Ever met someone with Aspergers?

noubliezjamais · 13-03-2019 5:09am #1

Aspergers no longer exists but is now considered part of the Autistic Spectrum. One common trait is exhibiting high intelligence (smart conversations) but at the same time having no "social skills".

No social skills doesn't mean being anxious but most commonly has to do with inappropriate discussions with others. They sometimes come off as ass*oles to people (Dr. House).

I know a lad from Africa back in my school who fit all of these. He was diagnosed by a child psychiatry Very polite and quiet. Seemed normal...until you got to know him. Always had a fascination with three topics castration, death and 9/11. Everyone who knew him thought he's weird and an attention seeker.

s7ryf3925pivug · 13-03-2019 6:38am

You can have social skills, you just might need to learn stuff that is obvious/intuitive to other people. Being direct and straightforward helps work around that.

Some things you're expected to do socially are nonsensical and insincere. Instead of expressing that they are stupid you can just do them kinda sarcastically. The people who care about that sort of stuff seem unaware.

Some people find things obvious and intuitive that neurotypicals have to learn.

The guy you refer to in your post had some social skills since he seemed normal and polite as you say. Interest in certain topics that seems obsessive is common. They're not necessarily dark or offputting topics. Discussing facts and concepts is enjoyable and makes sense in the same way social chit chat is sometimes nonsensical and can be stressful.

Social anxiety is common as a result of people deciding you're weird if you act in a way that you find natural.

A defining characteristic of Aspergers is no delay in speech development. The thing is you can be autistic and not fit the criteria for Aspergers and be very high functioning. You can have Aspergers and be highly incapable. I think the dropping of the Aspergers diagnosis was partly about not creating binary distinctions for what is very much a spectrum. [In fact it is a multidimensional combination of spectrums.] That and Asperger having been a Nazi.

rgodard80a · 13-03-2019 9:14am

I work in I.T., so yes, definitely met a few in my time.

Also worked with a clinically diagnosed sociopath.
It's as if they have no "theory of mind", they just can't or don't try to understand what the other person is thinking.
He was some annoying f**ker though, reading random world news events at me from the web as if I was interested. Nothing a good set of headphones didn't cure though.

Your Face · 13-03-2019 9:26am

Sounds like an excuse for unacceptable behaviour but what do I know, I don't even have a Twitter account.

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 9:37am

I never met myself, thank God, that would be too weird

Bobby Baccala · 13-03-2019 9:49am

Yeah there was a guy with Aspergers in my class in school, his favorite topics of conversation were the Holocaust, Jeremy Kyle and his phobia of salt and vinegar crisps. He was 3 or 4 years older than anybody in the class and creeped everyone out tbh.

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 9:52am

Bobby Baccala wrote:

Yeah there was a guy with Aspergers in my class in school, his favorite topics of conversation were the Holocaust, Jeremy Kyle and his phobia of salt and vinegar crisps. He was 3 or 4 years older than anybody in the class and creeped everyone out tbh.

Poor chap, sensory issues are common with autism, have them myself, no where near as intense as they were though

DellyBelly · 13-03-2019 9:53am

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 9:54am

DellyBelly wrote:

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

People with autism aren't mad, we re just different, genetic quirk maybe?

Giveaway · 13-03-2019 9:57am

DellyBelly wrote: »

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

It seems to be a label increasingly applied. Whether its a true increase in prevalence isnthe real question. A lot of funtioning people who would have been described previously as weird but harmless now get this label, when there was no need to apply a label anyway

Foweva Awone · 13-03-2019 9:57am

I'm pretty sure I have it but have never been diagnosed. It's not just my opinion, several mental health professionals who've worked closely with me have suggested it. I just don't really see the benefit of getting a formal diagnosis at this stage of my life.

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 9:58am

Giveaway wrote:

It seems to be a label increasingly applied. Whether its a true increase in prevalence isnthe real question. A lot of funtioning people who would have been described previously as weird but harmless now get this label, when there was no need to apply a label anyway

I'm delighted with my new found label, and I'm hearing others are having a similar experience

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 9:59am

Foweva Awone wrote:

I'm pretty sure I have it but have never been diagnosed. It's not just my opinion, several mental health professionals who've worked closely with me have suggested it. I just don't really see the benefit of getting a formal diagnosis at this stage of my life.

Diagnosis has helped me greatly

Day Lewin · 13-03-2019 9:59am

Everyone has.
Maybe that nerd with too much information who is unable to read body language, facial expression or tone of voice: his own flat monotone is one giveaway.
Female Aspies work hard to cover up and hide their lack of social skill: women are relentlessly punitive of outsiders. #Mean girls
Yeah, school was a nightmare.
Being smart was no compensation for being ostracised.
If I sound bitter, that's because...

