Just found out my 13 year old dropped a subject in school without my prior knowledge

D13exile

I’m divorced and have my kids half the time. My son just started first year last September and one of the subjects I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect. Well tonight I found out that he dropped the subject a month ago for woodwork. I’m gobsmacked that the school didn’t advise me of this prior to letting him swap subjects. I’ve asked him if his mother knew and he said no. He said he approached his year head and asked her and she allowed him to change. I feel there’s more to this than he’s letting on but he said that’s what happened. I can’t believe the school would allow this without notifying the parents first. It’s possible that my ex does know and unfortunately the school does favour her with the school reports etc while I have to fight to get them.

What should I do? I feel he’s let me down by not discussing it with me. I’m annoyed at the school not calling me about my son dropping a subject.

D13exile

D13exile wrote: »

I’m divorced and have my kids half the time. My son just started first year last September and one of the subjects I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect. Well tonight I found out that he dropped the subject a month ago for woodwork. I’m gobsmacked that the school didn’t advise me of this prior to letting him swap subjects. I’ve asked him if his mother knew and he said no. He said he approached his year head and asked her and she allowed him to change. I feel there’s more to this than he’s letting on but he said that’s what happened. I can’t believe the school would allow this without notifying the parents first. It’s possible that my ex does know and unfortunately the school does favour her with the school reports etc while I have to fight to get them.

What should I do? I feel he’s let me down by not discussing it with me. I’m annoyed at the school not calling me about my son dropping a subject.

Your post is all about you and letting you down, what was his reasoning? Why does he want to do woodwork rather than technical graphics?
What is the school policy on picking or changing subjects?

FrStone

He is 13, he should be old enough to choose his own subjects. The school is in no way obligated to let you know.

Get over it, your martial status should have nothing to do with it.

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

Talk to your son? And perhaps request a chat with his year head? Not much else you can do.

Old enough to choose his own subjects? You're kidding right? He's 13 FFS. He needs guidance both in school and from his parents.

splinter65

I was very anxious about my daughters secondary education as well. I’m so sorry now. I just ended up making her resentful and belligerent about education.
Instead of starting a row about this with either him or his mother or the school you should sit your son down and tell him that he should come to you and discuss theses things, anything in fact, and you will try your best to help him.

Big Bag of Chips

I think rather than trying to find blame, you need to talk to your son about why he dropped one subject in favour of another. I know you mention possible careers as an engineer or architect, but has your son any interest in becoming an engineer or an architect?

In my son's school, they had a talk one evening on subject choices before starting. And the one thing that was stresssed, repeatedly, throughout the talk was the student should pick subjects that they had an interest in, and that they felt they would do well in. They were told not to pick a subject because their friends were doing it, and though they should discuss their choices with their parents, that they should ultimately pick the subjects that they were happy with.

Secondary school is the start of a phase in their life where they become independent, and start to take on some personal responsibility. I think you should talk to him about his choice. Listen to what he has to say and maybe even congratulate him on making a decision that he feels will ultimately be better for him.

Wildly Boaring

I realise it's neither here nor there. But did an engineering degree. Majority of the class never did tech graphics before college.

Maths and physics 10 times more important for engineering.

Kids need to do the subjects they want to do. Junior cert should be as broad a possible with many different experiences.

Pelvis

Doing woodwork is not going to affect your sons chances of becoming an engineer.

He's 13, lighten up.

Qrt

TG is a dire subject. So bloody repetitive. I hated the whole JC because of it. Better he switched than go on and just hate it.

Baggly

FYI op I did the same thing in secondary. Dropped French in favour of an additional science subject. I HATED french and loved my science subjects, so it seemed a no brainer to me at the time. I had made my mind up so didn't feel there was a point in talking to my parents about it. The hubris of youth in my case.

Not saying that's what's happened here but don't forget teenagers will do teenager things now and again, for better or worse.

Gileadi

I’m an engineer, did woodwork instead of tech graphics, calm down

1hnr79jr65

Kylen Numerous Vandal wrote: »

Old enough to choose his own subjects? You're kidding right? He's 13 FFS. He needs guidance both in school and from his parents.

