Work crush and Christmas party.

KevinCavan

Somebody once made a blunt and insightful statement to me, I’m paraphrasing a little: “what is asking out? Either you shift her or you don’t. If your not at a level where she would shift you, what would you be doing asking her on a date?” I think in an Irish context that is true.

1800_Ladladlad

Ask for a w*nk in the disabled toilets?

RabbleRouser2k

Deleted User wrote: »

OP, I will apologise in advance if I've gotten this completely wrong, but have you created many threads in PI and other places related to meeting women?

If so then you need to take a step back from the preoccupation you have. You are young with all of life and its experiences ahead of you. Constantly searching for "what to do" on an internet forum really isn't healthy. Learn to trust your own intuition and decisions.

If you like the girl then ask her out. It really is as simple as that. If she declines then you move on knowing that you tried. Don't internalise her response as a reflection on you. We can't win them all

As Persepoly said.

On the other, if you genuinely want a relationship with her-just be more flirty. Be the 'make plans' kinda guy-even if it's 'I won't know anyone at the new job-you wanna meet up for drinks or a meal while I pick your brain for advice'.

Build a relationship over time, don't just treat her like something throwaway.

Ash.J.Williams

One cannot trust a sober person

Sephiroth_dude

Lob the gob off her!

Edgware

Tell her.
you need some help with your Tuiseal Ginedach

professore

Fancying a work colleague? You are contributing to rape culture. For shame.

Just to clarify my post, I'm not implying the OP is only interested in chasing a bunch of different women. I do believe he is looking for love. My point is that he may be consumed by this.

Edgware

professore wrote: »

Fancying a work colleague? You are contributing to rape culture. For shame.

The way it's going it's hardly worth the effort anymore

mr_edge_to_you

Make sure you get consent!

Panthro

mr_edge_to_you wrote: »

Make sure you get cons-ent!

The Conservative Entertainment package?
May and Co are giving us a laugh but I'm not sure binge watching it would make an ideal date for our young boy wonder OP!

emo72

[Deleted User] wrote: »

he may be consumed by this.

Aren't we all though. Especially in your mid 20s!

mikemac2

Better clear this with Louise O’Neill before you do anything

Zorya

Yeah, like others have said, don't overthink it. That would come across in your vibe and is off-putting. Nothing wrong with being straight up and asking a girl out, just be ordinary - ''Would you like to meet up for a coffee in town before the Christmas holidays?'' . Say it without plotting it out beforehand, just say it.

And then be prepared to cheerfully, casually, accept her declining your invitation, without nursing that as a dreadful happening. She may like you as a friend, but just not feel that particular buzz. So what? That's life. Just shrug, smile and say ''It was worth a try.''

Pistol fingers are optional at that point.

Cockford Ollie

This is an easy one. You will be sober and she will be drunk. Buy her lots of drinks over the course of the night. When the party comes to an end, make sure you keep in close proximity. When she is separated from the group, put her in a taxi, to your address. You get a second taxi and follow. The main thing to remember is that when she says no, she really means yes.

That's how I get all my women.

worded

Do love these xmas work crush threads

I never let a career get in the way of a whirl wind encounter

When you look back, your CV may look a bit like a mine field but the explosions were beyond fun and once you don’t loose your boll0x it’s all amazing

Feisar

Just ask her out in the cold light of day for fricks sake!

Example:

Hey, do you fancy a bite to eat next Saturday night?

She'll either say yes or no.

Feisar

Hoboo wrote: »

You don't drink. All your stories end with "and then I got home". Let it go.

To be honest, no good story starts with salad!

beertons

Leave her be. Don't mix business with pleasure.

suicide_circus

honestly if she has drink taken I wouldn't take the risk OP, it could go very wrong.

Sky King

Deleted User wrote: »

Constantly searching for "what to do" on an internet forum really isn't healthy. )

Jesus I hope I am never at a stage in life where I am relying on the people in after hours for dating advice.

razorblunt

Don't shít on your own doorstep!

