Sh*te your co-workers say

Nigel Fairservice

Nigel Fairservice wrote: »

I hate all this jargon. I read the LinkedIn page of a scrum master before and didn't understand a word of it. Full of that kind of stuff.

Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it worthy of mention in a shite people say thread.

Titclamp

anewme wrote: »

Yep get it all the time... "a pesca ....whaa"?

So it's easier to say, vegetarian , but will est fish.

Next time someone asks, I'll just say " a wanker"

Just say you're a vegetable and don't understand what you are singing to me.

Nigel Fairservice

Nigel Fairservice wrote: »

I hate all this jargon. I read the LinkedIn page of a scrum master before and didn't understand a word of it. Full of that kind of stuff.

Theres jargon and there's bulls*it.

My job is full of jargon. Most jobs are.

They are necessary.

Made up lingo used by people who don't know what they are talking about is where the bulls*it comes in.

"Dropping a shell" is easier than saying "I gained remote access to a com-pu-ter".

Try and reach out and touch my base and I'll call HR.

lawred2

Nokotan wrote: »

I try my hardest not to called PowerPoint slides a 'deck', not even sure why it irritates me but it does.

People using the word 'Delta' to instead of 'Difference'.

Also, 'Sprint'. "We plan to integrate that during our next sprint". Hadn't heard of it until a recent meeting and just screams BST (Business ****e Talk)

Sprint has a very specific meaning in a specific context. Not really applicable to this thread. It's not shoite that someone has made up.

Nigel Fairservice

salonfire wrote: »

Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it worthy of mention in a shite people say thread.

Yes, you're right. Seeing as I read that nonsense on LinkedIn it would have been more suited to a shite people write thread.

Potential-Monke

DeanAustin wrote: »

People who use it do it to make themselves sound more "intelligent" or "professional". They're using words that they want to say rather than language that their audience wants and often needs to hear.

I find the exact same in politics. People using fancy or made up words/terms to describe something that is easier described in simple english, and I believe it's to make themselves feel superior. I know politics has a lot of specific words too, but I feel they deliberately add the confusing words so us simple folk won't understand and hopefully just agree with the smart sounding parasite man.

lawred2 wrote: »

Sprint has a very specific meaning in a specific context. Not really applicable to this thread. It's not shoite that someone has made up.

From what I can tell, it's a business name for the crunch (not to be confused with the other term crunch, as in to crunch numbers, or crunch, as in the sound when eating something crunchy). English is great!

Recently-ish started in a network role, and to describe a node/interface going down and up over and over, they use the word "flapping", and it bothers the absolute hole off me. It just sounds wrong, and is only used because the motion of the word is what they want, not the actual meaning. Because the meaning of the word flap has nothing to do with a node/interface going down and up. Couldn't use proper terms, like 'intermittent connection', or 'connection keeps dropping'. No. It's flapping. Like a fcuking bird apparantly! :mad:

Nearly as bad as being forced to use Apple products.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Theres jargon and there's bulls*it.

My job is full of jargon. Most jobs are.

They are necessary.

I’d certainly agree there’s a difference between jargon and bull, and that most jobs are full of jargon - mine sure is. But I don’t think that a lot of it’s necessary at all. I believe it’s partly a sort of clubby elitism thing going on, a “language” that’s designed to keep people out or at least mystified - you’re not in the club if you can’t speak the language. Therefore you are not as clever as wot we are

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I’d certainly agree there’s a difference between jargon and bull, and that most jobs are full of jargon - mine sure is. But I don’t think that a lot of it’s necessary at all. I believe it’s partly a sort of clubby elitism thing going on, a “language” that’s designed to keep people out or at least mystified - you’re not in the club if you can’t speak the language. Therefore you are not as clever as wot we are

Yes it kind of is a clubby elitism, but sometimes its justified. How many idiots do you deal with daily? In some workplaces a request for fallopian tubes, tells the other person this person doesn't know what they know about or what they want.

If its managers talking about the Anus(Annual net usage statistics), the weiner (Weekly estimated Internetwork european requests), or the boobie (British Out Of Band Internet estimates), for example, its (predominantly) men being childish.

But don't go into your local NOC/SOC, or IT Department, and complain when they don't speak in a language you understand.

Hotblack Desiato

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Recently-ish started in a network role, and to describe a node/interface going down and up over and over, they use the word "flapping", and it bothers the absolute hole off me.

The correct terminology is "up and down like a hooer's drawers".

Titclamp

Do really people say **** like I'm in a pinch? Like off that awful ad?

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes it kind of is a clubby elitism, but sometimes its justified. How many idiots do you deal with daily? In some workplaces a request for fallopian tubes, tells the other person this person doesn't know what they know about or what they want.

If its managers talking about the Anus(Annual net usage statistics), the weiner (Weekly estimated Internetwork european requests), or the boobie (British Out Of Band Internet estimates), for example, its (predominantly) men being childish.

But don't go into your local NOC/SOC, or IT Department, and complain when they don't speak in a language you understand.

