Christmas party accusation

368100

So I was at the company Xmas party last night.


Theres a girl works with me and she is very short, like very very short. Her name is X. I get on very well with her.

Early in the night (but I had a fair few in me) I patted her head and christened her " Lil X" ....still think its quite funny, but when I did it another girl who ive never met before and who was in the conversation roared at me that it was sexual harassment.

Thinking she was joking I laughed and did it again and again she shouted the same. Ive never ever been even remotely been accused of something like that. I was in shock so just walked away and enjoyed the rest of the night, but i'm fairly annoyed about it.

X took it the way it was intended, as a joke....and I said to her afterwards that I hoped she didnt think that, and she said to forget about it, the other girl is just a bit odd.

Does anyone think it would even be close to being called out for sexual harassment? Im thinking of saying it to HR next week to cover myself, and make sure they know that there was nothing to it, as its a serious allegation to be thrown at someone.

Any thoughts?

Panic Stations

Sounds like the other girl had a short temper

Fann Linn

Sounds like some of the women on here.

xabi

What did you use to pat her on the head?

368100

xabi wrote: »

What did you use to pat her on the head?

I patted her with my hand, two taps.

Sardonicat

xabi wrote: »

What did you use to pat her on the head?

Yeah, like, you said she's really, really short, so?

Gorgeousgeorge

In this day and age you have to be fierce careful but cant go around belittling people like that either.

Mahogany Gaspipe

Do yourself a favourite.
Super offended bleeding hearts have a very, very full schedule.
She'll have moved on to her new crusade before the HR office opens on Monday.

Sardonicat

Some people might find it insulting having their tiny stature pointed out and feel victimised by that. You say she took it as a joke, though so it doesn't seem like she's bothered by what you did.

It's definitely NOT sexual harassment.

368100

The joke between Xand myself is a non-event, we had a laugh about it later on, once the odd one had left the vicinity....
I'm just annoyed over it as sexual harassment does happen and it isn't always treated properly, but this in my opinion is why genuine cases arent believed all the time

368100

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

In this day and age you have to be fierce careful but cant go around belittling people like that either.

It was a joke, she makes similar comments about me as I'm no 6 footer either. I never would have said it if I thought it would annoy her in the slightest.
Its dire if you can't even have an innocent joke these days.

yosser hughes

I'd report her to HR for making false accusations of a very serious nature. You have a witness too.

lawred2

Well it's certainly not sexual harrassment but not exactly particularly clever carry on either..

I'd think you were a bit of a knob patting anyone on the head really

Wanderer2010

Bit of a scumbag thing to do to be fair-patting someone on the head like a good little child and making a nickname directly connected to her size? Yeah, that's a stupid scummy thing to do. Would you like it if a woman grabbed your knob and said "Little Bill" or something like that? The first thing I would think of someone who would pat someone like that is "Dcikhead".

BENDYBINN

The head is a very sexual part of the body and touching her there was wrong...a simple pat on her rear would have sufficed.

Sardonicat

Don't think you've got anything to worry about. You were just having a laugh with your mate. I'm sure if it hit a nerve with your friend she would have mentioned it to you calmly when you were both sober .

It has nothing to do with the other woman. Maybe she was so drunk she misinterpreted what was going on, maybe she has issues, maybe she's just stupid.

MrMusician18

I hate Christmas parties for this kind of nonsense that this throws up. No this is not sexual harassment, but could definitely be interpreted as both bullying and demeaning behaviour

Do everyone, but particularly yourself a favour and keep the physical contact with colleagues strictly to a handshake. And dump the lame jokes.

work

Interesting post when I first read it I thought you were a lunatic to think repeatedly degrading someone over their height was funny. It is not sexual harassment but it is bullying. When you explained the context that she plays along then it may not be an issue but this is very very dangerous for you. I suggest you keep such joking to friends not colleagues.
HOW short are you would you like someone patting your head all night and degrading you!
I ended in terrible trouble for supposedly smacking another work member over the head/face when to me we were just bantering and messing, really shook me up and now I take great care at staff events.

368100

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Bit of a scumbag thing to do to be fair-patting someone on the head like a good little child and making a nickname directly connected to her size? Yeah, that's a stupid scummy thing to do. Would you like it if a woman grabbed your knob and said "Little Bill" or something like that? The first thing I would think of someone who would pat someone like that is "Dcikhead".

