If a man wants a woman......

aloneforever99

Zorya wrote: »

Rotten.

I hope you composed a devastating text message in return about him in his photos, the horrible fecker.

Not really. He was 38 so I told him to grow up, that was about it. Then I changed my main profile photo to a very ordinary one of me with no makeup so no man who is too lazy to swipe through my pics before asking me out will get a surprise!

lainey_d_123

ArchXStanton wrote: »

I'd have to disagree with you, the same bunch of friends nearly all the girls are in a relationship, married, kids etc. Only one of my male friends is married, and one in a relationship with kids. Women get far more opportunity to develop a relationship, night of fun,short love affair, thats not to say they don't have to deal with heartbreaks, cheaters and incompatible people but pound for pound it's not a very level or fair playing field and it's getting worse with tinder and the likes. To be fair a lot of it is men's fault, basically a women doesn't have to do anything but be a woman and lads will chase them.

Totally disagree. I find it almost impossible now to find a man who wants a serious, committed relationship. I keep getting the same BS about not 'labelling' things and 'seeing where it goes'. I think Tinder has caused a lot of men who have any success on it to feel entitled to a sexual relationship without contributing anything else or meeting the woman's needs. The moment you ask anything more from them than sex and fun hang outs, it's 'next', onto the next woman on Tinder.

lainey_d_123

Zorya wrote: »

Yegads! That's cruel. Did he actually SAY that was what happened?

Why are you surprised? I don't know one single woman who uses online dating/apps who hasn't got messages like that or even worse.

This idea that only men get insulted and rejected is a total myth. As is the idea that women can easily find a relationship if they want one. Total myth.

Elemonator

I actually have a friend who is a woman and believes this. What she will do instead is create "opportunities" for him to talk to her. I don't believe in it at all, the way I see it if two persons are meant to be together, then it will happen.

Blaizes

aloneforever99 wrote: »

Not really. He was 38 so I told him to grow up, that was about it. Then I changed my main profile photo to a very ordinary one of me with no makeup so no man who is too lazy to swipe through my pics before asking me out will get a surprise!

That guy was simply an insensitive, immature ass, I wouldn't let his comment make you decide to go makeup free in the picture.Put up a photo of yourself that you like and are happy with, with or without makeup. Alternatively can you take up a hobby where you might meet someone, get introduced to new people, broaden your social circle and forget the whole online dating thing.It seems so superficial to judge someone solely on a photo.Am married and so glad I missed all this swipe right, swipe left crap, it just sounds like a bit of a meat market tbh.You deserve better.

manonboard

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Totally disagree. I find it almost impossible now to find a man who wants a serious, committed relationship. I keep getting the same BS about not 'labelling' things and 'seeing where it goes'. I think Tinder has caused a lot of men who have any success on it to feel entitled to a sexual relationship without contributing anything else or meeting the woman's needs. The moment you ask anything more from them than sex and fun hang outs, it's 'next', onto the next woman on Tinder.

Just to play a bit of friendly devils advocate. I found that behavior true as-well, but came to an alternative theory. That women are still 'guarding' sex as something they hold on to and give to the man if he behaves in some pre defined way, rather than approaching it as 2 people enjoying their time together. There is still this big notion that men have 'to get' sex from women, and it creates all sorts of weird imbalances in the dynamics.
Women have sooo much success on tinder that they treat men like transient objects. Men tend to get fed up with it and learn thats its just the way things happen. The stats i read were 80% of men swipe 80% of women, but only 80% of women swipe 12% of men.
So unless you are in the top 12% of good looking, getting a conversation is difficult and often very lazy on the womens part.

I reckon about only 20% of my matches actually will reply to a message, and from what i know of my friends, im doing pretty lucky at that.

manonboard

Daisy78 wrote: »

Complete opposite in my circle, my female friends would find it very difficult to meet someone, even getting chatted up or approached is a rarity. They are all decent looking, friendly, chatty, intelligent but some of them have gone years without even a date. The guys I know on the other hand have no such problem, break up with a girl one day and get with a new one the next. And to put it kindly none of them are killing it in the looks department. I don’t know, there must be some secret password or code that opens up the world of dating and relationships that we are not in on!!

