New girlfriend worked as an escort

hawley

As the heading says, I've been in a relationship with a person that I met on an online dating site for around a month. We just on so well, been out on a lot of dates and I've told people that we're in a relationship. Over the weekend, she posted a photo of us together on Facebook and tagged me in it. After this I received a private message from someone, telling me that she has worked as an escort and is even insinuating that she still does. I'm really into her, but I don't know if I should confront her about this or how to go about it?

Eric Cartman

hawley wrote: »

As the heading says, I've been in a relationship with a person that I met on an online dating site for around a month. We just on so well, been out on a lot of dates and I've told people that we're in a relationship. Over the weekend, she posted a photo of us together on Facebook and tagged me in it. After this I received a private message from someone, telling me that she has worked as an escort and is even insinuating that she still does. I'm really into her, but I don't know if I should confront her about this or how to go about it?

What relationship does this person have with her ? Is it potentially an ex or somebody into her making things up, i think you'd have to raise it with her directly.

That said if true , personally it would be a dealbreaker, I couldnt deal with somebody working as an escort in the past or present. I just find commoditising sex as morally wrong.

silverharp

Or it could be a disgruntled ex or ex friend trying to sabotage your relationship, you could probably try fish for more information from this individual. The very act of bringing it up though could damage the relationship especially if it was false. Is there anything about this girl’s lifestyle that makes it more or less plausible ? Busy trainee accountant or lawyer probably bullsh1t, versus someone who doesn’t have a regular job but has a nice apartment and no obvious parental support then its theoretically more plausible

Ursus Horribilis

Is this lady the woman you wanted to date and turn into an obese blob?

.......

The thread title is very misleading.

You do not know that your new girlfriend worked as an escort, what you know is that a stranger has contacted you to say that your new girlfriend worked as an escort.

Perhaps it is true.
Or perhaps it is nonsense and some kind of vindictive behaviour on behalf of the stranger?

What motive would a complete stranger have for contacting you to tell you you were seeing an escort?

Or perhaps this whole thread is nonsense, were you not on recently fantasising about fattening a woman up to the point where she was incapacitated?

hawley

silverharp wrote: »

Or it could be a disgruntled ex or ex friend trying to sabotage your relationship, you could probably try fish for more information from this individual. The very act of bringing it up though could damage the relationship especially if it was false. Is there anything about this girl’s lifestyle that makes it more or less plausible ? Busy trainee accountant or lawyer probably bullsh1t, versus someone who doesn’t have a regular job but has a nice apartment and no obvious parental support then its theoretically more plausible

I am from a rural enough area but am relatively close to a big town. My partner and the person who contacted me are both from that town, but I don't know how well they know each other. She works with older people, beyond that I don't know what she did in the past.
I don't know the person who contacted me that we'll, I played sport with him a few years ago.

Mr. Incognito

1. Take screenshots of the messages.

2. Speak to your girlfriend. See if she knows this person.

3. If it is not true tell her she has a claim for defamation and I'd inform the guards for good measure.

Tordelback

Also, so fecking what? Do you like this woman or not? Why do you care about what she did in the past, beyond the obvious concerns, which are hardly unique to escorts?

hawley

Tordelback wrote: »

Also, so fecking what? Do you like this woman or not? Why do you care about what she did in the past, beyond the obvious concerns, which are hardly unique to escorts?

Yes I do like her. I'm not sure what to do. Presumably other people have been in the same situation as I'm in right now. I don't really care if she was an escort but would end the relationship if she's still working in it. I might go to the someone and ask if he has any information on her. He knows everything that's going on around the place. If it's not true, then I'd go to the guards.

MartyMcFly84

My suggestion would be to speak to her about it.

Just say what happened, that someone sent you a message. Just see what she has to say and clear things up with her, and take her word over it than some random message.

Arrival

Tordelback wrote: »

Also, so fecking what? Do you like this woman or not? Why do you care about what she did in the past, beyond the obvious concerns, which are hardly unique to escorts?

People are entitled to their preferences, including certain things in the past being deal breakers. Plenty of lads will accept a girl with even the most promiscuous past, plenty of lads won't. Accept that and stop trying to push your own liberal views onto others

JeffKenna

How much have you paid her so far?

.......

hawley wrote: »

Yes I do like her. I'm not sure what to do. Presumably other people have been in the same situation as I'm in right now. I don't really care if she was an escort but would end the relationship if she's still working in it. I might go to the someone and ask if he has any information on her. He knows everything that's going on around the place. If it's not true, then I'd go to the guards.

This basically says that you dont trust your partner.

If you are willing to go behind her back and ask some local gossip what she is up to in her life over speaking directly to her about it then it really doesnt matter whether or not she was an escort, a porn star, a man or anything else prior to meeting you.

