Sh*te your co-workers say

El_Duderino 09

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

They are called a pescatarian but they're not called a vegetarian.

Yeah you're right. But in practice people say they're vegetarian when they are pescatarian because more than half the time people don't know what pescatarian means so they have to then explain that they're vegetarian but they eat fish and then the person says "well why didn't you just say that?".

Some people take agin' vegetarians when they talk about it so it's just easier to say they are vegetarian unless it's actually necessary to be precise, like if they're deciding what food to get.

Titclamp

Animal cannibalism.

Tacitus Kilgore

"did ye bring the herald?"


If you're even a minute late in the morning.



Funny actually, makes me enjoy being late even more :pac:



Also way, way, waaay funnier than reading people argue about who eats what.

AtomicHorror

In my last place of work, the most commonly-uttered phrase was "it is what it is, sure". Just about the most uselessly fatalistic statement I've ever heard. It would be applied any time we re-discovered some long-forgotten clusterf... just in time for an inspection by the regulator.

The second most common phrase was "well, it's a buoyant jobs market out there now", which was code for "every qualified person in Ireland has already heard this is a horrible place to work".

Tough03

Former boss (US based) used to start early so we had plenty of over lap with us, used to always say to us - I'm leaving on time today, feels like a half day. He would then 3/4 hours later send an email which he had already drafted earlier in the day from his phone. The following day he would tell all and any, about how busy he was yesterday and did you see my email I sent you late last night.
He would start every meeting with someone outside our department with a 5 mins summary of all the projects he was involved in and how busy he was, dropping the names of anyone who was more senior then him into his speech. Most of these projects he might have only been involved in one ten minute group meeting. He would end his charade with how can we help you. To make it worse, he had the whole thing written down and rehearsed and spent a few hours at it.

anewme

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Yeah you're right. But in practice people say they're vegetarian when they are pescatarian because more than half the time people don't know what pescatarian means so they have to then explain that they're vegetarian but they eat fish and then the person says "well why didn't you just say that?".

Some people take agin' vegetarians when they talk about it so it's just easier to say they are vegetarian unless it's actually necessary to be precise, like if they're deciding what food to get.

Yep get it all the time... "a pesca ....whaa"?

So it's easier to say, vegetarian , but will est fish.

Next time someone asks, I'll just say " a wanker"

AtomicHorror

salonfire wrote: »

"I think now is a good time to stop for a bio break"

Bio break, Christ almighty.

It's an efficient, business-jargon way of making the other people at a meeting momentarily picture you having a poo.

LineOfBeauty

"Coronavirus was created by the Chinese government, big pharma and the company that sells those masks."

Trying to wrap my head around that whilst eating pancakes.

AndrewJRenko

Tough03 wrote: »

Former boss (US based) used to start early so we had plenty of over lap with us, used to always say to us - I'm leaving on time today, feels like a half day. He would then 3/4 hours later send an email which he had already drafted earlier in the day from his phone. The following day he would tell all and any, about how busy he was yesterday and did you see my email I sent you late last night.
He would start every meeting with someone outside our department with a 5 mins summary of all the projects he was involved in and how busy he was, dropping the names of anyone who was more senior then him into his speech. Most of these projects he might have only been involved in one ten minute group meeting. He would end his charade with how can we help you. To make it worse, he had the whole thing written down and rehearsed and spent a few hours at it.

Let me guess - he got promoted twice, because the other gobsh1tes fell for it.

HildaOgdenx

Tough03 wrote: »

Former boss (US based) used to start early so we had plenty of over lap with us, used to always say to us - I'm leaving on time today, feels like a half day. He would then 3/4 hours later send an email which he had already drafted earlier in the day from his phone. The following day he would tell all and any, about how busy he was yesterday and did you see my email I sent you late last night.
He would start every meeting with someone outside our department with a 5 mins summary of all the projects he was involved in and how busy he was, dropping the names of anyone who was more senior then him into his speech. Most of these projects he might have only been involved in one ten minute group meeting. He would end his charade with how can we help you. To make it worse, he had the whole thing written down and rehearsed and spent a few hours at it.