Is that just a perception thing maybe? I'm thinking out loud but the guys must be dating girls (in a mostly hetero world), so some group of girls must be getting asked out on a 1 to 1 ratio.
I gave up asking girls out in groups/approaching because it can be so cut throat and humiliating when one decides to impress her friends by being very mean.
Definitely most are nice about it, and have good empathy, but that 1 in whatever.. very humiliating sometimes.
Hobbies, community groups, and friends, thats where i find the best connections. Its like friends vouching for the other person. Pre screened

lainey_d_123

manonboard wrote: »

Just to play a bit of friendly devils advocate. I found that behavior true as-well, but came to an alternative theory. That women are still 'guarding' sex as something they hold on to and give to the man if he behaves in some pre defined way, rather than approaching it as 2 people enjoying their time together. There is still this big notion that men have 'to get' sex from women, and it creates all sorts of weird imbalances in the dynamics.
Women have sooo much success on tinder that they treat men like transient objects. Men tend to get fed up with it and learn thats its just the way things happen. The stats i read were 80% of men swipe 80% of women, but only 80% of women swipe 12% of men.
So unless you are in the top 12% of good looking, getting a conversation is difficult and often very lazy on the womens part.

I reckon about only 20% of my matches actually will reply to a message, and from what i know of my friends, im doing pretty lucky at that.

The thing is that sex was something women 'guarded' for a reason. Can you not see the connection between the number of women willing to have casual sex and FWBs and the number of men who have commitment issues?

I simply don't think men have the same incentive to work through issues as they might have before now that they have casual sex on tap and they don't even have to go out to sweaty nightclub to find it. If a woman is too 'needy' (and for a lot of men, this just seems to be 'expects anything at all emotionally'), he can be on the app within 10 minutes looking for someone new.

A lot of men swipe right on everyone, that's why you get those statistics. How is that in any way good? They're not being choosy, just seeing what they can get. Is that not treating women more like transient objects more than women swiping on men they actually find attractive is?

Yes, women get a lot of matches, but they're not quality matches. As I said, many men swipe right on everyone without even looking at the profile properly. It's draining and tiring to be inundated by messages from men hoping for a quick shag. I'd rather get one message a week from a man who genuinely wants a relationship and to get to know me than 20 a day from people firing off messages to every woman on the app in the hope one will bite.

ginandtonicsky

Absolutely I was selective and took my time with the sexy time stuff while I was using dating apps. The numbers are overwhelming online and I'd assume every tom, dick and harry that was chatting me up, was talking to and meeting with multiple women. As is his right.

I find the notion of sleeping with multiple people at one given time a bit icky, no judgement but it's totally not for me. I need a few things to be comfortable and turned on enough to get intimate with someone - connection, familiarity, safety and security in the status of the relationship. So that rules out jumping into bed on date number 1, 2, 3 or 4 usually.

It generally would sort the wheat from the chaff in that a lot of guys would disappear when it became apparent that they weren't going to get laid without investing a bit more of themselves, and fine by me tbh.

buried

It's all a load of absolute hassle wollox. "Chase this Chase that" "Play the game" Uggghhh. Why can't we just be ourselves. What's all this f**kin retreat back to acting like dopey headed overly dramatic teenager $hite?

Infonovice

King of Kings wrote: »

Never really chased women ever. If my initial "story luv?" didnt have her swooning I gave up and moved on.

Im a believer in that women either like you or not and I'd no time for chasing them or trying to convince them

doubt I'd be swooning, but I'd take that line any day over a smooth talking charmer.
not my cup of tea in the slightest

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Blaizes wrote: »

That guy was simply an insensitive, immature ass, I wouldn't let his comment make you decide to go makeup free in the picture.Put up a photo of yourself that you like and are happy with, with or without makeup. Alternatively can you take up a hobby where you might meet someone, get introduced to new people, broaden your social circle and forget the whole online dating thing.It seems so superficial to judge someone solely on a photo.Am married and so glad I missed all this swipe right, swipe left crap, it just sounds like a bit of a meat market tbh.You deserve better.

I met my now husband in 2011, before online dating took off. He was the only one of his friends to have a girlfriend. Now all his mates are married or are in serious relationships and more than half of those relationships happened through dating apps and sites, including Tinder. So I think they can be a great way to meet people and, honestly, are they any more of a meat market than the pub/club scene? People judge by looks anywhere.