If you dont trust her then break up with her, what you propose is pretty disgusting tbh, and just a way of spreading a nasty rumour.

KevinCavan

I’d say if her b.j.s are exceptional it’s a sure sign.

woodchuck

Mod warning:

JeffKenna and KevinCavan - your posts are WELL below the standard expected in PI.

Any more posts like that from anyone and I'll be giving out cards.

hawley

....... wrote: »

This basically says that you dont trust your partner.

If you are willing to go behind her back and ask some local gossip what she is up to in her life over speaking directly to her about it then it really doesnt matter whether or not she was an escort, a porn star, a man or anything else prior to meeting you.

If you dont trust her then break up with her, what you propose is pretty disgusting tbh, and just a way of spreading a nasty rumour.

I don't trust her fully yet, we are only dating for a month, I don't see why I shouldn't take this seriously. I'll just bring it up in passing with him, I'm not going to quiz him on it. I'm also going to ask her what she thinks about legalising escorting or just drop it into our conversations. I won't make it obvious.

eviltwin

hawley wrote: »

I don't trust her fully yet, we are only dating for a month, I don't see why I shouldn't take this seriously. I'll just bring it up in passing with him, I'm not going to quiz him on it. I'm also going to ask her what she thinks about legalising escorting or just drop it into our conversations. I won't make it obvious.

How is asking her opinion on prostitution going to help you? Seriously grow up and talk to the woman, tell her what you've heard and ask her to clarify. I'd suspect this is either a genuine error or someone trying to cause trouble, I also suspect if she denies it you will still have doubts.

LeBash

If she's done with it, what's the big deal?

LegacyUser

hawley wrote: »

I don't trust her fully yet, we are only dating for a month, I don't see why I shouldn't take this seriously. I'll just bring it up in passing with him, I'm not going to quiz him on it. I'm also going to ask her what she thinks about legalising escorting or just drop it into our conversations. I won't make it obvious.

O grow up! Someone has made an accusation against this girl at least have the decency to tell her straight up. Why play all these games? Either it's true and you can make a choice on wither it's a deal breaker for you or not or it's a bitter ex just trying to ruin/control her life.

Honestly I think you should break up as you don't sound mature enough for a relationship if you can't ask someone a direct question.

zoe 3619

Why would you initiate random conversations about prostitution 'without making it obvious'?
Just tell her you've recieved a strange message and have a chat.

punisher5112

If it is in her past leave it there but I would suggest bringing up getting tested before you both get it on.....

You could say you were given a scare or are just been safe etc.....


If she is still escorting then it would be an issue.

Big Bag of Chips

hawley wrote: »

I'm also going to ask her what she thinks about legalising escorting or just drop it into our conversations. I won't make it obvious.

If she has previously been an escort then this will be incredibly obvious!!

Just ask her.

Panthro

He'd want to be some a-hole to message something like that about an ex if it's not true.

Do a bit a of research. If she is an escort she probably has a page on a few websites somewhere.
And remember to clear your history.
If she's totally innocent and sees you've been googlin escorts, that's a whole can a worms.

GingerLily

Panthro wrote: »

He'd want to be some a-hole to message something like that about an ex if it's not true.

There are lots of extremely nasty exs, it quite common for exs to tell lies.

Doesn't mean it isn't true either!

heretothere

It's simple. Ask her! Tell her about the messages, if it's in the past that's the past. You don't know her reasoning for working as an escort.

hawley

So, I managed to look at her phone last night. I said that I had no credit left and that I wanted to check the score in the soccer. This was believable because I'm always checking match scores, so she didn't seem suspicious of me. I just checked if she had been accessing escort sites and typed certain words it into Google to see what came up. Didn't come up with anything though. Also had a look at her friends on Facebook. I contacted my friend about her and he is to get back to me about her.

.......

hawley wrote: »

I don't trust her fully yet, we are only dating for a month, I don't see why I shouldn't take this seriously. I'll just bring it up in passing with him, I'm not going to quiz him on it. I'm also going to ask her what she thinks about legalising escorting or just drop it into our conversations. I won't make it obvious.

This sounds like a plot line that a schoolchild would come up with to get the info.

"The Famous Five secretly quiz the Postmaster".

Seriously, if you are old enough to be in a sexual relationship with someone, then you are old enough to speak directly to them about whether or not they are an escort.

As an aside, have you disclosed YOUR secrets to your girlfriend? Is she aware of your fetishistic desire to fatten a women to the point of health failure and incapacitation?

Mr. Incognito

So you think she's going to have an escort app in her phone?

Seriously Dude are you 16?

Just ask her like an adult.

Neyite

hawley wrote: »

So, I managed to look at her phone last night. I said that I had no credit left and that I wanted to check the score in the soccer. This was believable because I'm always checking match scores, so she didn't seem suspicious of me. I just checked if she had been accessing escort sites and typed certain words it into Google to see what came up. Didn't come up with anything though. Also had a look at her friends on Facebook. I contacted my friend about her and he is to get back to me about her.

