Precious parents and their new born kids

AtomicHorror

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Self-inflicted.

A choice made for many reasons, and not taken lightly. You'll not benefit from other's having kids, will you not? You indicated you consider having children to be "unnecessary" previously- care to explain? We need to have fewer, for sure, but we can't have none. Unless you'd like to retire in a world with no functioning infrastructure?

eviltwin

I'm a parent. I was never like this.

I can see both sides. To a new parent a routine may seem like the most important thing in the world and it might be the only thing keeping them on top of things. It's hard to understand that when you haven't been through it and when you have you forget.

But don't invite people to meet your child or make plans if you are going to discomode them. Their routine is important too.

Muckka

Rootsblower wrote: »

You dip the wick you gotta pay for the oil!!!!

And the price of oil these days..

I remember it well, didn't know my arse from my elbow.

I look back at my work standards when my lad was a ween, and look now...

I'm way more organized and efficient

NSAman

Muckka wrote: »

It was the chalk duster, or 100 lion's

Raised on Safari I see....posh!

McCrack

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Dear Jesus that sounds amazing.

Yes you need to see it to believe it

helicopter parenting I believe it's called - the kid moves - the parent moves with them standing over them all the time- and this was in a back garden at a BBQ with other kids playing about

Muckka

NSAman wrote: »

Raised on Safari I see....posh!

No it was a collesuenm, they gave me one hundred lashes and threw me to the lions..

NSAman

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Our parents - mothers, generally - had a fairly close support group around them. And - generally - mothers stayed at home.

If that kind of support is not important, fine. If it is important, then perhaps time to review economics, demographics, and gender roles ? No stomach for that, though.

One way or another, a lot of parents today are as wearing as their children.

mother worked and father worked, they each took turns looking after us with no supports... perhaps that is why we were generally grown up pretty quickly by today’s standards.

My own, were brought up the same way. Never inflicted on anyone and certainly wouldn’t discomode someone else due to them having to sleep.

I do blame the parents a lot of the time, treating kids as the prince or the princess will only backfire later in life. Love mine to death, would do anything for them and do, but they also have to know that Dad/Mum/everyone else, has a life too.

Not everyone is interested in the absolute minutia of a new born. If you have ‘em, make sure you look after them ... gawd help my lot when they have their own. Gramps is not gonna be a dumping ground, love kids, but they are best when you hand them back to their parents..;)

How Soon Is Now

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm a parent. I was never like this.

I can see both sides. To a new parent a routine may seem like the most important thing in the world and it might be the only thing keeping them on top of things. It's hard to understand that when you haven't been through it and when you have you forget.

But don't invite people to meet your child or make plans if you are going to discomode them. Their routine is important too.

Excatly what you choose to do as a parent is your business no one else's. Which also means you shouldn't expect people to just fall in line with your routine.

Being honest I don't remember ever having a situation where I had to tell anyone to be quite or I was late etc etc etc. My kids are still alive as far as I know....

It's all about attitudes some people just feel there situation is all that matters and there friends and family should just be okay with that.

I don't put my kids on other people there my responsibility no one else should be put out by them. If there gonna hassle anyone it will be me and there mother we chose to have them we can deal with it!

AtomicHorror

McCrack wrote: »

Yes you need to see it to believe it

helicopter parenting I believe it's called - the kid moves - the parent moves with them standing over them all the time- and this was in a back garden at a BBQ with other kids playing about

I'm sure it happens, and I think it's asinine behavior, but as a parent in my 30s, with lots of 30-something parent friends, I can honestly say I have never witnessed it personally.

I think it's massively overstated by people who start sentences with "in my day..."

Feisar

My wife is pregnant with our first child.

I'll report back in five months, I hope I don't turn into an arsehole!

Lefty Bicek

rgmmg wrote: »

You didn't say that, I did. Responsibility applies whether they are exceptional or not . I think you were trying to paraphrase a Bill Hick's sketch.

You might well think all that.

Mollycoddling, 'helicoptering', and 'pedestalising' are not the opposite of neglect, a term which you threw in.

Neither are they acts of 'responsiblity'.

Which Bill Hicks sketch, by the way ?

freshpopcorn

I get why people can be protective and sometimes it goes over the top but that's there choice.
If you make an appointment or plan and you think your going to be late or won't show up. Let the person know if you remember in advance. I know somebody and they'd plan to meet X at 2 o clock. They know at twelve they won't be able to make it. However they'll let x travel and wait around for them and then send a text at 4 o clock saying sorry.

