Farting

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tayto lover wrote: »

It’s their belching that causes the trouble.

I'm fúcked so, both ends of me work perfectly well

Raconteuse

orourkeda1977 wrote: »

I like the angry farts.

Love that description.

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

Read an article a few years ago about a scientific study, that was suggesting people who fart a lot tend to be less healthy overall.

There was even a quote referring to the build up of gas in a dead corpse, and how unhealthy people's digestive system is functioning poorly and slowing down! (not as poorly as a corpse :P) In the digestive system of an unhealthy person, dead food sits inside your body for too long... this leads to an excess build up of bacteria which the body struggles to deal with... not unlike that of a corpse!

Enjoy your lunch everyone!

silvervixen84

Farts are hilarious.

My dad and his brothers used to have farting contests at Christmas. :pac:

trashcan

Ashleigh1986 wrote: »

True story
Friend of a friend finally got the courage to ask this hot girl on a date .
He wasn't feeling the " may west " coming up to it .
They ended up going for a curry .
After dinner she invited him back to hers .
That's when it hit him.
He was never as happy to see a toilet seat.
Let rip and emptied his insides .
Went for the jacks roll ... None ... Not even the inner cardboard .
No facecloth ... No towel. Sweat pouring out of him .
He spotted this lovely white bathrobe hanging on door.
A desperate man does desperate things !!!
He went downstairs where his hot date stood .
When she turned around ... He knew she wasn't the same as before he went to the jacks .
She pointed up to the ceiling and there on the glass roof was the white bathrobe with the obvious BROWN SLEEVE !!!!
No words were said and out the gap he went !!!

Yeah, I read that Ross O’Carroll Kelly book too.

chrissb8

Aglomerado

You're never too old to laugh at farts.

B.A._Baracus

Ashleigh1986 wrote: »

True story
Friend of a friend finally got the courage to ask this hot girl on a date .
He wasn't feeling the " may west " coming up to it .
They ended up going for a curry .
After dinner she invited him back to hers .
That's when it hit him.
He was never as happy to see a toilet seat.
Let rip and emptied his insides .
Went for the jacks roll ... None ... Not even the inner cardboard .
No facecloth ... No towel. Sweat pouring out of him .
He spotted this lovely white bathrobe hanging on door.
A desperate man does desperate things !!!
He went downstairs where his hot date stood .
When she turned around ... He knew she wasn't the same as before he went to the jacks .
She pointed up to the ceiling and there on the glass roof was the white bathrobe with the obvious BROWN SLEEVE !!!!
No words were said and out the gap he went !!!

trashcan wrote: »

Yeah, I read that Ross O’Carroll Kelly book too.

Bit of a silly joke. It implies that someone likes having a glass ceiling above so they can watch people taking a sh*t in the toilet. The punchline makes you go "huh?" rather than laugh

Raconteuse

Loud ones - funny.

Rotten stinking farts - never. :mad:

DrPhilG

chrissb8 wrote: »

That's amazing.

Raconteuse

Animals farting is cute though, because of the lack of self awareness.

My mother had a beautiful elegant black cat. She was stunning. So graceful... and her farts were chemical warfare. Wouldn't be surprised if they actually killed smaller animals.

As somebody without a colon I don’t fart. I just have the small intestine, which it itself doesn’t produce much gas a all, and any air passed into the bag is swallowed air. The contents of the small intestine continuously flow, so they don’t have time enough for too many bacteria to live and breath out fumes. Vast majority of fart gas is produced within the colon by anaerobic bacteria who like the relatively stagnant conditions there. So if you want to stop farting, get the full colectomy, though I wouldn’t really go that far just for that purpose

JohnnyFlash

Aglomerado wrote: »

You're never too old to laugh at farts.

The choir of arse angels singing hallelujah is always amusing.

gerrybbadd

Deleted User wrote: »

As somebody without a colon I don’t fart. I just have the small intestine, which it itself doesn’t produce much gas a all, and any air passed into the bag is swallowed air. The contents of the small intestine continuously flow, so they don’t have time enough for too many bacteria to live and breath out fumes. Vast majority of fart gas is produced within the colon by anaerobic bacteria who like the relatively stagnant conditions there. So if you want to stop farting, get the full colectomy, though I wouldn’t really go that far just for that purpose

Do you ever miss it? The simple pleasure of the release?

Greyfox

silvervixen84 wrote: »

Farts are hilarious.

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

DrPhilG

Speaking of immature...

