What to make of it

LegacyUser

Hi all, I find myself ina bit of a bizarre and awkward situation, recently at my local gym I noticed a girl there but didn't pay much heed to her, over the next month or two we would catch each others eye about 10-20 times when we seen each other which eventually led to smiles and hellos, so I decided to break the ice. she commented on a band t-shirt I was wearing and it turns out we have similar taste in music, she also mentioned a gig coming up.

So I worked up the courage to ask her to go into the gig together, she said yes and gave me her number and said text me, two days later I shot her a text just to see how her weekend was and she didn't get back to me for nearly a day, I just put it down to her not being a texter, she's not Irish so I thought she might feel uncomfortable texting in English she said she would go into the gig which was 3 weeks away so I wasn't to worried about it.

Sooo the morning of the gig I text her to see if she still wanted to go and she replied"yes I'm going, guess I'll see you there" and that's it, I found it a bit cold. At the gig I had a look around for her but eventually said f**k this I'm going to enjoy myself, didn't seem to be much effort on her end, ended up I didn't see her all night. Next day I got a text asking did I go, she was down the front, it was packed blah blah, I kinda got the feeling it was sent out of guilt and to cover her ass, I just replied yeah it was a good gig.

Through injury I didn't go the gym for two weeks, but when I did she came straight up to talk to me, I kinda put it down to maybe she got nervous on the night, she also mentioned a band that she says never play here, anyway two days later I heard this band announced an Irish date, so I texted her to tell her, but I wasn't going to ask her out again, she then said she was down the country with her boyfriend which was a bit of a bombshell.

I was slightly annoyed that she didn't tell me this before as obviously she knew why I asked her into the gig, but decided I'd just keep it at hello and small talk at the gym when I had too. For the first few days I wouldn't even look in her direction, then she started going out of her way to say hello to me and trying to talk to me and generally being in my vicinity up to the point of point blank staring me in the face as she was walking by, its like she can sense I'm not biting anymore and has to spring into action.

I guess I'm just confused as to what her game is, part of me thinks there is a connection, part of me thinks she likes the attention of it. Honestly if I had known I wouldn't have asked her out.

leggo

I had a housemate not too long ago, Russian girl so didn't have a 'base' group of friends here if that makes sense. I could tell some mental stories but what's relevant to this topic is the only way she really knew to connect with people and have any company was to lead lads on, she pretty much admitted as much (she was gorgeous tbf so she did this easily enough). She'd bring loads of randoms back and use them for money/drugs/company/whatever she needed, used to joke how she wouldn't sleep with them if she "could avoid it", god it was mental. She'd download Tinder because she had a night free, bring a guy back home, then tell him in bed how she had a boyfriend and some lads would still chase her thinking they could change her. Oh yeah, and totally had a long-term boyfriend too! We met him after learning all this about her. Really awkward. Tbh I'm reading this and kinda wondering if you ran afoul of her because it sounds identical to how she used to carry on!

The point is: sometimes people are just mental and lead people on for reasons not even interesting enough to spend time analysing or stressing over. It sounds like you've run into one. Write it off, don't waste any more time thinking about her or texting her, don't be one of these saps like my housemate used to bring home thinking she was good-looking enough that if they just put enough time in they'd change her, it's a sunk cost. You've invested nothing in her so far, quit while you're ahead of she'll just leech off you and never give you what you want.

wiggle16

leggo wrote: »

The point is: sometimes people are just mental and lead people on for reasons not even interesting enough to spend time analysing or stressing over. It sounds like you've run into one.

This.

I don't like to assume the worst in people and tend to give the benefit of the doubt, in situations like this people can mistake friendliness for interest, we have all done it and that's still possible here... but if she thought the two of you were just striking up a friendship, she would have mentioned a boyfriend when giving you her number, so there were no crossed wires. This situation strikes me like she's keeping her options open from people who she knows are into her. The boyfriend was at the gig like. That's why you didn't hear from her on the day.

You now know she has a boyfriend. Just be glad that's not you. I wouldn't spend any more time thinking about her or wondering what she was up to. You pretty much know already.

