I want to die

dragona

Thank you thank you thank you truly from the bottom of my heart for your sympathy and understanding it means so much when people I actually know have no idea of the anguish I am suffering.

Every minute since Judy left me has been too painful to put into words, and I know you all understand. I am so grateful for you all, knowing I have kind hearts as friends, who know how it feels.

I am trying I really am.

I Actually wish you were my real friends, so I could hug and thank you xxxxx

acequion

Thinking of you dragona. Thinking of darling Judy up in pet heaven. And hope you're coping ok. You will get through this, I promise.xx

dragona

I want her back. I'm actually dying. I know she's gone. I know it.

She didn't have one bad day, not one bad minute. I know I helped her, I know she knows I love her, but I'm destroyed with pain. This is like living a nightmare.

I'm so worried about Reuben, he is actually depressed, and has been for a week. Can't cope.

Sorry about that

She was a beautiful dog Dragona, and so loved. I am sorry for your loss, what a tough time for you.

RederthanRed

Dunno what to say really. Life is cruel. I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't understand why people mistreat animals but I understand fully why people fall in love with their dogs.
Sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now
Take care x

Noodles81

Hi Dragona, how are you today? I hope you are being kind to yourself. Judy wouldn't want you to be unhappy. Remember all the time you had, how lucky you were to find that and be thankful, which I know you are...I hope you know what I mean. Try and don't go to any dark places, she wouldn't want that. Life is full of openings and closings. It's what makes life beautiful, yet bittersweet.

And you've wee Reuben. You can celebrate Judy's life together. Have you got a pick of him for us?

kylith

You poor thing. Just remember that what you are feeling is totally normal. Grieve as much as you need to, but remember the good times, and remember that while she was with you she knew nothing but love and care. You gave her the best life that you could, and she loved you.

acequion

Noodles is right Dragona. Judy wouldn't want you to suffer like this.

And yep me too I'd love to see a pic of Reuben.:) Who will be fine, don't be fretting about him as dogs,like children,are very resilient. As are you.x

dragona

I am feeling totally lost today, just don't know what to do with myself. I am taking comfort from the thought that at no point was she in pain, and had a wonderful two weeks, and an even more wonderful last day.

I so wish she was here in the bed with me.I would give anything.I will long for her for ever.

acequion

Awww that's cute and Reuben is a gentle giant and isn't it great that you still have him and kitty too.:)

Of course you will take huge comfort that Judy had no pain and that you did everything possible for her and gave her so much love. Loads of people lose their pets,indeed their loved ones,in much worse circumstances.

But of course you must grieve and grieving takes time. Thanks for sharing that cute pic. Thinking of you.x

RederthanRed

One day at a time mate. Just make that your mantra. One day at a time.

Noodles81

Aww Reuben is a beautiful fellow too. RIP Judy.

I hope you find peace and your heart heals in time. I've no words, I guess you have to find a path through but Judy and Reuben will guide you there.

I admire you so much Dragona for what you did for Judy and the kind, thoughtful and loving person you obviously are.

Best wishes, Noodles.

kathleen37

What a beautiful girl your Judy is! And Reuben is a beauty too!!

You need to be kind to yourself. Judy will always be with you. Take your beautiful pictures and put them around the house, so you can see and talk to her often.

I understand how painful it is. The pain shows how much you love her.

Reuben needs you. Remember he'll be picking up on how you are feeling, so try and remember all the lovely times, how happy Judy made you both feel.

All the very best. Judy will always be with you.

If you are feeling desperate, and need to speak to someone, please, please phone the Samaritans Ireland on Freephone: 116 123. They are fantastic people and understand how the loss of someone so close is so devastating. Please take care of yourself.

https://www.samaritans.org/your-community/samaritans-ireland-scotland-and-wales/samaritans-ireland?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5IiN357k4AIVb5PtCh2wWgZeEAAYASAAEgIYDPD_BwE

anewme

Dragona, we are all here supporting you.

I walked my little fat sausage today - she is nearly 14 and slowing down and Ithought of you. I’m going to be gutted when the time comes and I can only hope I m as brave as you when she needs me to make that call.

https://www.allianz.ie/pet-Insurance/pet-bereavement/grievingthelossofapet.pdf

zoe 3619

I am so,so sorry for your loss.x
Sometimes you can look at a picture of a dog and their personality shows through.She looks like such a sweetheart.
Poor Reubin will be lost and picking up on your sadness.Could you haul him into bed and comfort each other?
Thinking of you.x

dragona

Thanks to all. I will be ok, just don't know what to do with myself at the moment, I'm going from room to room, trying to accept that I will never see her darling face again, or feel her little warm body next to mine.

