Stopping at 1

Skybirdjb

Hi
Anyone decided to stop after having first baby ?
Do people stop asking eventually when your going to have another baby and saying ah you can't just have one baby sure that's cruel !!!!

I have an 8 month old little boy he is my world but after a massive struggle before he came and a horrific birth and ongoing issues since we have decided not to have anymore children.
It just is hard when it's constantly topic of conversation!
Thanks

shesty

They will stop asking eventually, but it may be years. If you have two or more girls/boys they ask you when you will go again to try for a girl/boy (the opposite to what you have).I have two girls and a boy and I was told sure your family is complete now.Who knows with people.As your little guy is only eight months, you can probably expect the comment a lot more.Just try to come up with a good response.

On a personal note he IS only 8 months.They change hugely over the next few years and you may find yourself feeling differently in a year or so (although I appreciate you probably don't think that now).Maybe keep your mind open to revisiting your decision at some point, be it a year or two or whatever.But you don't need to tell people that.Or that you have decided to only have 1.

Skybirdjb

Thanks so much for the reply shesty it's mad isn't it 😀 So right who knows with people !

jasonb

I've a daughter who'll be 6 soon and we've decided not to have any more. Personally we were lucky, as a couple of years ago we talked about it and both felt the same way.

Of course people will comment, they always do. You get engaged and they ask when the big day is, you get married and they ask about kids, you have one and when they're a couple of months old someone says 'she looks lonely' (I kid you not!). People seem to feel like it's okay to comment blithely on very personal aspects of our lives.

But the questions do calm down eventually, especially if you're quite clear about it being your decision, as opposed to just 'not trying again yet'.

When it comes down to it, there are Pros and Cons to both. I know having more than one can mean they have someone to play with, but they also have someone to fight with, and obviously it's more work for the parents. At this stage in my life I probably know as many people who have fallen out with their siblings as those who have a good relationship with them.

It's your choice, and no-one else's, so of course you should do exactly what you want. One little piece of advice though, be careful what language you use around the decision. At first I found myself using words like 'only one' or 'just one', but that language makes it sound like you failed or didn't do enough; it's just negative language. It's not a negative or bad decision at all, so don't talk about it like it is one. Now I just say 'we decided to have one', or 'we are happy to have one'. Leave the 'only' and 'just' out of it!

Best of luck and congrats on your baby boy!

rubberdungeon

Sometimes people ask to be nosey, sometimes people ask just to make conversation but it doesn’t matter why they ask, ot how often they ask, eventually they won’t ask anymore.

The quizmasters wont help you conceive, carry your baby to term or rear your baby for you.

You do what’s right for your family and take no notice of those who query you.

Skybirdjb

Great advise thanks so much .mabey it's just be grating on me recently all the questions 🙄 People will always have their opinions on everything , sure aren't I a "geriatric " having my first at 35!!!!!!! 😂

Thanks again everyone

Wheety

People should mind their own business. When you have a house and are married, all they ask about is kids. Maybe we're trying but it's not happening FFS!

I know they don't mean to be bad but people don't know about situations, like in the OP.

uck51js9zml2yt

We have 2. 5&8.decided after the second that was enough. We're still being asked if we plan on more.....

ArrBee

People will stop asking in time for your child to start asking!

andreac

Yes, me. Im fed up with the comments, ah you can't leave her on her own, ah you say that now, etc etc. Honest to god, i feel like screaming at them telling them to shut up when they say those things.

Gorgeousgeorge

Had a friends other half say it was cruel to leave her as an only child as she was one and said it was hard. Reality is we literally couldnt afford a second child

LegacyUser

People can be incredibly stupid. I’ve learned that over the years, having one child.
One day after being asked about having another baby I was at the end of my tether and told the person that I attempted suicide with PND and had to be hospitalised for weeks. Took three years to feel semi normal again. Wasn’t risking it again as my chances of a reoccurrence were high.
That did shut them up!

Apart from that one time, I smile and tell people we hit the jackpot with our daughter. And that we’re very happy, which is true.

Skybirdjb

andreac wrote: »

Yes, me. Im fed up with the comments, ah you can't leave her on her own, ah you say that now, etc etc. Honest to god, i feel like screaming at them telling them to shut up when they say those things.

This is exactly it ! Ah sure you say that now , you will change your mind
I also feel like screaming sometimes or crying because people don't know what people have been through and that it might actually upset them .