Raheem Euro

No expert in these matters, but for what its worth, throwing my tupence in, that whatever way you go about it, and I will say this, in absolutely no circumstances, and on the other hand, you mark my words, is likely to be the only possible outcome.

jamesbere

razorblunt wrote: »

Don't shít on your own doorstep!

Unless your locked out of the house and have the runs

weldoninhio

Red Lightning wrote: »

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I didn't mean that i was looking for anything too forward tomorrow evening.
ATM we're just chatting and having a laugh but can't say anything has been overly flirty.

This will be the first social situation that we are out together. Do I try and act a little more flirty etc or ask her to dance etc etc.

Write her a poem. Make sure you bring her flowers and chocolates and inform her father of your intentions. :rolleyes:

It's like a reverse Back To The Future and George McFly has come to the 2010s. FFS. :D:D

Boom_Bap

Deleted User wrote: »

Just to clarify my post, I'm not implying the OP is only interested in chasing a bunch of different women. I do believe he is looking for love. My point is that he may be consumed by this.

I've experience with this, I've become a stalker due to my obsessions.

By the way, that is a lovely blouse you are wearing today Perse :pac::pac::pac:

Kimbot

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I've experience with this, I've become a stalker due to my obsessions.

By the way, that is a lovely blouse you are wearing today Perse :pac::pac::pac:

Never mind the blouse, the skirt is tops

And Boom your trousers are looking a bit tight :P

Boom_Bap

Kimbot wrote: »

Never mind the blouse, the skirt it tops

And Boom your trousers are looking a bit tight :P

I'm not wearing trousers today, I'm doing a Donald Duck

Kimbot

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I'm not wearing trousers today, I'm doing a Donald Duck

Liar...... I checked :pac:

sbsquarepants

Red Lightning wrote: »

Any suggestions on how to approach this? Thanks

I'd say down wind and from behind - they're awfull skittish these youngwans, if you startle her you'll never catch her.

tom1ie

Jaysus! I read the title of this post and thought there’d been people injured at a large office Christmas party somewhere!

mariaalice

tom1ie wrote: »

Jaysus! I read the title of this post and thought there’d been people injured at a large office Christmas party somewhere!

Yeah, it happened in the stampede for the bar.

Bigbagofcans

Do not make moves on a colleague at the Christmas party. You'll embarrass yourself and her even more.

Ask her discreetly either by text or during work one of the days before you leave.

Agent Smith

Write her a letter... Ala Not another Teen movie....


Cause this is what this sounds like

cml387

Just forget about it.

Then for the next few days keep playing "Only A Winter's Tale" by David Essex while thinking sadly about what might have been.

I'm alright, it's just something in my eye.

Raheem Euro

cml387 wrote: »

Then for the next few days keep playing "Only A Winter's Tale" by David Essex while thinking sadly about what might have been.

I'm alright, it's just something in my eye.

Curled up against the window. Rain pouring down the glass outside.

Hammer89

You have a genuine opportunity here OP.

If you're teetotal by choice and not an alcoholic, I would abandon your 'no drinking' policy for one night only. 1) You'll be more confident to make a move and 2) You'll be less inhibative if she makes the move, which is entirely possible.

I say it's entirely possible because regardless of your physical features or what you look like, you may look pretty appealing to her at one point during the night. Not only are you a lad of similar age at a social gathering where the mean age is probably 40-something, but you're leaving next week.

This will be important for her because if she thinks you'll be a recurring or long-term colleague at some point in the future, nothing will happen, but she won't have to worry about a one-night stand affecting her socially or professionally down the line. And she'll be pissed.

As I said, I do think there's a genuine chance something could happen.

mirrorwall14

If the staffroom is anything like mine don’t do it OP. You will forever be ‘that substitute who kissed/made a move on x at the Christmas party’. Ask her for coffee or something but definitely not at the Christmas party

razorblunt

jamesbere wrote: »

Unless your locked out of the house and have the runs

Yes! There are no rules then.
Also this was aptly liked by the poster named Fart.