There was no such word as Aspergers in my day. It hadn't been invented, as it were: I mean, named.
And now we're all "autistic" hmm...

okatied · 13-03-2019 10:02am

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers, when it was still being diagnosed.
Contrary to popular opinion, he gets sarcasm and can use it appropriately.
He has lots of emotions and can recognise them in others.
He doesn't stimm, but does like routine.
He's doing his Leaving this year and wants to be an apprentice as he is really good with his hands but I worry that he won't be able to get involved in banter on a building site.

Bob Gray · 13-03-2019 10:04am

DellyBelly wrote: »

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

Why fortunately? Some of the most interesting people I’ve met, my son at the top of the list, have been on the autism spectrum or have had aspergers.

bencfc69 · 13-03-2019 10:09am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Diagnosis has helped me greatly

Can I ask what you find the benefits are of being diagnosed?

lainey_d_123 · 13-03-2019 10:15am

I have it. It's extremely underdiagnosed in women and extremely difficult to live with, because women, even more than men, are expected to have good social skills and somehow just 'know' how to act.

And as you can see, there's an awful lot of ignorance and meanness towards what is essentially a disability.

Bob Gray · 13-03-2019 10:19am

okatied wrote: »

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers, when it was still being diagnosed.
Contrary to popular opinion, he gets sarcasm and can use it appropriately.
He has lots of emotions and can recognise them in others.
He doesn't stimm, but does like routine.
He's doing his Leaving this year and wants to be an apprentice as he is really good with his hands but I worry that he won't be able to get involved in banter on a building site.

Reading posts like this really gives me a lift, my son is 5 and in junior infants and sounds like he’s quite like your son, he’s very social, understands emotions too but has routines.
I see him getting confused at times but I also see him working really hard to understand things that are a little jumbled for him. However, his determination and drive to learn new things are unreal.

lainey_d_123 · 13-03-2019 10:19am

DellyBelly wrote: »

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

Pity there's no cure for being a mean, ignorant person, isn't it?

Blazer · 13-03-2019 10:22am

There’s some right dumb ****heads posting on this thread. Do yourselves all a favor and educate yourself by reading up on it.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 13-03-2019 10:27am

There was a lad at school with me who I think may have had aspergers or some similar...condition (?) Anyway he came across as very intelligent, a real swat, sat in the front row of every class, always wore the school tunic and a proper knot in his tie and impeccably ironed uniform shirt/trousers, had a doctors bag as a school bag, worked his ass off in class and at home yet got well below average marks in exams etc He only had one friend who he hung around with while at school and so looking back id say yeah, he had no social skills to speak of.

If he got praise in class for something he rocked back and forth in his seat all proud of himself. We gave him a fairly hard time in class, the usual teenage Shiite like slagging and copying his rocking back/forth action.

I often wondered what happened to him after school, I have no idea how he got on his leaving cert but could be fairly certain that it was just an average result at best.

stevek93 · 13-03-2019 10:28am

I believe we have very little knowledge about autism and when we meet someone with this diagnosis we think the worst about the individual and believe they are just not a nice person which is completely false and unfair.

RhubarbCrumble · 13-03-2019 10:29am

I suspect my partner's niece has it, or some form of autism. She's 12. She won't really communicate with anyone outside her immediate family. She has certain routines and will have a meltdown if they're interrupted.
If her younger sister is sick and unable to go to school, then she refuses to go. Her parents have to come up to the school at lunch otherwise she won't go to the toilet.

She's due to start secondary school in September and I don't know how that's going to work because her younger sister still has a few years to go in primary so she'll be on her own.

Unfortunately for her, her parents are completely in denial and would tear the head of anyone who suggested that something is wrong, which isn't doing the poor child any favours.

Bob Gray · 13-03-2019 10:31am

And that’s just it Blazer, it’s like the default option is that they’re mad or annoying, and it just proves the ignorance that’s there towards conditions that can’t physically be seen. But thankfully those sort of individuals are in the minority, the amount of empathy I’ve seen when my son has had meltdowns has been something I didn’t expect.

amcalester · 13-03-2019 10:34am

DellyBelly wrote: »

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

Whatever about more mad people, there's definitely more ignorant arseholes around.

friendlyfun · 13-03-2019 10:34am

I feel like a lot of people in thr wider public don't understands asbergera and just jump to conclusions like that person in weird etc.