Loveinapril

I knew we would have a second child (currently pregnant and my son is only 16 months old) but I still hated that people felt the need to talk about siblings when my son was a matter of months old. I used to say things like "sure I am barely healed" or "and are you going to clothe/feed/ pay for their college?" to shut people up immediately if they were just making silly throwaway comments. If it was someone in a quiet, genuine conversation I would be honest in that we hoped to have another but would always mention that some people don't conceive easily/ miscarry/ have to have treatment/ can't afford anymore etc. in the hope to flag that their comments are insensitive and could be harmful to some. I have friends who struggle with infertility or others who have had babies through IVF who simply cannot afford other children. I hate that they may have to hear those nonsense comments too.

LegacyUser

we had one child for 6 years, for 6 years all i heard was "when is the next one due?" i kept insisting and insisting we weren't (we were both adamant we weren't having another one), they never quit asking..

when the sibling came along (once the older one started school we REALLY missed the baby stage, and everyone was either having babies or getting puppies around us so we got broody) it wasn't long before "ah but you said that the last time" started again, so i just politely replied "well this time he's had a vasectomy" (this is true) and that has stopped them since...


i feel it is slowly becoming more accepted that you do NOT ask people personal things like that as you really have no idea who is struggling to conceive, or who cannot conceive due to personal reasons and hopefully with enough time, it will change for the better.

shesty

I have to say I find people really nosey!!!First and foremost for me is that you have no idea what problems people have conceiving or whatever, so you just never mention it!!my three are 4, almost two and ten months and I am constantly told my hands are full.If I didn't have a baby boy they would be asking me was I going to try again for a boy.You just cannot win.

scarepanda

I don't think it matters what you decide or say, people will always ask. We were fairly open about wanting no2, but never had a timeline set. We ended up getting engaged when No1 was 8 months old, so that put stop to the questions that were starting.... That was till 7 months later when we got married and it all started up again, with even more people asking. We wanted to wait a few months, to have some normality as the engagement/wedding was stressful because of family ****e. It took us a few months to get pregnant after starting, in total about 9 months after getting married. I'll be honest, it was extremely annoying and at times hurtful when people asked. The worst offenders were my parents. I had a gyne operation a few months before the wedding and I was personally terrified that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I wouldn't be that open with my parents about that kind of stuff, so they don't know the full extent of the op etc, but at the same time they didn't know if 1) we were trying 2) if we were having 'issues' 3) had got pregnant and miscarried 4) the op had affected my chances of getting pregnant again. Personally I think it's just so insensitive to quiz people unless they bring it up themselves.

Skybirdjb

Very insensitive, I actually get quite upset sometimes over it , I know I should let the comments go over my head but sometimes not that easy to do

shesty

It's been my experience that it tends to be the older generation (who simply never talked about stuff like problems or fertility, as far as I can see), or men my own age that tend to be mainly the culprits for passing the comments.But that's just my experience.

Abba987

I have 4 young children. Constant comments of you're surely finished now

Everybody's idea of a perfect family is different

jlm29

Abba987 wrote: »

I have 4 young children. Constant comments of you're surely finished now

Everybody's idea of a perfect family is different

This. I found that once I was pregnant with my first child, it was just a free-for-all in terms of questions and comments. If it wasn’t future family planning, it was my general appearance. If it wasn’t that, it was about when we might get married. Then there’s the questions/comments/opinions on my parenting choices. Nothing seems to be off limits. Three children seems to be kind of the norm, anything more than that and it’s perveived that you’re either some kind of superhuman being, or an awful gob****e, and no one minds telling you which they think you are!
My third boy was about 15 minutes old when someone asked me if I’d be “back for the girl”.

Obviously you should do what’s best for you and your family, and some people will have the decency/common sense not to ask or comment. But it will probably be a long time before everyone stops asking and commenting on it. It’s just a case of grin and bear it, or come up with a standard response that will cut people short and ensure they don’t ask again.

Neyite

We've an only. What I found was that if a couple had no children, the assumption was that they might not be able to have any and they got treated accordingly or it was never mentioned. But once you've had one, people tend to think "ah no issues there, so it's obviously ok to ask"

It depends on who is asking really. The latest was my partner's friend on Paddys day and as soon as the words were out of his mouth you could see him suddenly remember he'd already been told the reason ages ago and he was mortified, so I was nice to him

There have been others who've been breathtakingly dim and insensitive or nosy as fcuk. They get a very abrupt response. As do the ones who think my son is somehow deprived or lacking because he's not got a sibling.


