Sh*te your co-workers say

Hector Savage

mistersifter wrote: »

Jaysus, what a wreck-the-head :eek:

I'd be curious to know what kind of employer would look at that profile and think "this is the guy we're after".

The video should be a major red flag. Sounds like someone who would end up being really difficult to put up with.

Thats the thing, I mean the guy was good at what he did and was allright to go for a coffee with (*occasionally*), but he was too much, he'd always be giving presentations and was just too motivated, like he grew up with Steve Ballmer or in an American corporate head office..

Saint_Mel

mfceiling wrote: »

I had to come off LinkedIn for that reason. People fishing for likes. It was like a new facebook. Not for me.

Its pretty much facebook for recruitment agencies

ArnoldJRimmer

I can handle a lot of the sh!te on LinkedIn, but when someone starts humble bragging about doing some charity work through their office for Habitat for Humanity or whatever, I literally want to punch them in the face. Usually involves a photo them wearing a t-shirt supporting said charity along with some big shot in the company

Scoundrel

The most annoying thing at the moment has to be enduring the latest goss in the canteen about the various talentless spunk stains on love island

Dawido

I hate when people in the office talking to me like I am a router i.e.
- Do you have bandwidth?
- Can you ping him/her

Fuk sake

Seanachai

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Probably the kind of lad who takes the guitar out, totally uninvited, at house parties and regales everyone with f*ckin Wonderwall.

Or the hotel lobby at a wedding

evil_seed

ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »

I can handle a lot of the sh!te on LinkedIn, but when someone starts humble bragging about doing some charity work through their office for Habitat for Humanity or whatever, I literally want to punch them in the face. Usually involves a photo them wearing a t-shirt supporting said charity along with some big shot in the company

it's standard advertising for the company nowadays. look how great and charitable we are*

*disclaimer: I've worn these tshirts and been on linkedin wearing them

SAMTALK

I have the girl who goes into way too much details when taking calls.

If they're looking to speak to someone and they're not in the office you don't have to give a detailed account of why they're not there and when you think they'll be back ( because you don't know !!) and then the silly little girlie giggle at the end of call doesn't help

She also talks about the most irrelevant and stupid things . when you're dealing with someone she has to interrupt and take over the conversation.
F**k off and do your own work .

Deebles McBeebles

Its not something that is said but....smileys in work emails. No, no, no.

Monkey2019

My manager ( a lady in her early 60's) told me she used to have her nipples pierced.

Cue awkward silence and staring at the ground.

kg703

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Its not something that is said but....smileys in work emails. No, no, no.

Guilty!

Love a smiley, it makes my email giving out look so much more pleasant

Dr Strange

Monkey2019 wrote: »

My manager ( a lady in her early 60's) told me she used to have her nipples pierced.

Cue awkward silence and staring at the ground.

Was that where here nipples were?

Monkey2019

Dr Strange wrote: »

Was that where here nipples were?

Well she is in her 60's....

Deebles McBeebles

kg703 wrote: »

Guilty!

Love a smiley, it makes my email giving out look so much more pleasant

Away with you!

Kind Regards,

Deebles :cool:

Pac1Man

"You'd all be dead now if it wasn’t for my David!"

6541

In a meeting today and a chap said if you redesign that Powerpoint slide you will get a cockpit view - I do not work in the aviation industry.

Balanadan

kg703 wrote: »

Guilty!

Love a smiley, it makes my email giving out look so much more pleasant

My secretaries, Mandy and Candy, always brighten up my day with their use of smilies in emails

keano_afc

ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »

I can handle a lot of the sh!te on LinkedIn, but when someone starts humble bragging about doing some charity work through their office for Habitat for Humanity or whatever, I literally want to punch them in the face. Usually involves a photo them wearing a t-shirt supporting said charity along with some big shot in the company

The State of Linkedin on Twitter is a brilliant account, if you're on that platform.

Stephen Gawking

In my job i was shocked to discover just how many supreme court justices, economists, medical experts, football managers, chefs, connoisseurs, movie stars, musicians etc i work with because apparently some people in my job know everything about everything.

