Precious parents and their new born kids

lazygal

People who were thoughtless and self centred before they had kids are going to be the same after they had kids.
I have three, including a four month old. We're rarely, if ever, late to anything because we plan things knowing we have three children to get out the door. Most parents know the world doesn't revolve around their children and they don't take the piss. We didn't have any visitors for the first few weeks because newborn immune systems are vulnerable and I had no interest in seeing anyone outside immediate family tbh.
We take our children out for lunches and brunches in places and we expect them to behave. We don't stick a tablet or a phone in front of them, we expect them to be able to have a conversation and I'll usually bring a few sheets of paper and a pencil case of crayons so they can do a picture. They know sometimes they have to stay quiet and not everything is designed for them.
The problem is that some people are selfish and don't care about other people, not that they have children.

How Soon Is Now

The Infinite Fart wrote: »

Very similar experiences?? Really? You mean like as an uncle/aunt/teacher etc. After having carried the baby in your ever expanding body for 9 months while puking endlessly into the loo, attended every scan and felt it wriggle about and heard it's heartbeat for the first time, saw it take it's first breath, to spend endless hours awake every night as it wakes up demanding food/nappy change every three hours with the accompanying sleep deprivation, seeing it's first attempt at a smile or a giggle, feeling the vomit soak into your clothes after your baby pukes on you for the 7th time today...I think not...It's probably the most intense but rewarding experiences I've ever had in my life and though I have other kids in the family, nothing will ever compare to having your own in terms of similar experiences. As someone who has had other kids around before having my own I suppose I have the benefit of having both experiences and I really do think it's mad to draw parallells between both.

As regards bad manners having a baby is an enormous life change and many struggle with the transition. It can be really hard to strike a balance between baby and friends. In saying that not into the whispering craic either though. I don't think we invited any around at all at that stage cause it was just so bloody exhausting.

Im sure you tell everyone about all of this in detail a lot right?

eviltwin

GreeBo wrote: »

The child's world revolves around their nap time.
The child is not self sufficient, hence my world revolves around them at the moment.


boo hoo to you having to wait 90 minutes for someone with a newborn.
Maybe you are just cranky because you soiled yourself?

Child or no child it's completely rude and unnecessary to leave someone waiting a full hour and a half without some form of communication. There's no excuse for that.

The Infinite Fart

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Im sure you tell everyone about all of this in detail a lot right?

No. I don't actually. But I'm discussing it now, on a discussion forum about this topic. Imagine that

Ilovethe bonesofyou

How Soon Is Now wrote:

Im sure you tell everyone about all of this in detail a lot right?

I'm sure you look down your nose and judge people who you think aren't at your level of coolness a lot right?

evil_seed

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

I was invited to a christening and at 11.30am, the mother a child left the christening to bring the baby home because nap time was between 12 and 2pm. So what was the point in having a Christening if you're just going to go home!

A friend invited themselves over to the house to introduce their new baby, she turns up 90 minutes late with the explanation that the child was asleep and couldn't be woke!!! So I have to organise my life around when your 6 month old child decides to wake up???

A new colleague has joined after moving back to Ireland from Australia where the baby was born. She's married with one child and is living in her parents while the house they bought is being renovated for the past year. Anyway, I can hear her chewing the balls off her father and snarking down the phone at the mother if the child isn't asleep at nap time or had it's arse wiped a certain way!

Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

Might be required for school?

How Soon Is Now

The Infinite Fart wrote: »

No. I don't actually. But I'm discussing it now, on a discussion forum about this topic. Imagine that

Theres no discussion just yourself going into the finer details of a situation that only means something to you.

Ilovethe bonesofyou wrote: »

I'm sure you look down your nose and judge people who you think aren't at your level of coolness a lot right?

My level of coolness? wtf are you on about?

Muckka

I find it funny watching some of these parents in their late 20's up until their 40's trying to look after kid's.

It's a complete shock to their system, they were so used to the fancy free and easy lifestyle.

Then along comes baby, everything else goes out the window.

As for younger parents they just seem to cope way better and are well able to compartmentalise their lives.

My lad was born when I was 23.
I just had to make sacrifices and let go of my night's out when I had him
He came first and some of my friends had kids too so we had that in common.

Would I recommend having kid's younger ? Definitely.

Would I go again ? Definitely not.

Life is good when you're in your 40's and no more tears...

