Sh*te your co-workers say

Aglomerado

Your Face wrote: »

you triple necked land ship.

:D:D:D

ThunderCat

The people in my place only do a lotto syndicate when the euromillions creeps above 80 million. And then they spend the whole time before the draw saying it's too much money, that they would only want 300k and they wouldn't know what to do with it all.

magic_murph

SOOO MANY

whistling in the office

The 'salad brigade' ladies who all talk a good healthy game (Starving yourself is not healthy) but all will be at the vending machine come 3 bells mauling into the chocolate.

The guy the tells the same story, word for word, to anybody he can even through the 50 people withing ear shot have heard the story, numerous time.

The gang of girls that are 'up the walls' but think nothing of spending 30 minutes gathering around a computer looking / sneering / judging peoples photos on facebook or similar

People that microwave fish for lunch. Just stop.

Anybody that tries to be full of cheer at 8:50 on a monday morning. Just stop

The people that are involved (Volunteered) in every aspect of the company - sports and social, internal projects etc yet when speaking to them all they can do is bad mouth the company and give out that they do too much.

The noisy desk eaters and drinkers.

The list could go on but i'm getting a cloud of rage coming over me just thinking about the above fools

sbsquarepants

canonball5 wrote: »

I worked with a bell end that had to give up his business because he was "too good" at what he did and was "too busy" to keep up with the amount of work he had to do!!! What a knob!

Used to work with a bloke who left to go working for himself, fitting windows and doors, he came back about 5 years later (looking about 25 years older). Said the reason he had to give it up was much the same as your buddy - he had too much work on (a million plus apparently) but he was too much of a perfectionist, he just couldn't cut corners and get through it, or leave it to someone else to do (I've seen his work - it looked like Stevie Wonder did it!)

Toss pot must have thought no one had heard the stories of his drink and gambling addictions, taking deposits and blowing them in the pub or the bookies or forgot that numerous people had ran into him legless drunk causing trouble in pubs and so on!

Yea, I believe you have rocked up asking for your old job back, looking like a hobo, just so you can dodge that million quids worth of orders, course I do!

murpho999

I had a colleague the other day talking about the Michael Jackson abuse documentary.

She said she was shocked by the talk of the abuse and she found it upsetting. Fair enough.

She then went on in all seriousness to say that she found the parts talking about blow jobs uncomfortable viewing and difficult to swallow.

She was genuinely perplexed when a gang of us just burst out laughing.

orourkeda1977

Thy ask me to do some work.

Imagine that. The cheek of them.

completedit

I love most things about Ireland but the how are you and grand response is the worst. It's only good to make fun of

major bill

Work in an open plan with a very loud and dramatic American!!

The stapler has nearly been launched a few times in the American persons direction!!

DaeryssaOne

The whistler / singer of the first line of a song - every 60 seconds or so. The song more than likely won't change during those 8 hours but by the next day he'll have a brand new one ready to ruin and irritate the absolute s**t out of you so you can never listen to it again. In five years the man has ruined a lot of songs for me.

The show off - think that just because they stay later than you that you are shown up to be a lazy sod, no I just have a life so don't hang around for appearances sake you loser, I get my work done in the time I'm paid for it.

The idiot - just pure and utter frustrating ignorance of everything that goes on around them, couldn't tell you the name of the Irish president and absolutely does not know a single place in Dublin despite living here 30+ years apart from their route to work. It's pretty sad but the unbelievable narrow-mindedness does put me into a rage!

yourdeadwright

One girl who goes over board with everything.

For instance

Once a week there's white van seen kidnapping children in her area , always a white van

Everyone is out to spike you if your a girl ,

Black gangs blamed for every teen kid who gets in a scuffle , like it hasn't been happing to kids since time began with white kids,

Major work problem daily , that in reality can be resolved by one mail

Momo or whatever that stupid thing was would lead to thousand of kids killing themselves in Dublin

Its endless,

Paddy Cow

fryup wrote: »

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

eg.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z8pgV74_Hw

It's like the InBetweeners grew up and got jobs. Tim is Simon, the it guy is Jay and Dwight is Neil

divide_by_zero

Worked with a guy who would talk at you not to you about everything and anything. Hard man too, could batter the sh*te out of you if you looked at him the wrong way when in reality a summer breeze would knock him over.

