Sh*te your co-workers say

Jet Black

Phone junkies. I work with someone who sits on their phone for the first two hours of the day, then every ten minutes in between, then complains an hour before leave 'I'm not going to get through this' wonder why? Also notifications on full and whatsapp message pop noise heard every time they send a message.

dickhead 'We shouldn't be staying late we should all go into the boss and tell them'
Goes in
dickhead 'your right boss, I've no problem with staying late ever, whatever you want'

I don't care about your kids, I don't care if your niece had a child. I dont care if your da is going to get a kidney stone out. Notice how I don't talk about my family?
I worked with some auld one who's child is getting into music and she like 'oh they're getting so many gigs, I'm the mother of a famous person, what does that make me?' I said a hanger on. Didn't take it well.

Luckily I can wear earphones but the loudest volume doesn't cover up the cackle of 3 of the ornaments who stand by my desk for an hour each day talking ****. Telling me not to have earphones on as it's rude. It's not rude for you to talk about peoples divorces, depression or who you don't like with me there. But it's also rude when I talk to you and I call you granny even though you are one in your 30s.

Hotblack Desiato

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What makes me laugh are these guys in their 30s or 40s who are staunch Celtic supporters and heartily engage in anti-British slogans and roar out old RA songs in the pub every week...then fight to get centre stage watching British teams like Liverpool play soccer every week, often debating passionately about how much they love their team, unaware of the irony..

Err.. Celtic are a British team.

worded

How can you get someone to stop saying “do you know what I mean” ending every second sentence ? This is an Irish person

You know what I mean boardsies ?

threetrees

J'ya-know-wha-I-mean? is probably the most irritating phrase when it's over used. I bet if you answered "yes I know what you mean" the person wouldn't even realise they asked the question!

I'm waiting for an opportunity to use the ideas fridge comment, just to see the reaction! (As a joke obviously!)

Sabella

"Are you with me" when someone is trying to convince you their idea is a good one while in a meeting

"No, im not with you and this idea is going to be a sh*t show chief"

partyguinness

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What makes me laugh are these guys in their 30s or 40s who are staunch Celtic supporters and heartily engage in anti-British slogans and roar out old RA songs in the pub every week...then fight to get centre stage watching British teams like Liverpool play soccer every week, often debating passionately about how much they love their team, unaware of the irony..

and they will be the first out pissing all over the League of Ireland.

Because 'fanatical' football supporters in their 30s and 40s are by and large complete fcuking morons who desperately cling to foreign football teams for a sense of self worth and purpose away from their ****ty dead end existence...grow up already.

Dub Ste

Sabella wrote: »

“Do you get me?”, yes for the 70th time today I get ye

I absolutely hate that saying.
My wife says it all the time, and it drives me mad:mad::mad::mad:

brownbinman

"trust me"

F**k off!

moycullen14

Dub Ste wrote: »

I absolutely hate that saying.
My wife says it all the time, and it drives me mad:mad::mad::mad:

Use 'Do you feeel me?' instead. Courtesy of The Wire. You'll sound like a badass gansta

Sardonicat

moycullen14 wrote: »

Use 'Do you feeel me?' instead. Courtesy of The Wire. You'll sound like a badass gansta

You feelin' me? (Careful who you use this with, it can be misconstrued as a proposition which could result in a calamity or a happy accident, depending on the circumstances and individuals involved )

A new one (well, for me anyway) that I heard today - Ideate. I think it means “think”. But I’m not sure, and I wasn’t going to ask!

Actually, that reminded me of another nonsense phrase. “I’ll reach out to (insert name of person or role here)”. Er, could you call them instead?

Hotblack Desiato

Deleted User wrote: »

A new one (well, for me anyway) that I heard today - Ideate. I think it means “think”. But I’m not sure, and I wasn’t going to ask!

As in "suicidal ideation" (an odd phrase tied up with the abortion debate here ever since the X Case in 1992)

SteelyDanJalapeno

Long story short

SteelyDanJalapeno

You see the thing is

SteelyDanJalapeno

Let me put it to you this way

Larbre34

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Actually, that reminded me of another nonsense phrase. “I’ll reach out to (insert name of person or role here)”. Er, could you call them instead?