LegacyUser

wiggle16 wrote: »

This.

I don't like to assume the worst in people and tend to give the benefit of the doubt, in situations like this people can mistake friendliness for interest, we have all done it and that's still possible here... but if she thought the two of you were just striking up a friendship, she would have mentioned a boyfriend when giving you her number, so there were no crossed wires. This situation strikes me like she's keeping her options open from people who she knows are into her. The boyfriend was at the gig like. That's why you didn't hear from her on the day.

You now know she has a boyfriend. Just be glad that's not you. I wouldn't spend any more time thinking about her or wondering what she was up to. You pretty much know already.

Thanks for the replies, I ran it by a friend last night and his take on it was she knew well why I asked her into the gig from the eye contact and the way things progressed, probably panicked when it started to get a bit serious and ran and hid at the gig then felt guilty about it afterwards, I know by the head on her she's well aware of what went down and she knows I'm aware of it, I don't chase people who are in relationships, it's not my style, I suppose I have to sit down and ask myself even if she became single and we got together would I trust a person like that.

Porklife

leggo wrote: »

I had a housemate not too long ago, Russian girl so didn't have a 'base' group of friends here if that makes sense. I could tell some mental stories but what's relevant to this topic is the only way she really knew to connect with people and have any company was to lead lads on, she pretty much admitted as much (she was gorgeous tbf so she did this easily enough). She'd bring loads of randoms back and use them for money/drugs/company/whatever she needed, used to joke how she wouldn't sleep with them if she "could avoid it", god it was mental. She'd download Tinder because she had a night free, bring a guy back home, then tell him in bed how she had a boyfriend and some lads would still chase her thinking they could change her. Oh yeah, and totally had a long-term boyfriend too! We met him after learning all this about her. Really awkward. Tbh I'm reading this and kinda wondering if you ran afoul of her because it sounds identical to how she used to carry on!

The point is: sometimes people are just mental and lead people on for reasons not even interesting enough to spend time analysing or stressing over. It sounds like you've run into one. Write it off, don't waste any more time thinking about her or texting her, don't be one of these saps like my housemate used to bring home thinking she was good-looking enough that if they just put enough time in they'd change her, it's a sunk cost. You've invested nothing in her so far, quit while you're ahead of she'll just leech off you and never give you what you want.

Daaaammnn you're good. Op, all you need to do is read this advice and go about your day.

wiggle16

Sinister voicez wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, I ran it by a friend last night and his take on it was she knew well why I asked her into the gig from the eye contact and the way things progressed, probably panicked when it started to get a bit serious and ran and hid at the gig then felt guilty about it afterwards, I know by the head on her she's well aware of what went down and she knows I'm aware of it, I don't chase people who are in relationships, it's not my style, I suppose I have to sit down and ask myself even if she became single and we got together would I trust a person like that.

No, you don't need to dwell on this any further. You already know that you don't respect that kind of carry on from people. This really isn't something you should be agonising over, at all. You didn't do anything wrong and you already know the answer to that question. Don't waste any more time analysing this!

leggo

Sinister voicez wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, I ran it by a friend last night and his take on it was she knew well why I asked her into the gig from the eye contact and the way things progressed, probably panicked when it started to get a bit serious and ran and hid at the gig then felt guilty about it afterwards, I know by the head on her she's well aware of what went down and she knows I'm aware of it, I don't chase people who are in relationships, it's not my style, I suppose I have to sit down and ask myself even if she became single and we got together would I trust a person like that.

No. The answer to this is no. If you’re even thinking about it, it’s likely because you’re more attracted to her than others and it’s swaying you into stupid thought. But we’re here to be sensible and logical for you and the answer is an absolute no. It’d be absolutely mental to given how you know she carries on.

Ursus Horribilis

Through her actions, she has told you what sort of person she is. The problem is that you fancy her like mad so you're not thinking straight. If one of your friends told you a story like this, what would you be telling him?