Alf Veedersane

Muckka wrote: »

I find it funny watching some of these parents in their late 20's up until their 40's trying to look after kid's.

It's a complete shock to their system, they were so used to the fancy free and easy lifestyle.

Then along comes baby, everything else goes out the window.

As for younger parents they just seem to cope way better and are well able to compartmentalise their lives.

My lad was born when I was 23.
I just had to make sacrifices and let go of my night's out when I had him
He came first and some of my friends had kids too so we had that in common.

Would I recommend having kid's younger ? Definitely.

Would I go again ? Definitely not.

Life is good when you're in your 40's and no more tears...

I'm not sure if you meant to come across as smug as you did...but some people choose to wait and it works out better for them. Some people have kids younger and it works better for them.

Cienciano

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

This one is the funniest. You think it's weird and precious being quiet around a baby that's asleep? What terrible parents! They should have a noisy atmosphere for a baby to sleep in!? Christ, you should be a child psychologist. You also are moaning about the world revolving around newborn babies and not you? Because it upsets you? The ignorance and irony is amazing, I actually hope this is a troll.

Muckka

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I'm not sure if you meant to come across as smug as you did...but some people choose to wait and it works out better for them. Some people have kids younger and it works better for them.

I understand that, no I wouldn't be smug about it.
Well it's not really funny, but looking back at the people who rubbed my nose in it for getting my girlfriend pregnant at the time and told me my life was over, and them now telling me I'm a jammy bastard for having an 18 year old in my 40's is ironic.

I know all the variables, get your career and finance's sorted, a secure job, mortgage etc

But I'm glad I did it at 23 now and I empathize with how hard and frustrated one can be.

But humble pie is a great learning curve

Mrsmum

Sometimes people have no choice regarding when they have children. It doesn't always happen to plan.

retro:electro

Muckka wrote: »

I find it funny watching some of these parents in their late 20's up until their 40's trying to look after kid's.

What?

Noodles81

There's a lot of defensiveness in this thread, on both sides. It's an emotive issue.

There are those people waxing lyrical about carrying a child for 9 months and the feel of them in their belly as they grow and the fresh new born smell of their offspring etc and the joy and worry etc it brings...and how no one understands unless they've been there.

And there's others who see it, less verbosely, as you procreated like most mammals do and now you have to rear it. A life choice to get on with as best you can.

Same narratives, different perspectives.

Either way a little bit of respect for both is all that is needed.

Alf Veedersane

A general rule I apply in life is "don't be a díckhead". Leaving someone wait for 90 mins with no communication that you'll be late is being a díckhead. Having a child is no excuse for it.

But there's a bit too much "I don't care about your kids, they're not mine". That's fine talking about strangers but if you feel that way about someone that is supposed to be a friend, it's a shítty attitude and you need to have a word with yourself.

Plans may get thrown out the window as a parent but flag it to people who are affected. And the people affected need to be understanding.

It shouldn't be that difficult.

As has been said, being a parent hasn't made people dìcks. They've done that by themselves and long before being a parent.

AtomicHorror

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Unlike you I don't make decisions for other people on whether or not they should have children

Still really confused about this accusation. If you feel like I've forced you to have kids, I'm so sorry. I can't recall having completed the actions necessary for this to be true, but willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

The Enbalmer

oLoonatic wrote: »

Times change, parenting styles change. Perhaps you need to change too.

Yes..now parent allow men dressed as women called Miss Hot Mess into classrooms to talk about homosexuality to 4 year olds.

Gimme A Pound

retro:electro wrote: »

What?

Didn't you get the memo? People in their late 20s and early 30s (i.e. the age of most new parents nowadays - the majority of whom are doing fine) are past it for raising children - past it! And it's "funny" - like a comedy.

martingriff

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Or maybe don't leave me waiting 90 mins or invite me over to your house.

You may need to remind people of how important your time is OP. Or JUST MAYBE the baby was extra tired and would not awake babies actually do this and if you force them awake it will be like WW3. But now they know everything has to revolve around you.

For everybody else yes a new born is the most important to a parent and you will be way down the pecking order. Even I a person who does not have kids know this

Muckka

retro:electro wrote: »

What?

There's an app you can get if you've problems reading a post, and sometimes if you read further down, you'll get more of the story.

There's a lot of different ways you can read into a post.

If you translate your version, I'd be more than delighted to give you mine.