God, it was draining having to listen him. I eventually started arriving to work a little bit earlier and putting headphones and ignoring all attempts at trying to get my attention - yes I can see you throwing around stuff on your desk no I'm not going to make any eye contact with you and give you an opening resulting in 40 mins of me not caring about Esther and your mother falling out.

magic_murph wrote: »

Anybody that tries to be full of cheer at 8:50 on a monday morning. Just stop

This rings so true not only for Monday morning but for any morning.

Mundo7976

‘It is what it is’ WTF does this even mean!

yourdeadwright

Oh I forgot an older women who is near retirement ,

Most passive aggressive person I have ever meet , always a sly comment and dig at the end of every sentence , Gets away with it because she puts on a real nice fakeness .

No matter how goods someone's news is there will be a sly dig when she is talking about it ,could be marriage, kids, new house, but always has to get a dig in ,

Of course her kids where amazing and life was so fantastic for them and would constantly tell others in the office they should be married or have kids or own there own house by now,
Just a real C*NT,

Little did she know I knew her son inlaw and knew he had filed for a divorce ,
I probably shouldn't have lowered myself but next time she was giving one of the girls a hard time about how they should have there life together and be married to her fella of 7 years I dropped in that marriage isn't for everyone sure isn't your daughter divorced ?

She nearly died with the shock ,

We had a new lad start from the country, first job in Dublin first time he moved away from home ,she made his day a living hell speaking like dirt to him and getting him to do her work but of course it was all done out of ear shot of anyone else,

Poor lad never said a word thankfully myself and member of management over heard her one day and had a right go at her , the poor chap said it was going on for months,

She is a vile women ,

Paddy Cow

Deleted User wrote: »

"I'll revert to you."

Don't you mean "I'll revert back to you." :pac:

Zorya

Have never worked in an office, thanks be to goodness, but I did a degree some years ago that involved office style scenarios as there was computer work and desks. One lad sat next to me making sexual remarks like it was 1955, then he opened a tin of corned beef, stuck a fork in it, slid it all out in one piece on the end of the fork, and ate it loudly like it was an ice pop.

IK09

I just have to say it. You people are all soft. If you have a problem, end it. End of. Grow some stones.

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

"pecifically" :mad:

The 's' is not f***ing silent!

Boom_Bap

"Let's schedule a meeting for this."




OK, so you want an hour long meeting but you could give me a simple Yes/No now?

Captain Red Beard

A few of the women I work with were nearly melting with rage last week because there was no skimmed low fat milk for their tea. And you can't wash down your crisps, chocolate, and cakes with regular milk in your tea. Tuesday till Friday this was the only conversation.

yourdeadwright

IK09 wrote: »

I just have to say it. You people are all soft. If you have a problem, end it. End of. Grow some stones.

Not that easy or straight forward unfortunately

I have to say over the years the things that have got to me most are how some people treat those who don't have the courage to stand up for themselves ,
Its very hard to intervene and the problem doesn't actually directly involve you ,

Also with the passive aggressive types its easy for other's who don't realise what's gone on to think your just losing your head ,

Lots of people put up with things in offices that they would not in the outside world for various different reason's

w/s/p/c/

Paddy Cow wrote: »

It's like the InBetweeners grew up and got jobs. Tim is Simon, the it guy is Jay and Dwight is Neil

I am going to go all IT guy on you.

Who's Dwight? Never heard of him... Oh sorry this isn't Scranton in the US, his name is Gareth :P

(sorry couldn't resist)

ArnoldJRimmer

Him: 'Did you see the rugby at the weekend?'
Me: 'No, I'm not really interested in rugby' (as I tell you every week)
Him: 'Henshaw was class, and I can't believe Sexton missed that kick to touch.......' (Summary of the game goes on for around 15 minutes)

tomwaits48

the twat that comes over to my desk during lunch while I am eating my lunch asking me a work question. same culprit every time. you sir, can go f*ck yourself.

EmmetSpiceland

Work hard, get promoted and get yourself an office.

It’s the only way to avoid the inane office chatter.

yourdeadwright

tomwaits48 wrote: »

the twat that comes over to my desk during lunch while I am eating my lunch asking me a work question. same culprit every time. you sir, can go f*ck yourself.

What a wa*ker

Misery vampires, all up to date on the goings on of everyone around them. Saying things like "I know, isn't SHOCKING! I feel for them, I really do!" when you know, deep down, they don't give a fiddlers about anyone and love a bit of gossip and/or misfortune affecting someone.


I hope you die screaming, Karen from accounts.