Rest assured, I don’t go into my local NOC/SOC. I don’t know what it is, let alone where it might be holed up!

evil_seed

there's this young wan in the office who everyday has another outlandish story to tell. seems half true and then wildly embellished. Always has to one up someone else

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I’d certainly agree there’s a difference between jargon and bull, and that most jobs are full of jargon - mine sure is. But I don’t think that a lot of it’s necessary at all. I believe it’s partly a sort of clubby elitism thing going on, a “language” that’s designed to keep people out or at least mystified - you’re not in the club if you can’t speak the language. Therefore you are not as clever as wot we are

I'm sure some jargon is designed to exclude.
Using Latin phrases in court springs to mind.

But most is just specific to jobs or workplaces.

Rufeo

evil_seed wrote: »

there's this young wan in the office who everyday has another outlandish story to tell. seems half true and then wildly embellished. Always has to one up someone else

Just scowl at her. Be grand.

BuboBubo

evil_seed wrote: »

there's this young wan in the office who everyday has another outlandish story to tell. seems half true and then wildly embellished. Always has to one up someone else

Oh yeah, if you were going to Tenerife she'd be visiting Elevenerife.

Every workplace has one. Fcukin drama-magnets.

BuboBubo

BuboBubo wrote: »

Oh yeah, if you were going to Tenerife she'd be visiting Elevenerife.

Every workplace has one. Fcukin drama-magnets.

If you have a headache she has a brain tumor. Yep, met a few of them.

NeinNeinNein

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

My work is reorganising the parts of the business at the moment, as part of the strategic review. Fair enough.

Today I heard someone say they didn’t want to lose the information sharing between the current groups as it works really well. So he said we wanted to “move towards baskets of management instead of silos”.

Does he work in Tesco?

We're moving to a "matrix organisation". Nobody will know who reports to who, or works for who.

I've found that the simplest way to find out who is your boss is to apply for leave and see who signs it off!

pipelaser

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Personally, I think it’s up to the “sneezer” to say “excuse me” rather than anyone “bless” them.

I would ordinarily say 'Bless You' after someone sneezes. But a colleague I worked with a few years back(who was a sound fella), makes me think twice now.

There were only three of us in the office, and I was about to get into my hay-fever season.
It started out with me sneezing once and he would say 'bless you' from the back of the room.
Before long I'd have a run of sneezes, sometimes maybe 8 or more in a row, and he would say bless you 8 times, by the time we got to the end of the day he might have said it 50 times!

It started to become awkward after a couple of days, not just for me, both of us secretly knew it had to stop, but I couldn't stop sneezing, and he was so committed at this stage that he couldn't stop, probably for fear that his change in behavior might mean that the sneezing was annoying him or something. Jesus...

Beware people

El_Duderino 09

pipelaser wrote: »

I would ordinarily say 'Bless You' after someone sneezes. But a colleague I worked with a few years back(who was a sound fella), makes me think twice now.

Its an off convention. We don't have any kind of similar convention of blessing someone every time they cough or hiccup or fart. I'd prefer to just ignore it and say nothing.

I remember hearing we bless each other because they used to think you could become possessed by a demon in the moment of a sneeze, so we bless each other to keep the evil spirits out. I'm happy to drop that convention in normal life, but certainly in work.

Potential-Monke

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Its an off convention. We don't have any kind of similar convention of blessing someone every time they cough or hiccup or fart. I'd prefer to just ignore it and say nothing.

I remember hearing we bless each other because they used to think you could become possessed by a demon in the moment of a sneeze, so we bless each other to keep the evil spirits out. I'm happy to drop that convention in normal life, but certainly in work.

I thought it was because your soul is trying to escape through your nose and saying bless you pushes it back in... suppose can't expect much from a crowd that seems to think a woman eating an apple (still somehow the mans fault) caused all sin in the world...

El_Duderino 09

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I thought it was because your soul is trying to escape through your nose and saying bless you pushes it back in...

Whichever way the belief works, the connection between souls and sneezes is enough for me to be happy to drop the convention in normal life, but definitely in work.

lawred2

pipelaser wrote: »

I would ordinarily say 'Bless You' after someone sneezes. But a colleague I worked with a few years back(who was a sound fella), makes me think twice now.

There were only three of us in the office, and I was about to get into my hay-fever season.
It started out with me sneezing once and he would say 'bless you' from the back of the room.
Before long I'd have a run of sneezes, sometimes maybe 8 or more in a row, and he would say bless you 8 times, by the time we got to the end of the day he might have said it 50 times!

It started to become awkward after a couple of days, not just for me, both of us secretly knew it had to stop, but I couldn't stop sneezing, and he was so committed at this stage that he couldn't stop, probably for fear that his change in behavior might mean that the sneezing was annoying him or something. Jesus...

Beware people

Gross... That much sneezing in an office isn't great.

pipelaser

lawred2 wrote: »

Gross... That much sneezing in an office isn't great.

Hay Fever my friend. Hardly a reason to stay off work, I'd be off for over a week!

lawred2

pipelaser wrote: »

Hay Fever my friend. Hardly a reason to stay off work, I'd be off for over a week!

Be a lot better for everyone else if you were off really.

I'm sure it's a curse.