A month in and you are snooping on her phone because of unfounded rumours spread by an ex.

You might as well call it off before she does. If she doesn't dump you for asking around everyone but her whether or not she was a sex worker, she more than likely will when she discovers that you snooped.

This will not end will for you.

bri007

Your ruining all chances of having a lasting relationship with this person now, just think how hurt she would be if she found/when she finds out thag you have been going through her phone, searching escort sites to see if she’s on it, contemplating bringing up topics on opinions on prostitution??? Seriously over some weirdo you said you hardly know and played football with years ago, would you not spend more time researching this clown, maybe he’s jealous you have a nice girlfriend, maybe he’s asked her out in the last and got rejected??

If you like her, just ask her straight out about the message you have received, that’s how relationships work.... honesty from both sides... you have started off on the bad side already by checking up on her, and going through her phone is strange tbh.

Just ask her, and then go Garda about “your friend” for the accusation he made

eviltwin

hawley wrote: »

So, I managed to look at her phone last night. I said that I had no credit left and that I wanted to check the score in the soccer. This was believable because I'm always checking match scores, so she didn't seem suspicious of me. I just checked if she had been accessing escort sites and typed certain words it into Google to see what came up. Didn't come up with anything though. Also had a look at her friends on Facebook. I contacted my friend about her and he is to get back to me about her.

Read what you've written. This is absolutely crazy stuff, you've allowed a comment to drag you down to the level of paranoia that you feel it's appropriate to lie to your girlfriend and invade her privacy. Why can't you just talk to her about it? Is this how you deal with any awkwardness in your life by refusing to confront it?

Between this and your previous thread I would have serious concerns about your suitability for a mature relationship. These types of conversations are part of life and you do yourself a disservice by resorting to childish snooping. Do the adult thing here and pull yourself together, ask her outright and treat her with a little bit of respect.

.......

OP between this and your previous thread I too would have serious concerns about you.

Either you are telling the truth in both threads - which is disturbing. Your attitude there and your attitude here say a lot for how you objective women and you dont seem to have the ability to actually empathise or conduct an adult relationship.

OR - you are looking for a rise. Which tbh, is equally as disturbing. If this is the kind of attention you need then you probably need to speak to a mental health professional.

wiggle16

hawley wrote: »

So, I managed to look at her phone last night. I said that I had no credit left and that I wanted to check the score in the soccer. This was believable because I'm always checking match scores, so she didn't seem suspicious of me. I just checked if she had been accessing escort sites and typed certain words it into Google to see what came up. Didn't come up with anything though. Also had a look at her friends on Facebook. I contacted my friend about her and he is to get back to me about her.

Seriously like.

Whoever sent this saw you coming a mile off. If this was a bitter ex, the ploy has worked PERFECTLY.

You should break up with her, instead of spreading rumours about her and snooping through her phone.

Big Bag of Chips

......., your last post has been deleted. I don't see what relevance it added to this thread.

.......

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

......., your last post has been deleted. I don't see what relevance it added to this thread.

The relevance it has to the thread is that this is a wind up.

Big Bag of Chips

......., please do not question a mod action on thread. It is off topic. As both of your previous two posts have been.

As always, if you have an issue with any post, report it.

hawley

....... wrote: »

This sounds like a plot line that a schoolchild would come up with to get the info.

"The Famous Five secretly quiz the Postmaster".

Seriously, if you are old enough to be in a sexual relationship with someone, then you are old enough to speak directly to them about whether or not they are an escort.

As an aside, have you disclosed YOUR secrets to your girlfriend? Is she aware of your fetishistic desire to fatten a women to the point of health failure and incapacitation?

Yes, she's aware of it but isn't interested in feederism. I'm trying to get some information first of all, before I confront her on it. I found out some things about her family already, am waiting for him to come back to me. I saw your post earlier on but couldn't reply, I'm separated from my wife.

Caranica

No need to "find out" and "confront her". Be a grown up, ask her straight out. Or do her a favour and end the relationship. She deserves better than someone who thinks snooping and lying belongs in a relationship.

December2012

You're doing a background check on her is what youre doing.

Right now you are more interested in what a finer acquaintance has to say instead of what your date has to say.

You clearly don't trust women, so I suggest you end this relationship now (because of your uncommunicative nature) and go do some work on yourself

eviltwin

hawley wrote: »

Yes, she's aware of it but isn't interested in feederism. I'm trying to get some information first of all, before I confront her on it. I found out some things about her family already, am waiting for him to come back to me. I saw your post earlier on but couldn't reply, I'm separated from my wife.