TG1

Someone tried to say in a team meeting that it wasn't fair that the smokers got cigarette breaks and they didn't... I pointed out she was more than welcome to split her 30 minute lunch breaks which last 45 minutes into four four minute trips outside the way myself and the other smoker do and it didn't go down well.

Same person said my coat hanging on the chair was a safety hazard and I should use the coat rack. I pointed out I was one of two smokers in a ten person office and didn't hang my coat there with the others as it would smell of smoke, and they didn't know what to say to that...

magic_murph

IK09 wrote: »

I just have to say it. You people are all soft. If you have a problem, end it. End of. Grow some stones.

Can we take this offline?

B_ecke_r

smokers do get away with murder to be fair

Wanderer2010

The social bully. Usually a man child in his 40s with paper-thin skin who loves nothing more than to whisper to his followers about the flaws of his workmates, rip apart their character and generally be a nasty horrible pr!ck, all the while he gets people to listen to him because he is charismatic.
But when you slag off the same person, he gets all thick and moody and tries to bring the atmosphere down, I despise such people.


In most cases, such people thrive because their boss simply hasn't got the balls to tackle them or they actually like them as people and see no flaws.

Tomw86

Had one manager who people used to despise - had a terrible attitude and was very sex1st, made no excuse for it!

Used to annoy me with the following;

''Touch base''

''Can I borrow you for a minute at my desk''

and best of all - ''In retrospective hindsight'' - this one was used on client calls too!!

He would lean across you and write emails from your PC too which he was eventual told to cut out!

JustAThought

Office octagenarian fumbling towards death,holding down a part tume job he should never have been sympathy given by his CEO friend while decades of unpaid highly qualified 'inrerns' do it and run rings around.him while ge fuddies duddies througu stories of his youth 'in my day...' while showing them how he can send a text or use email on his tablet AND PC while eating their lunches, sending them to the shop for him or making them listen to hour after appalling hour of droning personal stories.Meanwhile the rest of work and carry his load.

Women who whinge endlessly about their diet/fat/bad hair/skin usially while stuffing charity bags of chrisps and bars down their throats.

The ignore the problem brigade who moan vocifirously about anything they can fix and then say its not their job to do/fix/improve it. **** or get off the pot.


PS
People who sneeky vape at their desks. Do.you think Im going to suffocate in silence and not report your poisoning me ? Seriously.

Paddy Cow

w/s/p/c/ wrote: »

I am going to go all IT guy on you.

Who's Dwight? Never heard of him... Oh sorry this isn't Scranton in the US, his name is Gareth :P

(sorry couldn't resist)

D'oh. I actually know that. He looks like the guy who plays Dwight on the Walking Dead. I have no idea why my brain confused the two

sbsquarepants

Zorya wrote: »

One lad sat next to me making sexual remarks like it was 1955, then he opened a tin of corned beef, stuck a fork in it, slid it all out in one piece on the end of the fork, and ate it loudly like it was an ice pop.

Sounds to me like you missed out on quite a catch.

Better luck next time:D

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Work hard, get promoted and get yourself an office.

It’s the only way to avoid the inane office chatter.

I like the sound of the private office, but not so much the hard work, is there some other way?

I eat my lunch at my desk everyday, not because I'm super dedicated and want to get the jump on my slacking colleagues, it's because I just can't listen to the bullshít in the canteen, backstabbing and gossiping and sucking up to various people - and also because some fúcker is always microwaving fish!
Life is just too short to bother with that shíte!

Solomon Pleasant

A lot of people here must really hate their jobs haha

highgiant1985

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I like the sound of the private office, but not so much the hard work, is there some other way?

Prison ...

James Brown

"If she doesn't want anyone staring at her chest she shouldn't be wearing low cut tops".

James Brown

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Sounds to me like you missed out on quite a catch.

Better luck next time:D



I like the sound of the private office, but not so much the hard work, is there some other way?

I eat my lunch at my desk everyday, not because I'm super dedicated and want to get the jump on my slacking colleagues, it's because I just can't listen to the bullshít in the canteen, backstabbing and gossiping and sucking up to various people - and also because some fúcker is always microwaving fish!
Life is just too short to bother with that shíte!

**** on your co-workers and/or be related to the CEO

major bill

The ''Kathy Bates'' aka the Misery - every office has one, if unfortunate to get talking or stuck with them its constant misery of the hardships going on in their life etc.......nearly always impossible to get away from them too.