I strongly disagree with this statement. This lad will need to learn about choices, choices which could bring fortune but also consequences in life. Being able to make such choices for himself is a valuable learning experience in itself, not just for studying the subject but also how this will influence him later in life or not.

Yes a parent needs to give guidance and support to their child but they also need to support where the child's creativity or desirable path lead to as they may have other interests or see something the parent does not see for their future.

doolox

Your son has expressed an interest in a more practical subject than Technical Graphics and is following his personal preference.

While most of Ireland's furniture and cabinet making is gone to cheaper economies there is still huge scope for jobs in Work such as shop fitting, Bar and hotel fitting and other related woodworking jobs. Also every kitchen and fitted bedroom needs workers to fit them in. This type of work is not going anywhere soon according to jobs experts while many information and decision making posts will be toast in the near future. Also many driving and customer facing roles will suffer huge reductions as machines take over. One only has to look at supermarkets to see where this is leading to.

The most highly paid people are now plumbers who do call-outs on domestic work. I had to get an emergency job done on a tenants toilet, 15 minutes work cost me €100 plus VAT at 13%.....

A week later a home visit from Dubdoc for a doctor and her driver cost me €60 for 20 minutes work, great value in comparison.

People look down on practical trades as some what "beneath" the present day student but most trades people I know were never out of work a day in their lives. The good ones applied themselves diligently all their lives and some added degrees to enter training and management roles The big downfall with trades is the need to have a proper job you can do when you are less physically fit and mobile and have less stamina in later years, this is why income protection insurance is dearer for manual workers than for office workers etc. You need to have a career plan that slots you into relevant management and supervisory or inspection roles and leave the heavy slogging to the younger workers. Many I know got jobs in building maintenance and callouts for rental management agencies etc and got away from sites where a lot of the heavy lifting and onerous work rates can happen.

Having said all that Ireland's position in the world economy is as a designer and specifier for manufacturing products and processes the manual work is all carried out in remote locations with cheaper wages. Technical Graphics will have to be done by most engineering and technical workers here at some stage in their lives, although he may not like it there is no getting away from it in an engineering or technical role, even at a basic level.

FelaniaMump

I can see why he didn't talk to you about it.

They are encouraged to be independent learners these days and take responsibility for their own education. Sounds like he's doing a pretty good job of it.

The Princess Bride

The school should have a policy on how to approach children of separated/divorced families.
You shouldn't have to fight to receive reports etc..you should be getting all school emails/ texts etc...that are relevant to your child.

On a positive note, I think it's promising that your son is mature enough to go to his year head by himself and discuss his options.
Too many teens are awkward and uncomfortable in themselves, and might struggle at a subject and say nothing.
He'll be fine. He hasn't let you down by the way, he has to make his own choices, as only he can sit exams and choose a potential career for himself. You and his mother can only encourage him.
If he gets to do TY, he'll probably have an option to try Tech Graphics( DCG) again.

shesty

Is it the fact that he dropped tech graphics, or the fact that you didn't know the bit that's bothering you?
Engineer here.Woman.Neither subject was offered in my school.And yet here I am, still got a good degree.It's not necessary.If that's the bit that's the problem.

Birdsong

I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect..[/quote]

Maths is the most important subject for engineering, once he had good maths everything else will follow

rainbowtrout

D13exile wrote: »

I’m divorced and have my kids half the time. My son just started first year last September and one of the subjects I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect. Well tonight I found out that he dropped the subject a month ago for woodwork. I’m gobsmacked that the school didn’t advise me of this prior to letting him swap subjects. I’ve asked him if his mother knew and he said no. He said he approached his year head and asked her and she allowed him to change. I feel there’s more to this than he’s letting on but he said that’s what happened. I can’t believe the school would allow this without notifying the parents first. It’s possible that my ex does know and unfortunately the school does favour her with the school reports etc while I have to fight to get them.

What should I do? I feel he’s let me down by not discussing it with me. I’m annoyed at the school not calling me about my son dropping a subject.

I feel sorry for your son. It's all about you and nothing about him. Does he want to be an engineer or an architect or is this your dream for him? If you think there is more to this than you are aware of then maybe his mother does know, and your son simply doesn't want any more hassle from you so he's given you a different story.