Reuben gets lots of attention anyway, but extra cuddles of course, he sleeps in the bed with my daughter, and Judy slept with me. It's very lonely without her. We'd chat away all day.

I'm worried about when I have to go out, he's never been home alone, I used to leave the tv or radio on for them anyway, but they were always together. I suppose I'll have to go out for half an hour at a time, till he gets accustomed to being alone. Tough times.

acequion

God love you dragona,it is indeed very sad and very tough and just has to be got through. Every one of us that adores a pet has been there and will be there. I think that's why your pain strikes such a nerve with us all.

Would you consider getting a little pup as a new little friend for Reuben? I know there is no replacing your darling Judy but didn't you tell us that Judy arrived after the loss of another pet? It can help a lot and might be the company Reuben needs, enabling you to get out. Because, dragona, I think that getting out a bit might help you.

I'm more of a cat person myself, though I do love dogs and would love one but frequent travel makes it impractical. I had a little cat for 12 years who I brought home from abroad [put her through quarantine, the lot]. After many wonderful years here in Ireland she suffered a stroke as a result of an anesthetic for something very minor and died in my bed in my arms one winter morning. It was heartbreaking as we had such a bond and I didn't /couldn't get another cat until 12 years later. But 7 years on I'm just as besotted with this little one But I think two pets is always better than one,so maybe something to think about!

Mind yourself, we're all here for you.X

dragona

Ah I had Judy already when Vito died, she was just a pup, 8 months. She helped me tremendously, but had I not already had her I wouldn't have considered another dog. Reuben came along later.

Me and Reuben are going to have to struggle through this together. Everyone is devastated and I can help no one. Another dog is not the answer for me, I actually think I have no love left to give again.

beveragelady

Different things work for different people and you have to do what suits you. If you love dogs don't rule out the possibility of having another dog in the future. When my poor old boy died last year I struggled in to work with a broken heart, refusing to talk to people and focussing all the time on just not crying. I got home in the evenings to meet my girl at the door wagging her tail and looking around to see if I had brought him home with me. It took me a few days to realise that I needed to get another dog. There were three very solid reasons behind my decision.
1. I was in a position to give a very good home to a dog that needed a home and I almost felt I had an obligation to do that.
2. My girl, for all her oddness and grumpiness, needed a friend.
3. I love having dogs around me. They make me happy and I'm allowed to be happy.

I'm sure some people thought that I got a new dog with indecent haste considering the fuss I made about him, but people who know me well know that's not the case. I saw her picture on the ISPCA website and read her bio and I knew my old boy wouldn't mind if I tried to help her. He thought I was the best thing ever, he had absolute faith in me, the least I could do was to at least attempt to be the almighty benevolent being he had believed I was.

The new dog was a happy addition to a sad house when she arrived. I fostered her at first but it turns out I don't have the knack of fostering so I adopted her. I hope she's as pleased with the way things turned out as I am.

acequion

dragona wrote: »

I actually think I have no love left to give again.

Ohmigod dragona but you SO do! The length of this thread is sheer testament to your capacity to love and I think everyone is in awe at the selfless love you have for Judy. So I really don't think that huge capacity to love died with her. She wouldn't want that anyway.

But you must do whatever is right for you, grieve at your own pace,no pressure to do anything and the most important thing is to mind yourself.x

Irish Stones

I'm heartbroken for your loss, I know how painful it is, it's beyond imagination.
Judy would never like to see you sad, she had wonderful and joyful moments with you, and this is what she wants you to remember and celebrate.
Take care of yourself, you have other souls to look after, don't close them out.

dragona

I am struggling trying not to cry in tesco, bursting into tears at all times throughout the day. It's been a week. Cannot belive she's died. Don't want to accept it. But it's true.

The cat was on my bed this morning, and I woke up. I felt the weight of her against my leg, and thought for a split second maybe, then I realised it was Golda.

I still feel numb.

Reuben seems to be fine, he's eating and behaving as normal so I'm thankful for that. But every day without her is torture.

Rubberchikken

dont rush into any decision about another dog. if you do, in time, then good. bit for the moment remembering Judy and looking after your other little pets is all thats matters imo.

you will always miss her. that's perfectly natural.
take care

acequion

Maybe the little cat was trying to comfort you? Animals have an uncanny knack of sensing our feelings.

But I know that horrible feeling of waking and for a split second thinking all is as before and then you realise. Horrible.

Wanting to burst into tears at any moment is very natural. Do mind yourself dragona.xx

dragona

I can't thank you all enough, just being able to put feelings into words helps tremendously, I am very close to ending a 44 year friendship, simply because she has not cared enough about me to give me any comfort, or even contact me. That is another story.