An Americanism I indeed despise. I correct people on it actually, "no, contact them instead."

Blame 'House of Cards'

Realt Dearg Sec

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

As in "suicidal ideation" (an odd phrase tied up with the abortion debate here ever since the X Case in 1992)

I've never heard it in any other context than suicidal ideation. Which is appropriate since that's exactly what I'd be doing if people started using it as a verb in the workplace.

Oh I'm ideating alright, boss, don't doubt that.

Bullocks

An old boss of mine used to say he would eat a mile of my sisters ****e just to see the hole it came out of. I'd get that about twice a week. He was a gas man, maybe a bit frustrated!

Bullocks

Bullocks wrote: »

An old boss of mine used to say he would eat a mile of my sisters ****e just to see the hole it came out of. I'd get that about twice a week. He was a gas man, maybe a bit frustrated!

Ah, they don’t make bosses like that anymore

Bullocks

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ah, they don’t make bosses like that anymore

The day used go quick with that lad

theteal

I'm not sure what "lean" is? In the last place I was supposed to be "agile".

Since I had to retire from football I'm getting a bit slower and fatter so I'm sure I'm breaking some kind of rules in these places....

Sabella

Work colleagues who reply to emails starting with "Thanks (insert name)

real 1990's passive aggression

Wanderer78

theteal wrote:

I'm not sure what "lean" is? In the last place I was supposed to be "agile".

Fitness instructor would be a nice job, wouldn't mind doing it myself, you're lucky

theteal

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Fitness instructor would be a nice job, wouldn't mind doing it myself, you're lucky

Canyon86

“That was my understanding...”
-Usually said by a colleague who has the the totally wrong idea /info and is trying to save face

“Let’s take this offline”
-We can have a row about it later in private

evil_seed

milehip wrote: »

Either that or their fantasy team,lost count of the times I heard "I've him in my Fantasy football team" like I give one red fu*k

Also grown men excited about the latest metal gear -world of ****ecraft etc etc release Jesus wept!

I'm not a fan of the things mentioned above, but out of curiosity, what do you get excited about? I'm sure Jesus would weap about that one too

evil_seed

SteelyDanJalapeno wrote: »

You see the thing is

You left out an extra is

Hotblack Desiato

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Oh I'm ideating alright, boss, don't doubt that.

Homicidal ideation

Larbre34 wrote: »

An Americanism I indeed despise. I correct people on it actually, "no, contact them instead."

Blame 'House of Cards'

David Caruso on NYPD Blue was using it long before that.

realdanbreen

When they say that such and such 'comes with a health warning' !

It doesn't you clown unless you are discussing a health topic!

ZX7R

I work with a lad regularly on shift,every bloody time he says,"I'm gonna to hand in my notice next week"
It's a year and a half now.

ZX7R

ZX7R wrote: »

I work with a lad regularly on shift,every bloody time he says,"I'm gonna to hand in my notice next week"
It's a year and a half now.

But it’s never next week, it’s always the following one. Hang on, I’m confusing myself

doughef

‘I sent you a note’

Do you mean email or is there a Post-it on my desk ?

Bigdig69

Jaysus what a bunch of whiney whingers

“Shovel ready”. Meaningless bull.

McGrath5

"Happy new financial year".

partyguinness

ZX7R wrote: »

I work with a lad regularly on shift,every bloody time he says,"I'm gonna to hand in my notice next week"
It's a year and a half now.

I worked with a lady like that in her 50s. My first day on the job she came up chatting to me to introduce herself and quickly developed into a how much she hates the place etc etc and she is leaving. This became a weekly conversation. That was 2012 and she is still there.


I have long left the place but whenever I meet anyone from the same firm it is a case of: "How is 'Mary? Is she still threatening to leave?'...a running joke. She has handed in her notice umpteen times at this stage only to be talked out of it.