My husband will be a widower in the next few years and I am DELIRAH that online dating has become so socially acceptable, as he is. The idea appeals to him much more than randomly trying to meet someone new out and about in his late 30s.

lainey_d_123

I wonder do some of the men who complain that they are rudely rejected ask in totally unsuitable situations? I've been in a pub with a female friend catching up for the first time in years and had two men sit at our table uninvited. We really had to be quite rude to get them to go away. It's happened to me when I've been working in a cafe as well, on a tight deadline. Typing away and some man sits opposite and starts a conversation and then wondered why I was frosty and dismissive. Some men seem to think that being female and out in public is in invitation for them to impose.

lainey_d_123

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I met my now husband in 2011, before online dating took off. He was the only one of his friends to have a girlfriend. Now all his mates are married or are in serious relationships and more than half of those relationships happened through dating apps and sites, including Tinder. So I think they can be a great way to meet people and, honestly, are they any more of a meat market than the pub/club scene? People judge by looks anywhere.

My husband will be a widower in the next few years and I am DELIRAH that online dating has become so socially acceptable, as he is. The idea appeals to him much more than randomly trying to meet someone new out and about in his late 30s.

But how old was he then? Was it not more a factor of still being in his twenties? A lot of men don't even want to settle down until after 30.

lainey_d_123

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Absolutely I was selective and took my time with the sexy time stuff while I was using dating apps. The numbers are overwhelming online and I'd assume every tom, dick and harry that was chatting me up, was talking to and meeting with multiple women. As is his right.

I find the notion of sleeping with multiple people at one given time a bit icky, no judgement but it's totally not for me. I need a few things to be comfortable and turned on enough to get intimate with someone - connection, familiarity, safety and security in the status of the relationship. So that rules out jumping into bed on date number 1, 2, 3 or 4 usually.

It generally would sort the wheat from the chaff in that a lot of guys would disappear when it became apparent that they weren't going to get laid without investing a bit more of themselves, and fine by me tbh.

I find that now even ordinary guys, who would have been decent and treated women well a decade ago, are now turning into players and users because of these apps. Standards seem to be so low now that a lot of women are just desperately seeking men who even seem remotely normal and nice. I met a fella a while back who was really nothing special at all. Very, very average looking, balding, a bit overweight, not very tall, bad teeth, but down to earth and funny, and he said he would sleep with a new woman about every 2 weeks or more often through dating apps. It really turned me off, to be honest. It's all a bit gross.

Zorya

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I find that now even ordinary guys, who would have been decent and treated women well a decade ago, are now turning into players and users because of these apps. Standards seem to be so low now that a lot of women are just desperately seeking men who even seem remotely normal and nice. I met a fella a while back who was really nothing special at all. Very, very average looking, balding, a bit overweight, not very tall, bad teeth, but down to earth and funny, and he said he would sleep with a new woman about every 2 weeks or more often through dating apps. It really turned me off, to be honest. It's all a bit gross.

Haha that made me laugh out loud, really. The state of love gods have declined since my time. I have never seen one of these apps.

ArchXStanton

Ghostpepper30 wrote: »

As I've been saying for 10 years on boards, women use sex to gain power over men. Your gripe is that you can't yield the same power from your sexuality now that casual sex with more widespreadly availabl through apps. You say you find it gross that main don't want to commit, what's your thoughts on women marrying men they don't even fancy, giving them choresex a couple times per month inn order to effectively bully them?

Women hate openly promiscuous women for the same reason you hate these apps; it reduces the power women have over men.

The majority of women do not find their husband attractive. Only a small percentage of men are sexually attractive to women, say around 10% or so for argument's sake.

A study on OK Cuppid for example found that women find around 80% of men below averagein terms of attractiveness if I recall correctly. This makes sense evolutionarily, a woman's eggs are expensive, she should avoid wasting them on suboptimal men so the attraction mechanism in her head only gives her attraction for the top men. Most men for example would have sex with an average woman as sperm is cheap, most women would not have sex with an average man as eggs are expensive

This leaves women with a dilemma, if they want a family most women need to settle down with a man who they don't find sexually attractive. There is a reason there are so many memes based on sexless marriages, because there is a lot of truth to it that people can recognise. Even when there is sex in these marriages it is usually transactional in nature rather than out of genuine desire as the wife knows that she has to at least give her husband sex occasionally, even if that means boring routine sex.

The husband infers from his married sex life that his wife just isn't really into sex, the truth is she just isn't into sex with him

Little does he realise that there is a good chance his wife had genuine desire sex with desirable men in her younger, where she begged for her partner to cum on her ass/tits/face and fukc her in the ass. He couldn't fathom that as a possibility as he never gets to see her true sexual nature as it lies dormant within her. But it is a lot more likely than many husbands realise.

These husbands are often controlled in subtle ways by their wives, the wives use their sexual agency to control them. This is why the sex is transactional, they only get it if they are a good little boy and do what their told. As a result their wives lose respect for them which makes the husbands even more unappealing sexually.