S_D

Did you Tell your friend you were pissed of they left you waiting 90 minutes???

Peatys

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

I was invited to a christening and at 11.30am, the mother a child left the christening to bring the baby home because nap time was between 12 and 2pm. So what was the point in having a Christening if you're just going to go home!

A friend invited themselves over to the house to introduce their new baby, she turns up 90 minutes late with the explanation that the child was asleep and couldn't be woke!!! So I have to organise my life around when your 6 month old child decides to wake up???

A new colleague has joined after moving back to Ireland from Australia where the baby was born. She's married with one child and is living in her parents while the house they bought is being renovated for the past year. Anyway, I can hear her chewing the balls off her father and snarking down the phone at the mother if the child isn't asleep at nap time or had it's arse wiped a certain way!

Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

same as everyone else, they're making it up as they go along. Cut them some slack and make them a lasagne or something.

Peatys

garv123 wrote: »

When I was in school, a decade ago, we were terrified that we'd get a letter home to our parents if we got in trouble, and we'd get in trouble for it at home...

These days Children go home and tell their parents that the teacher gave out to them, and an awful lot of parents give out to the teacher for picking on their little johnny.. Snowflakes!!!

Don't even start on that educate together sh!te!!

Don't even start on that educate together shíte?
Sure no-one started on kids getting letters home from school.. didn't stop you tho.. let it all out. Sharing is caring.

Muckka

Feisar wrote: »

My wife is pregnant with our first child.

I'll report back in five months, I hope I don't turn into an arsehole!

If you're already questioning that, I'm sure you'll be ok
An asshole would never ask themselves that.

Looking forward to hearing your story in 5 months.
It's great, you'll be happy out.
Best year's of your life.
You'll learn to cope with a few hours sleep a night, bonding is good.

retro:electro

Title needs to be changed to “precious OP and newborn kids”

Lefty Bicek

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

One way or another, a lot of parents today are as wearing as their children.

But not as wearing as fully grown adults complaining the world revolves around kids, when they clearly think it should revolve around them instead.

Rootsblower

retro:electro wrote: »

Title needs to be changed to “precious OP and newborn kids”

Thread needs to be renamed “arsehole parents and their spawn who can do no wrong”

Colonel Claptrap

'Why we Sleep', a book by Professor Matthew Walker is in the charts at the moment. I can't recommend it enough.

OP's post reminded me of a chapter he wrote on measuring the effects of sleep disruption on newborn rats, and how that shapes what we know about sleep in infants.

"Sadly, we do not yet fully understand what the long-term effects are of fetal or neo-nate REM-sleep disruption. Only that blocking or reducing REM sleep in newborn animals hinders and distorts brain development, leading to an adult that is socially abnormal."

OP, did you get much sleep as a baby?

Lefty Bicek

Candie wrote: »

But not as wearing as fully grown adults complaining the world revolves around kids, when they clearly think it should revolve around them instead.

Absolutely agree.

Start a thread about it if you want.

Lia_lia

You sound like my Mother, OP. She doesn't understand this whole baby sleep pattern thing and just brought us everywhere with her when we were babies. However, she's also one of these people that only needs about 4-5 hours sleep a night.

I dread to think what kind of "advice" she'll be giving me when I have kids...

How Soon Is Now

Rootsblower wrote: »

Thread needs to be renamed “arsehole parents and their spawn who can do no wrong”

Could also go for "certain people in AHs think they know ****ing everything" .

The possibilitys are endless really!

v638sg7k1a92bx

Colonel Claptrap wrote: »

'Why we Sleep', a book by Professor Matthew Walker is in the charts at the moment. I can't recommend it enough.

OP's post reminded me of a chapter he wrote on measuring the effects of sleep disruption on newborn rats, and how that shapes what we know about sleep in infants.

"Sadly, we do not yet fully understand what the long-term effects are of fetal or neo-nate REM-sleep disruption. Only that blocking or reducing REM sleep in newborn animals hinders and distorts brain development, leading to an adult that is socially abnormal."

OP, did you get much sleep as a baby?

I slept like a baby.

Lefty Bicek

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

I slept like a baby.