Greyfox wrote: »

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

*they're

gerrybbadd

Greyfox wrote: »

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

I hadn't realised that 10 was the cut off age. Was there a Public Service Announcment? I'll stick a notice up on the Community Notice Board, just in case nobody else is aware

the purple tin

Greyfox wrote: »

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

My old primary school teacher would certainly agree with you; he was ready to kill a boy who let loose a particularly vicious sbd.
Completely lost the plot he did

Brendan Bendar

Greyfox wrote: »

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

Beg to differ....was saddled with ‘minding’ a trio of 8/7/5 yr olds this morning.

At an unusual quiet period I unloaded a sonorous ripper, ‘A String Of Pearls’ I believe it’s referred to.

Cue immediate odium and abuse and dirty looks from the trio.

“Get yourself seen to” was one of the muttered comments.


:eek:

Greyfox

Greyfox wrote: »

They are if your under 10 but any adult who thinks their funny is immature

Nothing to release. Also with a diseased painful colon that irritated the local nerves so badly, having that removed greatly enhances the more pleasurable sensations within the pelvis, especially in my case where inflammatory adhesions had painfully wrapped around my reproductive organs. It was amazing to wake up (in spite of being overall very fragile and in pain) with that area of the body now able to also feel pleasurable sensations. I believe, however, that men can in some cases be prone to getting sexual sensation nerves cut during same operation.

scudzilla

Farts are hilarious, mine stink to high heaven and every time i drop one i feel a burst of pride, if it's in a lift (which ive done numerous times) then it's even better.

My worst/funniest (delete as applicable) was 10yrs ago when we were burying my mother. In the hearse on way to cemetary, my Uncle is in front passenger seat next to driver, my 3 aunties are in middle and my dad, sister and myself are in back row.

I drop the smelliest fart i'd done in some time half way there, stank to high heaven, nobody knew how to open the windows. My wife was travelling in car behind and she said that they all thought something was seriously wrong with the way everyone scrambled out, she said it was similar to the old war movies when someone dropped a grenade in a tank and it's occupants fled for their lives.

I blamed my Aunty for that one

IamMetaldave

chrissb8 wrote: »

That’s the greatest video ever! Farts are just hilarious.

scudzilla

scudzilla wrote: »

....

Appropriate username! :pac:

Martin Lanigan

I love farting in an enclosed shower. You get the full effect and it lasts longer.

For a treat I sometimes cup my hand over my arse hole before farting, then cover my nose with the hand for a good long sniff. One of life’s joys.

Rufeo

Martin Lanigan wrote: »

I love farting in an enclosed shower. You get the full effect and it lasts longer.

For a treat I sometimes cup my hand over my arse hole before farting, then cover my nose with the hand for a good long sniff. One of life’s joys.

Good lord.

Martin Lanigan

Rufeo wrote: »

Good lord.

Try it before judging me.

Rufeo

Martin Lanigan wrote: »

Try it before judging me.

Oh no, I wasn't judging, I was traumatised by that.... graphic description haha.

Treppen

Martin Lanigan wrote: »

Try it before judging me.

Would he fit in your shower ?

Martin Lanigan

Treppen wrote: »

Would he fit in your shower ?

Any enclosed shower will do...

Treppen

Here's one of Mozart's party pieces.
(He kept a fart diary too btw!)

Leck mire den Arsch recht schon,
fein sauber lecke ihn,
fein sauber lecke, leck mire den Arsch
Das ist ein fettigs Begehren,
nur gut mit Butter geschmiert,
den das Lecken der Braten mein tagliches Thun.
Drei lecken mehr als Zweie,
nur her, machet die Prob’
und leckt, leckt, leckt.
Jeder leckt sein Arsch fur sich.

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/05/mozart-wrote-song-called-lick-arse-right-well-clean/

Aglomerado

Treppen wrote: »

Here's one of Mozart's party pieces.
(He kept a fart diary too btw!)

Leck mire den Arsch recht schon,
fein sauber lecke ihn,
fein sauber lecke, leck mire den Arsch
Das ist ein fettigs Begehren,
nur gut mit Butter geschmiert,
den das Lecken der Braten mein tagliches Thun.
Drei lecken mehr als Zweie,
nur her, machet die Prob’
und leckt, leckt, leckt.
Jeder leckt sein Arsch fur sich.

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/05/mozart-wrote-song-called-lick-arse-right-well-clean/

I love this about Mozart. He wrote some of the world's most beautiful music in his short life, and still found the time to enjoy a good botty burp. There is hope for us all.

Man Vs ManUre

This thread stinks.

dublinman1990

Yeah. I don't get it either OP. As long as they're able to do a bit of combustion out of their knickers at the right time. It's no harm at all. It is better out than in.

Treppen

Man Vs ManUre wrote: »

This thread stinks.

You stink