Many of these huaband's believe that their wives wouldn't have casual sex as they were made to wait for months. Little do they know that it just takes the right man in the right place and they would have casual sex.

As a rule of thumb, if a woman makes you wait for sex it usually isn't worth the wait. Before a man has a monogomous relationship he should ensure that he can regularly have casual sex with attractive women so that he knows he has value sexually to women.

That's all for now folks, feel free to subscribe to my newsletter.

Funnily enough I have the paid subscription to Tinder, the one were you can see who likes you, it's mostly 35-40 year old women who hit like on me. Here's the rub though, I'm not really attracted to them, and I know in my heart and soul a few years ago they would have been telling me to fcuk off with myself.

lainey_d_123

ArchXStanton wrote: »

Funnily enough I have the paid subscription to Tinder, the one were you can see who likes you, it's mostly 35-40 year old women who hit like on me. Here's the rub though, I'm not really attracted to them, and I know in my heart and soul a few years ago they would have been telling me to fcuk off with myself.

You don't 'know' that. It's just more misogynist PUA BS. Along the lines of men thinking women over 30 are 'still' single because they're so picky and nobody is good enough, completely ignoring the reality that many BECOME single after 30 after a long term relationship (or even a marriage) that didn't work out, quite possibly through no fault of their own.

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous and one of the loveliest people I've ever met. She met her ex-husband at 19 and married him at 28. He was abusive and cheated on her constantly, but she tried to make it work because she loved him and maybe deep down didn't think she could do any better because he'd broken her down so much. He eventually left her for someone else when she was 34. I suppose you would deem her unworthy of your attentions because she's ancient and on the shelf now. :rolleyes:

izzyflusky

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I wonder do some of the men who complain that they are rudely rejected ask in totally unsuitable situations? I've been in a pub with a female friend catching up for the first time in years and had two men sit at our table uninvited. We really had to be quite rude to get them to go away. It's happened to me when I've been working in a cafe as well, on a tight deadline. Typing away and some man sits opposite and starts a conversation and then wondered why I was frosty and dismissive. Some men seem to think that being female and out in public is in invitation for them to impose.

So you do get approached. And to be fair, these men don't necessarily need to know that you haven't been out with your friends in years or that you are on a tight deadline either. I don't think there is a need to be rude at all as long as you make it clear that you are not interested....same as if they weren't your type.

lainey_d_123

izzyflusky wrote: »

So you do get approached. And to be fair, these men don't necessarily need to know that you haven't been out with your friends in years or that you are on a tight deadline either. I don't think there is a need to be rude at all as long as you make it clear that you are not interested....same as if they weren't your type.

But they should be able to read situations and body language and they don't. It's not that complicated. If someone has headphones in and is typing furiously on a laptop, they are busy. It's not OK to plonk yourself down and start a conversation. The type of men who do this are generally not the type you would want to date because it's showing a lack of boundaries and respect for people's time/space.

lainey_d_123

buried wrote: »

It's all a load of absolute hassle wollox. "Chase this Chase that" "Play the game" Uggghhh. Why can't we just be ourselves. What's all this f**kin retreat back to acting like dopey headed overly dramatic teenager $hite?

Yeah, imagine being autistic and dealing with it. The answer is that a lot of people find direct communication 'weird' and 'uncomfortable', that's why. Coming out and asking someone directly if they fancy you is not the done thing, but acting like a child and dropping hints and subtle cues is grand, apparently.

aloneforever99

Farmstore wrote: »

What do you mean by treating women decent and well?

Should men who are not good looking not have casual sex and settle for relatinships they don't want?

How many times today are you planning to rereg?

aloneforever99

Farmstore wrote: »

22

Have you considered getting outside?

Zorya

Farmstore wrote: »

22

''May you have as many lovers as you have email addresses.'' ~ Boards Blessing.

Ted Johnson

Mister Vain wrote: »

I'd find it difficult to cold approach someone in a place that wasn't a night club, which I'm probably too old for at this stage. People usually sit in groups in pubs and the social nights out in work are spent talking to colleagues for the most part. It seems the dating apps are the only option as far as actually pursuing goes.

If you can, start haunting pubs with trad music. These attract foreign women. Chatting up foreign women is like playing the game of life on God mode.

You can seduce women by talking about turf cutting. It's almost impossible to make a bad move, unless get too drunk. Then you go from being the lovable Irish to the annoying drunk guy.