I'm rather used to the comments now and have developed a fairly thick skin and a few stock answers at the ready.

maxsmum

It's amazing how quickly after you have one that people ask when you'll give it a sibling, AND presume you'll be 'trying for the'... opposite sex.
Anyway we announced our second pregnancy and then shortly afterward decided to have a termination due to abnormality, so that shut everyone up for a while. Every cloud. I'm sure it'll start again soon.

Foweva Awone

I'm often asked when I'm planning on giving my five-year-old a sibling, even by people who know I'm very very single and very happy that way. I'm 33 and they insist on doing the maths for me, telling me I've loads of time etc ... I have zero desire to have either a partner or another child, and my son has two parents in his life and plenty of cousins close in age, so I don't feel he's lacking anything in not having any new step-parents or half-siblings. If anything it could probably be quite difficult for him, so I really don't see why so many people interrogate me about it and encourage me to actively look for someone. If I ever had a biological clock, I think it stopped ticking after I had him. I love him to bits, but he's definitely enough for me!

People are very nosey..
They never stop asking personal questions about others private life.
I don't have any kids & you would not believe the things people say to me!

I don't know what your reasons are, but I will say, I have 2 friends who are only children, didn't matter while they were growing up, it's now, when their parents are elderly it's becoming an issue. One friends father died, mother relies on her for everything. The other friend is under serious pressure, trying to look after both parents & their health issues.
Probably unasked for information there..... Sorry!
Anyway, it's noones business but yours.

Anne1984

Had a fantastic one the other day. My younger sister is engaged and lost her little girl a few months ago. At a family event a distant family member came up to me and said ‘are you the one who lost the baby? I said no that’s my sister and she said ‘but you’re the one that’s married’ (we are married a year and currently going through IVF) Double whammy!

I was just glad it was me she found first not my sister as she was acting like my sister had lost her favorite coat! I couldn’t believe someone could be so rude and insensitive.

Loveinapril

bubblypop wrote: »

I don't know what your reasons are, but I will say, I have 2 friends who are only children, didn't matter while they were growing up, it's now, when their parents are elderly it's becoming an issue. One friends father died, mother relies on her for everything. The other friend is under serious pressure, trying to look after both parents & their health issues.
Probably unasked for information there..... Sorry!
Anyway, it's noones business but yours.

Yeah I don't know if those comments are hugely helpful to those on this thread who cannot have more than one child.

Skybirdjb

maxsmum wrote: »

It's amazing how quickly after you have one that people ask when you'll give it a sibling, AND presume you'll be 'trying for the'... opposite sex.
Anyway we announced our second pregnancy and then shortly afterward decided to have a termination due to abnormality, so that shut everyone up for a while. Every cloud. I'm sure it'll start again soon.

So sorry for what u have been through maxsmum, think I'm feeling better today , yesterday it was just one comment too much 😡😡 we live literally opposite the primary school so I'm sure he will have loads of little friends as he grows up .

lazygal

They'll never stop.
Got pregnant shortly after our wedding, then 15 months later had number two. Was asked when number two was a few weeks old if we were done or if we were going to go again. We had a bit of a gap and then had our third. I can't count the number of times we've been asked if this is it or will we 'go' for a fourth to even up the genders (we have one girl and two boys). I got my tubes removed during the third birth so we're definitely done and I actually told one person this to get them to stop being nosey.

LouD2016

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

Had a friends other half say it was cruel to leave her as an only child as she was one and said it was hard. Reality is we literally couldnt afford a second child

I'm an only child and I def wouldn't describe my childhood as cruel or hard.

My parents just couldn't afford to have another child.

Im in my 30's now and honestly I don't feel I missed out not having brothers or sisters - I see the fights my husband has with his and it actually makes me glad it's just me

When you are an only child friendships are so important to you and you really hang on to your longterm friends.

Only thing that gets to me now is knowing that when my parents are unable to look after themselves there is literally only me to do the job. But on the flipside you could have 10 siblings and they could all be useless and no help!

My son is almost 2 now and it's taken me this long to half consider would I like another (same thing awful labour, he had colic & reflux, never slept)...but then I love it being the 3 of us.

Nothing wrong with having or being an only child. People are just nosey f*ckrs

Digs

I’ve come to the conclusion people just don’t think before they speak. We have 3 girls, while I was pregnant with the 3rd they were mad to know the gender and amazed we weren’t dying to find out. As soon as she was born there were even commiserations to my husband at not getting a boy!!! Humourous ones but still.....