Wildly Boaring

pipelaser wrote: »

Hay Fever my friend. Hardly a reason to stay off work, I'd be off for over a week!

I'd be off from April to August.

Although I keep it fairly in check with drugs and sorays

LaFuton

"help im on boards, its gettin bad im mostly on afterhours"

Calypso Realm

I don't work in an office but a senior (at the time) colleague referred to something she couldn't answer/or had an explanation for as 'one of those things'!

What on earth does this ridiculous phrase mean? As someone who hates any form of vagueness, it used to drive me mad! 'Moving on' not surprisingly, was another of her favourites.

threetrees

I worked with a person who said Bless Me after a sneeze. It's Excuse Me and Bless You, not Bless Me. I used to mutter "Excuse You" quite a bit

threetrees

threetrees wrote: »

I worked with a person who said Bless Me after a sneeze. It's Excuse Me and Bless You, not Bless Me. I used to mutter "Excuse You" quite a bit

I think “bless you” goes back to the Black Death or the plague. Sneezing was a symptom of the disease and it was usually fatal, so blessing someone who sneezed became the done thing

sunnysoutheast

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think “bless you” goes back to the Black Death or the plague. Sneezing was a symptom of the disease and it was usually fatal, so blessing someone who sneezed became the done thing

Bubonic plague I think. Suggested by Pope Gregory I no less, so myth has it.

Also prior to this as other posters have said sneezing was believed to expel the devil and "bless you" was supposed to keep him out. If the sneezer said "thank you" then that would let him back in......

Funny how these folk memories still persist to this day.

sunnysoutheast

sunnysoutheast wrote: »

Bubonic plague I think. Suggested by Pope Gregory I no less, so myth has it.

Also prior to this as other posters have said sneezing was believed to expel the devil and "bless you" was supposed to keep him out. If the sneezer said "thank you" then that would let him back in......

Funny how these folk memories still persist to this day.

Like “Ring a ring of roses”. I’ve got it in my head that referred to the plague as well

Markcheese

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Like “Ring a ring of roses”. I’ve got it in my head that referred to the plague as well

That was a common story , although apparently not .. ( I can't remember why not )

Markcheese

Markcheese wrote: »

That was a common story , although apparently not .. ( I can't remember why not )

:eek: My Mum told me that! It must be true!

IrishAlice

The outbreak of the Coronavirus is like a dream for some of the people in my office.

We get a running commentary all day of the latest updates and debates about everything the government is doing wrong.

They're all experts here apparently.

Aglomerado

IrishAlice wrote: »

The outbreak of the Coronavirus is like a dream for some of the people in my office.

We get a running commentary all day of the latest updates and debates about everything the government is doing wrong.

They're all experts here apparently.

Same here, the drama queens are out in force. I dread to think what my old "misery porn" colleagues from my last job are like right now.
I imposed a news and media blackout in my house at the weekend so I could have a break from it. I caught up with affairs this morning whether I wanted to or not.

New word of the moment at work - “Uptick”. As in, “there’s been an uptick in Covid-19 cases”. Why can’t people just say “rise”.

Be right back

" I can see around corners". Fair play to you, great skill to have!!

trisha e

Worked with a person who ran a business from the desk and did v little work. Also swanned around the building most afternoons.even when I brought it up with management nothing was done. The person also ate everything out of the charity box .he was notorious for taking other people's tea and coffee. So one time when my coffee spilled on the dirty kitchen floor I scooped it back into the tin and left it on my desk.when the tin was eventually emptied I announced what I'd done. He never took it again till the day he left!!!😈

Stevieluvsye

trisha e wrote: »

Worked with a person who ran a business from the desk and did v little work. Also swanned around the building most afternoons.even when I brought it up with management nothing was done. The person also ate everything out of the charity box .he was notorious for taking other people's tea and coffee. So one time when my coffee spilled on the dirty kitchen floor I scooped it back into the tin and left it on my desk.when the tin was eventually emptied I announced what I'd done. He never took it again till the day he left!!!��

Few things here

He "ran" the/a business? Was he the owner?

Don't be a rat

Did he pay for everything he ate out of the charity box, if not, did someone have proof of this?

He took other peoples tea and coffee. What kind of third world business were you working in that didn't supply tea bags and some cheap coffee? Was their milk and sugar available?

OU812

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

He took other peoples tea and coffee. What kind of third world business were you working in that didn't supply tea bags and some cheap coffee? Was their milk and sugar available?

Company I work for employee thousands of people in Ireland & has a turnover in the tens of billions - you have to buy your tea or coffee.

Both of which are ****e. I bought a Nespresso machine on adverts & brought it in for myself.

Stevieluvsye

OU812 wrote: »

Company I work for employee thousands of people in Ireland & has a turnover in the tens of billions - you have to buy your tea or coffee.

Both of which are ****e. I bought a Nespresso machine on adverts & brought it in for myself.

Either Amazon or Paypal i'm guessing

Must be lucky in the office i work in although we were told during the week that non frontline/ops staff are not required to return to the office until July 21. Pain in the hole

An Ri rua

Here, lads, I think I just sneezed on this ham...