Worked with the female version of that boss. Emails sent at ridiculous hours, to show how early / late she worked. She would go missing for hours from her desk, on personal stuff, so if her actual working hours were added up, they were probably the same as everyone else's.
Shortly before we parted ways, I completed a particular piece of work, and sent it on for her review, on a Friday. She went into the office on the Sunday, to forward it, unchanged, on to the relevant department.
'Look at me, I'm so busy, I come in at weekends to catch up... '

Wildly Boaring

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Worked with the female version of that boss. Emails sent at ridiculous hours, to show how early / late she worked. She would go missing for hours from her desk, on personal stuff, so if her actual working hours were added up, they were probably the same as everyone else's.
Shortly before we parted ways, I completed a particular piece of work, and sent it on for her review, on a Friday. She went into the office on the Sunday, to forward it, unchanged, on to the relevant department.
'Look at me, I'm so busy, I come in at weekends to catch up... '

I work with a fella now who does it.
Can't find him from 10 till 3 but a 10pm email and phone call the next morning to point out same email.

Tarzann

A few years ago I worked with 5 colleagues, who carpooled together each day from a midlands town to our Co. Kildare workplace, which involved using the M4 which is tolled near Enfield/Kilcock.
They would proudly tell us how they avoided the toll every day by driving through Kilcock or Enfield, "would want to be stupid to be paying that" etc etc. Avoiding the toll added 10 minutes to the journey.

The toll is €2.90 each way, so 5 days per week = 10 tolls, or €29.00 per week between 5 of them = €5.80 each.
10 journeys x 10 extra minutes = 100 minutes.

They valued the €5.80 in their pocket more than the 1hr 40 minutes of commute time per week, or valued their time at €3.49 per hour, that they would prefer to be squeezed into a car with their colleagues rather than at home.

At least 3 of these individuals were engineers whose job involved making data-based decisions...

I get wound up even thinking about it now!

mayo londoner

Have one of these also, comes in at 6.30 every morning for no apparent reason and doesn't leave till 7, lets the whole office know when she's coming in to work on a Saturday and has a habit of sending nonsense emails early in the morning CC'ing Directors. She's paid 9-5.15 and no overtime paid or time in lieu offered, not even a bonus or a thank you email from the Managing Director at Xmas, it's bizzare, worse thing is that she's been doing this for guts of 5yrs.

She'll let everyone know how busy she is (loudest person I know and everything is greatly exaggerated),is the office gossip and sticks her nose into anyones conversation. Married to the workplace for no extra reward, quite sad/pathetic really.

Wildly Boaring

mayo londoner wrote: »

Have one of these also, comes in at 6.30 every morning for no apparent reason and doesn't leave till 7, lets the whole office know when she's coming in to work on a Saturday and has a habit of sending nonsense emails early in the morning CC'ing Directors. She's paid 9-5.15 and no overtime paid or time in lieu offered, not even a bonus or a thank you email from the Managing Director at Xmas, it's bizzare, worse thing is that she's been doing this for guts of 5yrs.

She'll let everyone know how busy she is (loudest person I know and everything is greatly exaggerated),is the office gossip and sticks her nose into anyones conversation. Married to the workplace for no extra reward, quite sad/pathetic really.

Ah but my late night emailer literally dis sappers for have the day too.
Not married to the workplace at all.
Could be in the pub at midday for all we know

Realt Dearg Sec

I can understand someone pretending to be working all kinds of times. It's pathetic, but it's rational: they're playing the system to try and get raises and promotions.

But someone who does it, actually does it, out of a genuine sense of loyalty to the company, I'll never understand. Someone said earlier that companies seem to demand our loyalty on a level akin to the 50s but without providing anything like the security or loyalty of a 50s company in return. They will spit you out as and when it is convenient for them to do so in the pursuit of profit. Being loyal to that is mental. But I think for some people it's just using the job to fill an empty void in their life anyway.

To quote The Wire: "the job will not save you Jimmy".

anewme

A new mailbox was set up today from a central function.

Reply and let us know if you get this mail.

But how would you know you did'nt get it, if you did'nt get it.

I got it, but am not going to reply.

There will be a big drama.

partyguinness

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Worked with the female version of that boss. Emails sent at ridiculous hours, to show how early / late she worked. She would go missing for hours from her desk, on personal stuff, so if her actual working hours were added up, they were probably the same as everyone else's.
Shortly before we parted ways, I completed a particular piece of work, and sent it on for her review, on a Friday. She went into the office on the Sunday, to forward it, unchanged, on to the relevant department.
'Look at me, I'm so busy, I come in at weekends to catch up... '

I will catch up at the weekend but rather than being that wanker I will compose all my emails but leave them as drafts to send on Monday morning.

seagull

Some of the mails sent out of hours are probably done just using the delay delivery option. Send a mail out at 5, but set it to only deliver after 10.

mistersifter

There are companies now that prohibit sending emails outside of certain times.


should be done more to prevent sad b*stards hounding people outside of working hours.

Stevieluvsye

mistersifter wrote: »

There are companies now that prohibit sending emails outside of certain times.


should be done more to prevent sad b*stards hounding people outside of working hours.