Three girls is our perfect family, I can say that with absolute certainty. The perfect family is subjective. We regularly get asked if we’ll go again for the boy.... people really are daft. We are done but it does annoy me that if we did want a fourth child, the genuine consensus would be that it was in an effort to have a specific gender, whereas in truth, 4 girls sounds pretty good to me!

lashes34

I am possibly done. Had treatment to have my 15 months old and the first 6 months were complete and utter hell with colic, reflux and milk allergy. The thoughts of putting myself through that is scary and I honestly dont think my mental health could take it all. Its too much, so for now we are done but would possibly consider it in a few years but I am 35 so probably not wise to wait but I am good with our one girl.

I really wish people would shut it in general with regards family planning. We were married 4 years before I managed to get pregnant and it really upset me all the comments I got. Especially from one of my sisters in law. Some people are so stupid and insensitive. Even had my mother in law say to someone else that I was selfish not allowing my husband be a father. Bitch

Skybirdjb

lashes34 wrote: »

I am possibly done. Had treatment to have my 15 months old and the first 6 months were complete and utter hell with colic, reflux and milk allergy. The thoughts of putting myself through that is scary and I honestly dont think my mental health could take it all. Its too much, so for now we are done but would possibly consider it in a few years but I am 35 so probably not wise to wait but I am good with our one girl.

I really wish people would shut it in general with regards family planning. We were married 4 years before I managed to get pregnant and it really upset me all the comments I got. Especially from one of my sisters in law. Some people are so stupid and insensitive. Even had my mother in law say to someone else that I was selfish not allowing my husband be a father. Bitch

Oh that's such a cruel thing to say to you lashes . Don't think people understand really that it might make you sad that you won't have anymore kids , but that physically and most importantly mentally it really can't happen for you

And how lucky you actually feel to have one amazing and healthy child 💙

borderlinemeath

I really needed to read this thread. We've only one, and realistically I'm too old for another, as much as I really want one. I find myself looking at people with more than one and feeling so jealous, but then shaking myself back to reality and counting my lucky stars we have a perfect, wonderful 3yr old daughter - who is now asking why she doesn't have a brother or a sister like her little friends in preschool. I'm scared for her growing up as an only child, but reading other posts here give me a better perspective.

Skybirdjb

borderlinemeath wrote: »

I really needed to read this thread. We've only one, and realistically I'm too old for another, as much as I really want one. I find myself looking at people with more than one and feeling so jealous, but then shaking myself back to reality and counting my lucky stars we have a perfect, wonderful 3yr old daughter - who is now asking why she doesn't have a brother or a sister like her little friends in preschool. I'm scared for her growing up as an only child, but reading other posts here give me a better perspective.

It can be so hard can't it ? I feel like that too for my little fella But he has a mammy and daddy that love him so much and will have so many little friends as he grows up and cousins around his own age . It's great to read everyone's replies really helps

LegacyUser

Just spent the whole evening stressing as my one and only complained he had no one to play with at school or at home. We’ve only one but it’s not by choice. Would do anything for another but it’s an impossibility. It’s so hard to decide what’s right and wrong in terms of family. I think once you’re a parent you’re going to be in a regular state of worry. It helps to remember that the way our world is now if your small person has a mum and dad that love them and support them they’re off to a great start! That’s all you can do! I read recently you can have the funny kid, the weirdo kid, the quiet kid, the clever kid, the sporty kid just don’t have the kid that’s mean. If we can manage that as parents that’s pretty good!

catrionanic

Just reading this topic and feel a need to talk about something today which really bothered me. I take my two boys to a local playgroup regularly, and there is another girl who is a nanny and comes regularly with the little boy she minds. This nanny would be in her late 30s, is married and has her own house, and is obviously totally mad about children because she's always taking about the boy she minds, her nieces and nephews, other kids she has minded in the past, and various parenting issues. I've never asked, but naturally assumed there might be fertility problems there.

Anyway. So one of the other mums had her teeny tiny newborn with her, and this girl was only dying to have a hold. So she's cradling this gorgeous wee newborn in her arms, looking down lovingly at her and smiling. Another woman in the group pipes up, in front of everybody, "Oh, that really really suits you! You should have one! Why don't you have one?!"

Like are people really that obtuse? We have a woman who clearly adores children, who is in her late 30s, is married for several years, and there are no babies.... use your feckin brain?!?!