Plopsu · 13-03-2019 10:35am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Pity there's no cure for being a mean, ignorant person, isn't it?

Surely the cure is just not doing it.

13-03-2019 10:38am

I do wonder if it's simply another way of being in the world rather than a disability.

Canis Lupus · 13-03-2019 10:39am

I'm not sure if I've met someone with it. Do they wear tags?

Feisar · 13-03-2019 10:39am

okatied wrote: »

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers, when it was still being diagnosed.
Contrary to popular opinion, he gets sarcasm and can use it appropriately.
He has lots of emotions and can recognise them in others.
He doesn't stimm, but does like routine.
He's doing his Leaving this year and wants to be an apprentice as he is really good with his hands but I worry that he won't be able to get involved in banter on a building site.

We (builders) are a lot more sophisticated these days! He'll be A1.

jarvis · 13-03-2019 10:43am

Aspergers makes my wee smell funny.

kylith · 13-03-2019 10:45am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

I'm delighted with my new found label, and I'm hearing others are having a similar experience

My OH said the same. He was diagnosed in his 20s and being able to put a name to what was 'wrong' really helped him. He reckons I am too, but I don't see the point of getting a diagnosis since it doesn't really bother me and diagnosis is harder with girls because we're socialised to fit in better.

Sure, people with Aspergers can be weird, but it's fantastic to be in a relationship where you can actually have a conversation about 'This thing is annoying for X reason' and have your partner accept that, or to accept your quirks, or to just having friends who always check that you're ok with them doing something like hugging you and being conscious of accidentally offending or stressing you. My Aspie friends have never brushed off my feelings.

Bob Gray · 13-03-2019 10:47am

Feisar wrote: »

We (builders) are a lot more sophisticated these days! He'll be A1.

Feisar = legend

Giveaway · 13-03-2019 10:52am

Feisar wrote: »

We (builders) are a lot more sophisticated these days! He'll be A1.

Attention to detail and laser sharp focus despite the banter is a big plus for any construction related job or STeM in general.

Jimbob1977 · 13-03-2019 11:00am

My son is Level One on the autism spectrum (high functioning). He would have been classed as Aspergers on the old scale.

He is very literal and has a fascination with certain topics. If you met him for a few minutes, you wouldn't notice anything. After a while, you would notice the poor social skills and the fixation on topics. He has no issues with bullying and he is very happy at school. However, his group of friends would be small. The fear is that he would be a 'loner' in later life.

He also has dyspraxia, which means that his gross and fine motor skills are poor. He doesn't like sports or physical exertion.

I reckon there are thousands of people in Ireland that are undiagnosed with Aspergers. Back then, people might have been classed as 'a bit odd' or loners. Their IQs tend to be extremely high.

Certain professions like IT, maths and accountancy would lend themselves to Aspergers employees. Logical, unemotive and no real need for major human interaction.

missyb01 · 13-03-2019 11:10am

My boss has Aspergers. Highly intelligent academically but struggles socially. He has no problem if you approach him to discuss work matters. But if you need to discuss a problem in work or something as simple as needing time off for an appointment, he literally walks away. He is all about routine. For example if the receptionist is on holidays and another person is covering, he is completely flummoxed for the entire week.

If we try to forewarn him of changes, it makes him worse.

Wibbs · 13-03-2019 11:14am

Met a fair number in my time yeah, with varying degrees of the condition(?). Most were like any other bunch of randomers, grand, with the occasional eejit. TBH some I found uncomfortable to be around for too long. The more "robotic" types of folks.

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

Their IQs tend to be extremely high.

That's a bit of a myth from what I've read on the subject. They can appear to be precocious as kids alright, but in one direction. That also puts pressure on folks diagnosed as they're expected to be boffins or nerds, when they may be just "average".

AndrewJRenko · 13-03-2019 11:20am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPm4cK8FCVw

Adam disproves the 'no social skills' angle

jam_mac_jam · 13-03-2019 11:23am

I think it’s very sad how cruel we are to people who are in any way different from ourselves. Yes I have met people on the spectrum I am not sure if they had Asperger’s or the usual autism I am not fully confident I know the difference. Also, when I think back to “strange” people I knew when I was younger or as a child I can see that they were on the spectrum and the bullying and cruelness endured by people who are different is heart-breaking especially as children or teenagers.

As a socially awkward person myself who is quite shy my heart goes out to people treated badly for something that they cannot control, especially children.

I always have a soft spot for the "weird" kid.

Ariadne · 13-03-2019 11:24am

I've met people that I suspect have Asperger's and I used to babysit for a little boy who has it. It was a challenge but not that much more than looking after another child, well for the few hours I was there anyway.