You do realise some people work along side the Americas and APAC and have no other option than to send out of hours mails

mistersifter

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

You do realise some people work along side the Americas and APAC and have no other option than to send out of hours mails

Obviously I am not referring to such situations.

TaurenDruid

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

You do realise some people work along side the Americas and APAC and have no other option than to send out of hours mails

Um. Send the mail in your own normal working hours? The Americans will pick it up when they come in, same way you could pick up the mails the Asians send when you come in. You don't have to work outside contracted hours (except in exceptional circumstances) and nor should you.

partyguinness

What I slightly bizarre is people complaining about getting emails after hours or at the weekends but yet the same person has gone and logged in anyway to check emails clearly expecting emails...

Nobody is making you log in and check.

ednwireland

just set replys not to send till 10pm , yeh i was working then !!

croker99

anewme wrote: »

A new mailbox was set up today from a central function.

Reply and let us know if you get this mail.

But how would you know you did'nt get it, if you did'nt get it.

I got it, but am not going to reply.

There will be a big drama.

What?

Maybe they have a list of all employees and by process of elimination they can find out those that didn't get it (or who are mental like yourself )

facehugger99

Anytime anyone sneezes.

"Ah Jaysus, lookout lads, it's the Coronavirus"


Amazingly, still not funny after the 20th time.

SAMTALK

We have a workmate that has to tell us every single thing they are doing or going to do


Just do it and shut the F*** up. We don't need to know the details

Ginger83

I'm nearly touching cloth here

KaneToad

mayo londoner wrote: »

Have one of these also, comes in at 6.30 every morning for no apparent reason and doesn't leave till 7, lets the whole office know when she's coming in to work on a Saturday and has a habit of sending nonsense emails early in the morning CC'ing Directors. She's paid 9-5.15 and no overtime paid or time in lieu offered, not even a bonus or a thank you email from the Managing Director at Xmas, it's bizzare, worse thing is that she's been doing this for guts of 5yrs.

She'll let everyone know how busy she is (loudest person I know and everything is greatly exaggerated),is the office gossip and sticks her nose into anyones conversation. Married to the workplace for no extra reward, quite sad/pathetic really.

I've worked with plenty of people like this, over the years. I used to pity them but I guess they must derive some satisfaction/pleasure from behaving like this in their work life. Some people just live to work. Off with them - as long as I'm not expected to follow suit...

mistersifter

I used to work with one of these weekend emailers.

The same fella would also take annual leave and then insist on stopping by the office.

He'd arrive in wearing a Leinster jersey and lounge around the place talking shop to whomever would listen.

Like he just happened to be passing by and thought he'd pop the head in and check how everyone was getting on without him.

"LOOK at me wearing JEANS in the OFFICE. I'm casual, yet dedicated!".

Sap.

facehugger99

mistersifter wrote: »

I used to work with one of these weekend emailers.

The same fella would also take annual leave and then insist on stopping by the office.

He'd arrive in wearing a Leinster jersey and lounge around the place talking shop to whomever would listen.

Like he just happened to be passing by and thought he'd pop the head in and check how everyone was getting on without him.

"LOOK at me wearing JEANS in the OFFICE. I'm casual, yet dedicated!".

Sap.

I had a boss like this. He would sometimes pop into the office when he was on leave wearing jeans and a polo shirt.

He was usually a 'full-suit' guy but he told me that the 'message' of his attire was 'I'm here, but I'm not here'.


I remember thinking, 'couldn't you just not not be here?'

partyguinness

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/feb/27/where-did-weekend-go-how-work-stole-saturdays-sundays

Rather timely.

partyguinness

mistersifter wrote: »

I used to work with one of these weekend emailers.

The same fella would also take annual leave and then insist on stopping by the office.

He'd arrive in wearing a Leinster jersey and lounge around the place talking shop to whomever would listen.

Like he just happened to be passing by and thought he'd pop the head in and check how everyone was getting on without him.

"LOOK at me wearing JEANS in the OFFICE. I'm casual, yet dedicated!".

Sap.

What a gob****e.

Strumms

KaneToad wrote: »

I've worked with plenty of people like this, over the years. I used to pity them but I guess they must derive some satisfaction/pleasure from behaving like this in their work life. Some people just live to work. Off with them - as long as I'm not expected to follow suit...

