Sh*te your co-workers say

Realt Dearg Sec

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

Do they just mean they want to share an idea?

Tosser.

Realt Dearg Sec

Zero-tasking.

I'll be zero-tasking tomorrow morning.

Never has doing **** all sounded so professional.

Tarzann

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

partyguinness

Tarzann wrote: »

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

Apostrophe abuse right there.

worded

Tarzann wrote: »

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

Missing out on VDT now working late ...

Valuable Drinking Time

Lewis_Benson

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

threetrees

The guy that sends a message to say he's WFH today.

(Working from home)

Realt Dearg Sec

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

Ah Jesus Christ you're after getting me in a bad mood now on a Friday. ****ing hate that term. Why do people talk like this?

I'm lucky in one way, I work in a university and the professors don't tend to use all these bull**** phrases, but as soon as you're talking to anyone in the upper administration, it's raining ****e-talk and people are circling round and reverting back and we;re hearing about core competencies and scalable ideas and best practice.

But the worst is when they start forcing you to adopt these meaningless buzzwords. The one they love most is "impact". They want you to have research "impact" and they want it to be measurable. They even rate journals on their "impact factor". It's. Just. Bollocks.

But it is what it is. Right?

Right, I'm off to drink.

Laurali

'LET ME PUT ON THE CRAZY LIGHT HERE'

industry accountant

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

industry accountant

industry accountant wrote: »

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

I think it’s called “projection”....:D

Wombatman

In every job I've worked in I've come across this type.

Nice as pie. Ask you for a little help. Explain that for some reason they can't get their head around something that's a core part of their job. Something pretty straight forward, that they explain like it's quantum physics. You start to show them how to do it but they glaze over like. You decide it's easier for everybody if you just do it for them, out of pity more than anything else.

Walk away wondering are they super thick, just lazy or on another level of intelligence because you just did their work for them.

They manage to leave it just long enough to hit you up again, that you've let their last instance go.

DeanAustin

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

There is a girl in my office, same level as me, and she's a thundering ****. She uses this phrase all the time. And she uses it as if she's more intelligent than the people she manages despite the fact every single one of them is more intelligent than her. Sadly, being a **** and kissing the right holes gets you promoted and allows you to use wanky language incorrectly.

More worryingly, our boss reverts to everyone on everything too. A little bit of me dies inside every time I hear or read it.

DeanAustin

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Do they just mean they want to share an idea?

Tosser.

Couldn't agree more. Had someone last year who wanted to "sunset a system."

Wanker. I particularly enjoy when these ***** are giving a presentation and using this **** language because they think they sound clever. Unless someone is talking like a real person, I'm zoning out and so do most people.

mr.anonymous

DeanAustin wrote: »

There is a girl in my office, same level as me, and she's a thundering ****. She uses this phrase all the time. And she uses it as if she's more intelligent than the people she manages despite the fact every single one of them is more intelligent than her. Sadly, being a **** and kissing the right holes gets you promoted and allows you to use wanky language incorrectly.

More worryingly, our boss reverts to everyone on everything too. A little bit of me dies inside every time I hear or read it.

Revert:
return to (a previous state, practice, topic, etc.).

Oh, you mean reply!

It's so frustrating to see so many well paid professional people being so inarticulate.

Salvation Tambourine

I try my hardest not to called PowerPoint slides a 'deck', not even sure why it irritates me but it does.

People using the word 'Delta' to instead of 'Difference'.

Also, 'Sprint'. "We plan to integrate that during our next sprint". Hadn't heard of it until a recent meeting and just screams BST (Business ****e Talk)

Realt Dearg Sec

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Why do people talk like this?

Because people are in a professional environment and might be talking on loud-speaker phones, talking to people who are not used to Irish accents, who first language may not be English, etc. A type of formal language has to be used.

Or do you think 'I'll gerra back ta ya on tha' wan guv' in a thick Dub accent is an appropriate response to someone sitting on the other end of the phone in Asia?

Realt Dearg Sec

salonfire wrote: »

Because people are in a professional environment and might be talking on loud-speaker phones, talking to people who are not used to Irish accents, who first language may not be English, etc. A type of formal language has to be used.

Or do you think 'I'll gerra back ta ya on tha' wan guv' in a thick Dub accent is an appropriate response to someone sitting on the other end of the phone in Asia?

So, if you're speaking to someone whose first language is not English, your instinct is to use words and phrases whose meaning is completely not intuitive even to native speakers, and whose main effect is apparently to completely confuse people?

Saying you'll "revert" to someone isn't "a type of formal language", quite the contrary: it's a misuse of a word that is confusing and off-putting, in place of a perfectly simple term that any speaker of English will understand.

What we're talking about here has nothing to do with "accents" either. Whether you say you'll "revert" to someone in a Dublin accent or in a Zambian accent, it's still complete nonsense.