Rootsblower

Rootsblower wrote: »

OP needs to be rename thread “arsehole parents and their spawn who can do no wrong”

FYP - BUT - Does the OP have the bottle? And not the baby's one.

kylith

If the Little feckers don’t get proper sleep you sodding pay for it.

Gimme A Pound

Being 90 minutes late due to a delay caused by the baby is standard stuff - it can't be helped. It's not a deliberate strategy to cause inconvenience. Maybe consider things from their point of view - it's not a picnic for them either.

Gimme A Pound

garv123 wrote: »

When I was in school, a decade ago, we were terrified that we'd get a letter home to our parents if we got in trouble, and we'd get in trouble for it at home...

These days Children go home and tell their parents that the teacher gave out to them, and an awful lot of parents give out to the teacher for picking on their little johnny.. Snowflakes!!!

Don't even start on that educate together sh!te!!

You were in school all the way back in 2009?!

Yeah people were saying the very same thing about your generation. And many before it.

FanadMan

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

How old are you OP? 18-25?

This has been going on since before I was born and I'm 45.

Deal with it. Smile, coo over the pics and carry on. In another 10 years, you'll have been complaining about the future you.

DS86DS

Mothers loving and having a bond with their babies. It's an absolute disgrace.

BuboBubo

garv123 wrote: »

When I was in school, a decade ago, we were terrified that we'd get a letter home to our parents if we got in trouble, and we'd get in trouble for it at home...

These days Children go home and tell their parents that the teacher gave out to them, and an awful lot of parents give out to the teacher for picking on their little johnny.. Snowflakes!!!

Don't even start on that educate together

I just googled "Educate Together", it seems to be a non-demonational/all races/everyone welcome type of school? That's probably a good thing imo. Or am I missing something.

Noodles81

Gazzmonkey wrote: »

You have so not a clue what your talking about. The world doesn't revolve around you. Also your opinion is irrelevant if you don't have kids.

I love this phrase, it's so full of hubris and ever so exclusive...like you've somehow morphed into a new higher species of human by having a kid...homo parentius. Well done sir!


Right, so one can't have an opinion now on children unless one is a parent? An aunt, uncle, teacher, friend, etc have never experienced a new born? No, we have and our experiences are very similiar to a parent's depending on the time spent and different family dynamics. In fact we have the added benefit of detachment while still loving the little blighter.

How about parents like the ones mentioned in the OP's post stop treating others disrespectfully and be more considerate to others, including those without kids. The OP's time is just as important as yours and the baby's. And making someone whisper all evening is pure bad manners. Don't invite guests around then if "baby asleep in absolute silence" is what you want.

And most people get on with it without making out they are the 1st generation to experience childbirth. You think your child is great which is only right but don't expect everyone else to think that too.

Noodles81

Candie wrote: »

I think lack of sleep makes it tough to stay sane at times when people have new babies. I'd cut people a lot of slack if they're late or have to change plans when they have new babies. It's more important that they're okay, get some sleep, the baby is doing well etc.

Of course, we must all be understanding. That goes without saying. I would always make allowances for things beyond a parent's control. You have to be flexible. But, a little thought and a text to others goes a long way too. 90 minutes late, the child was napping, what was stopping mum from sending a text? Very annoying and a selfish thing to do.

suicide_circus

I understand that to new parents the babies are "your world" but some can't grasp the idea that other people have no interest in them and find them an extremely tedious subject of conversation.

Ilovethe bonesofyou

Noodles81 wrote:

Right, so one can't have an opinion now on children unless one is a parent? An aunt, uncle, teacher, friend, etc have never experienced a new born? No, we have and our experiences are very similiar to a parent's depending on the time spent and different family dynamics. In fact we have the added benefit of detachment while still loving the little blighter.

Hahaha. I'd like to hear your perspective on this after you've have kids. Until you have a child that is your responsibility all the time you really haven't a clue what it is to have your own child.

Mrsmum

Noodles81 wrote: »

Of course, we must all be understanding. That goes without saying. I would always make allowances for things beyond a parent's control. You have to be flexible. But, a little thought and a text to others goes a long way too. 90 minutes late, the child was napping, what was stopping mum from sending a text? Very annoying and a selfish thing to do.