I have BPD and I wondered for a while if perhaps I had Asperger's before I was diagnosed with BPD. Both cause difficulties with social interactions and there does seem to be an overlap in the diagnosis. I suppose I know what it's like to feel like I'm just a bit odd, a bit different, that I seem to say the wrong thing so I tend to try to be careful with what I say to people I don't know, especially in work situations. The difference is that friends and family tell me that I don't say the wrong thing but that I just think I do, I'm not so sure. I worry less about saying something inappropriate with friends. I often feel like an alien who was just left here on this planet missing a manual in how to be a human so if that is even a tiny bit like what Asperger's feels like, I have a lot of empathy.

s7ryf3925pivug · 13-03-2019 11:32am

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

There was a lad at school with me who I think may have had aspergers or some similar...condition (?) Anyway he came across as very intelligent, a real swat, sat in the front row of every class, always wore the school tunic and a proper knot in his tie and impeccably ironed uniform shirt/trousers, had a doctors bag as a school bag, worked his ass off in class and at home yet got well below average marks in exams etc He only had one friend who he hung around with while at school and so looking back id say yeah, he had no social skills to speak of.

If he got praise in class for something he rocked back and forth in his seat all proud of himself. We gave him a fairly hard time in class, the usual teenage Shiite like slagging and copying his rocking back/forth action.

I often wondered what happened to him after school, I have no idea how he got on his leaving cert but could be fairly certain that it was just an average result at best.

The rocking is a comfort thing. It indicates distress. It's also compulsive and suppressing it may be difficult. Obviously it's not cool to rip the piss about it.

cursai · 13-03-2019 11:33am

DellyBelly wrote: »

Fortunately I haven't. Although I'm sure I've been in the presence of some. There seems to be more mad people around these days. Societies fault maybe?

You should leave your house more often so.

cursai · 13-03-2019 11:34am

Succubus_ wrote: »

I've met people that I suspect have Apsergers and I used to babysit for a little boy who has it. It was a challenge but not that much more than looking after another child, well for the few hours I was there anyway.

I have BPD and I wondered for a while if perhaps I had Aspergers before I was diagnosed with BPD. Both cause difficulties with social interactions and there does seem to be an overlap in the diagnosis. I suppose I know what it's like to feel like I'm just a bit odd, a bit different, that I seem to say the wrong thing so I tend to try to be careful with what I say to people I don't know, especially in work situations. The difference is that friends and family tell me that I don't say the wrong thing but that I just think I do, I'm not so sure. I worry less about saying something inappropriate with friends. I often feel like an alien who was just left here on this planet missing a manual in how to be a human so if that is even a tiny bit like what Aspergers feels like, I have a lot of empathy.

What is BPD?

s7ryf3925pivug · 13-03-2019 11:34am

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I'm not sure if I've met someone with it. Do they wear tags?

provided with orange caps and earmuffs in Limerick. By an advocacy organisation. It's the stupidest sh!t I've seen. Obviously no-one uses them.

Ariadne · 13-03-2019 11:35am

cursai wrote: »

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, can be called either.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 13-03-2019 11:37am

Enoch Dirty Buffalo wrote: »

provided with orange caps and earmuffs in Limerick. By an advocacy organisation. It's the stupidest sh!t I've seen. Obviously no-one uses them.

You'd think that would be the last thing a person with Aspergers would want. Being labelled and made to stand out in public.

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 11:37am

apologies folks, i ll get back to this thread later, under a bit of pressure here

s7ryf3925pivug · 13-03-2019 11:38am

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

You'd think that would be the last thing a person with Aspergers would want. Being labelled and made to stand out in public.

Yes, exactly my point.

Wanderer78 · 13-03-2019 11:42am

Enoch Dirty Buffalo wrote: »

Yes, exactly my point.

im very proud of my aspie label

13-03-2019 11:45am

I have professional experience of people on the autistic spectrum. Some of whom needed full time care and had intellectual disabilities as well. More recently I have worked with adults who would be very high functioning. The interesting thing about them was their individuality to each other and similarity to the "rest of us".

What I mean is I wonder a lot about diagnoses. For so many people it can help to be finally given a label or an answer. They have a a ha! moment. I've seen the other side of that. How a label only perpetuates the feeling of difference and creates more problems, how personal responsibility goes out the window because its "the illness".

For me we are all incredibly unique with different circumstances and an inner world which is ours alone. I have yet to encounter a person who is 'normal' because I simply don't know what that means.

Ever met someone with Aspergers?

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