Similar to the above there is always a positivity hoover, that one person that hoovers up every bit of Positive news, stories, general well being and turning it into something negative, constant whinger!!!

topper75

the_pen_turner wrote: »

It's the women talking about their kids, pets and clothes, and men about gaa and football or the I was so pissed at the weekend stories

People are dull aren't they?

This thread is a tough read. A lot of the issues seem innocuous but I suppose it is the cumulative aspect that gets to you. I have been around the block office-wise in last few decades and have seen many of the examples given. Currently quite happy (5 years) - majority quiet and respectful. I ain't moving until they make me!

If it gets to you, it is merely evidence that you are still sane. The forceful confinement of humans in small areas on a long term basis is still only a few hundred years old. We are not adapted for such.

Zorya

topper75 wrote: »

The forceful confinement of humans in small areas on a long term basis is still only a few hundred years old. We are not adapted for such.

It really is an unnatural life. Chairs. Not able to go outside when the inspiration takes you, looking out at the sun, if one has windows at all, eyes straining from screens, and what is the point of so much of it. I would go stark raving mad in a month.
Himself spent a brief year or so shackled in an office long ago. There was a waspy woman supervisor who, when office banter got in any way animated, would hiss ''Ciúnas!!'' and the room would fall silent. Ugh. What a horror trip. What a way for her to discharge her animus

Force Carrier

Zorya wrote: »

way for her to discharge her animus

She did what! :eek:

angel eyes 2012

I once worked with two women in an office who I had nothing in common with. They tolerated each other enough as they both loved to have tea breaks and waste time. They used to have arguments about the best type of mop to clean a floor with. They had zero interest in politics but yet complained about everything including their kids, partners etc. and never voted.

One of my first offices, our line manager used to nap at his desk in the open plan office. He would snore away. The lads used to phone his extension to wake him up. Senior management couldn't do anything about it as he was recovering from heart surgery, which we heard about anytime we asked him a question.

demanufactured

fryup wrote: »

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

eg.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z8pgV74_Hw

Yep.
Has an opinion about everything, is always right no matter what.
Knows xyz in "name every big establishment in every town".

Always seems to know what the weather will be like in 4 weeks time.

Foxhound38

I had one fella who used to disconnect my phone handset or take the mouse ball out of my mouse whenever I was gone - irritating to say the least.

Oh, and "what are you having for lunch?" - "A sandwich" - "Ohh, look at yer man with his sandwich!" :mad:

OneArt

devlinio wrote: »

I presume you're in software?

I am to. In my previous company, my bosses dad was the "sales guy". Everyelse were developers & designers. He used to always complain that we were anti social because we were wearing earphone.

Now that I think of it, a colleague of mine was given a warning for not correcting an SSL certificate. He's a designer and didn't know how. He asked for help and was told to figure it out. There was a **** up on installation.

He was brought into a meeting and given a warning. In the meeting, he was told that they see him as a senior developer, and they expect better than this. The chap has 2 years experience and was on 24K a year. They also said he's not getting paid overtime anymore. So if projects take longer than expected, you have to stay behind for no more pay. He hasn't worked a second of overtime since, even if projects need to be finished.

Online marketing, actually. But marketing has become quite technical these days. I do a lot of content management, video/image editing, analytics, basic web dev stuff. Essentially, all tasks where you need to concentrate in peace and quite. Any issues can easily be solved with an email, Slack message or video call.

That being said, am going into Web dev because I like solving problems and creating things. But what's more infuriating is the amount of bigger companies that have no clue about distinctions between developers, designers, SEOs and content managers etc. They all think its one and the same. Arfh. And recruiters are the worst.

My current company isnt too bad. Generally quite sound people although they're an obsessed bunch of fitness bros and give each other pushup challenges... It's grand if you want to be healthy, but stop asking incessantly why I am not joining in! Prefer not to get gross and sweaty without being able to shower after. Or maybe that's their plan... Hmm.

Quite glad I'm only there once a week.

McGrath5

It's 9.20am on Tuesday morning, stop cackling away like a pack of hyena's pretending you are having "fun" in work.

corner of hells

We've two ,

A vegan , lactose intolerant streak of ****e who's allergic to everything.

And born again Christian who uses biblical quotations in her emails .

Both are so consumed by their inane lives they haven't noticed each other.

porsche boy

Since the day this lad started in my job he has been leaving... regularly tells us about all the jobs he's applied for / college courses he's planning on doing to get out of our industry / how previous place was managed better and more profitable & our place is doomed etc. Its actually a drain to go on lunch with him.