

He will be 5 in Feb.
He went to pre-school, pre-school teachers where very good.


We thought perhaps not sending him this year but we did in the end.
I think it is discipline and we are trying to get a routine of discipline. And mix that with high energy and I completely understand why it is difficult.



I know the teacher is not raising the issue for the sake of it and is comparing his behavior with his class mates and I am not taking it lightly we will look into it. But I get this is more out of her own frustration. When I spoke to her she kept saying things like "well get it checkout out and at least then you will know" I had to tell her, well he is 4, I won't know, he will be assessed and monitored over a period of time and perhaps in the next year or two one of two things will happen, he will grow out of or he won't.



Not entirely sure what the expectation is....

Coneire

It's very difficult to gauge how a child is at school compared to home. Most of the time children do be comfortable around parents and are relaxed.

In school, especially children starting off are in a new environment and are on their own. Sometimes children worry and act up to gain attention for comfort or they do their best to push the limits as Man and dad ain't around. It's a learning curve in most cases.

If the teacher is really concerned she should of mentioned the idea of assesment via school psychologist or private. Even at the age of 4 a psychologist can diagnose ADHD or any other spectrum disorder as most tests are verbal and visual assesment.

For the time been a good idea going forward would be a behavioural diary to record and inform you of the behaviour daily. This will give you a better idea of what's going down and it will give the student a target to improve.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

My son was a bit like your son when he was 4. He was in preschool, he liked to mess a bit when he got bored. He didn’t hurt other kids.
We took the I pad away from him and his behavior almost instantly improved.
In my opinion the speed , colors and sounds on computer games makes kids focus in a different way, so when it comes to normal real life focusing they find it difficult and get bored easily. I would recommend taking away any such games.

ShowMeTheCash

Haley Wonderful Wacko wrote: »

My son was a bit like your son when he was 4. He was in preschool, he liked to mess a bit when he got bored. He didn’t hurt other kids.
We took the I pad away from him and his behavior almost instantly improved.
In my opinion the speed , colors and sounds on computer games makes kids focus in a different way, so when it comes to normal real life focusing they find it difficult and get bored easily. I would recommend taking away any such games.

Thanks will try this, we have been thinking about this also.

shesty

I am not discounting the teacher's opinion nd if she feels there's something, I would certainly take her suggestion and as her what she recommends you do.
That being said...my eldest girl is four and half and is very high energy.Somedays I wonder about her.But my gut knows there is nothing wrong with her (and I have the benefit of family who can reassure me).She takes a lot of very firm handling though.The things I have had to work really hard on are things like answering when your name is called (the first time, not the fifth time), doing what you are told (the first time), not taking off when we are out in public at a mad run and ignoring me when I call you, not throwing herself around the place constantly,on furniture and banging into other people.She can be extremely rough with her smaller sister.Sitting on a chair for the duration of time it takes to eat a plate of dinner.Some of these are things that lots of kids need help with and some just seem to do it more naturally, but if you are an infant teacher with a class of 30, these are the basics.My daughter is very smart and like I said, there is nothing wrong with her, but she is a child who needs more work than others on some basic things.

Tv has to be limited in our house, she gets wild.We dom't do phones, tablets, computer games or anything.

I would definitely take the teachers advice on board, but I would look at how you operate at home too, and see what can improve.

GalwayGrrrrrl

A red flag in your OP was when you said he can play computer games for prolonged periods. He’s very young to be doing that. Maybe try cutting down the screen time and see if the behaviour improves. Also check a book called 123 magic. It teaches an easy to use discipline technique which worked like a dream on my energetic boy at around age 4-5. Make sure you follow through on your discipline too. If you say “stop that or there’s no desert” make sure he gets the consequence of no desert. Good luck with it all.

ShowMeTheCash

Just to add. He is not a bad kid it does take a firm had, he does not really throw tantrums but does attempt to get his own way at every turn.

In terms of the teacher there is no advice, apart from getting him assessed there is no plan of action. As his parent I guess we have the luxury of being firm with him, perhaps teacher feels she cannot be firm.

For me generally he is well enough behaved, odd flare up usually if we are out or in a shop.

Going to remove any computer games for a while see if that helps.

His fighting with his sister I think is relatively new but this has more to do with the dynamic, she is getting older and does not want to play with her little brother.

Is he hard work yes at times.
Not doing what he is told with other adults is apparent.

shesty

You can go back and ask the teacher does she have any recommendations as to where you go for assessments or how you start the process.You could ask her are there things she thinks you can work on in the meantime.

It may be an immaturity thing.February IS an awkward 'birth month' to decide about when to send kids to school, I am seeing it with my own friends, especially those who have boys.My own girl is June, so she will be 5 going in.I hear my friends debating a lot about whether to send them if they are only turning five in the jan/feb/mar, especially with the two years of ECCE now, a lot of kids are five or just about going into school.It's not whether they are able to deal with school intellectually, it's socially and emotionally-can they handle being told no, can they take at least some instruction, can they handle yardtime and their peers etc.It's tough to know.

Re:the fighting...hard to know.I have two girls 2.5 and 4.5 and they fight as much as they play.They can and do kill each other, so it may ust be a sibling thing.

I see it with my own daughter-she gets bored, she wants tv or food.Whinges, demands, etc.A lot of the time I refuse because she has to learn to be bored and how to handle that feeling without instant gratification.Part of the problem with screens etc at that age is that it is instant entertainment and gratification.Meaning if a child (who is only learning to handle those feelings) gets the screen the minute they are bored they don't know what to do when the screen isn't available. And instantly the behaviour goes bad.I find I let her have the strop and in 10/15 mins she finds a game or toy to play with.Particularly with her because she is always "on", wanting input, movement, action, interaction, whereas my second girl is far better at amusing herself and rarely, if ever, looks for a screen.