Baby or no baby, I think that is frightfully rude to leave someone waiting for an hour and a half without a word. Totally out of order. It is actually fairly common for new parents to lose a lot of friends, not so much a big falling out just a fading away of the friendship, which I think is a combination of them expecting way too much leeway from everyone and everyone not giving them a fair amount of it. For what it's worth by the time they have third or forth baby, they are way more easy going and said baby is generally a much more easygoing little person also.

rgmmg

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

You might well think all that.

Mollycoddling, 'helicoptering', and 'pedestalising' are not the opposite of neglect, a term which you threw in.

Neither are they acts of 'responsiblity'.

Which Bill Hicks sketch, by the way ?

I just said parents were responsible - I was being sarcastic when I threw in neglect, hence the at the end of the comment.. Tough crowd.

Stop arguing with yourself

The Bill Hicks parenting sketch - am sure it's on Youtube..

GreeBo

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Understand what exactly, that the world revolves around your child's nap time???

The child's world revolves around their nap time.
The child is not self sufficient, hence my world revolves around them at the moment.


boo hoo to you having to wait 90 minutes for someone with a newborn.
Maybe you are just cranky because you soiled yourself?

The Infinite Fart

Noodles81 wrote: »

I love this phrase, it's so full of hubris and ever so exclusive...like you've somehow morphed into a new higher species of human by having a kid...homo parentius. Well done sir!


Right, so one can't have an opinion now on children unless one is a parent? An aunt, uncle, teacher, friend, etc have never experienced a new born? No, we have and our experiences are very similiar to a parent's depending on the time spent and different family dynamics. In fact we have the added benefit of detachment while still loving the little blighter.

How about parents like the ones mentioned in the OP's post stop treating others disrespectfully and be more considerate to others, including those without kids. The OP's time is just as important as yours and the baby's. And making someone whisper all evening is pure bad manners. Don't invite guests around then if "baby asleep in absolute silence" is what you want.

And most people get on with it without making out they are the 1st generation to experience childbirth. You think your child is great which is only right but don't expect everyone else to think that too.

Very similar experiences?? Really? You mean like as an uncle/aunt/teacher etc. After having carried the baby in your ever expanding body for 9 months while puking endlessly into the loo, attended every scan and felt it wriggle about and heard it's heartbeat for the first time, saw it take it's first breath, to spend endless hours awake every night as it wakes up demanding food/nappy change every three hours with the accompanying sleep deprivation, seeing it's first attempt at a smile or a giggle, feeling the vomit soak into your clothes after your baby pukes on you for the 7th time today...I think not...It's probably the most intense but rewarding experiences I've ever had in my life and though I have other kids in the family, nothing will ever compare to having your own in terms of similar experiences. As someone who has had other kids around before having my own I suppose I have the benefit of having both experiences and I really do think it's mad to draw parallells between both.

As regards bad manners having a baby is an enormous life change and many struggle with the transition. It can be really hard to strike a balance between baby and friends. In saying that not into the whispering craic either though. I don't think we invited any around at all at that stage cause it was just so bloody exhausting.

Muckka

My sister has 3 kids the eldest is 8 the youngest is 2.

She's never late for a family gathering.

She takes parenting serious as in she's not one of these "my kids my kids my kid's" people, herself and her husband have a good life balance.
Work well together and seem to be well able to make time for everyone else besides thinking I'll be late if I want to, and to hell with thinking of others and time management.

It's all about whether your life is manageable or unmanageable.

She's probably just that bit more conscientious about others than the average person.

She's strict,fair and reasonable.

I can see where a lot of people who are annoyed at poor time keeping and lack of respect for others time.

Just because you have kid's it doesn't mean it's nice to put all your own in one basket, and let everyone else out in the cold.

It's just common courtesy, nothing else.

There's something to be said about good time management.

As for my brother and his wife and kid, we're usually tucking into our desert's about the time they arrive.

My sister is totally perplexed, as she manages three and they've just the one.

She's been able to be on time when they were babies too, just to clarify that.

GreeBo

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

You just highlighted the problem. The "routine of a new born". They don't have routines.

You just highlighted the problem. You dont have a clue about parenting.

The whole bloody reason the parents are acting this way is to create a routine. They are not doing it to annoy you, you are not that important to them.

EdgeCase

Because, to them, it's the most important thing that ever happened and every little nuance is new to them and interesting.

It's innate parenting behaviour and you just have to put up with it.