Nobody here is suggesting replacing business ****e talk with sounding like you're in a badly written Roddy Doyle rip off by someone who doesn't know how Dublin people speak (which is what your quote sounds like). They're suggesting using normally understood language instead of making up jargon to sound important and smart, when it's really either an obvious cover for ineptitude, or a way of feeling superior to people.

Dude you're the one who mentioned the guy talking about a bio-break, that was a great example, you know already what we're talking about here!

Realt Dearg Sec

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

So, if you're speaking to someone whose first language is not English, your instinct is to use words and phrases whose meaning is completely not intuitive even to native speakers, and whose main effect is apparently to completely confuse people?

Saying you'll "revert" to someone isn't "a type of formal language", quite the contrary: it's a misuse of a word that is confusing and off-putting, in place of a perfectly simple term that any speaker of English will understand.

What we're talking about here has nothing to do with "accents" either. Whether you say you'll "revert" to someone in a Dublin accent or in a Zambian accent, it's still complete nonsense.

Nobody here is suggesting replacing business ****e talk with sounding like you're in a badly written Roddy Doyle rip off by someone who doesn't know how Dublin people speak (which is what your quote sounds like). They're suggesting using normally understood language instead of making up jargon to sound important and smart, when it's really either an obvious cover for ineptitude, or a way of feeling superior to people.

It's not perfect no.

But it's used in a lot of work-places and anyone who has heard it knows what it means.

So it gets the point across.

Realt Dearg Sec

salonfire wrote: »

It's not perfect no.

But it's used in a lot of work-places and anyone who has heard it knows what it means.

So it gets the point across.

But it has nothing to do with accents. And it's no better at getting the point across than the word it replaced (reply).

“I’ll reach out to (here insert name of some random individual)” = I’ll call him

DesperateDan

Nokotan wrote:

Also, 'Sprint'. "We plan to integrate that during our next sprint". Hadn't heard of it until a recent meeting and just screams BST (Business ****e Talk)

Now in fairness a 'sprint' is actually a very specific project management term. But it does get used in place of "**** load of work we have to do by a deadline" too often.

aoh

Not quite a co-worker but have a client and every time she calls me, I say "Hello [her name]" and the response is always "Hi aoh. How are you? I'm good thanks". Like I've had the chance to ask! She then tells me that she has a problem and it's really urgent that I fix it, and starts on a rant about how busy she is. One day, I didn't interrupt and she went on for a good 10 minutes about how important it was I fix the problem NOW! Still hadn't told me what the problem was. When she finally got around to it, it took 10 seconds to fix.

Lewis_Benson

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Ah Jesus Christ you're after getting me in a bad mood now on a Friday. ****ing hate that term. Why do people talk like this?

I'm lucky in one way, I work in a university and the professors don't tend to use all these bull**** phrases, but as soon as you're talking to anyone in the upper administration, it's raining ****e-talk and people are circling round and reverting back and we;re hearing about core competencies and scalable ideas and best practice.

But the worst is when they start forcing you to adopt these meaningless buzzwords. The one they love most is "impact". They want you to have research "impact" and they want it to be measurable. They even rate journals on their "impact factor". It's. Just. Bollocks.

But it is what it is. Right?

Right, I'm off to drink.

Pretentious cunce

05eaftqbrs9jlh

industry accountant wrote: »

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

I genuinely presumed you were talking about many different people until the very last paragraph. That is one horrific wench.

DeanAustin

salonfire wrote: »

Because people are in a professional environment and might be talking on loud-speaker phones, talking to people who are not used to Irish accents, who first language may not be English, etc. A type of formal language has to be used.

Or do you think 'I'll gerra back ta ya on tha' wan guv' in a thick Dub accent is an appropriate response to someone sitting on the other end of the phone in Asia?

Don't buy it. If I'm sitting on the other end of a phone in India, Japan or The Philippines listening to a conversation in English, phrases like "socialise an idea", "sunset a system" etc. are gonna confuse the life out of me. In my experience, non English speakers need the phrase broken down into very basic terms like "we should tell people that we are going to..." or "we will stop using that system from X date". That's not a reflection on Indians, Japanese or Filipinos because their English is infinitely better than my ability to speak their respective languages. It's because English is a bloody tough language to learn without having some wanker talking in riddles.

You suggest some sort of nobility about talking in business speak as if it's for the benefit of the listener. That couldn't be further from the truth. People who use it do it to make themselves sound more "intelligent" or "professional". They're using words that they want to say rather than language that their audience wants and often needs to hear.

industry accountant

Giana Rich Condo wrote: »

I genuinely presumed you were talking about many different people until the very last paragraph. That is one horrific wench.

Oh that is just a taster, there is more and worse she has said but it would be more identifiable, so just incase she is on here

DesperateDan

DesperateDan wrote: »

Now in fairness a 'sprint' is actually a very specific project management term. But it does get used in place of "**** load of work we have to do by a deadline" too often.