Monkey2019

Stephen Gawking wrote: »

In my job i was shocked to discover just how many supreme court justices, economists, medical experts, football managers, chefs, connoisseurs, movie stars, musicians etc i work with because apparently some people in my job know everything about everything.

My manager is the worst for this. She is an expert on EVERYTHING. Cant have a simple conversation. Mention how my toddler always seems to wake super early when I have a busy day ahead...cue a lecture on child psychology and how kids in tribes have certain senses to continue the human existence....

*soul drains from body

pure.conya

TheValeyard wrote: »

B*tches about the economy, government, state of the country......does not vote.

ya cos THE VOTE changes everything

Wabbit Ears

pure.conya wrote:

ya cos THE VOTE changes everything

It literally does....

Your Face

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

It literally does....

It can.

Nikki Sixx

Balanadan wrote: »

My secretaries, Mandy and Candy, always brighten up my day with their use of smilies in emails

Do you work in a strip club?!;-)

Strumms

The fûcker that every Monday, asks you how your weekend was, not because they want to know, not because they give a shît but because they want to regale you with THEIR weekend. They will listen to you for about 60 seconds, smiling and nodding furiously before cutting you off and interjecting with everything from the journey home - Q at the chipper - brothers flat tire - sisters flat white (asked for a cappuccino) - the squeaky chairs in the pub - the price of tickets to the circus (they didn’t invite the nephew after all)... hellos can be and are dangerous.

Reviews and Books Galore

Yeah, I once had a competitive Maltese guy give me advice about doing my job while I was wait waiting for the toilet while he was mid flow at the urinal. Head tilted back and a rather deep amount t of eye contact.

I was in a strange mixture of awe, and shock.

Man, I'm excited to work outside the house again.

seagull

lapua20grain wrote: »

Living the dream, 1 bloke I work with that's his tag line

Ask him if it's the one where he's shagging a goat while wearing his wife's clothes.

SAMTALK

My workmate tells me about her weekend, her mothers weekend and her sisters weekend .

I DONT CARE !. I see enough of you Monday to Friday without having details of your days off.... and I mean details.

Panthro

Next time someone asks how your weekend was, stop what your doing look them dead in the eye.. Pause for effect... And exclaim "How dare you, You SCOUNDREL!" (bang a mug off the table for dramatic effect as you say it.) then walk away.


Guaranteed they won't ask you again.

razorblunt

Monkey2019 wrote: »

My manager is the worst for this. She is an expert on EVERYTHING. Cant have a simple conversation. Mention how my toddler always seems to wake super early when I have a busy day ahead...cue a lecture on child psychology and how kids in tribes have certain senses to continue the human existence....

*soul drains from body

There was a lad in my old team, bit of a know it all and a strange fella. Found out from someone at his previous company they called him "Two Shítes". If you came back from the loo saying you'd had a decent one, he'd jump saying he'd had two this morning.

Scoundrel

Panthro wrote: »

Next time someone asks how your weekend was, stop what your doing look them dead in the eye.. Pause for effect... And exclaim "How dare you, You SCOUNDREL!" (bang a mug off the table for dramatic effect as you say it.) then walk away.


Guaranteed they won't ask you again.

How was your weekend?

Panthro

Scoundrel wrote: »

How was your weekend?

Bahahahahaaaa!!!!

Well played sir/mam, well played!
I doff my imaginary hat to you.

Seanachai

Strumms wrote: »

The fûcker that every Monday, asks you how your weekend was, not because they want to know, not because they give a shît but because they want to regale you with THEIR weekend. They will listen to you for about 60 seconds, smiling and nodding furiously before cutting you off and interjecting with everything from the journey home - Q at the chipper - brothers flat tire - sisters flat white (asked for a cappuccino) - the squeaky chairs in the pub - the price of tickets to the circus (they didn’t invite the nephew after all)... hellos can be and are dangerous.

Next time it happens ask them if they want a hug and then give them a solid embrace and just whisper in their ear, 'You're lonely aren't you!', then start singing a Native American lullaby.

Canyon86

"We will take this offline"
Typically said during a meeting which includes people not relevant to the particular conversation, and usually said by somebody who would rather speak in private to get his or her way.