Muckka

Savannah Gray Laborer wrote: »

Didn't you get the memo? People in their late 20s and early 30s (i.e. the age of most new parents nowadays - the majority of whom are doing fine) are past it for raising children - past it! And it's "funny" - like a comedy.

I'd buy that for a dollar lol

I never said they're past it, I said they find it more difficult.

But sure you're entitled to add a bit here and there.

Muckka

Mrsmum wrote: »

Sometimes people have no choice regarding when they have children. It doesn't always happen to plan.

That's for sure lol
I know all about that

mvl

This may have been said already: I also think some ppl are more precious than others, with or without new born kids ...

from another point of view, if someone in babyland gets offended by me not giving too many compliments to a baby I can't relate to, I can live with that: not all babies are supposed to be cute. But ... for some reason it appears all my close friends babies are cuter // maybe cause they have familiar features

retro:electro

Muckka wrote: »

There's an app you can get if you've problems reading a post, and sometimes if you read further down, you'll get more of the story.

There's a lot of different ways you can read into a post.

If you translate your version, I'd be more than delighted to give you mine.

I was wondering if I misinterpreted your initial post and surely you didn’t actually mean to be that patronising, but I see now that it’s just your style.

Carry on.

Muckka

retro:electro wrote: »

I was wondering if I misinterpreted your initial post and surely you didn’t actually mean to be that patronising, but I see now that it’s just your style.

Carry on.

My style, oxblood polished with black Dock martens or iron ranger's.
Jeans, rustic shirts and Arran jumper's
Tattooed, bearded and a bit retro vintage..

No I'm just a bit of a clown sometimes...
Not patronising, and if I come across that way, it's because I'm used to banter...

retro:electro

Cringe.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

I'd buy that for a dollar lol

I never said they're past it, I said they find it more difficult.

But sure you're entitled to add a bit here and there.

They really don’t. Theyre more likely to have a stable income, a house so they’re not beating a path to the council for assistance. They’ve got to enjoy their youth, gone to college, settled down and had time to grow up. Sounds like you’re just trying to console yourself to be honest.

irelandrover

Cienciano wrote: »

This one is the funniest. You think it's weird and precious being quiet around a baby that's asleep? What terrible parents! They should have a noisy atmosphere for a baby to sleep in!? Christ, you should be a child psychologist. You also are moaning about the world revolving around newborn babies and not you? Because it upsets you? The ignorance and irony is amazing, I actually hope this is a troll.

Except he didnt moan that the world didnt revolve around him. He moaned that someone invted him to a celebration and left after 30 minutes. Or another "friend" left him waiting around for 90 minutes with no contact when they had plans.

And honestly, if everyone in the house has to whisper and be really really quiet when a baby is sleeping then dont invite people to your house.

andekwarhola

They're just needy organisms, prone to outbursts of Ill temper, that demand constant attention from those close to them.

Enough about the OP though..

Gimme A Pound

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

They really don’t. Theyre more likely to have a stable income, a house so they’re not beating a path to the council for assistance. They’ve got to enjoy their youth, gone to college, settled down and had time to grow up. Sounds like you’re just trying to console yourself to be honest.

My sentiments exactly. Missing out on early/mid 20s can't be fun. Anyone I know who had a child very young adores their child but would still recommend people wait until they're older.

I understand mid 30s onwards being tougher due to lack of energy but late 20s/early 30s? Ridiculous. Perfect time to start having children imo.

andekwarhola

When my kids were young, I usually had them most of the weekend due to my wife's work.

To be fair, I made an effort with friends and had a mobile phone, I'd never just not turn up or turn up incredibly late without warning but kids that age do disrupt your daytime social life considerably, with buggies, feeding, crying; nappy changing, naps etc.

There was one friend in particular that I just saw an awful lot less of because he really didn't like our social routine being disrupted but that's life unfortunately. What can you do? Dump your own children every weekend?

GreeBo

eviltwin wrote: »

Child or no child it's completely rude and unnecessary to leave someone waiting a full hour and a half without some form of communication. There's no excuse for that.

100%.
I dont believe I mentioned no communication?

Of course you should communicate when you are going to be late, I dont believe the OP cared why the person was late.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

GreeBo wrote: »

100%.
I dont believe I mentioned no communication?

Of course you should communicate when you are going to be late, I dont believe the OP cared why the person was late.

