Wedding guests not giving gifts (Mod note in 1st post!)

teednab-el

teednab-el wrote: »

There is alot of foolish people on here. The same people would act the same if They found out some of their guests screwed them over. Oh you should enjoy your day because the people who turned up without gifts turned up to celebrate your day. The irony. There are some really stupid people in here I must say. Jump on the bandwagon.

It's a wedding you absolute clown.

Do you really think 300 people actually thought your shltty day was worth a 200euro ticket for a couple? I could go to a concert and not some selfish bridezilla's bash who only has me invited to get a bigger bulk discount in the hotel.

I hope you throw those friends away. They'll be better off without someone who thinks they screwed them over for not buying a ticket. Maybe take them to the small claims court for scamming you?

bee06

OP wedding etiquette dictates that guests have up to a year to give a gift after the wedding. One guest at my wedding gave a gift a year and a half after and I was mortified they had felt it was hanging over them the whole time.

You chose to have the wedding, who chose who to invite (any ransomed you ever met by the sounds of it) and the guest chooses to attend and what to gift as a gift. That’s the way weddings work. You don’t know what the financial circumstances of some of your guests are. Maybe they were naive enough to think you actually wanted them at your wedding for themselves rather than their wallet.

uck51js9zml2yt

I'm 10 years married and still waiting on some wedding presents from people. We're still the best of friends.
I've been been to their family weddings and given a present. Life's to short OP.

L'prof

Your wedding was clearly a money making scheme for you op cram as many people into a standard hotel that gave a good rate per person. 300 x €50 = €15k bill to the hotel. 283 x €100 = €28.3k leaving you with €13.3k for the rest of your “expenses”. How are my maths? Maybe you were hoping for €150 a head because it’s 2019 now afterall, people are flush again. You have a terrible attitude, there’s no telling whether cards got mislaid or if those people could afford a gift

Sir Oxman

teednab-el wrote: »

How was I to know they wouldn't pay for their dinner?

!
FFS


Is that all your wedding meant? Huh?

Midnight Sundance

Whilst I agree it’s bad manners to go to someone’s party and not bring something with u, I wouldn’t visit someone without even bringing a packet of bikkies, I would not get offended if someone else didn’t.
I got married last year and was amazed at how generous some people were . Waaay beyond what I would have ever expected from them. Some people gave us picture frames and others nothing . I can’t remember right now who gave me money, frames or nothing as I was just delighted they all came and would never dream of holding it against them.
My own brother didn’t get us anything for months and I knew he didn’t have it and was embarrassed at him feeling the need to get us anything at all . You never know if people can afford a present and perhaps they blew their budget on paying for an outfit, hotel and drink for YOUR wedding. Be happy they came!!

Midnight Sundance

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

You kinda have to do that though as when you're writing the thank you letters to everyone it might look petty to thank someone for a gift who didn't give one.

I wrote cash beside my list - the people who gave 50 were thanked and appreciated just as much as those who gave more. I wrote the gift down just so i could mention it in the thank you card. Not to compare who gave the best gift. I really only cared that people came and enjoyed themselves. I would hate to think that I’d invited people so they’d pay for my wedding.

ted1

Op your attitude stinks.

However you only got married within in the past ten weeks. Many people give presents after the wedding. Sometimes up to a year after.

In our group when people first started getting married presents were very generous, however once kids starting appearing couples found money much tighter. And only couple less couples could afford to keep giving generous gifts.

You choose to get married in the new year when people are broke after Christmas, probably hadn’t even got paid yet. I’m sure people spent a fortune to meet your Dress code , travel, fuel , possible pay for accommodation . Give them a break and get over yourself

uck51js9zml2yt

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

I wrote cash beside my list - the people who gave 50 were thanked and appreciated just as much as those who gave more. I wrote the gift down just so i could mention it in the thank you card. Not to compare who gave the best gift. I really only cared that people came and enjoyed themselves. I would hate to think that I’d invited people so they’d pay for my wedding.

I never even kept a list. Everyone got a thank you card before they went home.

teednab-el

ted1 wrote: »

Op your attitude stinks.

However you only got married within in the past ten weeks. Many people give presents after the wedding. Sometimes up to a year after.

In our group when people first started getting married presents were very generous, however once kids starting appearing couples found money much tighter. And only couple less couples could afford to keep giving generous gifts.

You choose to get married in the new year when people are broke after Christmas, probably hadn’t even got paid yet. I’m sure people spent a fortune to meet your Dress code , travel, fuel , possible pay for accommodation . Give them a break and get over yourself

Your attitude stinks.

theteal

Please tell me this is a troll attempt? Is this AH?