I was out and about today, and saw people with their dogs, and had this terrible pang of jealousy, but glad they still have their companions.

I'm really really struggling to get through each day, cannot believe that I've managed to live a week without her. I long to smell her scent again and to have her near. I know that longing will never go. But I'm glad that she never had a day of pain, and that she was happy till the end.

I'm at peace with myself that I made all the right decisions for her, and that I was with her and loving her till her last breath. Its agony every day, but I'll take it rather than have let her have a minute of pain.

Though I'm tormenting myself thinking that maybe one more day, in my heart of hearts I know that it was her time.

Thank you all for being so understanding, and your loving words have been of comfort to me. To the well meaning people suggesting another dog, no, not ever, ever again. I truly cannot ever love again, and any dog would deserve all of my love, and I don't have any left, so no

I suppose I just have to carry on. Xxx

florawest

I have just read this thread and am sitting here wiping the tears away, our pets are our family, our girl is almost 12 a labrador, we had her at the vet over 2 weeks ago a suspected tumour, the vet did bloods and xray and said that we might have to make a rapid decision while she was sedated but luckily (for now), Paris has heart problem, on heart tablets but my youngest son came home from school sick and bad headache the day Paris was at the vet and it was worry about Paris that made him sick.

So I fully understand (past pets) and just wanted to say that your dogs hit the jackpot when they came to live with ye.

Try and think of all the funny times ye had and let the tears out and talk about your loss and sadness.
About to go to bed now, going giving Paris another hug.

There are lots off animals out there that need good (great) homes and deserve the chance of happiness, so anyone reading this, think of the animal shelters first when choosing a pet.

Maybe your friend doesn't know what to say and is afraid of upsetting you further.

acequion

dear dragona,your pain is so palpable and your posts often bring me to tears. But that's ok.:)

I wonder do we love our pets too much? Do we depend on them too much? Is it because they're constantly with us? Do they sometimes fill a void? Like you adored Judy, I just adore my little cat. She's always with me and though I've a busy job and travel a fair bit [not work related] I'm very much a home bird at heart, love my house and garden and my little cat is always with me at home. She follows me everywhere,watches TV with me, sleeps with me, loves our games in the garden in good weather and even loves us to go for a little walk up the road. I'll just die when her time comes,but hopefully not for a long time yet,she's 7. But the longer we have them the more we love them and the harder the loss. But then love makes us vulnerable. And it's also what makes us human and makes us loving,caring people.

Someone posted here a few weeks back devastated over the death of their little cat in an accident. A few posters suggested therapy. Dragona, I hope you don't find the suggestion patronising but I actually think it might help you. Also with the friend issue. So maybe think about it. Personally, I've never hesitated to get counselling during traumatic times in my life. Thankfully there haven't been many but the counselling did help enormously.

Thinking of you. This too shall pass, as the saying goes. Your pain is so raw right now but it will ease.xx

dragona

I did depend on Judy for my happiness. My mistake I suppose She made me happy, I made sure I made her happy! Love love love love love. I just adored her, and I know she loved me, I know it. I can't put into words the depth of my love for her. And I know my life won't be the same without her. But I am able to see that I have to carry on regardless, even though at the moment, I don't want to.

My life is empty without her. Empty. We were together all day, all night, we chatted away together, she comforted me when I needed her, she was always loving me. Always by my side.

She was my company, my confidante,my love. I wake in the night missing her, I miss her so desperately. She slept with me,her head on the pillow next to me, I could feel her breath on me as I fell asleep. Sometimes she would tuck herself behind my knees, and snufffle on me. I'm distraught, as you all know, and I am not sure I will ever recover, but I have to carry on, and I will,just not the same as before.

I know life has to continue, but my heart is shredded. It is an actual, physical pain. I know you understand, and thank you xx

acequion

An absolutely gorgeous pic., thanks for sharing.Try to remember all the happy times dragona.xx

Irish Stones

dragona wrote: »

I'm distraught, as you all know, and I am not sure I will ever recover, but I have to carry on, and I will,just not the same as before.

I know life has to continue, but my heart is shredded. It is an actual, physical pain. I know you understand, and thank you xx

I feel exactly the same, and I've been feeling like this for the past 2 years. My cat died March 2017, then my other cat died August 2018.
I hadn't recovered yet from the first death, then the second death occured, and I'm still in a deep state of sadness, I'm living in a black tunnel.
They had changed my life, it hadn't been the same since I had them, and it won't be the same without them.


I had days when I wanted to be in a different part of the world just because too many details around me would make me remember them.
It's painful, I know.