It’s living to work, their whole identity is tied into this, if they finish some work /project/task they can’t chill for 20 minutes . Problem usually with the ones I’ve known is they start volunteering to do work that isn’t even in the scope of their employment, then that becomes the expectation and their colleagues get lumbered with it too, people finishing Friday evening fûcked dot com, their tasks have increased 30% because Mr. “ahh sure we done mind doing that”. ‘WE’ :rolleyes: do your agreed allotted tasks under your job description and grade, NO extras, no matter if you do have 30 minutes downtime, not your fault... the minute you take on stuff giving a ‘dig out’ it will quickly become the expectancy and the responsibility of you and your colleagues.

larko

I work with a large lady who is constantly on a diet. Every single day after she is finished lunch she says. ....."I'd eat that again".. maybe if you didnt down it like a pelican throwing down a fish you might savour it more. Can you kill someone with a blunt teaspoon?

Strumms

mistersifter wrote: »

I used to work with one of these weekend emailers.

The same fella would also take annual leave and then insist on stopping by the office.

He'd arrive in wearing a Leinster jersey and lounge around the place talking shop to whomever would listen.

Like he just happened to be passing by and thought he'd pop the head in and check how everyone was getting on without him.

"LOOK at me wearing JEANS in the OFFICE. I'm casual, yet dedicated!".

Sap.

I worked with a similar one, he’d pop in Saturday morning, ask how we were all getting on, say he was on his way to abc, a big deal that he popped in you know.. then start giving the fellas on the production line a dig out, they didn’t need it and it wasn’t his job, but ‘super hero’ syndrome doesn’t credit itself.

Stevieluvsye

Strumms wrote: »

It’s living to work, their whole identity is tied into this, if they finish some work /project/task they can’t chill for 20 minutes . Problem usually with the ones I’ve known is they start volunteering to do work that isn’t even in the scope of their employment, then that becomes the expectation and their colleagues get lumbered with it too, people finishing Friday evening fûcked dot com, their tasks have increased 30% because Mr. “ahh sure we done mind doing that”. ‘WE’ :rolleyes: do your agreed allotted tasks under your job description and grade, NO extras, no matter if you do have 30 minutes downtime, not your fault... the minute you take on stuff giving a ‘dig out’ it will quickly become the expectancy and the responsibility of you and your colleagues.

Have a chat with him, tell him you are sick of taking on extra work

Strumms

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Have a chat with him, tell him you are sick of taking on extra work

It’s a work situation from a long time ago, when he was challenged about it we were dismissed out of hand by him... “nope I don’t care , I can help who I want, those guys should get a dig out”... he ended up having a major falling out with management and had to look for a transfer, that’s where it got him, meanwhile the rest of us left there were snowed under as a result of his ‘digging out’ he dug us a hole of never ending work the greedy attention seeking tool. I developed health issues I’ve just about kicked after 3 and a bit years... because mr ego who loved a pat on the back just wouldn’t say NO.

partyguinness

On a slightly different note, I have experienced ex employees coming in to say "Hello" and just hanging around sometimes years after they left. If you want to catch up meet in the pub or something not in the place of work. It is just weird.

Fcuk off.

Stevieluvsye

partyguinness wrote: »

On a slightly different note, I have experienced ex employees coming in to say "Hello" and just hanging around sometimes years after they left. If you want to catch up meet in the pub or something not in the place of work. It is just weird.

Fcuk off.

Your an angry man PG :pac:

mistersifter

partyguinness wrote: »

On a slightly different note, I have experienced ex employees coming in to say "Hello" and just hanging around sometimes years after they left. If you want to catch up meet in the pub or something not in the place of work. It is just weird.

Fcuk off.

David Brent got a bollocking for doing that - was made redundant but arrived back into the office with his dog Nelson (i.e. after Mandella )

Says it all!

Stevieluvsye

mistersifter wrote: »

David Brent got a bollocking for doing that - was made redundant but arrived back into the office with his dog Nelson (i.e. after Mandella )

Says it all!

So the dogs barred too then?

mistersifter

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

So the dogs barred too then?

"dont worry, he cant understand ya" :pac:

Stevieluvsye

mistersifter wrote: »

"dont worry, he cant understand ya" :pac:

Work colleagues who constantly pick their noses or fiddle with their crotches! The men are just as bad!:D

Feisar

"We are going to blow this up!"

No, no we won't. We'll make a few informed decisions and take advantage of the situation.

Ragnar Lothbrok

I've just witnessed this:

Bloke opposite me comes around and shows his rash to the woman sat next to me :eek:

(It's on his arm and probably caused by washing powder, but FFS)

Ragnar Lothbrok

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

(It's on his arm and probably caused by washing powder, but FFS)

I sincerely hope that you are right!

DeanAustin

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

gypsy79

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

One of the biggest **** I have ever worked with came up with that one before Xmas