OP, it’s an invite. As much as they shouldn’t, people feel obliged to go to these things and now we have what amounts to clerical staff going through the books to see who contributed what. How loving and romantic???

You put on the party, you pay for the party. Any gifts should be received gratefully not expectantly. The sense of entitlement is beyond me. I really hate this place sometimes - the amount of “what’s the going rate for gifts” threads really irks me.

And yes OP, I’m married in the last 4 years. We asked people not to give gifts. Some still did, some didn’t, a great day was had by all.

theteal

A fcuking “system in place” for collecting cards. What the actual fcuk!

We had a system in place for everyone to have a drink, eat too much food, have a laugh, maybe a dance and you know, just enjoy the actual merriment of the day.

Goose76

You were under no obligation to invite anyone. You were under no obligation to have a wedding outside of a registry office wedding. You were under no obligation to spend the amount of money you spent on the wedding.

Why people seem to think it’s mandatory to fork out €€€€€ on their weddings is beyond me. And if you do spend that much, don’t expect guests to automatically open their wallets with no restrictions.

Weddings are expensive for guests too, you know.

mikeymouse

I thought this was a typical bridezilla rant ,
Turns out Teed is the groom!!!!

Flippyfloppy

Firstly, your system was terrible. Why have the cards changing so many hands? At our wedding people gave cards to our best man who just gave them to us.

A huge busy wedding of 300 people and people playing pass the parcel with cards, bridesmaid 1 to bridesmaid 2, to mother in law to mother to groomsman Sounds like sh!tshow to be fair.

Also if it sounds like you had your wedding in January or February. Most of your guests were probably broke and assumed your got your wedding and suppliers at a huge discount anyway so probably weren’t too pushed at ‘covering their costs’

Bad attitude to have op.

teednab-el

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

teednab-el

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Firstly, your system was terrible. Why have the cards changing so many hands? At our wedding people gave cards to our best man who just gave them to us.

A huge busy wedding of 300 people and people playing pass the parcel with cards, bridesmaid 1 to bridesmaid 2, to mother in law to mother to groomsman Sounds like sh!tshow to be fair.

Also if it sounds like you had your wedding in January or February. Most of your guests were probably broke and assumed your got your wedding and suppliers at a huge discount anyway so probably weren’t too pushed at ‘covering their costs’

Bad attitude to have op.

It did work.

splinter65

Bannasidhe wrote: »

And this is why I don't go to weddings.

Son - if you are reading this - you have been warned.
Mammy of the groom will be washing my hair that day.
What ever date you decide. Hair washing. :cool:

My thoughts exactly. But I do see signs that hopefully the days of trying to make a bit of a profit out of your wedding day by inviting 300 and calculating that you’ll “make” 40000 are over. More and more couples are just asking immediate family and very close friends and booking much smaller venues for a shorter day.
The OP showing a total lack of any kind of class here.

Addle

Were you married off peak (relatively cheaply) in January?
When everyone's broke after Christmas and waiting to be paid.
Not very thoughtful on your guests OP.
Some probably couldn't afford a drink, nevermind a present.
Not great planning for an Eddie Hobbs type wedding.
Not that anyone has to give anything.

pwurple

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

You kinda have to do that though as when you're writing the thank you letters to everyone it might look petty to thank someone for a gift who didn't give one.

Yes, this. Maybe some people have amazing memories, but gifts were coming to us a few weeks before, during the wedding and up to a year later. We wrote them down so we could write a proper personalised thank you note.

OP, chill. We sent our thank you cards 6 weeks after the wedding, and people who had not given a physical gift were thanked for their time and help. Gifts appeared months and in one case a year later. People forget, or think the other partner covered it, or are under financial pressure and can't afford it. I would much prefer someone I invited came to my wedding, rather than stressing that they could not afford a gift.

splinter65

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

But everyone who bought drinks at the bar at your wedding paid for them! You didn’t pay anyone’s bar bill the day after. What are you talking about? If you couldn’t afford the wedding you wanted without relying on your guests to pay for it then why didn’t you have a wedding you could afford?

jlm29

Did you put one of those cringey poems on your invite announcing that you have enough toasters and picture frames, so everyone should cough up the dosh instead?
I do wonder what you see as an acceptable entrance fee?

Deja Boo

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Pray tell, what precise amount does it take to get someone off your "miserable sponger of a guest" criteria?

How much per person did you plan to extract (and made such precise plans for handling) from each guest?

Did you ask them in advance if they could afford your extravagant affair? Or assume they should just know how much you expected, without giving them a fair shot to decline "your presence is requested, but only if you contribute boat loads of cash" event?

KERSPLAT!

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

That's a crap comparison. A shop and a pub are a business there to make money, your wedding shouldn't be.

I wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift but I certainly wouldn't think anything less of someone who didn't and wouldn't expect it should I get married. I would be very grateful that they came in the first place having likely forked out for accommodation, suits, dresses, drinks, childminders, etc. I've a wedding coming up and I fully expect it to cost me about €500 give or take, before any gift.

Edit. And I hope the irony of you calling people here miserable spongers is not lost on you.

Tom Mann Centuria

You need to send out reminders OP, then maybe get onto a debt collection agency.

Give them the spreadsheet you've clearly got on your computer, gnawing away at you and your sense of entitlement. You deserve justice.

Hannibal_Smith

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Taking something from a shop without paying for it is stealing. No one stole from you.

Not giving a present is bad manners, but its not an exchange. Maybe you should have mentioned the price of the meals in the speeches and got everyone to pay individually on the way out :pac:

Insulting presents you received is really bad form, so is the check list and demanding any present meet the value of their meal makes you look worse than those who didnt give a present.

uck51js9zml2yt

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

But it wasn't a shop or a bar. It was a wedding....you invited these people.

It's like me inviting someone for dinner and being upset if they didn't bring a bottle of wine.
I wanted their company, not the wine.
Maybe send them the bill for the day;)

lawred2

Wedding guests are cash cows..

Nothing else.

messy tessy

Necro wrote: »

So when the usual question came up I told them he gave us 500 quid :P

Do people ask what others gave as a present??? Is that a thing? I would not even entertain the question. This thread has been an eye opener...

Wesser

You are a really miserable person!

lawred2

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Appreciation of what?

splinter65

Suckit wrote: »

I was at a wedding last year (two nights in Kilkenny). Cost a fair bit as it was on the same time as Kilkenny Arts festival. Anyway, on the 2nd night, the bride approached me and said that she hadn't got my card. I had met the groom in the street the day before and had given it to him as I had it on me (after getting the card in the shop) and he put it in his car.
I told her I gave it to him.
30 minutes later she came back to me and said he says he never got it (everyone was fairly cut) We had to go to him, and I was asked in front of him and about 5-10 other people "did you give him the card yesterday?"
The groom stared straight at me in kind of shock (as he wasn't expecting to be confronted and knew I wasn't).
Long story short, we got the card out of the car, but the thing that shocked me most, was that she had already gone through the cards and was working out who hadn't given anything and decided that the best thing to do was confront them all the night before we all went home.

Pure class. Irish country style. The “2nd” night. Pure class.

1hnr79jr65

Myself and my fiancee are getting married start of Nov this year, we have a small budget and corresponding invite list. There are friends and family members on both sides we know who are not financially in a position to give a gift large or small, cash or item.

But i would rather have those people there to celebrate our day, yes we are paying for them, but they all will have to travel in some form, alot will have to pay for hotels, b&b's out of their own pocket which wont be cheap either.

Maybe if you gave more consideration to the efforts some will have to make to attend a special day for you and your significant other then anything extra you get outside of their attendance is a generous bonus.

Too many bridezillas and money grabbing grooms these days who are putting on a show rather than event which friends and family invited to. If they feel so aggrieved they should be selling tickets to attend as if it is a Rolling Stones concert. Least folks would know how much they are valued as people then and can avoid the spectacle.:rolleyes:

seems a bit of a wind up


but at the same time


turning up to a wedding without a reasonable amount in the card isnt something id do myself

if you cant afford it you cant afford it. stay home.

1hnr79jr65

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

How much do you expect to be given by a person/couple?

Sound like a Fine Gael charity fundraiser with your attitude.

Mongfinder General

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Delighted you didn't get what you expected. I usually stick €100 in an envelope but if I know that the bride or groom are money hungry, I'll buy them a bottle of champagne. The fcukin neck of some people, expecting others to finance their wedding. I'd never expect anything from anybody to pay for my day. It's fcukin sickening reading this self entitled garbage.

messy tessy

Hayley Rough Narrator wrote: »

I'm 10 years married and still waiting on some wedding presents from people

Eh I think after 10 years you can stop waiting! :P

splinter65

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

That's a crap comparison. A shop and a pub are a business there to make money, your wedding shouldn't be.

I wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift but I certainly wouldn't think anything less of someone who didn't and wouldn't expect it should I get married. I would be very grateful that they came in the first place having likely forked out for accommodation, suits, dresses, drinks, childminders, etc. I've a wedding coming up and I fully expect it to cost me about €500 give or take, before any gift.

Edit. And I hope the irony of you calling people here miserable spongers is not lost on you.

The OP approached their own wedding as a business venture, with a view to making a profit. The figures don’t tot up now so there’s a problem.