Also if your son changed to woodwork a month ago, he gave technical graphics a go for 2.5 months. Long enough for him to decide he didn't like it. I'd say that was an informed choice.

Maybe you should consider why your son didn't want to discuss it with you, and why it only came out a month after the fact rather than get angry with the school. I've met enough pushy parents as a teacher, who want their children to do subjects because they believe they are more prestigious or want them to follow certain careers and the child's interests or happiness don't come into it at all.

road_high

Control freak central...Christ no wonder the poor kid didn’t tell you, probably bricking it from the pressure and grief he’d no doubt receive...

D13exile

And this is where Boards differs from the real world:rolleyes:

Had an xmas work party last night and mentioned to the folks what my son had done. 20 colleagues there and they were all gobsmacked at the school not informing me about this. All said they'd be straight onto the school to find out why he'd changed subjects without a parent being advised (asked the ex and she wasn't aware either). Furthermore, the year head took the tech graphics books I'd bought and gave them to another pupil when my son switched.

So, thanks for the personal attacks (yawn), I'll stick with my own gut instinct and advice of friends and colleagues from here on out. "He's old enough to choose for himself". At 13??? Says it all really. Maybe I'll let him choose to stay at home and play Fortnite 24/7 perhaps as that's what he'd choose if I let him.

Baggly

What's your plan from here OP?

Baggly

BTW i do think it's poor of the school in terms of comms and in terms of those books. I just don't see how you can force your son to study something he doesn't want to instead of something he does want to study.

the_syco

D13exile wrote: »

I’m divorced and have my kids half the time. My son just started first year last September and one of the subjects I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect.

D13exile wrote: »

What should I do? I feel he’s let me down by not discussing it with me. I’m annoyed at the school not calling me about my son dropping a subject.

I'm lucky my parents supported my preference in I subject I wanted to do, as opposed to telling me what subject to pick.

=-=

OP; support your son. He tried your way for a bit, it sucked, so he picked a subject that he'd have an interest in.

Also this line

D13exile wrote: »

Well tonight I found out that he dropped the subject a month ago for woodwork.

If you have your kids half the time, and only found out after a month, I'm guessing you take little interest in helping him with his homework?

shesty

So the problem is actually that he did it and you weren't informed? (And yes, that's a problem).
I'd suggest you ask him what's going on.

But I wouldn 't come at it from the "you need tech graphics for a future career because I think you should do it" angle-unless he has continually expressed an interest in that as a career, and even then the woodwork isn't that big a deal.I'd certainly be probing to find out his reasons though.

colm_mcm

D13exile wrote: »

And this is where Boards differs from the real world:rolleyes:

Had an xmas work party last night and mentioned to the folks what my son had done. 20 colleagues there and they were all gobsmacked at the school not informing me about this. All said they'd be straight onto the school to find out why he'd changed subjects without a parent being advised (asked the ex and she wasn't aware either). Furthermore, the year head took the tech graphics books I'd bought and gave them to another pupil when my son switched.

So, thanks for the personal attacks (yawn), I'll stick with my own gut instinct and advice of friends and colleagues from here on out. "He's old enough to choose for himself". At 13??? Says it all really. Maybe I'll let him choose to stay at home and play Fortnite 24/7 perhaps as that's what he'd choose if I let him.

Nobody’s gonna be honest to your face about this at a work party.

1hnr79jr65

D13exile wrote: »

And this is where Boards differs from the real world:rolleyes:

Had an xmas work party last night and mentioned to the folks what my son had done. 20 colleagues there and they were all gobsmacked at the school not informing me about this. All said they'd be straight onto the school to find out why he'd changed subjects without a parent being advised (asked the ex and she wasn't aware either). Furthermore, the year head took the tech graphics books I'd bought and gave them to another pupil when my son switched.

So, thanks for the personal attacks (yawn), I'll stick with my own gut instinct and advice of friends and colleagues from here on out. "He's old enough to choose for himself". At 13??? Says it all really. Maybe I'll let him choose to stay at home and play Fortnite 24/7 perhaps as that's what he'd choose if I let him.