Seriously though, I have gotten so much tail this way. And I go out alone.

Ted Johnson

ArchXStanton wrote: »

No my whole problem is that it is the social norm for men to do it, it's sucks, it's outdated and what a lot women won't admit is that their egos wouldn't handle the hit of rejection

I believe men should be doing the approaching. We're the hunters and the thrill of the chase is a big part of it. Personally I often enjoy the seduction part of the process more than the actual sex.

Yeah I know it's tough to approach women and being rejected sucks, but so what? The girl of you dreams rejected you? Well boohoo. Suck it up and keep going.

For any man who's shy and nervous around women, the best thing to do is go out get rejected a 100 times. Very quickly you learn it's no big deal.

ArchXStanton

Ted Johnson wrote: »

I believe men should be doing the approaching. We're the hunters and the thrill of the chase is a big part of it. Personally I often enjoy the seduction part of the process more than the actual sex.

Yeah I know it's tough to approach women and being rejected sucks, but so what? The girl of you dreams rejected you? Well boohoo. Suck it up and keep going.

For any man who's shy and nervous around women, the best thing to do is go out get rejected a 100 times. Very quickly you learn it's no big deal.

Ah here go way with that pua snake oil nonsense, what exactly is wrong with women doing some of the grunt work? Judging by what I'm seeing on Tinder I don't think they can afford to be the wallflowers they once were

Gimme A Pound

buried wrote: »

It's all a load of absolute hassle wollox. "Chase this Chase that" "Play the game" Uggghhh. Why can't we just be ourselves. What's all this f**kin retreat back to acting like dopey headed overly dramatic teenager $hite?

Absolutely! Cannot bear games. "Playing hard to get" for the sake of it - why would anyone bother being so self absorbed.

ginandtonicsky

ArchXStanton wrote: »

Funnily enough I have the paid subscription to Tinder, the one were you can see who likes you, it's mostly 35-40 year old women who hit like on me. Here's the rub though, I'm not really attracted to them, and I know in my heart and soul a few years ago they would have been telling me to fcuk off with myself.

How old are you ArchXStanton? I thought you mentioned a few pages back that most of your friends were 40+, so I’ll assume you’re the same demographic. What’s so wrong about women your own age or slightly younger hitting on you?
Women tend to stick to within a few years of their own age on dating apps, this isn’t rocket science.

Or is it that you just don’t like most of the women that DO pay you attention on these things and are bitter about it? Welcome to the world of being a woman, the difference is we don’t moan about them being gross or passed their sell-by date, we just get on with it.

If you’re wanting more women to approach you (but only women younger than 35, please), it’s worth evaluating your own attitude and demeanour and think about whether or not you’re giving women reasons to be attracted and want to approach in the first place.

ArchXStanton

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

How old are you ArchXStanton? I thought you mentioned a few pages back that most of your friends were 40+, so I’ll assume you’re the same demographic. What’s so wrong about women your own age or slightly younger hitting on you?
Women tend to stick to within a few years of their own age on dating apps, this isn’t rocket science.

Or is it that you just don’t like most of the women that DO pay you attention on these things and are bitter about it? Welcome to the world of being a woman, the difference is we don’t moan about them being gross or passed their sell-by date, we just get on with it.

If you’re wanting more women to approach you (but only women younger than 35, please), it’s worth evaluating your own attitude and demeanour and think about whether or not you’re giving women reasons to be attracted and want to approach in the first place.

39,im just not attracted to most of them, blame mother nature on that one..

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Very true. Rejection sucks so badly. It's horrific if you're not used to it, and especially bad if it's done in a harsh way. I think a lot of men can meet a wagon or two in their youth that meets their awkward drunken attempts with "FCUK OFF YOU LOSER" and decide "right, never doing that again" and change their mindset to all women are X or Irish women are beyotches or whatever.

I can't say I blame them, I can describe in very accurate detail the handful of times I've been romantically rejected too, and I'm terrible at being forward with men as a result, my usual strategy is to blank and ignore the ones I like almost as a rule

You might want to work on that..

lainey_d_123

ArchXStanton wrote: »

39,im just not attracted to most of them, blame mother nature on that one..




You might want to work on that..

Shame that younger women aren't attracted to you then, really, isn't it? Why would a 25-year-old want some old guy who thinks he's too good for women his own age and is trying to relive his youth when they could get a hot guy of 27 with a fit body and amazing stamina?

lainey_d_123

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

How old are you ArchXStanton? I thought you mentioned a few pages back that most of your friends were 40+, so I’ll assume you’re the same demographic. What’s so wrong about women your own age or slightly younger hitting on you?
Women tend to stick to within a few years of their own age on dating apps, this isn’t rocket science.