Riesen_Meal

OP is a miserable git, I genuinely can not believe what I am reading, maybe you should send them couples who probably couldn't afford to go to your wedding on the day as it was an invoice for your services?

The Bishop Basher

teednab-el wrote: »

I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day.

How about appreciating all the people that took time out of their busy lives and spent their own hard earned cash attending your "big day" which frankly no one else gives a flying fluck about bar you, your bride and your folks.

cruizer101

teednab-el wrote: »

It did work.

How do you know? Maybe some gifts went missing with all the passing around? No way for you to know

Grumpypants

teednab-el wrote: »

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

Except a shop is a business. A wedding isn't.

Imagine a hotel manager charging people €500 for a two night stay that bored the arse off them then got upset because the residents didn't give him a present.

Necro

teednab-el wrote:

There is alot of foolish people on here. The same people would act the same if They found out some of their guests screwed them over. Oh you should enjoy your day because the people who turned up without gifts turned up to celebrate your day. The irony. There are some really stupid people in here I must say. Jump on the bandwagon.

No bandwagon, just stop spending above your means and inviting the cats and dogs round the town because you saw them in the shop that one time - and then complaining because you invited them to a party that also cost them a fortune to attend.

Also 34 people (17 couples) out of 300 guests really isn't that bad. Let's not forget YOU came on here to have a whinge about your 'stingy guests'.

Don't blame others for telling you that in fact your attitude is the miserly one.

teednab-el wrote:

Lads most of you here make me sick listening to ye. I didn't ask people to give more than expected but all you ask is for a bit of appreciation on the day. To turn up empty handed is an insult if you ask me and shows meanness. I think it's bad form and people on here telling me I'm a bridezulla come on guys would you go into a bar and take a drink without paying for it or go into a shop and get something without paying for it. Some of ye guys I just don't know what to say about ye but ye sound like miserable spongers as well.

They didn't go into any bar or shop and take something though. You invited them to YOUR party!

They paid for their accommodation either in the hotel or nearby, drinks all night, fuel to and from probably some far flung reaches of the country you decided to have your celebration, possibly childcare or babysitters... And you want a gift as well after all of that expense?

That's why you're coming across miserly and getting the reactions you're receiving here.

Seriously, just enjoy the fact that you're married and that the wedding (presumably) was amazing.

Literally nothing else matters. Best of luck with your new husband in your new life together.

obi604

L'prof wrote: »

Your wedding was clearly a money making scheme for you op cram as many people into a standard hotel that gave a good rate per person. 300 x €50 = €15k bill to the hotel. 283 x €100 = €28.3k leaving you with €13.3k for the rest of your “expenses”. How are my maths? Maybe you were hoping for €150 a head because it’s 2019 now afterall, people are flush again. You have a terrible attitude, there’s no telling whether cards got mislaid or if those people could afford a gift

Your maths is not great to be honest

300 people at a wedding does not equal 300 gifts.

What about all the couples whose gifts are combined etc.

Wesser

When you're up.all night with a screaming baby and worry in your heart you'll be grateful for any kind words of any friend and all this rubbish about money will be forgotten

Deub

Rennaws wrote: »

How about appreciating all the people that took time out of their busy lives and spent their own hard earned cash attending your "big day" which frankly no one else gives a flying fluck about bar you, your bride and your folks.

Also keeping in mind some of these people may have barely said "Hi" to the bride and groom.
Taking 2min per guest to say hi and thank them (including walking to them) is a 10h job with 300 guests for the bride and groom.

pconn062

lbc2019 wrote: »

Is the OP a wind up?

Course it is, a pretty successful one at that I would say.

Flippyfloppy

Did they have to take the day off work? Maybe they kept the cash in Leui of their holiday days.

Foweva Awone

[Deleted User] wrote: »

seems a bit of a wind up


but at the same time


turning up to a wedding without a reasonable amount in the card isnt something id do myself

if you cant afford it you cant afford it. stay home.

I disagree. If I was hosting a wedding (or any sort of celebration) I'd be mortified to think friends and family were staying away just because they couldn't afford to buy me a gift. It would actually really upset me, it would be far more important to be that they were there to share the occasion with me, any gift they might choose to give me would be considered a nice extra, but certainly not essential.

I'd think no less of anyone who didn't bring a gift, for whatever reason. They wouldn't have been invited in the first place unless I cared about them and wanted them there - with or without a gift.

FrancieBrady

I was at a wedding in the US and we all chose from a menu what we wanted to eat just like you would on a night out. Full a la carte menu and everyone ate what they wanted to eat, not some mass produced lowest common denominator swill. Then each guest paid for it at the end.
Much better system imo, we gave a gift but there was no compulsion/expectation to.

Maybe you should consider this next time OP?