Right, so now you're going beyond the escort issue and getting information on her family. And you don't think you have a problem. You're posts are actually quite scary to read, if your girlfriend was someone I know I'd be telling her to run away and never look back because you are starting to sound unhinged.

bri007

This is getting crazier by the minute, ‘getting information first of all, before I confront her’

Eh sounds like you already have judged her???

I think she needs to do some research on you to be honest, if it’s like this now so early in your relationship what are you going to be like if she has male friends or co workers....... I hope this is a wind up Caus it’s very concerning behavior!

hawley wrote: »

Yes, she's aware of it but isn't interested in feederism. I'm trying to get some information first of all, before I confront her on it. I found out some things about her family already, am waiting for him to come back to me. I saw your post earlier on but couldn't reply, I'm separated from my wife.

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

Tordelback wrote: »

Also, so fecking what? Do you like this woman or not? Why do you care about what she did in the past, beyond the obvious concerns, which are hardly unique to escorts?

<SNIPPED>

Mod note:

There was a very clear warning from a moderator earlier in this thread not to use this kind of language when posting. Please do not post in this thread again.

jesus if only there was a middle ground between hating women and airily not giving a fcuk if your new gf has worked in the sex trade.

OP- if its bothering you, ask her, if you'd believe her. it's that easy

ElizaBennett

Why won't you listen to reason and just ask her?? Seriously? You keep breezily ignoring ever single post advising you to talk to her. I'm really curious as to why you asked for advise..

leggo

Oh man, if this is all true and not a troll, you're likely goosed already and on the road to dumpsville. There's every possibility that your 'source' was on a wind-up and saw you as a bit of a soft touch, or knows the girl and got shot down by her, and now you're after taking him seriously instead of approaching your partner. He could do anything with that now. He could be on boards and even send her the link to this because it's quite specific. You need to be careful and not take the words off someone who's effectively a randomer as gospel.

The way you deal with this, and should've from the get-go, is to go to her and say "Here some lad is after sending me something mental about you, what a dick!" She's going to ask what he said, you can tell her in a way that says you believe and respect her above a guy you essentially don't know (because you should), and she's going to tell you the truth either way or lie unconvincingly and you go from there. But if she finds out what you've already suspected and done from anyone but you, it's only going one way.

Ursus Horribilis

If he is actually into feederism, this lady will have had a lucky escape. Being an escort is harmless stuff in comparison to what is going on in Hawley's mind.

leggo

I saw that thread and think what’s worth remembering is that we don’t know who’s posting what here. It could all be a successful wind-up. Then again, I run an events business with a large focus of that being social media and we get some absolutely mad stuff sent to us. Then you meet some of the people face-to-face and it makes a lot more sense, if you get me.

hawley

Thanks for all the replies. We had a conversation about it last night, the end result being that we broke up. My contact couldn't give me a definite on it. He advised me to ask a guard on her but I decided not to. I ended up asking her straight out; she became quite angry and upset. It was a short and she just left. I haven't heard from her since then.
I found out some things about her family, her brother was involved in drugs and another family member had a conviction for assault. I'm having a bad enough day today but am also kind of glad that it is finished, because I couldn't deal with this being over me.

miamee

Your contact couldn't give you a "definite" on it? He was the only reason you thought there was anything going on at all and he couldn't be sure that what he was telling you was even true? He was talking through his hat, stirring the pot and you fell for it. Sadly a few posters already called it that this would not end well for you and they were right. I doubt you will hear from this girl again.

Jenneke87

Wow....I'm not often at a loss for words but man, you got me. Instead of handling this like an adult you decided to check her phone, had your " contact" get information on her family (as if she is somehow responsible for the actions of other people in her family) and when your dubious contact couldn't confirm his already suspicious claim, you decide to " confront" her. You know, for her sake I'm really glad she ended it. And while we're at it: may I advise therapy?

SusieBlue

hawley wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. We had a conversation about it last night, the end result being that we broke up. My contact couldn't give me a definite on it. He advised me to ask a guard on her but I decided not to. I ended up asking her straight out; she became quite angry and upset. It was a short and she just left. I haven't heard from her since then.
I found out some things about her family, her brother was involved in drugs and another family member had a conviction for assault. I'm having a bad enough day today but am also kind of glad that it is finished, because I couldn't deal with this being over me.

Sounds like she had a lucky escape. As predicted, it sounds like the accusations made against her were completely unfounded.

There isn't a single family in this country untouched by addiction issues, be it drugs, drink, or gambling, so to pass judgement on her for that is extremely unreasonable.
She isn't responsible for her relative assaulting someone and it is no reflection on who she is as a person.

I wonder did you give her a low down of any/all the unsavoury things your distant relatives have done in the past, to see if there was anything she may not approve of?

She did nothing to deserve how you have treated her and I truly hope you learn a lesson from this.
The only person you comes out of all this looking bad is YOU.