Or is it that you just don’t like most of the women that DO pay you attention on these things and are bitter about it? Welcome to the world of being a woman, the difference is we don’t moan about them being gross or passed their sell-by date, we just get on with it.

If you’re wanting more women to approach you (but only women younger than 35, please), it’s worth evaluating your own attitude and demeanour and think about whether or not you’re giving women reasons to be attracted and want to approach in the first place.

Absolutely hilarious, isn't it?

Women ignore most of the unattractive older men who hit on them on apps and they're being picky entitled princesses. This guy does the exact same thing to women his own age, and he thinks he's entitled to have his preferences.

andrewbrowne

Probably not an appropriate thread but title kind of relates me to a story of mine.

I fancied this one from school going back to junior cert time. both of us knew pretty much at the time the connection so it wasnt really something we could fake. Felt we were on a par, looks and like in terms of friends, family interests etc, usual stuff at 14/15.

She always tried to punch above her weight (yeah granted it's allowed stay mean keep em keen) but it hasnt really worked out for her. She's now a single mother and kid's is well into primary school and both of us are now in our early 30's and nothing really spectacular happening in either of our love lives.

I had problems in my own life during this phase and even though it was childhood i reckon she probably knew about it. Come from a small neighbourhood and all that. Anyway i went college and faced the recession like everyone else, so had my own things to focus on then. As I'm doing now.

Like most of you in early 30's now will know, the hassle with housing, relationships, careers etc it is probably only getting serious for you now. That's definitely the case for me anyway. There was a lot of lost years in that regard. So in my mind i held that against myself as a weak spot for any potential relationship. No job, no plan for life etc lol

I wish i had then what i have now, when that connection was there at first. none of my problems, a house, a job, staying out of trouble etc. Obviously not the house, but you know what i mean


Maybe she should have stayed in her own weight division, nothing has happened with her since to justify her actions. She has been trying with 1 or 2 guys I know even in her current circumstances. guys i know fairly well, and they're balking at her too.

Getting impression from some older relations of her's that I was right at the start without explicitly telling me kind of in the funny sense.(me half laughing). She's definitely not in any position at the moment to do that.

She's still on the market now, so am I. It was perfect for us back at first, if i only met her now, it probably would still be perfect.

If anyone has work to do here its her

Just that gap in between has changed it all for me. Start the chase again, or continue on with the goodish life im having right now??



Am I crazy????

mrcheez

Funny thing for me is most relationships I've been in the woman has done the chasing.

Not that I'm shy or anything, but I sorta get a thrill from being chased

A few times I've been in hotels around the world and get a knock at the door as some girl spotted me in the lobby or whatever. Funny thing is, I'd never do that personally myself with a girl I spotted in the lobby as I think I'd come across as a stalker

Zorya

andrewbrowne wrote: »

Maybe she should have stayed in her own weight division, nothing has happened with her since to justify her actions. She has been trying with 1 or 2 guys I know even in her current circumstances. guys i know fairly well, and they're balking at her too.

Getting impression from some older relations of her's that I was right at the start without explicitly telling me kind of in the funny sense.(me half laughing). She's definitely not in any position at the moment to do that.

She's still on the market now, so am I.

If anyone has work to do here its her

Yeah, no, leave her alone, I'd say she could do without that kind of..... mercy. :rolleyes:

andrewbrowne

Zorya wrote: »

Yeah, no, leave her alone, I'd say she could do without that kind of..... mercy. :rolleyes:

works both ways dont it :pac::pac:

Gimme A Pound

andrewbrowne wrote: »

Probably not an appropriate thread but title kind of relates me to a story of mine.

I fancied this one from school going back to junior cert time. both of us knew pretty much at the time the connection so it wasnt really something we could fake. Felt we were on a par, looks and like in terms of friends, family interests etc, usual stuff at 14/15.

She always tried to punch above her weight (yeah granted it's allowed stay mean keep em keen) but it hasnt really worked out for her. She's now a single mother and kid's is well into primary school and both of us are now in our early 30's and nothing really spectacular happening in either of our love lives.

I had problems in my own life during this phase and even though it was childhood i reckon she probably knew about it. Come from a small neighbourhood and all that. Anyway i went college and faced the recession like everyone else, so had my own things to focus on then. As I'm doing now.