"From my understanding"
I thought it meant X and now you are telling me it means Y, I think you are wrong,:D

Strumms

Seanachai wrote: »

Next time it happens ask them if they want a hug and then give them a solid embrace and just whisper in their ear, 'You're lonely aren't you!', then start singing a Native American lullaby.

Start singing say hello, wave goodbye... mine in work....

“Then the wheel came off the fûckin buggy and with my bad back I’m told by the missus to carry little Oisin and fèck all wrong with her bar the gout and ingrown toenails i was fit for the scrapheap sure after”

AGAIN, all I said was ‘hello’, I dropped the ‘how was your weekend’ for the above reason months ago.

Monkey2019

its 9/11 so its a day of hearing the stories of where everyine was when it happened that get rehashed every year

Feisar

Monkey2019 wrote: »

its 9/11 so its a day of hearing the stories of where everyine was when it happened that get rehashed every year

No it's 11/9, stupid yanks.

IrishAlice

Person who sits across from me rings a family member every day and starts the call with "helloooo, hi, how are you?"

Every. Single.Time

Monkey2019

I know exactly what my manager is going to say at the exact times every day.
She is late every morning "oh im cutting it fine this morning"
Tea Break : "oh is that the time already, the day is getting away from me"
Lunch time: "oh my god i nearly forgot to go on my lunch"
Gets near home time "i know i was late today but id really like to get out of here early".

This is every day...EVERY goddamn day.

ArnoldJRimmer

Solution is the latest noun that is now being used as a verb where I work

Got a meeting invite and asked the organiser a few questions to try and prepare for it. But they were dismissed as apparently 'we will not be solutioning in this meeting.' But don't worry, I 'can perform my own impact analysis' on the discussion afterwards

manatoo

Monkey2019 wrote: »

I know exactly what my manager is going to say at the exact times every day.
She is late every morning "oh im cutting it fine this morning"
Tea Break : "oh is that the time already, the day is getting away from me"
Lunch time: "oh my god i nearly forgot to go on my lunch"
Gets near home time "i know i was late today but id really like to get out of here early".

This is every day...EVERY goddamn day.

What a pain in the face. Does she actually get anything done in between the above comments?

Monkey2019

manatoo wrote: »

What a pain in the face. Does she actually get anything done in between the above comments?

No i think it's just her way of sounding like she is super busy

Stevieluvsye

Monkey2019 wrote: »

No i think it's just her way of sounding like she is super busy

How late is late?

Textra_vision

"Happy Friday" - feck off

optogirl

High pitched warbling along to the music in her headphones, interrupted on the hour by phone calls which we can't avoid hearing. 'What? How is she? What did she eat? Is she cranky? Put her on. HELLO e****. HELLO? ARE YOU BEING GOOD? BE GOOD FOR NANA'

Jaysus

Lollipops23

Laughs LOUDLY at her own jokes. Endlessly. Nobody else is laughing.

Tried to get me to look at her infected earlobe yesterday. I told her I had no interest.

Interrupts me to show me photos of her dog/garden/granny.

Asks incessantly about what she could be doing (I'm not her boss, I'm busy doing my own stuff).

I am so happy she's only maternity cover for a much more productive and pleasant coworker.

Gerianam

Those false cheery gob****es who can't wait to start the new project, new week, new day...and broadcast it on social media and to anyone who will listen...

IrishAlice

optogirl wrote: »

High pitched warbling along to the music in her headphones, interrupted on the hour by phone calls which we can't avoid hearing. 'What? How is she? What did she eat? Is she cranky? Put her on. HELLO e****. HELLO? ARE YOU BEING GOOD? BE GOOD FOR NANA'

Jaysus

I don't know why but I read this in a howya Dublin accent :pac:

NeinNeinNein

If the adult children of the women in my workplace knew how much of their personal business is discussed in work by their mothers, they would not tell their mothers anything in the first place.

J Mysterio

manatoo wrote: »

What a pain in the face. Does she actually get anything done in between the above comments?

Pain in the face is another annoying one. Bloody Jess Kelly on Newstalks favourite. I hate it.