That reminded me, we have put a “Tiger Team” on a problem that’s suddenly erupted in our faces - usually a problem of our own creation due to not thinking something through before rushing to implementation.

Grrr!

Tragic Pinapples

industry accountant wrote: »

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

What a thunder cvnt!

BuboBubo

I work with a hypochondriac. She's only 24-ish, walks like she's been shot in the stomach. Moans constantly about her latest illness, how tired she is, etc.

She announced this week she's pregnant.

Yay anyone know where I can get good earplugs?

El_Duderino 09

DeanAustin wrote: »

You suggest some sort of nobility about talking in business speak as if it's for the benefit of the listener. That couldn't be further from the truth. People who use it do it to make themselves sound more "intelligent" or "professional". They're using words that they want to say rather than language that their audience wants and often needs to hear.

I complete agree with the main point about it being better to use normal language that doesn’t need to be explained. But the reason people do it it’s not to seem more intelligent. It’s to demonstrate part of the “in-group”.

All kinds of groups create language of their own - words and phrases that are common to the in group. Using those phrases is the opposite to good communication but it fosters a feeling of belonging, not intelligence.

peasant

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

All kinds of groups create language of their own - words and phrases that are common to the in group. Using those phrases is the opposite to good communication but it fosters a feeling of belonging, not intelligence.

Every company has their own code. Abbreviations for parts and processes, shorthand for locations and customers and lots more. Plenty to learn for a newbee before they "belong".

No need to butcher ordinary, simple language on top of it.

Your Face

"Im not Superman"

Obviously not, seeing as Superman wasn't a smelly, workshy clown.

partyguinness

Client on the phone: "Partyguinness you are a very hard man to hold of."

Partyguinness: "Yeah. Well maybe that's because dickheads like you keep ringing every 5 fcuking minutes everyday which means I cannot get anything done."

optogirl

Deleted User wrote: »

“I’ll reach out to (here insert name of some random individual)” = I’ll call him

dinorebel

Next person who sneezes then jokes about having the Coronavirus gets a punch on the nose.

DaeryssaOne

'Bifurcating' and 'Lean In' are two expressions being thrown around a lot lately that just infuriate me.
Like - just use the word divide and if you want to 'lean in' to something, say concentrate or focus on - it sounds so silly trying to replace perfectly reasonable words.

DaeryssaOne

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

'Bifurcating' and 'Lean In' are two expressions being thrown around a lot lately that just infuriate me.
Like - just use the word divide and if you want to 'lean in' to something, say concentrate or focus on - it sounds so silly trying to replace perfectly reasonable words.

A previous (and very good) boss of mine used to refer to this sort of carry-on as, “Management Fad-surfing”

How right he was

Ooh, that reminds me - “Emotional Intelligence” = treating others with respect, listening to them and not trying to prove you are cleverer; ‘cos you ain’t!

partyguinness

Deleted User wrote: »

A previous (and very good) boss of mine used to refer to this sort of carry-on as, “Management Fad-surfing”

How right he was

We just call it 'Bull**** Bingo'

BeerWolf

Got a co-worker that is a conspiracy nut... drives everyone's head in.

AndrewJRenko

BeerWolf wrote: »

Got a co-worker that is a conspiracy nut... drives everyone's head in.

I did a fire warden course in a fairly tech-driven environment before Xmas, and the fireman was telling us all how 5G causes cancer.

El_Duderino 09

My work is reorganising the parts of the business at the moment, as part of the strategic review. Fair enough.

Today I heard someone say they didn’t want to lose the information sharing between the current groups as it works really well. So he said we wanted to “move towards baskets of management instead of silos”.

Aglomerado

Someone said "touch base" to me last week. I snorted in their face.

the purple tin

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

I did a fire warden course in a fairly tech-driven environment before Xmas, and the fireman was telling us all how 5G causes cancer.

He could well be right. How will we ever know if they won't do any safety tests.

Hotblack Desiato

oh ffs, really?

Nigel Fairservice

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

'Bifurcating' and 'Lean In' are two expressions being thrown around a lot lately that just infuriate me.
Like - just use the word divide and if you want to 'lean in' to something, say concentrate or focus on - it sounds so silly trying to replace perfectly reasonable words.

I hate all this jargon. I read the LinkedIn page of a scrum master before and didn't understand a word of it. Full of that kind of stuff.

Realt Dearg Sec

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

My work is reorganising the parts of the business at the moment, as part of the strategic review. Fair enough.

Today I heard someone say they didn’t want to lose the information sharing between the current groups as it works really well. So he said we wanted to “move towards baskets of management instead of silos”.

That's fantastic. Doesn't mean a fcucking thing!

TaurenDruid

the purple tin wrote: »

He could well be right. How will we ever know if they won't do any safety tests.

It's a good job they have done so, so...

Bartyman

partyguinness wrote: »

We just call it 'Bull**** Bingo'

We call it "Deja Moo"....heard the same bullsh1t before.