Are you serious?? Thats a ridiculous comment. grabbing someones knob and patting someone on the head are completely different. Thats the sort of thinking that leads to false accusations

As i said theres no issue between X and I, she thought it was funny, we joke like that in the office all the time.

368100

work wrote: »

Interesting post when I first read it I thought you were a lunatic to think repeatedly degrading someone over their height was funny. It is not sexual harassment but it is bullying. When you explained the context that she plays along then it may not be an issue but this is very very dangerous for you. I suggest you keep such joking to friends not colleagues.
HOW short are you would you like someone patting your head all night and degrading you!
I ended in terrible trouble for supposedly smacking another work member over the head/face when to me we were just bantering and messing, really shook me up and now I take great care at staff events.

It wasnt all night, it was twice! And we spent most of the rest of the night having a laugh about other things.
Given some of the comments coming out here, im less surprised by the whole thing.....

SCOOP 64

368100 wrote: »

Are you serious?? Thats a ridiculous comment. grabbing someones knob and patting someone on the head are completely different. Thats the sort of thinking that leads to false accusations

As i said theres no issue between miriam and I, she thought it was funny, we joke like that in the office all the time.

you have to careful with "we joke in the office all the time" many people just lap it up in work because they don't want to cause any friction, but sometimes could go home and feel s*** about it.

Sardonicat

368100 wrote: »

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

In this day and age you have to be fierce careful but cant go around belittling people like that either.

It was a joke, she makes similar comments about me as I'm no 6 footer either. I never would have said it if I thought it would annoy her in the slightest.
Its dire if you can't even have an innocent joke these days.

OP, you CAN still have a joke. It would be different if she mentioned to you that it makes her uncomfortable having her stature high lighted ( we all have a sensitive point) and you chose to ignore that and kept teasing her.That would be bullying (not sexual harassment ). But you already know that. As you've said, you wouldn't dream of doing it if you thought she had a problem with it.

X found it funny. You had a laugh and she had a laugh and you can continue to rip the piss out of each other's shortness as long as you're both OK with it.

No one harassed anyone in the scenario you outlined except shouty face.

Wanderer2010

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Bit of a scumbag thing to do to be fair-patting someone on the head like a good little child and making a nickname directly connected to her size? .

Scumbags are known for head patting alright:rolleyes:

harr

Yes it was a work colleague but it sounds you both are mates as well and it sounded like a bit of banter between you both and I am sure she probably gives back just as good ...
It’s gone bad now when you can’t slag off a mate and it definitely wasn’t sexual harassment, nowhere near it ..
To be honest I would be having words with the mouth piece who accused you.
I feel fortunate I grew up in the 80,s when all this PC nonsense was not so prevalent and I feel sorry for my kids growing up in this current environment.

Mahogany Gaspipe

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Bit of a scumbag thing to do to be fair-patting someone on the head like a good little child and making a nickname directly connected to her size? Yeah, that's a stupid scummy thing to do. Would you like it if a woman grabbed your knob and said "Little Bill" or something like that? The first thing I would think of someone who would pat someone like that is "Dcikhead".

Wait, are you suggesting lesser endowed men are lesser men?

NSAman

Sounds like the othe wan with the accusations needs to get her some.

dar100

Unless you patted her head with your cock id say no its not

Heres Johnny

It just depends on your audience really and how well you know the person you patted on the head, presumably like me you know who you can do these things to and who you can't. I've loads of work colleagues I'd do it to no problem, their height, weight, hair etc....and they'd do it back to me and none of us would bat an eyelid.

Others, not so much so I wouldn't do it. The 3rd party woman needs to stay out of it if X isn't upset it's nothing to do with her and she has no right to be offended on X's behalf if X isn't offended herself.

368100

Heres Johnny wrote: »

It just depends on your audience really and how well you know the person you patted on the head, presumably like me you know who you can do these things to and who you can't. I've loads of work colleagues I'd do it to no problem, their height, weight, hair etc....and they'd do it back to me and none of us would bat an eyelid.

Others, not so much so I wouldn't do it. The 3rd party woman needs to stay out of it if Miriam isn't upset it's nothing to do with her and she has no right to be offended on Miriams behalf if Miriam isn't offended herself.

