Husband left

simone79

Hi I'm looking for some help in understanding my feelings and regrets....I've been married to a no national for four years we had a whirlwind romance and married after only 5 months and living together after only 3 months so four years ago we married as his visa was running out....the first 2 years were good but then all changed he began going out to meet friends every spare minute he got I never met any of the friends but I sat back and accepted he needed his own space etc...He would go and stay over some weekends on a sat and not return home till the next day but I got so fed up with this and asked him to spend more time with me he told me then I was controlling him and to let him do as he wants so any time he did fit me in I felt like second best option and I grew to resent that I was never a priority so a year ago I told him I booked a marraige counceling to help us communicate better but he refused to go said oh things will be fine if I just stop thinking so much so I backed off when he came home from work every day he would sit and play in phone all night ignoring me so in the end I started ignoring him too but still hopeing he would change and show interest in me and our home but I did everything in the home cooking cleaning diy etc he had no interest in the home even...He kept me a secret from his family too as there strict Muslims that was very hard for me it made me feel worthless as a wife I'm just looking for advice could I have done anything more to save the marraige

Xterminator

Hi Op

My advice would probably center around the when and why you got married & how things were before and in the early years of marriage which you say were quite good.

There seemed to be red flag after red flag in his behaviours. I can honestly say you are better off without that kind of relationship in your life, though it might not feel that way right now.

so four years ago we married as his visa was running out.

For me that's never a good reason.

I never met any of the friends

Unacceptable. he doesnt have to have you everywhere with him , but to never meet them? Red flag.

He kept me a secret from his family too as there strict Muslims

Come on, did you discuss that one and were you okay with this?

I booked a marriage counseling to help us communicate better but he refused to

That was a great idea. But the fact he refused to go was an indication of the importance he placed on the marriage. You tried to do the right thing there.

when he came home from work every day he would sit and play in phone all night ignoring me so in the end I started ignoring him too

I feel for you here, you were in a no win situation. He didn't care enough to try to fix things, and i dont think anything you tried would have saved this relationship.

My advice for the future would be to make sure that you recognise warning sign s and don't let the stardust in your eyes blind you bad behaviour. When your courting, and he is on his best behaviour if there are bad things happening, there is a good chance things will only get worse later in the relationship.

so respect yourself, don't settle for being second best to someones mates, and being a dirty little secret from his family.