Skybirdjb

catrionanic wrote: »

Just reading this topic and feel a need to talk about something today which really bothered me. I take my two boys to a local playgroup regularly, and there is another girl who is a nanny and comes regularly with the little boy she minds. This nanny would be in her late 30s, is married and has her own house, and is obviously totally mad about children because she's always taking about the boy she minds, her nieces and nephews, other kids she has minded in the past, and various parenting issues. I've never asked, but naturally assumed there might be fertility problems there.


Anyway. So one of the other mums had her teeny tiny newborn with her, and this girl was only dying to have a hold. So she's cradling this gorgeous wee newborn in her arms, looking down lovingly at her and smiling. Another woman in the group pipes up, in front of everybody, "Oh, that really really suits you! You should have one! Why don't you have one?!"

Like are people really that obtuse? We have a woman who clearly adores children, who is in her late 30s, is married for several years, and there are no babies.... use your feckin brain?!?!

Oh god that's terrible ! Really , I mean people need to have a little think before they speak

Neyite

catrionanic wrote: »

I've never asked, but naturally assumed there might be fertility problems there.

I'd gravitate towards that assumption as well especially since having difficulty myself and meeting so many online and in real life also going though various fertility difficulties but I don't any more as I've two SILs who are in their late thirties, one married, one in a stable LTR with their own home, both absolutely dote on their nephews and nieces, jump at babysitting requests, and would love to cuddle a newborn and sniff that little head (ahhh is there any nicer smell??) but they both are also VERY happy to be handing them back to their parents and have chosen to be child free themselves.



But the comment was clunky and clueless. Best case scenario is that the nanny was bemused at it but I hope she didn't find it hurtful.

mirrorwall14

I’ve become a lot more blunt tbh. I think it’s the only way people will learn and if they don’t learn then I’ll keep being blunt to the point of rudeness because it’s just unacceptable in my opinion . I was very open about my miscarriage and the pain and hurt it caused. Similarly I was open that I was trying again and we weren’t having any luck (10 cycles was torture, god help anyone with infertility). Now if anyone jokes I say my husband is getting the snip and I’m not doing pregnancy again after the last one.

I know a lot of those around me have become much more aware of the issues people might be facing and I’ve had several conversations, particularly with older generations (mum etc£ about how they never had any issues and no one had ever talked about their issues (even their best friends) and that it was all only coming out now since I had been public about mine. Mum found out that several of their friends had miscarriages when she was talking about mine. She felt awful that she hadn’t known or been supportive enough at the time

Skybirdjb

I was also very open about my miscarriage and people were quick to comment then too .... How many times I heard " sure u can just try again " not that easy I'm afraid really . Mabey they just didn't understand how you actually feel after loosing a baby

Neyite

I'd be inclined to be open about it too but my partner is quite a private person - and they are his losses too. We live where he grew up so I have to be mindful that while I don't have an issue with putting Mary Up The Road straight if she's making comments on our family size, he probably won't want her knowing his business and gossiping about it. So the diplomatic response I give in those situations is usually "we are very happy with our family the way it is".


With people that I'm friendly with, I'll talk about our difficulties if the topic comes up and it's appropriate to share.

mvl

borderlinemeath wrote: »

I find myself looking at people with more than one and feeling so jealous, but then shaking myself back to reality and counting my lucky stars we have a perfect, wonderful 3yr old daughter - who is now asking why she doesn't have a brother or a sister like her little friends in preschool.

and in few more years she might even tell you she doesn't want a sibling anymore. mine makes things easier for me that way. even if I get broody once in a while ... my life is too complicated, not going to happen in current outlook.

Peppery

I have a small baby and I’m 100% sure she’s first and last! I honestly don’t understand why anyone would have more, that’s my perspective. I’ve already had a couple of people ask when we’ll go for number 2 and everyone shakes their heads knowingly when we say we won’t have anymore. It’s funny but it’s jusy a social norm that people take for granted and it doesn’t bother me that people don’t believe me or might question it in the future. The only possibly argument I can see for having another child is to give my baby a sibling and that just doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to have a baby. I think it’s becoming more common and indeed, so is having no children at all so I wouldn’t worry about it. Anyone who says anything is probably just trying to make conversation or, at worst, a bit tactless.

farmchoice

Peppery wrote: »