Edit:things like colouring, jigsaws,simple board games are very good for kids like that because they can learn to be still and focus-we do a lot of colouring in our house...!

I'd say go back, ask the teacher what she's thinking, where you should go, and in the meantime, cut way down on screens and videogames (if not eliminating the games altogether) and make sure you follow through on your discipline.

ShowMeTheCash

shesty wrote: »

You can go back and ask the teacher does she have any recommendations as to where you go for assessments or how you start the process.You could ask her are there things she thinks you can work on in the meantime.

It may be an immaturity thing.February IS an awkward 'birth month' to decide about when to send kids to school, I am seeing it with my own friends, especially those who have boys.My own girl is June, so she will be 5 going in.I hear my friends debating a lot about whether to send them if they are only turning five in the jan/feb/mar, especially with the two years of ECCE now, a lot of kids are five or just about going into school.It's not whether they are able to deal with school intellectually, it's socially and emotionally-can they handle being told no, can they take at least some instruction, can they handle yardtime and their peers etc.It's tough to know.

Re:the fighting...hard to know.I have two girls 2.5 and 4.5 and they fight as much as they play.They can and do kill each other, so it may ust be a sibling thing.

I see it with my own daughter-she gets bored, she wants tv or food.Whinges, demands, etc.A lot of the time I refuse because she has to learn to be bored and how to handle that feeling without instant gratification.Part of the problem with screens etc at that age is that it is instant entertainment and gratification.Meaning if a child (who is only learning to handle those feelings) gets the screen the minute they are bored they don't know what to do when the screen isn't available. And instantly the behaviour goes bad.I find I let her have the strop and in 10/15 mins she finds a game or toy to play with.Particularly with her because she is always "on", wanting input, movement, action, interaction, whereas my second girl is far better at amusing herself and rarely, if ever, looks for a screen.

Edit:things like colouring, jigsaws,simple board games are very good for kids like that because they can learn to be still and focus-we do a lot of colouring in our house...!

I'd say go back, ask the teacher what she's thinking, where you should go, and in the meantime, cut way down on screens and videogames (if not eliminating the games altogether) and make sure you follow through on your discipline.

Thanks for this, I think perhaps it was too soon maybe, we are only 2 and a bit months in. We had hoped he would adapt.

We had started the process but initial consultation seem to suggest he was within the norms so we did not follow it. Teacher then seem to think we should of... Again I think she wants a diagnosis so that perhaps she is able to apply for support in the class room etc... I am not 100% sure of what the school process is.

Will talk with an expert try and put together a more structured plan see how it goes.

shesty

I believe he will have to have a labelled diagnosis to apply for school support, which can be hard to get unless the issues are quite obvious.To my knowledge you need to involve a psychologist etc.Possibly start with your GP or PHN?
It does sound like he's fine, (in my untrained experience), the teacher may be covering herself to be fair to her, but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry too.

Blazer

As parent of 2 autistic children he doesn’t sound it.
What is a huge flag is his computer access and length of time.
Our fella was like a sponge and he was soaking up YouTube and the avengers etc on it and then acting it out in school etc.
We had to curb his iPad acces big time and restrict it till after school and homework are done.
Another sign is how good he is at games. Same for my fella, the speed he can play one of the games is beyond even my abilities as a gamer which is a sure sign he’s playing it too much.
My feeling is like myself you’ve been taking the easy route , enjoying the peace and quiet while he’s on the computer but it’s very harmful to him in the long run.
Start restricting his access to it, what he watches and games he plays and aim for a max of 30 mins a day.

Nowadays ASD is detected in children from 2 years so it looks like your son is fine. Be very thankful for that.

ShowMeTheCash

Blazer wrote: »

As parent of 2 autistic children he doesn’t sound it.
What is a huge flag is his computer access and length of time.
Our fella was like a sponge and he was soaking up YouTube and the avengers etc on it and then acting it out in school etc.
We had to curb his iPad acces big time and restrict it till after school and homework are done.
Another sign is how good he is at games. Same for my fella, the speed he can play one of the games is beyond even my abilities as a gamer which is a sure sign he’s playing it too much.
My feeling is like myself you’ve been taking the easy route , enjoying the peace and quiet while he’s on the computer but it’s very harmful to him in the long run.
Start restricting his access to it, what he watches and games he plays and aim for a max of 30 mins a day.

Nowadays ASD is detected in children from 2 years so it looks like your son is fine. Be very thankful for that.

Going to restrict any gaming iPad or PS, see how that works out.

ASD detection in kids under 6 is not exact and as I understand it as it is almost impossible to know normal hyper vs abnormal etc..

My son's aunt is a special needs teacher and is of the opinion he is high energy but normal for his age. She more or less suggested not to let the teacher force us into doing something unless you we think there is an issue. She also suggested to wait as she thinks he is in that age margin between when his behaviour is normal.

We will cut back on the video games and see how we get on.

maxsmum

It's not ADHD if he is fine at home. Has to be across the board inattention and hyperactivity to be ADHD.

ASD is autism and something completely different.

byhookorbycrook

He doesn't need a diagnosis to access school support any longer, but the problem for schools is that they have to use what time they already have so a new addition to the support list will mean cutting from somewhere else. (SEN teacher here)
I would totally eliminate any screens bar some TV between now and the holidays.

You say he will argue every point and that he is very energetic. In a class of 30 it will be a far bigger issue than that would be at home.
Can he focus on a jigsaw?Or sit while you read a very short story? If he refuses to do something, what works to help sort the issue?Has the teacher mentioned opening a continuum for classroom support?