But again, why should he? I’m presuming he has 2 days off each week. Why should he waste a huge portion of his day off for someone else’s child?

shesty

On one hand...if i was going to be even ten mins late due to a sleeping baby, I would be contacting whoever I was visiting well in advance to say either I will be late or let's rearrange.
Leaving a christening for naptime is a bit extreme, but on the other hand if she left her OH there as a host, and returned after and it allowed her to enjoy and afternoon in peace without an overtired baby, then I guess each to their own.She probably would have been out walking the baby in a buggy or something to get it to sleep otherwise anyway, so what's the difference.Also assuming she was a first time mum and hadn't quite figured out the juggling act yet.
Parents leaving kids in the mornings....just go.GO!You are making it six million times worse by hanging on and hanging on and hanging on...you are really only doing that for your own reassurance, and not the child's.I see it in one child in my kid's playschool....a drama every morning because his mother tenses way up when he goes in, starts talking super fast about how great he is, and she'll see him later and give me a hug goodbye now....and the four year old goes into hysterics hanging out of her neck, refusing to let her leave and she just keeps talking and, and, and....they have to be physically separated every single morning for two years now.It's tough as a parent to leave them but paint a smile on, cheery goodbye and out you go....do your own crying in the car if needed.
Don't know OP, I am sympathising on both sides here.But maybe that's coz I have three smallies and have no energy left for anything but being tired......

GreeBo

irelandrover wrote: »

He moaned that someone invted him to a celebration and left after 30 minutes. Or another "friend" left him waiting around for 90 minutes with no contact when they had plans.

No, actually he just moaned.
I dont know where this idea of "no communication" came from, but it wasnt from the OP.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

It s my business when I wait 90 minutes for someone to show up or they invite me to their house and I have to whisper.

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Unlike you I don't make decisions for other people on whether or not they should have children and I'm not the one who is turning up 90 mins late or inviting people over to my house for a whispering contest.

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

They really don’t. Theyre more likely to have a stable income, a house so they’re not beating a path to the council for assistance. They’ve got to enjoy their youth, gone to college, settled down and had time to grow up. Sounds like you’re just trying to console yourself to be honest.

Console myself for bringing up a kid from 0 to 18

I have a stable income since I left college in the 90's .
House nearly paid off, live in a nice area.
Not scrounging from the state.

What's wrong with having a kid at a young age ?

I grew up, travelled, had a lot of life's experiences...

listermint

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....


'Sure my childs great!'

Peatys

Cienciano wrote: »

This one is the funniest. You think it's weird and precious being quiet around a baby that's asleep? What terrible parents! They should have a noisy atmosphere for a baby to sleep in!? Christ, you should be a child psychologist. You also are moaning about the world revolving around newborn babies and not you? Because it upsets you? The ignorance and irony is amazing, I actually hope this is a troll.

they all are at this stage.

andekwarhola

listermint wrote: »

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....


'Sure my childs great!'

I'm starting to think there is no single natural occurence in human society that cannot be somehow shorhorned into a snowflake narrative.

Muckka

retro:electro wrote: »

Cringe.

Millennials and their mid Atlantic response..

Like omg seriously

Ilovethe bonesofyou

How Soon Is Now wrote:

My level of coolness? wtf are you on about?

Aw bless, did I hit a nerve?

You jump in on someone else's discussion ( yes that's what they were doing, regardless of the nonsense you replied that it wasn't a discussion) and try and take the piss of what she said.

My advice would be, if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

GreeBo

listermint wrote: »

Id be of the opinion if you are overly precious with your new born then they will grow up being overly precious. And what i mean by that is they wont sleep when normal life happens around them. They will crave attention all the time and want to be pandered too.

You can adore your child and care for your child 1000%, But you must create the atmosphere around them that life occurs when they are there and that noise sounds and sleeping routines are not always in their same bed in the same position with the same sounds on.

Its a sure fire way to ruin a childs development years by being ultra conservative in how you cater for their needs.

But sure people dont like hearing that, expect negative reactions....


'Sure my childs great!'

I think there is a big difference between trying to stick to a routine and being overly precious.

Kids needs routines, but especially when they are young.
However trying to enforce a library environment in your house when they are sleeping is silly.

You need to fight your battles, our kid goes down at pretty much the exact same time every nap, with the same routine (food, bottle, bath, change).

However we dont worry about stuff like noise or giving her the same type of food or same bottle temperature. She is just as happy eating her blended gunk cold from the jar as she is eating it warm, same for her bottles, straight from the fridge or straight from the maker, she doesnt care.