Monkey2019

partyguinness wrote: »

I worked with a lady like that in her 50s. My first day on the job she came up chatting to me to introduce herself and quickly developed into a how much she hates the place etc etc and she is leaving. This became a weekly conversation. That was 2012 and she is still there.


I have long left the place but whenever I meet anyone from the same firm it is a case of: "How is 'Mary? Is she still threatening to leave?'...a running joke. She has handed in her notice umpteen times at this stage only to be talked out of it.

My manager is like this. I'm in Finance and every day without fail it's "i hate working with numbers", "i'm just never going to get this". We all know you hate it - it's been 2years now of the same drivel every day - just leave and work in an area you think you will prefer.
I honestly think no matter where she works she will moan like that.

Collie D

One I overheard that I thought was funny.

“Thanks for that, Jeremy. I’ll give you a call during the week”

“No problem and call me Jezza”

“No. Sorry, I won’t be doing that, Jeremy”

OU812

I was working remotely until today.

Had three meetings with different departments.

Every damn person in every meeting used the word “indicative” at least once.

After that. I heard several people across several floors use it.

If I find out the bastard that introduced it I’m going to kick them right in the indicative.

Realt Dearg Sec

"Scaffold" is one that's very popular where I work. I'm teaching in an American university, and they use it to refer to when you want students to be able to do something like, say, write an analytical essay, and you have to "scaffold" all of the skills involved in doing that into your classes. Same with "scaffolding" close reading strategies, etc.

It's not that bad on its own, but it's basically become a buzzword, because everyone kind of says it just for the sake of saying it now, knowing that saying you are going to "scaffold" something is enough to keep the department happy that you must be doing some really effective teaching.

"Situational awareness" = seeing what the f*ck is actually going on

Wildly Boaring

Ugh my boss said Tic-tac today in a meeting

So glad I'm leaving

beggars_bush

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

"Scaffold" is one that's very popular where I work. I'm teaching in an American university, and they use it to refer to when you want students to be able to do something like, say, write an analytical essay, and you have to "scaffold" all of the skills involved in doing that into your classes. Same with "scaffolding" close reading strategies, etc.

It's not that bad on its own, but it's basically become a buzzword, because everyone kind of says it just for the sake of saying it now, knowing that saying you are going to "scaffold" something is enough to keep the department happy that you must be doing some really effective teaching.

Used in every primary school teacher training day/course/seminar

Along with the beauty that is 'holistic'

beggars_bush

FluffyTowel wrote: »

Yes! It's brilliant. I'm going to use it next week!

I may even circle back to it.

"Now, lemme just circle back to the Ideas Fridge for a moment."

Promotion here I come.

Have you watched Office space

Rufeo

I have to admit, shovel ready would have made me lol in office. What I would have said to that......"wait..what's shovel ready? the Earth?"

Bwahahahaha

He can dig it up and put it in the ideas fridge. Ugh. Offices.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

The boss won't turn the heating on because we can't afford it. The building is freezing and draughty. She goes around the building saying how cold it is, even though she is the one who won't turn the heating on.

seagull

The heating bill would be nothing compared to the penalties when H&S come calling

facehugger99

Collie D wrote: »

One I overheard that I thought was funny.

“Thanks for that, Jeremy. I’ll give you a call during the week”

“No problem and call me Jezza”

“No. Sorry, I won’t be doing that, Jeremy”

I work with a guy called William, who insists on being called Willie.

I feel weird using the word 'willie' multiple times a day and have to really concentrate on not letting my eyes drift down to his crotch when using his name.

I mean what's wrong with using 'William'? - it's a perfectly good name without any of the 'word for cock' connotations.

I feel the same about any Richards who want to be Dicks - I basically point blank refuse to engage with that nonsense.

Rufeo

facehugger99 wrote: »

I work with a guy called William, who insists on being called Willie.

I feel weird using the word 'willie' multiple times a day and have to really concentrate on not letting my eyes drift down to his crotch when using his name.

I mean what's wrong with using 'William'? - it's a perfectly good name without any of the 'word for cock' connotations.

I feel the same about any Richards who want to be Dicks - I basically point blank refuse to engage with that nonsense.

You sound obsessed with cock.