It's far worse when someone goes on for 9 hours about their Apple Watch tbh. Or, as I was stuck with once : every tiny detail of a bathroom project. There's only so much you want to know about someone picking the colour of grout for their shower tiles ....

Muckka

GreeBo wrote: »

You just highlighted the problem. You dont have a clue about parenting.

The whole bloody reason the parents are acting this way is to create a routine. They are not doing it to annoy you, you are not that important to them.

That's not a nice thing to tell someone "you are not that important to them" .

Why should parents act out parenting ?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

suicide_circus wrote: »

I understand that to new parents the babies are "your world" but some can't grasp the idea that other people have no interest in them and find them an extremely tedious subject of conversation.

Especially when they tell you about runny poos, poonamis, and sick that come out of them. “Little Aoife is on her third outfit change today”. What drives me soft is when they put the pics of their kids vomit up on social media, or taking pics of them at the dr/in the hospital.

v638sg7k1a92bx

GreeBo wrote: »

The child's world revolves around their nap time.
The child is not self sufficient, hence my world revolves around them at the moment.

boo hoo to you having to wait 90 minutes for someone with a newborn.
Maybe you are just cranky because you soiled yourself?

A newborn would sleep on a bed on nails the problem is the parents who tiptoe around them as if they were a Faberge egg. You're a caricature of the concierge bulldozing parent that's mentioned on this thread. They attempt to bulldoze every type of obstacle from the child's life and all they are doing is creating undue stress for themselves, the child and everyone around them.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

GreeBo wrote: »

The child's world revolves around their nap time.
The child is not self sufficient, hence my world revolves around them at the moment.


boo hoo to you having to wait 90 minutes for someone with a newborn.
Maybe you are just cranky because you soiled yourself?

With all due respect, it isn’t his newborn (some might say thank god!) and 90 minutes is not a reasonable time to delay or hold someone else up for. Sorry. Your world should revolve around your child but nobody else has to accept being inconvenienced by it.

v638sg7k1a92bx

GreeBo wrote: »

You just highlighted the problem. You dont have a clue about parenting.

The whole bloody reason the parents are acting this way is to create a routine. They are not doing it to annoy you, you are not that important to them.

And your kids are not that important.

Alf Veedersane

Being late without letting someone know you're likely going to be late is ignorant. Mate will always say when he'd likely arrive but it depends on when they get their child down for a nap. It's up to be then to say if that suits or not.But he'd let me know if it went a hit pear shaped in the meantime. Which can happen.

Someone else's kids may not be important to you but surely it's important to try be understanding of a friend that is trying to manage a situation where they are constantly second guessing everything they do, especially if it'd their first child. They should be fair and flag if they are going to be late etc but try and be more understanding of the friend.

Some parents can come across a pain in the hole but they don't realise. If what they are doing works for them, then they don't want to change it because that just opens up a world of hardship around sleep or feeding.

Tl;Dr chill the f**k out and give people a break

GreeBo

Shoesdayschild wrote: »

With all due respect, it isn’t his newborn (some might say thank god!) and 90 minutes is not a reasonable time to delay or hold someone else up for. Sorry. Your world should revolve around your child but nobody else has to accept being inconvenienced by it.

Agreed it isnt...so what?
Thats like saying "its not his car crash" so why should he accept me being late because I had a crash.
If you dont want to be inconvenienced then dont make or accept arrangements with someone who has young children.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

A newborn would sleep on a bed on nails the problem is the parents who tiptoe around them as if they were a Faberge egg. You're a caricature of the concierge bulldozing parent that's mentioned on this thread. They attempt to bulldoze every type of obstacle from the child's life and all they are doing is creating undue stress for themselves, the child and everyone around them.

You are yet again proving you dont have a clue.
That infant that sleeps on the bed of nails when it isnt their nap time will then be wide awake and roaring at 4am because they routine has been broken. I sincerely doubt you will be on hand to help out at that time.

Undue stress comes from NOT having a routine. The routine is what makes it much easier on everyone. You'd know this if you had children.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

And your kids are not that important.

They are to their parents.

Muckka wrote: »

That's not a nice thing to tell someone "you are not that important to them" .

Why should parents act out parenting ?

Its reality. You are not as important to them as their children are. If this is news or surprising to you then, well I dont know what to tell you.

"act out parenting"? Huh? Who is acting anything?