But missing her naps or breaking the bedtime routine just makes it a nightmare for everyone involved. She will get overtired and cranky and it means that one of us has to spend an hour trying to settle her and likely she will wake during the night.

its FAR less hassle to stick to the routine than not.

Prominent_Dawg

Was on an overcrowded train recently and there was a mother with her new born, and we all ****ing knew it, not a sound out of the child as it was fast asleep the entire journey, but the mother obviously thought the title gave her some sort of royalty pass in public and decided to take up four seats, with the baby in her arms

meeeeh

shesty wrote: »

On one hand...if i was going to be even ten mins late due to a sleeping baby, I would be contacting whoever I was visiting well in advance to say either I will be late or let's rearrange.
Leaving a christening for naptime is a bit extreme, but on the other hand if she left her OH there as a host, and returned after and it allowed her to enjoy and afternoon in peace without an overtired baby, then I guess each to their own.She probably would have been out walking the baby in a buggy or something to get it to sleep otherwise anyway, so what's the difference.Also assuming she was a first time mum and hadn't quite figured out the juggling act yet..

I'm pretty sure she didn't leave during christening in the church. More likely she left early after the christening and op is not happy because drinking didn't go on for long enough.

Ok, could be right to complain about certain things or wrong about them. But it depends from situation to situation, some people can be frustrating sometimes and great otherwise. My brother and his lot are always frustratingly late but he was like that even when he didn't have kids. Mine used to play with electronics when out for dinner when they were younger because we didn't want them to annoy everyone with their carry on (and trying to get older one to draw is like pulling out his teeth). They are 6 and 10 now and electronic are banned. You adapt to the situation and you might have no problem with noise in the house normally but there might be an odd time you would tiptoe around because it was so hard to get child to sleep that day.

Yet there is always someone who decides to generalise onto everyone and whinge how things were better when they were doing it. Maybe they just hang out with ignorant people.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

Console myself for bringing up a kid from 0 to 18

I have a stable income since I left college in the 90's .
House nearly paid off, live in a nice area.
Not scrounging from the state.

What's wrong with having a kid at a young age ?

I grew up, travelled, had a lot of life's experiences...

I’m not judging your life choices, you’re making sweeping statements that people who didn’t do it your way were wrong. You’re clearly from a different vintage. Times have moved on.

How Soon Is Now

Ilovethe bonesofyou wrote: »

Aw bless, did I hit a nerve?

You jump in on someone else's discussion ( yes that's what they were doing, regardless of the nonsense you replied that it wasn't a discussion) and try and take the piss of what she said.

My advice would be, if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

You came out with some ****e about coolness? No nerves where hit :pac:



Ive no interest in your ''advice''

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

I’m not judging your life choices, you’re making sweeping statements that people who didn’t do it your way were wrong. You’re clearly from a different vintage. Times have moved on.

I understand that.
But my statements are not sweeping.
I said it's harder to do it when you're older, and I'm glad it's behind me.

I never said anything about people not doing it my way were wrong.
I said people who are my age now tell me I'm lucky I did it at a young age, as it's much harder in their 40's

I'm delighted they finally have a family, I don't think they're wrong.
But they openly admit that it's hard work.
And sometimes brings stress ion their relationship.
Which is understandable

I stated nothing sweeping what so ever.
I just tried to demonstrate the differences between being a young parent and an older parent.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Muckka wrote: »

I understand that.
But my statements are not sweeping.
I said it's harder to do it when you're older, and I'm glad it's behind me.

I never said anything about people not doing it my way were wrong.
I said people who are my age now tell me I'm lucky I did it at a young age, as it's much harder in their 40's

I'm delighted they finally have a family, I don't think they're wrong.
But they openly admit that it's hard work.
And sometimes brings stress ion their relationship.
Which is understandable

I stated nothing sweeping what so ever.
I just tried to demonstrate the differences between being a young parent and an older parent.

Late 20s is not “older”.

Ilovethe bonesofyou

How Soon Is Now wrote:

Ive no interest in your ''advice''

Aw that's really disappointing now.

_Brian

It’s just instinct.
Have you actually ever reall looked at a new born. How helpless and fragile they are, nature’s answer is to instil a hyper defence/care instinct in the parents where they put its wellbeing above everything, especially your inconvenience and annoyance.