Like most of you in early 30's now will know, the hassle with housing, relationships, careers etc it is probably only getting serious for you now. That's definitely the case for me anyway. There was a lot of lost years in that regard. So in my mind i held that against myself as a weak spot for any potential relationship. No job, no plan for life etc lol

I wish i had then what i have now, when that connection was there at first. none of my problems, a house, a job, staying out of trouble etc. Obviously not the house, but you know what i mean


Maybe she should have stayed in her own weight division, nothing has happened with her since to justify her actions. She has been trying with 1 or 2 guys I know even in her current circumstances. guys i know fairly well, and they're balking at her too.

Getting impression from some older relations of her's that I was right at the start without explicitly telling me kind of in the funny sense.(me half laughing). She's definitely not in any position at the moment to do that.

She's still on the market now, so am I. It was perfect for us back at first, if i only met her now, it probably would still be perfect.

If anyone has work to do here its her

Just that gap in between has changed it all for me. Start the chase again, or continue on with the goodish life im having right now??



Am I crazy????

Why would you be "crazy????" - you're certainly "incoherent!!!!" What on earth is the above babble about?

Gimme A Pound

ArchXStanton wrote: »

39,im just not attracted to most of them, blame mother nature on that one..

That's totally fair enough but the stuff about how they'd have rejected you when younger - i know this phrase cuts so close to the bone for those it's directed at - but it's seriously bitter and resentful. Firstly you don't know that. Secondly not being attracted to them is enough - there's no need for a "revenge" element (and not even the same women!). And thirdly, if they did turn you down when younger because they weren't interested in you, how come that was out of order but you doing the exact same now is coola boola?

Daisy78

andrewbrowne wrote: »

Probably not an appropriate thread but title kind of relates me to a story of mine.

I fancied this one from school going back to junior cert time. both of us knew pretty much at the time the connection so it wasnt really something we could fake. Felt we were on a par, looks and like in terms of friends, family interests etc, usual stuff at 14/15.

She always tried to punch above her weight (yeah granted it's allowed stay mean keep em keen) but it hasnt really worked out for her. She's now a single mother and kid's is well into primary school and both of us are now in our early 30's and nothing really spectacular happening in either of our love lives.

I had problems in my own life during this phase and even though it was childhood i reckon she probably knew about it. Come from a small neighbourhood and all that. Anyway i went college and faced the recession like everyone else, so had my own things to focus on then. As I'm doing now.

Like most of you in early 30's now will know, the hassle with housing, relationships, careers etc it is probably only getting serious for you now. That's definitely the case for me anyway. There was a lot of lost years in that regard. So in my mind i held that against myself as a weak spot for any potential relationship. No job, no plan for life etc lol

I wish i had then what i have now, when that connection was there at first. none of my problems, a house, a job, staying out of trouble etc. Obviously not the house, but you know what i mean


Maybe she should have stayed in her own weight division, nothing has happened with her since to justify her actions. She has been trying with 1 or 2 guys I know even in her current circumstances. guys i know fairly well, and they're balking at her too.

Getting impression from some older relations of her's that I was right at the start without explicitly telling me kind of in the funny sense.(me half laughing). She's definitely not in any position at the moment to do that.

She's still on the market now, so am I. It was perfect for us back at first, if i only met her now, it probably would still be perfect.

If anyone has work to do here its her

Just that gap in between has changed it all for me. Start the chase again, or continue on with the goodish life im having right now??



Am I crazy????

Your post is very difficult to follow. Do you mean that you fancied this girl back in the day when you had less to offer but now that she is single mother you are no longer interested? I might have picked this up wrong but if so you have a terrible attitude. What is this "weight division" business, if you like someone you like someone end of. This point scoring approach to dating does nobody any favours. Anyway maybe she did like you back then but was too shy to do anything about it. You come across very bitter.

Hercule Poirot

mrcheez wrote: »

Funny thing for me is most relationships I've been in the woman has done the chasing.

Not that I'm shy or anything, but I sorta get a thrill from being chased

A few times I've been in hotels around the world and get a knock at the door as some girl spotted me in the lobby or whatever. Funny thing is, I'd never do that personally myself with a girl I spotted in the lobby as I think I'd come across as a stalker

You are honestly saying that women see you in the lobby of hotels, follow you to your room and then knock on the door...for what exactly? Swap phone numbers or just immediately jump to the horizontal tango stage?

I call bullsh1te...

ArchXStanton

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Shame that younger women aren't attracted to you then, really, isn't it? Why would a 25-year-old want some old guy who thinks he's too good for women his own age and is trying to relive his youth when they could get a hot guy of 27 with a fit body and amazing stamina?

