Economic & Lifestyle separation

In the wind

Hi Folks,

After~15 years living & working overseas we are considering returning to Ireland for the sake of our children. They were born overseas & have never lived in Ireland but identify primarily as Irish. They holiday every summer in Ireland & so associate Ireland with good times. We are all Irish citizens. We & they want to spend time in Ireland before they grow up in order to know what it is to live in, be educated in & be Irish.

We parents are somewhat conflicted however as our current situation overseas is good both economically & in terms of quality of life. We are reluctant to leave where we are but are willing to for the children.

So on that basis we've been modeling up scenarios that would allow us to give the children the exposure detailed above while keeping an anchor/foothold in the honey, so to speak. One scenario we've come up with is that my spouse return to Ireland & take up residence there with the children while I continue to live & work in our current country with frequent trips to Ireland.

This model will allow economic positives to persist & also it means we will keep a foothold in our current country with a view to returning to live here after the kids are out on their own. Our youngest will start 3rd level in ~2029.

There is no matrimonial acrimony behind this model & we're mutually agreeable to it as an option but outside review & criticism is welcome which is why I've come here.

Your thought's on Pros & Cons or indeed alternative models are appreciated. Thank you.

Xterminator

Its a funny forum to choose (separation and divorce) if all your doing is a long distance relationship. Is it a clear expectation that both partners will be still committed to the relationship when apart, or will one or both partners be free to wander?

If you can confidently say we are still going to be a couple then have a look at some good practises for LDRs and adopt them to suit your own situation.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work

To be blunt you are taking a risk that your relationship is strong enough to endure the separation so that your children can feel more irish. But is a risk that needs to be taken?

Can they not just holiday in ireland during the summer? gaelscoil summer camp /stay with family or friends? holiday together? Are their irish experiences you can do locally like a GAA club? If not would you try setting one up for expats? Could you take a career break and spend time together?

Im not sure you need to do this to connect with your/their roots, its probably not wise - as the odds of this causing you to grow apart seem to increase with the length of separation.

In the wind

Thanks for the reply xterminator.

I couldn’t see what other forum topic it fitted under so selected here, not perfect granted.

Yes the plan is to stay committed.

Regarding the best practices for LDR, I had no idea that there were any, I’ll take a look at that, thank you.

The children have been going home every summer more or less since they were born spending the whole summer in Ireland but it’s not the same. Summer holidays are just that, holidays not a a real taste of what it’s like to grow up and live in the country.

There are also push factors for the children where we live at the moment but I hadn’t mentioned them above.

L'prof

Where do you reside currently? For me family trumps money every time. You only have one life and you can’t take it with you. All stay where you are or all move to Ireland would be the only possible options for me in your shoes

You've written this like a business plan.
What do the children want?
Do they want (dad) at home every evening or for a night or two at the weekend.
What you are proposing sounds incredibly tiring.
What will you do on you own every evening.
Will your spouse be doing all the housework, trips, family events etc. Will they be working as well or will they be on their own with kids for a whole week?

Personal issues would probably be better for this.

In the wind

L'prof wrote: »

Where do you reside currently? For me family trumps money every time. You only have one life and you can’t take it with you. All stay where you are or all move to Ireland would be the only possible options for me in your shoes

Money is a factor yes but the quality of life here is also excellent and I’m not ready to walk away from that. I predict I’d take a significant wage cut and be disgruntled if I had to give this up to live in Ireland. Trying to get the best of both worlds if possible. I understand that it may well not be possible hence we’re exploring options.

Thanks for your input Prof

In the wind

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You've written this like a business plan.
What do the children want?
Do they want (dad) at home every evening or for a night or two at the weekend.
What you are proposing sounds incredibly tiring.
What will you do on you own every evening.
Will your spouse be doing all the housework, trips, family events etc. Will they be working as well or will they be on their own with kids for a whole week?

Personal issues would probably be better for this.

They want Ireland unreservedly.

The plan is that my spouse will return to the workforce in Ireland after 10 years dedicated to our children. They’re approaching independence in the next few years.

Thanks for taking the time in this pg633.