I just text X to double check she wasnt offended and apologised if by any chance she was in any way, she replied telling me not to be so silly. So no Issue there, but it's just rattled me.

NSAman

368100 wrote: »

I just text Miriam to double check she wasnt offended and apologised if by any chance she was in any way, she replied telling me not to be so silly. So no Issue there, but it's just rattled me.

Thats why I never used go to the Christmas party. We had one Agnes (hagness) who always used to cause this type of crap.....forget about it, X sounds like a blast by the way.

tayto lover

its amazing the amount of sad women who are just waiting to be offended.
Sad people indeed.

Heres Johnny

tayto lover wrote: »

its amazing the amount of sad women who are just waiting to be offended.
Sad people indeed.

As a man I'm offended you have singled out women in particular. My mother is a woman.

My statement above makes about as much sense as the person that got offended on short people's behalf.

eviltwin

It's not sexual harassment but you need to be mindful of your behavior at work. I work with a few people who have become friends, we'd be totally different in work compared to how we are outside work. That kind of banter is grand if you're hanging out in your own time but as you can see, in a work situation can be seen in a different way.

Canis Lupus

368100 wrote: »

Are you serious?? Thats a ridiculous comment. grabbing someones knob and patting someone on the head are completely different. Thats the sort of thinking that leads to false accusations

As i said theres no issue between miriam and I, she thought it was funny, we joke like that in the office all the time.

You're totally right but the fact nowadays is there's always a chance someone takes these things wrong and more importantly the ejits in HR have literally nothing better to do than justify their employment by taking a complaint and running with it.

It's dull as f*ck but you've to think twice about any interaction you make in the workplace these days.

mistersifter

Out of curiosity, what is this woman who was throwing the false accusations like? SJW type by any chance?

You were joking and didn't mean any harm whatsoever. Don't waste your time worrying about it. I'm sure you have more important stuff in your life to be thinking about.

Patting someone on the head is sexual harassment, is it!? I think people who come out with this sort of crap need to be challenged. Those kind of false accusations can really upset people. We're getting to stage now where we cant bloody well look at each other without someone getting offended. Tell her to f*ck the f*ck off.

368100

mistersifter wrote: »

Out of curiosity, what is this woman who was throwing the false accusations like? SJW type by any chance?

You were joking and didn't mean any harm whatsoever. Don't waste your time worrying about it. I'm sure you have more important stuff in your life to be thinking about.

Patting someone on the head is sexual harassment, is it!? I think people who come out with this sort of crap need to be challenged. Those kind of false accusations can really upset people. We're getting to stage now where we cant bloody well look at each other without someone getting offended. Tell her to f*ck the f*ck off.

What is SJW? I dont know her at all, she works in a different building. She used to work with X which is why she was talking to her.....it was said to me afterwards by a few people that she's a bit odd and they're not overly surprised....got the impression she may have done this before but I may be wrong.

bucketybuck

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

Will you have trouble with HR? I doubt it. But stop demeaning people.

368100

bucketybuck wrote: »

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

Will you have trouble with HR? I doubt it. But stop demeaning people.

Try reading the posts, she took it as a joke and she gives as good as she gets. A laugh between colleagues....you obviously dont understand that. As for not being funny....she thought it was very funny so try not making blanket judgements about people's sense of humour.
I wouldnt have done it unless I waa sure it would be received how it was intended.

mistersifter

368100 wrote: »

What is SJW? I dont know her at all, she works in a different building. She used to work with Miriam which is why she was talking to her.....it was said to me afterwards by a few people that she's a bit odd and they're not overly surprised....got the impression she may have done this before but I may be wrong.

SJW is someone who lives in a permanent state of being offended. That's what she sounds like. Others are aware that she's odd so don't worry about her then.

At worst, what you did might have been a bit patronizing (depending on your relationship with lil X). But in the grand scheme of things that's hardly that bad. You didn't mean any harm. Learn from it, move on, forget it. Accusations of sexual harassment you certainly don't deserve and this kind of false accusation from the permanently offended is much worse than making an unintentionally patronizing comment to someone.

dhaughton99

bucketybuck wrote: »

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

Will you have trouble with HR? I doubt it. But stop demeaning people.

Travellers do it as it’s supposed to bring them luck.