This response is very immature, no one is suggesting that he can make choice to stay home play games or other such nonsense. Simply put when it comes to his education, he should have the choice of what he wants to study to suit a career that will interest him in the future.

Would you prefer he does a subject he does not like and becomes a drop out or someone who lacks in drive to better himself OR to act in a responsible manner as he has done to choose something which he seems to have an interest in?

I do agree the manner this transition has taken place by the school leaves much to be desired, at minimum you and your ex should have been invited in to discuss your child's feelings and desire to change subjects. Taking his school books to give to another student in swap is also wrong, this should have been done with permission of whom ever paid for books.

Your child seems to have their head screwed on and mature enough to want to find their own path in life, talk to them and see what future they see and support them. A child that has support will work well towards their goal they interested in.

eviltwin

There are two issues here: him changing subjects and you and your ex not being informed. I do agree you should have been told but the school usually only informs one parent. Are you absolutely sure your ex just didn't say anything because she'd know how you would react?

At 13 he's old enough to have some idea of what he wants to do. Yes we'd all love our children to pick subjects that lead to lucrative careers but what about what he wants to do or do you intend to choose his entire career path?

FYI I let my 12 year old choose her own subjects including taking on two additional ones not provided by the school. She's now in her final year of college doing a course she absolutely loves. I don't know if she's going to have a high income but isn't happiness more important

And as to why your son didn't tell you, I think it's quite obvious from your posts why not.

salmocab

I’d imagine an anonymous internet board is likely to give a more honest answer than people at dinner who can see what answer your looking for from your telling of the story.

I think the school should probably have informed you but the choice itself will not affect your sons future college place. Unless he’s crap at woodwork I suppose.

Big Bag of Chips

D13exile wrote: »

"He's old enough to choose for himself". At 13??? Says it all really. Maybe I'll let him choose to stay at home and play Fortnite 24/7 perhaps as that's what he'd choose if I let him.

Choosing to stay home from school playing Fortnight is a world away from choosing what subjects he wants to do. It's a silly comparison.

It's still hard to tell if your issue is with the school or with your son going against your advice. Just out of interest, if the school has contacted you what would you have done? Would you have tried to talk your son out of changing? Would you have told the school he wasn't allowed drop TG?

And the reason people post asking advice on an Internet forum from strangers is that they know their friends are more likely to say what they want to hear.

seamus

Don't force your kids to do subjects in case they might want to do the future career you've already picked for them.

Let them pick their own subjects and they'll enjoy school more, which will make them better learners.

Find out why your son was afraid to tell you. Learn from this.

Ask the school why you weren't informed. If your son approached the school and explained that he hated TG or wasn't good at it, but was afraid of your reaction, then that actually says to me that he's is far more confident and self-sufficient than you give him credit for.

realitykeeper

D13exile wrote: »

I’m divorced and have my kids half the time. My son just started first year last September and one of the subjects I advised him to pursue was Technical Graphics as it could lead to a career as an engineer or architect. Well tonight I found out that he dropped the subject a month ago for woodwork. I’m gobsmacked that the school didn’t advise me of this prior to letting him swap subjects. I’ve asked him if his mother knew and he said no. He said he approached his year head and asked her and she allowed him to change. I feel there’s more to this than he’s letting on but he said that’s what happened. I can’t believe the school would allow this without notifying the parents first. It’s possible that my ex does know and unfortunately the school does favour her with the school reports etc while I have to fight to get them.

What should I do? I feel he’s let me down by not discussing it with me. I’m annoyed at the school not calling me about my son dropping a subject.

I reckon it can be difficult being a separated parent. I sympathize. Society does favour the mother in these scenarios. It is not right but that`s how it is. Given the pc times we live in, perhaps it is time for that convention to change so as to achieve more balance. As to your son, I would simply respect his decision. If that is what he wants to do, good for him. The fact that you advised him to do a different subject was not lost on your son, he did hear you. Kids are perceptive, and any feelings of insecurity or resentment you emit unintentionally can be obvious to others. Your son clearly loves you very much. If I were you, I would try to keep on good terms with his mother.