Arrival

Read your OP again and try to do it from an objective viewpoint, read it like it was a different person's situation. Wouldn't you advise that person that this girl is an absolute head wrecking attention whore and they should totally disregard them? Maybe she has low self esteem, maybe she likes playing with men's heads. Whatever her issue, she's to be ignored for your own mental well being. Change gyms if you need to.

hawley

You don't really know her that well, so it's unfair to judge her fully. In fairness to her, she told you that she had a boyfriend fairly early on. It could have been a misunderstanding and she may have felt bad about it. There could be a thousand other reasons for her agreeing to go to the concert with you, eg. She may have an abusive partner and is trying to find a way out of relationship or she might have broken up with him for a short period. She might be here illegally and then worried about getting close to someone. The reality is that you know very little about her.

zoobizoo

Could have been a bit of a misunderstanding.

Maybe when you asked her she took it as a very casual thing... then she could have chatted to a friend who said "you do realise that you've been asked out on a date don't you"....

She was "ah ****, I thought it was just a lad saying he was going with a gig, I'm in a foreign country, trying to make friends etc and now I've gone and been asked out.... how do I get out of this one? I know, I'll play it breezy and be all like 'see ya there'........"


The part where you texted her about the second band is where I'm a bit baffled. What was your intention here? To get her to ask you out?


She was probably trying to ensure that each and every trip to the gym wasn't a "will this be another awkward encounter with that guy who said he was going to that gig "

LegacyUser

zoobizoo wrote: »

Could have been a bit of a misunderstanding.

Maybe when you asked her she took it as a very casual thing... then she could have chatted to a friend who said "you do realise that you've been asked out on a date don't you"....

She was "ah ****, I thought it was just a lad saying he was going with a gig, I'm in a foreign country, trying to make friends etc and now I've gone and been asked out.... how do I get out of this one? I know, I'll play it breezy and be all like 'see ya there'........"


The part where you texted her about the second band is where I'm a bit baffled. What was your intention here? To get her to ask you out?


She was probably trying to ensure that each and every trip to the gym wasn't a "will this be another awkward encounter with that guy who said he was going to that gig "

maybe it's just me being the straight shooter type, but she had 3 weeks to drop her boyfriend into the convo or by text, I know I would if the roles were reversed. I'd rather someone knew were they stood than having to deal with an awkward scenario down the line.

I actually thought nerves got the better of her on the night, I was nervous too heading in hence the text.

If anything it's her going out of her way to say hello and talk to me, I even started going to the gym earlier to avoid her after all this only to make the mistake of staying on a bit late one day and met her going out the door, for the next two weeks she landed down early, something she never does. You'd think she would be going out of her way to avoid me.

Look these things are only awkward if you let them be, so I just keep it at hello and the odd bit of small talk when I have to, throughout this whole scenario I was missing a vital bit of information.

Porklife

Sinister voicez wrote: »

maybe it's just me being the straight shooter type, but she had 3 weeks to drop her boyfriend into the convo or by text, I know I would if the roles were reversed. I'd rather someone knew were they stood than having to deal with an awkward scenario down the line.

I actually thought nerves got the better of her on the night, I was nervous too heading in hence the text.

If anything it's her going out of her way to say hello and talk to me, I even started going to the gym earlier to avoid her after all this only to make the mistake of staying on a bit late one day and met her going out the door, for the next two weeks she landed down early, something she never does. You'd think she would be going out of her way to avoid me.

Look these things are only awkward if you let them be, so I just keep it at hello and the odd bit of small talk when I have to, throughout this whole scenario I was missing a vital bit of information.

But now you are equipped with the vital bit of information, that should mean case closed. She is not a trustworthy person. She probably was nervous about the gig because she was going with her boyfriend. It's so obvious from an outside perspective that this girl just wants attention. She sounds awful. If she wasn't attractive, this wouldn't be an issue let's face it.
Seriously, forget about her.

joeguevara

If a girl/guy would do that on her partner then why would you want to be in her life. Best scenario is she drops him and ends up with you. But she has already displayed her lack of loyalty and if she finds it easy then she will find it easy on you.

You seem like a smart confident guy. Use that on someone who deserves it. Not someone who has lead you on and made you question yourself. Good luck.