Relationship advice

Huniam

Hi, looking for advice on a relationship or not as the case may be. I was seeing this guy for a couple of months, going great although I did know he went quiet at times as he is dealing with a lot of issues, blames himself for a failed marriage, not seeing his kids as much as he'd like.
He goes quiet for days and does a bit of drinking on his days off, then is in total depression. This has got worse the last month so much so that he doesn't want to see me at all because he see himself as a failure and can't see how he can make me happy if he isn't happy himself. The confusing part is that he keeps contacting me, texts most days, if I play it cool he texts more but then might ignore my text for a day. I've tried asking him where we're going, if there's a future, just keeps saying he's not happy nothing to with me but then the texts come again and says really nice things to me. I've tried really hard to help him, with some success but I think now he's just embarrassed because I've seen him at his lowest.
I suppose my question is what does he want from me, should I step away or should I keep trying or just wait until he's ready. he keeps saying we'll talk properly but it never happens.
Advice please??!!

Unanimous

Huniam wrote: »

Hi, looking for advice on a relationship or not as the case may be. I was seeing this guy for a couple of months, going great although I did know he went quiet at times as he is dealing with a lot of issues, blames himself for a failed marriage, not seeing his kids as much as he'd like.
He goes quiet for days and does a bit of drinking on his days off, then is in total depression. This has got worse the last month so much so that he doesn't want to see me at all because he see himself as a failure and can't see how he can make me happy if he isn't happy himself. The confusing part is that he keeps contacting me, texts most days, if I play it cool he texts more but then might ignore my text for a day. I've tried asking him where we're going, if there's a future, just keeps saying he's not happy nothing to with me but then the texts come again and says really nice things to me. I've tried really hard to help him, with some success but I think now he's just embarrassed because I've seen him at his lowest.
I suppose my question is what does he want from me, should I step away or should I keep trying or just wait until he's ready. he keeps saying we'll talk properly but it never happens.
Advice please??!!

Talk that Talk!

Walk away.
Head wreck.

punisher5112

Do you really want all that baggage and stress.

What use is it going out with someone who goes quiet and you don't know what's going on.

Probably best happened now and not further down the line.

Leave him off to sort himself out and get someone who actually respects you and actually communicates.

ChrissieH

Is there any chance that he's drunk when he's texting you the nice messages?
I would have to agree with the other posters, even though I know it's easy for us to say "leave the relationship", but it really does sound like he's going to be a lot of hassle, headwreck and heartbreak for you so in your situation, I would definitely say to just leave him now before you get any more invested in him.
Women often have a very bad tendency to put up with a lot of crap from men who aren't worth it, because these men reel them in by giving them enough sweet-talk to flatter them when they know they're on thin ice. Trust me, I'm married to one, and while he was never nasty or completely dodgy, I definitely tolerated a lot of broken promises and disappointments in our early years simply because he'd make wildly romantic declarations to me that I stupidly fell for!
Actions speak louder than words.

TheBoyConor

He sounds like an insecure needy head melt.

What does he want from you? Probably a pity party.

At the end of the day this guy has nothing to offer you except for a sort of personalised Joe Duffy show where he gets on to you moaning about all his problems. What's the in this for you? Nothing

I'd tell him that the exchanges make you feel uneasy, that he will have to sort out his problems for himself and that it's no longer appropriate for ye to be in contact. Tell him it was nice dating him and wish him well for the future.

Then block and delete him off of everything and move on with your life.

BilboBagOfCans

How long does he expect you to hang round?
I think it's worth taking a step back, he's using you for an ego boost

TheBoyConor

Just dump him. He sounds like a moan and a pain in the neck.