Unanimous

You didn't in anyway harass her sexually and no case can be made about it.
About your joke about her being short, you just need to be careful about things like that as showing respect is a value that must be demonstrated in the work place.
She may be ok with that joke now but you never can tell what could happen in the future and she could bring that up as an example.
She already has that girl who could be ready to make you pay and can paint a picture that would definitely get you into trouble.
Colleagues at work are not your siblings or childhood friends and you must try to conduct yourself in a professional manner when around them.
Good luck

NSAman

bucketybuck wrote: »

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

Will you have trouble with HR? I doubt it. But stop demeaning people.

Damned right too, four eyes!!!

EIREDriver

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Would you like it if a woman grabbed your knob and said "Little Bill" or something like that?

Yes.

twowheelsonly

Judging by some of the comments here I'd hate to go to some peoples Christmas parties..

"Keep your hands to yourself..." "Lame jokes..." "inappropriate behaviour.." "patronising...."

If we haven't had all of those and more by 10pm then I'm off home to write it off as a crap night out !! :rolleyes:

road_high

lawred2 wrote: »

Well it's certainly not sexual harrassment but not exactly particularly clever carry on either..

I'd think you were a bit of a knob patting anyone on the head really

lawred2 wrote: »

Well it's certainly not sexual harrassment but not exactly particularly clever carry on either..

I'd think you were a bit of a knob patting anyone on the head really

I thought the same. Ridiculous and demeaning thing to do to another work colleague. So she’s short? Big effin deal. Doesn’t give you the right to demean her publicly. It’s not sexual harassment but still pretty ****ty carry on if you ask me.
I think you should apologize to her (sincerely) but I’m sensing you see nothing wrong with it

happywithlife

I cannot believe you think in this day & age anyone thinks its okay to "pat someone on the head" coupled with a degeratory comment or "pet name"
jezz
grow up and act in a professional manner in ALL matters work related
I've to put with crap like at work ...smart comments over something work related that the other person thought initially was just a joke and I laughed along with it. you just don't know how the other person is really feeling. in company I may opt not to make a fuss or call the person out but you bet I did stop those smart comments quietly.
bullies often use the phrases it was only a joke / it was only messing / I didn't anything by it etc etc
that other girl was dead right to pull you on your behaviour. belittling anyone over something like their height is funny ONLY to the belittler
row it in before you DO end up in hot water with HR

Ave Sodalis

Gorgeousgeorge wrote:

belittling people

Interesting choice of words

bucketybuck wrote:

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

I'm tall and get asked that a lot. Is it annoying? Yes. Is it funny? Absolutely not. Does it make that person a dickhead? No, it just makes them unfunny and unoriginal.

TomOnBoard

You say she's very short... Maybe she used to be taller and lads like you keep slapping her on the head and yee compressed her spine.. Has she got a flat head at all after the pounding she's got over the years?

work

368100 wrote: »

work wrote: »

Interesting post when I first read it I thought you were a lunatic to think repeatedly degrading someone over their height was funny. It is not sexual harassment but it is bullying. When you explained the context that she plays along then it may not be an issue but this is very very dangerous for you. I suggest you keep such joking to friends not colleagues.
HOW short are you would you like someone patting your head all night and degrading you!
I ended in terrible trouble for supposedly smacking another work member over the head/face when to me we were just bantering and messing, really shook me up and now I take great care at staff events.

It wasnt all night, it was twice! And we spent most of the rest of the night having a laugh about other things.
Given some of the comments coming out here, im less surprised by the whole thing.....

No offence but you appear to be fluid with your honesty...I quote from you "joking I laughed and did it again and again" now that is not twice and seems your changing your story.
Simply you didn't do anything that warrants action however head patters really are usually ****. It's really disrespectful in my opinion. Just think about it and move on.

TomOnBoard

bucketybuck wrote: »

Tapping a short person on the head and laughing is just Dickhead behaviour, no different to asking a tall person what the weather is like up there. It just isn't funny, it's patronising crap.

Will you have trouble with HR? I doubt it. But stop demeaning people.

Jaysus, I'd say yeer Christmas parties are mighty craic entirely.... No fear of anyone cracking the photocopier glass taking bum prints in your gaff!

EIREDriver

I wouldn't be too worried. If anything is said to HR, you have witnesses to back you up.

Some people just aren't happy if they haven't got something to be offended by...