I have a small baby and I’m 100% sure she’s first and last! I honestly don’t understand why anyone would have more, that’s my perspective. I’ve already had a couple of people ask when we’ll go for number 2 and everyone shakes their heads knowingly when we say we won’t have anymore. It’s funny but it’s jusy a social norm that people take for granted and it doesn’t bother me that people don’t believe me or might question it in the future. The only possibly argument I can see for having another child is to give my baby a sibling and that just doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to have a baby. I think it’s becoming more common and indeed, so is having no children at all so I wouldn’t worry about it. Anyone who says anything is probably just trying to make conversation or, at worst, a bit tactless.

you'll probably end up with 5!! everyone says that when therir first is small, and the vast majority go again.
now before anyone gets the wrong end of the stick i totally respect anyone's right to chose only to have one and i know only too well that for some people its a great sadness they could only have one.
im just making a general point.

Peppery

farmchoice wrote: »

you'll probably end up with 5!! everyone says that when therir first is small, and the vast majority go again.
now before anyone gets the wrong end of the stick i totally respect anyone's right to chose only to have one and i know only too well that for some people its a great sadness they could only have one.
im just making a general point.

Haha and that’s exactly what people say to me! It really doesn’t bother me what people say but I’m sure I’d get weird looks if I said to people with more than one that you must be a masochist who doesn’t know how to enjoy life, hobbies, having money etc and enjoys sleeplessness

shesty

Whereas (to balance the argument) I was more than happy to give my child a sibling as it means she has someone to chase her round playgrounds and play endless intricate imaginative games with.......and I don't have to be involved (bad parent).

Cash_Q

Lots of it is just people making conversation, but it really lacks sensitivity for the main part. No matter what family size you have, there's no pleasing everyone...

0 kids - "why aren't you having any??" Ignorant to any possible difficulty conceiving, and god forbid a woman says she doesn't want kids - "Oh that's going to change once you hit [X age]"

1 child - "would you not give him/her a sister/brother?"
Again, ignorant to any possible difficulty conceiving, dismissive of a wish to have one child.

2 children - both boys "Oh are you going to go for a girl?"
- both girls "Oh are you going to go for a boy?"
- one boy and one girl "surely you won't want another? You'd have to change the car/convert the attic..." etc.

3 children - "Oh you must be finished now!!"
*unless all three are boys or all three are girls ..."would you consider a fourth? Be nice to have a boy/girl.."

4 children + "Oh my god FOUR!!! You must be finished? Jesus you must love being pregnant! Have you no telly in the house haha "


People just love to comment, and for the most part they really shouldn't!! Off the top of my head I know about 20 couples/women who have had or are having difficulty conceiving, suffered miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies. Family size is none of anyone else's business yet it's as commonly discussed as the weather!

shesty

For some reason, the minute you get engaged or become pregnant, your private life becomes open season for everyone.It's very hard to understand.

seamus

Peppery wrote: »

Haha and that’s exactly what people say to me! It really doesn’t bother me what people say but I’m sure I’d get weird looks if I said to people with more than one that you must be a masochist who doesn’t know how to enjoy life, hobbies, having money etc and enjoys sleeplessness

Ah, it's not because we're masochists, it's because they start sleeping through the night and the routine changes becomes less frequent and disruptive and you start getting times back to yourself, that you forget all that **** and think, "Yeah, I can do that again".

It's a bit like doing a marathon. Nobody enjoys actually doing it. Everything aches. You're tired, you're hungry, you're miserable and emotionally on the edge. About three-quarters through you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea and swear that no fvcking way are you doing anything like this again. But you're going to finish this because you're here now.

At the end you're not elated that you finished. You're elated that you don't have to run any more today. Then you have your beers and your food and the craic afterwards and the bad memories begin to fade.

Two weeks later when you're able to walk normally once more, you start to consider whether you should do another one.

I'm not saying that you'll change your mind, just explaining why people think that you will; because they did.

There's a golden window though. If you go to 5 or 6 years of age without another one, and your kid is dressing themselves and not getting you out of bed at the crack of dawn, you get back into the "no fvcking way am I doing that again" mindset.

One child is physically difficult for about 2-3 years. With two children you have the physical difficulty with an added layer of logistical difficulty.

lazygal

It's not always as simple as a planned gap either. It took us a lot long to conceive third time around. We have a five and six year old plus baby. The longer we were trying the more we knew we really wanted a third child. The minute we reached the 20 week scan and all chromosome tests had come back normal we knew that this was 100 % our last.