There's women out there that prefer guys with beards and tattoos, there's men out there that prefer blondes to brunettes etc and do you know what? More power to them, or are you trying to tell me I should be dating/sleeping with someone I don't find attractive? How odd

Hercule Poirot

andrewbrowne wrote: »

Probably not an appropriate thread but title kind of relates me to a story of mine.

.......


Am I crazy????

TL;DR - there was this girl I fancied at school, I think she liked me too - but it never happened and now she's a single mother and I don't know if I can be arsed dealing with that kind of thing

(Was I close?)

ginandtonicsky

ArchXStanton wrote: »

39,im just not attracted to most of them, blame mother nature on that one..

Grand so. And while we're at it we'll also blame mother nature for men being the chasers 99% of the time and women waiting to be pursued, so we can stop talking about how easy women have it in the dating game until they become old and disgusting at 35, unlike your good self.

ETA yup I'm pretty bad at approaching men myself, I've spent most of my adult life in two longterm relationships and haven't found any slow-down in male attention now at the grand old age of 33 funnily enough. Maybe I should start wearing an "I'm 33 lads back away slowly" sign on my head.

Daisy78

aloneforever99 wrote: »

Not really. He was 38 so I told him to grow up, that was about it. Then I changed my main profile photo to a very ordinary one of me with no makeup so nwo man who is too lazy to swipe through my pics before asking me out will get a surprise!

Without resorting to stating the obvious at the end of the day you are looking for someone who appreciates you and what you have to offer. You will always have shallow self entitled assholes like your friend here who forget that they are dealing with a real person, with feelings and emotions like everyone else. I'm sure you are not the first woman he has treated this way. But your focus should be on finding someone who likes what they see and what you have to offer. I've never used Tinder but from what I gather it works mostly on the basis of photos which makes it very difficult to pitch to the type of guy who would be interested, and who would like to know more about you beyond what they see in some photos. I think you mentioned in another thread that you have some interesting hobbies, this is the type of thing that sets you apart but if a guy (and I'm talking about online here) doesn't know that about you then they may pass you by. Maybe it might be worth trying some other sites where you are required to write a bit more about yourself, you need to promote all the good stuff you have going on in your life, that way the right type of guy may be intrigued enough to want to get to know you more.

Gimme A Pound

andrewbrowne wrote: »

works both ways dont it :pac::pac:

I wonder is he genuine????

andrewbrowne

Hear you loud and clear. I take full responsibility for it all. No problemo

Ted Johnson

ArchXStanton wrote: »

There's women out there that prefer guys with beards and tattoos, there's men out there that prefer blondes to brunettes etc and do you know what? More power to them, or are you trying to tell me I should be dating/sleeping with someone I don't find attractive? How odd

Older man and younger woman is a natural and desirable parternship. It's quite possible to attract a woman 10 years younger than you. Im in my 30s and will only consider a relationship with a woman in her 20s.

I've known men in their 40s who were able to seduce girls in their early twenties but these guys had George Clooney tier good looks and Ted Bundy levels of charm.

izzyflusky

Based on this thread I better hold on to my OH now that I have reached the mature age of 30 :O..... I'm obviously out of date.

I know men in their mid thirties who would not date women in their early/mid twenties as they feel that they are in completely different stages in life. Some have tried and have decided it was not for them. So I guess there is hope for us, the passed the sale by date women of the world XD.

Ariadne

izzyflusky wrote: »

Based on this thread I better hold on to my OH now I have reached the mature age of 30 :O..... I'm obviously out of date.

I know men in their mid thirties who would not date women in their early/mid twenties as they feel that they are in completely different stages in life. Some have tried and have decided it was not for them. So I guess there is hope for us, the passed the sale by date women of the world XD.

I know yeah! I'm 30 myself and I better hold on to my partner too in case men in their late 30s think I'm too old for them

Ted Johnson

izzyflusky wrote: »

Based on this thread I better hold on to my OH now I have reached the mature age of 30 :O..... I'm obviously out of date.

I know men in their mid thirties who would not date women in their early/mid twenties as they feel that they are in completely different stages in life. Some have tried and have decided it was not for them. So I guess there is hope for us, the passed the sale by date women of the world XD.

Well women in their 20s beat women in their 30s in the looks department, no one can deny that.

But I've found women in their 20s to be so much more fun, playful and just plain nicer than women in their 30s who can sometimes be bitter wenches.