Red Lightning

Just want to clarify a few things. I don't plan on making a move on her this evening. No trying time shift her or get in her pants cos it's not my style.
I meant more along the lines of, do I try and sit beside her at the meal, ask her to dance, maybe make it a little obvious that I may be interested in her.

colm_mcm

Have a proper conversation with her, see what happens. You’re overthinking this, don’t bother making a game plan. Forget the dance thing anyway - that went out before you were born.

Lets pretend for a second OP that you had to rely on your own instinct here, what would you do?

ligerdub

"Don't mix business with pleasure"
"Don't **** on your own doorstep"

Bollox! While I don't advocate reckless behaviour in terms of romantic (for want of a better word in some cases) relationships with work colleagues, these standard cliches just don't wash. Chances are most of us on here know of many couples which began while people were working together and continued to do so for the long-term. Some of those relationships go sour, but then again so do most jobs. You can make a move on somebody, and whether or not it goes well or not, there's no reason why you can't both continue in your work without significant problems.

"Don't mix business with pleasure" is the statement of somebody who doesn't have a potential 22 year old love interest. That won't last forever.

As you say yourself you're finishing up next week, you're effectively done there are far as you're both concerned. Don't let it be the focus of your night but it has to be viewed as a fairly decent opportunity to find out. Which is more likely to be a better time, the pre-Christmas period where people are in good form and looking forward to the Christmas break, or January where you'll be becoming a distant memory more and more and everyone is broke, cold and miserable?**

Ideally though you're going to have to at least pick up on indication of interest in some form. Is there any sign that she might be interested in you in more than a standard "we're friends" way? If there's absolutely none then you pretty much already know the answer.

Whatever happens I wish you all the best, but know this, if this doesn't work out in your favour you'll be letting us all down.

**Really depends on the form of the party. If it's just a dinner among a handful of fellow staff members then chances are subtly and a lack of awkwardness might be hard to avoid. If it's a large gathering and there's a chance for 1:1 conversation then that's a whole different ballgame.

brinty

Red Lightning wrote:

Just want to clarify a few things. I don't plan on making a move on her this evening. No trying time shift her or get in her pants cos it's not my style. I meant more along the lines of, do I try and sit beside her at the meal, ask her to dance, maybe make it a little obvious that I may be interested in her.

Ok dude,relax and breath for a moment,sit beside her if you get a chance and strike up a bit of conversation,have something in mind you're comfortable chatting about (music,TV programs,sport) be confident in yourself and how you talk,that'll come across well to her. You'll be able to gauge the mood and if there's anything in it from her reaction.Maintain eye contact with her and if she's not avoiding it and if she laughs,jokes,touches your arm etc it's game on. But if you'll be blown out you'll know quickly.

Just be yourself,you're building it up on n your head too much. Be natural

DEFTLEFTHAND

This is so sweet.

Go for it OP, you've only another week there anyway so you have nothing to lose in asking.

Best of luck.

worded

To break the ice the old classic ...... “does this rag smell lke it has cloroforn on it”

vargoo

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

This is so sweet.

Go for it OP, you've only another week there anyway so you have nothing to lose in asking.

Best of luck.

This^^

If she says no, no loss.

You tried.

People don't try.

jmayo

munsterlegend wrote: »

Given all the grammatical errors I am more worried about the students.

Why does the line
"eats shoots and leaves"
come to mind ?;)

OP once you are sober and she isn't blotto chat her up.
Ya never know.
BTW it can make you look like a bit of a vulture if you are hitting on her drunk as a skunk and you are sober.

If she flatly make sit clear that there is nothing on then you could resort to plan B.
Idle up to one of the older single teachers and bob's your uncle so to speak.

wakka12

Just be fun and interesting and chatty with her and if she wants it to go that way then shell make it obvious

KevinCavan

Have you gotten any indication that she likes you as a person/love interest? Just be careful as any attraction you perceive she has towards you, could be all in your head.